< thomastheo> too bad you cant periodically float your boat through a pool of phosphoric acid, then demineralized water, then acetone, and then quickdrying bottom paint. "For more on this, it's over to our Celica-suspension negative mounting jig correspondent, Richard Brunning." A fire is uncontrolled if it has spread to at least one object that wasn't supposed to be on fire. "I'm trying to appear to be an incompetent maintainer so that someone will offer to take over. It isn't working yet." "The Hipsters don't know what to do when I draw feet. It confuses them." -- Rob Liefeld No practical definition of freedom would be complete without the freedom to take the consequences. "I think this will fix it instantly, and prod is already down, so what's the worst that'll happen? Prod can't go more down." "A pile of 100,000 TM-57 anti-tank mines was detonated with the yield of 1,000 tons of TNT at a distance of 850 and 450 meters from the two separate groups of railcar launching and command modules." According to the US Department of Transportation, the number of fatalities per vehicle mile traveled was 37 times higher for motorcycles than for cars. "We want to see the UNEXPECTED! The strange and TERRIBLE! A dream merely soothes - but our nightmares make us run! BEHOLD!" < FLHerne> important note, the catching fire was a direct result of 'fixing' the sinking problem "Why do we even HAVE that lever?" The font used on UK "POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS" tape is CG Triumvirate Condensed Bold. "The only reasonable explanation is that it was a joke urinal cake. Otherwise, good god." Hrm, Florida gets hit by 3-5 cats on average every 3-4 years "And that's when some tension comes in. We say you should be over here in the blurry gray area, and the company that's trying to fly says 'No! No! You should be over *there* in the blurry gray area!'. And so that creates some tension, especially when you have a CEO that's tweeting really dickish things." -- Ken Davidson, Director of Research and Program Manager, FAA Office of Commercial Space Transportation "She’s a robot, explained Monica. You can tell by their eyes, and everything they say follows logically from something else, or if a fuse goes they talk absolute nonsense. Real people talk a sort of half-nonsense all the time – the robot people haven’t worked out yet how to copy it." If you wait until a product is perfect before releasing, that product will never be released. I like how you assume I would find eating human morally acceptable A couple in Cornwall were unable to sell their home because there was a public right of way through their living room. "He's the most dangerous to everything but the rats. And frankly, I don't know what the hell can kill 4 tons of rats." "They're turning on him because he hasn't built the wall and killed all the muslims yet. That doesn't give me much hope." "W.F. arrived just in time to dissuade the fire brigade from their initial intention of picking up the source and throwing it into a river." "at SpaceX we specialize at converting the impossible to late" "It’ll all end with monsters from another dimension breaking through, you can rely on that. That’s the sort of thing that happens a lot in these parts." "Yeah. This all sounds like a great idea with no chance of catastrophic failure." "I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world." -- Richard Dawkins "The fault light isn't on anymore, because it shorted out." Wire harnesses covered in tape. The tape is now determined to be flammable. Boeing is standing down the preps for the CFT mission. "the actual first operational day, last Sunday, was marked by the usual band of young train enthusiasts having a wonderful time filming each other filming each other" The captain was not just lining up the holes in the Swiss cheese, he was eating the slices as fast as possible (re: Pakistan Airlines 8303) "It's perfectly harmless causal pareidolia, you weenie." "At some point, the technical skills of the company become negative. And what does that mean? That your company knows so little about what it does that if you would ask a random person on the street for advice on the thing that your company makes, they are more likely to provide correct answers than the people that actually work for the company." "Tom Scott, cause of death: attacked by a vengeful wheel of eyes." "Was that a piece of his brain sticking out of his head? Not a doctor, but that doesn't look very good." "The only thing that Brains has failed to factor in is that he has designed a Big Giant Machine, about the riskiest proposition possible in Thunderbirds, and sure enough it’s only a matter of time..." (...) it's better to be dead and take a bunch of innocent people with you than to be temporarily unemployed Correctness is clearly the prime quality. If a system does not do what it is supposed to do, then everything else about it matters little. "They weren’t actually allowed to sell cars yet, though, so we joined their club. It cost one hundred thousand dollars, but one of the benefits of membership was that you’d get a free car." < jan> i am a bit slow, sometimes In the UK they've built specialist power stations inside mountains just so the entire nation can use their high-powered kettles at the same time. "The real explanation for all the weirdness is that if you intensively investigate *anything*, all kinds of weirdness just bubbles up." Bill Anders' interesting life: flight training in the 1950s on the T-34 (the plane he died flying, aged 90); flying F-89s with nuclear air-to-air missiles in the Cold War; AFIT degree in nuke engineering; managed USAF nuc. reactor programs; NASA astronaut; Atomic Energy Commission; Chariman of Nuclear Regulatory Commission, US Ambassador to Norway, VP of General Electric, CEO of General Dynamics. Quite a ride. The cat is considered "the quintessential pet" by Muslims, and is admired for its cleanliness, and was a beloved animal to Muhammad. Unlike many other animals, such as dogs, Islamic Law considers cats ritually pure and possess baraka (blissful energy), and allows cats to freely enter homes and even mosques. Although cats are ritually pure, their flesh is forbidden. First rule of politics is always denigrate the other party's ideas. Second rule is, when the other party has an undeniably great idea, stick your fingers in your ears, loudly shout "la la la la", and refer to the first rule. If something goes on for a long time without serving its stated purpose, its stated purpose is probably a lie. "Haskell gets some resistance due to the complexity of using monads to control side effects. Wadler tries to appease critics by explaining that 'a monad is a monoid in the category of endofunctors, what's the problem?'" i do appreciate the audacity of rowing your pumpkin boat while wearing a broccoli hat "Data is imaginary. This burrito is real." "Scientists found a way to synchronise drones so they fly like a flock of birds. They used coding and algorithms so the drones didn't crash into each other." -- Business Insider A snail is at the bottom of a well that is 20 meters in depth. Every day the snail climbs 5 meters upwards, but at night it slides 4 meters back downwards. How many days must elapse till the snail reaches the top of the well? "I think it's more likely that members of the family get their hands chopped off and replaced with the mechanical green thing as part of a very weird family tradition." "He's instead wandering around with a gun trying to shoot people, so in the absence of further evidence we must assume that to be his plan." Or maybe we'll see inertial fusion re-engined B-52s dropping bombs on Martian rebels in the First Martian War of 2152 I feel sorry for the kids today that don’t seem to have corrugated iron, or even hessian sacks to hide in. Just TikTok. Nothing tears you like corrugated iron. "The final trial was in early January 1944, and was ludicrously unsuccessful. The idea was dropped." "Whoa, dude. Let's use the Socratic method. 'I got screwed by the Russians' doesn't equal 'Create launch company.'" The effort required to design something is proportional to the simplicity of the result. "While I was working on Old Man Murray, I wrote my first game, Alien vs. Child Predator. It remains one of just a handful of games to mix addictive Pokemon-style creature collecting with North Carolina’s sex offender registry." -- Eric Wolpaw Never can have enough vintage soviet rubber toy frogs "We lost a bottle of gin *and* a bottle of chilli sauce, and a mixture of both these and broken glass is good for nothing." "The point was that people were dying and acts of incredibly stupid heroism were being performed." "He was called to Religion mainly for the purpose of building a generator of electrical essences in the monastery basement." "Harbour Master is frantically gesturing at the Geldof boat. Geldof is screaming. Someone just accused a dinghy of being from Goldman Sachs." "It was weird, but it felt like it was Star Trek weird. I could buy it, no problem." Royal Mail | Please do no post into this post box as there is a bird with hatching eggs inside. We are temporary suspending collection from this post box until clear of the all birds. "You're basically suggesting we allow everyone access to ROCKET LAUNCHERS and make it okay by giving everyone BOMB SUITS." My system details: Ubuntu version : 15.10 | Lightdm version: 1.16.4-0ubuntu1 | Cat: black, domestic We got a new intern at work and he's only 19 which is basically a baby as far as I'm concerned || He code switches like crazy though || Speaking to other interns it's all zoomer speak and then to anyone else it's normal sentences Nobody seems weirder than somebody who's desperately trying not to be weird. "Nobody knows exactly when we're going to arrive...least of all us!" "No attributable service-affecting failures, at all, to date. Touch wood. So, by my maths, that means an infinite mean time between failure, which is pretty good news." 14,99 99,99but [piss] spread all over the floor for no good reason is untidy "Somebody had the bright idea that the sonic vibrations of a rocket motor might promote combustion. So he made a tape recording of the sound of a running motor and played it back at the interacting propellants." Am I supposed to think of people with different names differently? || Yes || But being colourblind you probably don't understand that "In my wildest nightmares, I never considered that we could slam unthinking into a celestial body!" "The explosive rats never saw use, as the first shipment was intercepted by the Germans; however, the resulting search for more booby trapped rats consumed enough German resources for the SOE to conclude that the operation was a success." Who is sending them | You just have a dead cat guy? "The lizard was transported to Washington, D.C. where Texas Senator Earle Bradford Mayfield presented the specimen to President Calvin Coolidge. A bemused Coolidge purportedly declined to touch the horned toad and merely nudged it with his spectacles." If there is neither a relevant Dilbert nor a relevant XKCD then the problem doesn't actually exist. there's a new TikTok trend where users pretend to be Holocaust victims in heaven "I cannot begin to convey to you what an awful movie this is. It is awful on a level that I did not know it was legal to make." < Shoe15> GUYS I JUST MADE A BIBRATOR | < Shoe15> https://usercontent.irccloud-cdn.com/file/CRXnuVoo/video.MP4 Teenagers will do anything for no reason at all. The classification of Tullimonstrum gregarium has been the subject of controversy, and interpretations of the fossil have likened it to molluscs, arthropods, conodonts, worms, tunicates, and vertebrates. This creature had a mostly cigar shaped body, with a triangular tail fin, two long stalked eyes, and a proboscis tipped with a mouth-like appendage. I saw my gas station has a little kiosk to buy bitcoin A body doesn’t work properly when significant bits are not sharing the same space-time frame as the rest of it, but it does look more colourful. Far from our being made in the image of God, we make our gods in our own image. You will be directed to perform a series of tests that will raise the billable hours for the Service Dept. but perform no other useful function. To live is to make decisions and to grow; to refuse decisions or to grow is to die inside, even if the body lives on. All opinions are not equal. Some are a very great deal more robust, sophisticated and well supported in logic and argument than others. The Ion-Conditioning Hairdryer uses Patented Trionic Action to micronize water molecules and hydrate your hair. "But: at least if this was in the kernel they could go shoot themselves in the foot with a properly built gun, instead of their distro handing them a 3D-printed one made out of spaghetti." "Didn't help much, it released a large eel that ate his face." Berger 2020 https://arstechnica.com/science/2018/07/the-year-2020-could-see-the-unheard-of-debut-of-four-big-rockets-or-not/ "Yesterday my colleague called me a 'book murderer' because I cut long books in half to make them more portable. Does anyone else do this? Is it just me?" "Prior to natural gas, the gas fitters always used a match to find leaks. As it was all lead pipes in older houses there were lots of leaks due to porous pipework. I remember an old gas fitter I worked with as a youngster lighting up a gas pipe that ran around a archway in a cellar. There must have been a dozen tiny flames on the pipe, like fairy lights, around the arch. It was very pretty." "Let's attach some jet engines to oligarchs' yachts and dispatch them into the damned stratosphere so they can send us data from there!" -- Vladimir Solovyov "Remember folks, from the perspective of a storable oxidizer, YOU are a storable fuel." u/Norose Never drink coffee. It's the beverage of the damned. I guess i just have to hope none of y'all speak during my backup window "I see no more reason to object to human extinction than the extinction of any other species, yet nobody seems to be waxing philosophic about launching lions at random solar bodies just in case they go belly-up on Earth." Well, my piece of T-72 has been shipped electrokitty, did you find a food-grade source? No, but it's 99.9% pure and I'm hoping the 0.1% isn't cyanide or something "People like that don’t need a reason apart from 'because I can'. They have a nightmare and try to make it happen." "For the first time in the world, we succeeded in synthesizing the room-temperature superconductor (T c ≥ 400 K, 127 o C) working at ambient pressure with a modified lead-apatite (LK-99) structure." "Ontological Inertia is the tendency stuff has to continue being stuff. Things, in general, keep existing even when we're not looking at them." "I sorta feel like when we're discussing wobbly fire animated windows rendered superimposed on top of a cube that is also an animated aquarium that efficiency isn't really all that much of a factor." "Since domestic dogs are a human invention, I’m entitled to have an opinion about their design. I would be less justified in saying that giraffes are impractically tall." "Well, I mean, I WAS, but I wasn't trying to do it by lying." yeah i wasn't expecting a guide on how to explode the spiders by boiling their internal fluids while they're still alive Doing two tasks at once takes longer than the sum of the times it would take to do each alone. "Every program attempts to expand until it can read mail. Those programs which cannot so expand are replaced by ones which can." -- Zawinski's Law of Software Envelopment "How did you figure out that frozen bread proximity was a good troubleshooting step?" "This is a very large forest. Please confine your hypotheses to what is at least remotely possible." "The people are at length awakening to the fact that walking matches, if they are not hippodromes in the worst sense of the word, are brutal exhibitions at best, and ought not to be tolerated in a civilised community." -- The New York Times, March 1881 Noel Edmunds is a children's entertainer for adults || And also an actual nutjob || He's like a soft David Icke Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called 'rain'. "You are the picture of perfect health. The bad news is that we therefore have no means to treat you at this time." " Sad part is that ULA did a lot of pathfinding work in that area and could have owned the refueling/depot market, enriching Boeing (and Lockheed) in the process. But it was shut down because it threatened SLS." -- George Sowers, ULA The correct answer to trying to block a user for a duration of 100,000 years or a potato or whatever is to simply reject the request. Tomorrow is imminent! Ex vivo lung perfusion (EVLP) allows donated lungs which are considered "borderline" for use to be reconditioned and used, instead of being discarded. "...mixing ALL-CAPS with underscores, spaces, whatever, which shows a distinct lack of professionalism and caring in the silly naming." -- Linus Torvalds "I simply selected the worst possible option, weighting for factors like 'will we all die?'" Beauty doesn't have to be about anything. What's a vase about? What's a sunset or a flower about? "Svarovsky has attempted to sell the badly damaged iPhone multiple times as a "collectible" game item. Although badly damaged, the iPhone is still functional and is marketed as including the following bonus content: Svarovsky's ex-girlfriend's phone number, Svarovsky's dentist's phone number, some cat photographs, and some heavy metal songs. The phone was offered for $30,000 on Etsy and, later, for $100,000 on Saatchi Art." speaking of terrorism watchlists, I now have the power to flood central Birmingham orbbfrgg: If you spend £350 on a plastic cow for your garden you need help || And need a demotion because you have too much money || Nobody ever thinks about the people that would benefit from less money "Your paper is a sack of raving nonsense. Thank you." "They got halfway through it and then just added extra support columns to keep the thing standing, but they left the suspension cables because they're still sort of holding up parts of the bridge. Nobody knows which parts, but everybody's pretty sure they're important parts." "Ah. I see you're someone with a sense of humour. Unfortunately for you, I'm not." "You knock on the front door and it just collapses inwards and they all yell at you for breaking their door." "A passenger brought aboard a crocodile hidden in a sports bag. The crocodile escaped, causing a panic among passengers who all rushed to one end of the plane. This caused an imbalance in the aircraft which led to loss of control and a crash." "We lost 3 members of the VDG, 5 WikiToLearn editors, and Sebas was the only Plasma developer to go, though watching him get sucked into a black hole was really, really cool." What if medical science hypothetically got to the point where it was possible to reassemble someone from mere atoms? Would it be unethical to not resurrect everyone ever? "Central to the effort is an eye-scanning physical 'orb,' which Worldcoin’s founders say is necessary for a future in which distinguishing between humans and robots becomes increasingly challenging." "You're doing that monologue thing in your head again, aren't you?" "So, if the noodles melt, then I'd tend to believe they were (thermo)plastic." Don't start tearing apart smoke alarms and playing with the americium. It's mostly harmless when outside your body but if it gets in there can be trouble. "If they fail to rise from the surface, or crash back into it, I am not going to commit suicide; I am coming home, forthwith, but I will be a marked man for life and I know it." -- Michael Collins orbbfrgg: is that so zoomers can watch their tictacs in the car "X: Makes the programming language Turing-complete. How this is supposed to be achieved is not clearly specified." Even if you fear that your drop-down list should be a radio button, the drop-down list will suffice until tomorrow, when the sun will rise, glorious and vibrant, and inspire you to combine scroll bars and left-clicking in poignant ways that you will commemorate in a sonnet. "...the point and click staple of clicking everything with anything and then being mildly annoyed at what you found stuck." electrokitty: Can you imagine how big a human egg would be Is eating placenta technically cannibalism? "They had sworn to fight to the death, but not to this death." Larrabee's Law: Half of everything you hear in a classroom is crap. Education is figuring out which half is which. Engines must always be coo'd over and spoken of in hushed approving tones, regardless of their size, condition, or maker. "Mr Blobby's rise to stardom has provoked anguished commentaries about just what he stands for... Some commentators have called him a metaphor for a nation gone soft in the head. Others have seen him as proof of Britain's deep-seated attraction to trash." If some people had dynamite for brains they wouldn't have enough to blow their nose. "The force of my correctness inspired him to delete his comment." "astronauts need to eat, i forgot about that" - sasamj "There's not many industries where one company is doing like 80% of... everything." -- Elon Musk "You need to work up a better grade of threat. Get a little more sneer into your delivery, maybe grow a mustache so you can twirl it properly. I don’t know, SOMETHING." Gliptic: I will send you £1 next week if you make me moth girl erotica that's actually good "I don't give a shit if no one likes me. I'm not a cloud bunny or an aerosexual. I don't like aeroplanes. I never wanted to be a pilot." -- Michael O'Leary SLS is so expendable even it's launchpad will be thrown away after 2 uses Australian Prime Minister Bob Hawke held the world record for the fastest time to consume a yard of beer for over three decades, including during his time in office. Because I have 100 frog stickers in my coat pocket all the time these days, when I want to unnerve somebody I ask them if they want a frog sticker, if I want to *really* unnerve them I ask if they want 100 frog stickers || Obviously the unnerving happens when they see that I actually have 100 frog stickers "The conflicts, in which vendors raided one another's vans and fired shotguns into one another's windscreens, were more violent than might typically be expected between ice-cream salesmen." Yak milk is pink because they deliberately bleed into it for extra nutrients. "She got her hair wrapped round the prop shaft didn't she? Ripped part of her scalp out. Real bad." In today's fast-paced world we simply don't have time for CEOs to be visited by three Christmas ghosts. Specs don't tell you whether you can push the keyboard through the bottom of the laptop. The only way to get EVERY answer wrong is to know which ones are right. How high do you think dogs can piss "User mashed calculator with his forehead, both only seem to work intermittently now." "This wasn't a static fire attempt. But it is static, and on fire." "QA Engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 9999999999 Beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a sfdeljknesv. The first customer walks into the bar and asks to use the bathroom. The bar explodes, killing everyone inside." "My girlfriend was working in another room and told me she had heard something, and asked if a window had smashed. I said: 'No, the house has just been destroyed'." "There is also the mode where someone notices a real problem but then has a really, mindbogglingly bad idea, for example Karl Marx." If cats looked like frogs we’d realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. If you want posterity, invent a stop-gap solution that works, it will become permanent "Damn, that is way too much thought put into the emotional state of a bunch of stick figures." "This photograph is copied from my book: HISTORIC STEAM BOILER EXPLOSIONS and depicts an exceedingly rare Egg-Ended Boiler constructed with the boiler shell plates diagonally lap-riveted to conform to Wright's Patent of 1856." I don't think I've ever been able to achieve a rolling boil in a microwave || It either just gets *hot*, or becomes superheated and prone to suddenly exploding out of the vessel Michel van Baal of the European Space Agency claimed "I have had a look at the plans, and they don't look very serious to me at all", adding that many of the technologies used in the craft, such as nuclear fusion and high temperature superconductors, had not yet been discovered. Look at your life, and look at your choices. Only in the UK could "Buyer backs out of £62,000 Mr Blobby suit purchase" make the headlines And I can't wait to kiss some toads again For every complex problem there exists a solution that is simple, neat and wrong. A cyclist may feel safer riding on the sidewalk instead of the street. But several studies have found that cyclists are more likely to be involved in a crash when riding on the sidewalk. Why? Blaseball is a baseball simulation horror game developed by The Game Band. It was released on July 20, 2020 For every expert there is an equal and opposite expert, but for every fact there is not necessarily an equal and opposite fact. "It's like driving your living room down the highway at 140mph." I'm no weeb, but they understand frog Error in error-handling. Sorry, no handling possible. "Do you like meaningless hierarchies? We LOVE meaningless hierarchies!" "Elon's gonna Elon" -Anonymous US defense official "There are so many wonderful things out there that are worth living for! I mean, you got soup, and..." "Last time I let you have my iPad you put 200 pictures of your forehead on it." "I would be dead if it wasn't for my flimsy wiring." -- electroBOOM After boiling, the entire surface of the egg shells are cracked, and they are placed back into the urine. "I think that the long-term goal of humanity should be to defeat entropy." -- Tom Scott "Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter." "I remember when he started the Blue Danube Waltz with a count of 1-2-3-4." First, it needs to work. Focus on that. THEN you can elaborate. "It worked in test". Production is completely broken and on fire, but it's fine because it worked in test :) "We pass'd Stilton, a town famous for cheese, which is call'd our English Parmesan, and is brought to table with the mites or maggots round it, so thick, that they bring a spoon with them for you to eat the mites with, as you do the cheese." -- Daniel Defoe, 1724 The pure substance (rarely encountered) is a dangerous explosive, being sensitive to light, heat, even moderate shock, and organic compounds. Pierre Louis Dulong first prepared it in 1812, and lost several fingers and an eye in two explosions. "That was not a problem. That was what Croakamancy was for. Where a knee would no longer bend, where a bicep no longer existed to flex an arm, the Croakamancer made magical Motion to move the Matter." Explain your beliefs as rationally as possible. The guy that did the levitating frog experiment won a satirical nobel prize for that frog levitating shit, then won an actual nobel prize for his work on graphene. "Perl is 'some assembly required'. Python is 'batteries included'. PHP is 'kitchen sink, but it’s from Canada and both faucets are labeled C'." "The lab looked like a crime scene from a low-budget horror movie." -- ChatGPT inventing !stupid quotes "Granulated chlorine with brake fluid - that's quite impressive. I'm lucky I have all my fingers." "Dude, don't taunt the god-killing abomination." "Any given task will expand to fill the time available, with the overcomplication:procrastination ratio dependant on the thematic dot product of the individuals' interests and the field of the task in question." I think you're overthinking this || No, I'm not :( || I've thought about this for 20 years "Thinking quickly, Dave constructs a homemade megaphone, using only some string, a squirrel, and a megaphone." "I buy her coffee because I subscribe to traditional gender roles unless requested otherwise." Production Tornado F.2s had concrete ballast in place of the Foxhunter radar, due to the development delays. This ballast became known as the "Blue Circle radar", a play on words from a British brand of cement by the same name, and the Rainbow Codes previously used for British radars. If your model says that any failure anywhere will cause catastrophic overall failure then your primary problem is not needing more reliable people. i did once try mixing a small amount of red fuming nitric acid and some aniline in a test tube. it was fun. hypergolic are fun. and terrifying. mostly terrifying. It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. "We used to take turns jumping off the top of the jungle gym in our back yard using the sunshade umbrella from our outdoor dining table. That was tall enough to hurt if you jumped straight off with nothing, but the umbrella really slowed you down." +++ Out Of Cheese Error +++ MELON MELON MELON +++ Redo From Start +++ "The British preferred the North. The heat there was pleasantly dry; the Hausa-Fulani were narrow-featured and therefore superior to the negroid Southerners, Muslim and therefore as civilized as one could get for natives, feudal and therefore perfect for indirect rule." "The RTG either sank in the sand during a heavy storm, or was stolen by unknown criminals." "Do you know they're now producing eating dogs for anorexics?" -- Prince Philip "It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." "Henry not only claims to be the head of an independent nation‑state and aboriginal community, but that his tribe owns Canada. He now demands rent." "Real Americans. Americans from the future, not just from Germany." "If I showed up at a stranger’s house, and he had four bathtubs perfectly set up for me and my three friends, I would leave immediately." "This is after you’ve run 13miles with endless elevation gain, and done so many other hard obstacles. You’re just sapped, the ramp is so slippery it almost feels futile. You run and try to grab on only to slide right back down, it uses every last ounce of your strength. Right after this section you get electrocuted for the second time in the race. " < orbbfrgg> I cupped a friend once [...] Why haven't the Dutch evolved into wonderful mystical frog people yet "The scene lasts four minutes and 20 seconds and cost US$200,000 ($1,720,000 in 2021 dollars) to shoot; US$18,000 ($150,000 in 2021 dollars) just for the pastry." There is a high demand for the blood [of horseshoe crabs], the harvest of which involves collecting and bleeding the animals, and then releasing them back into the sea. Most of the animals survive the process; mortality is correlated with both the amount of blood extracted from an individual animal, and the stress experienced during handling and transportation. On the positive side, you can now remove objects from your own anus "My co-workers are a fading memory. I am losing language skills. I talk to my computer and expect answers." Unskilled people try to dress their ideas up in the most complicated set of terms they can throw together, skilled people try to put their ideas in the simplest possible language they can. "There are only two things I can't stand in this world - people who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the DUTCH!" Data is like an ideal gas. If you extend the space, it automatically fills it instantly. If now isn't a good time, when will be? Like what the fuck is a potato LOOK AT HOW CUTE THIS VACUUM TUBE IS https://forum.revspace.nl/uploads/default/optimized/1X/1df169b2aa78e71e4ab548c2636f0dff5b79b46d_2_666x500.jpeg If it works, don't fix it! "What set of life circumstances drives a person to decide they're going to open a business for the express purpose of yanking out people's crotch hair?" "The change in rotational inertia causes them to move faster than the carousel and crash into it, killing everyone." The best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question; it's to post the wrong answer. As a public service announcement, recursively removing all of your files from / is no longer recommended. "I set out on a journey of desperation to fix the problem in other ways, employing methods ranging from the unconventionally experimental to random acts of escalating violence." People think that being 'good at computers' means you don't have computer problems. What it actually means is that you have computer problems that are weirder and more obscure. "This man has thought more carefully and considerately about the use of socks in the Harry Potter books than you have ever thought about anything your miserable and lumpen-headed LIFE." "Throw the entire book at them, and then throw a series of tweets from JK Rowling clarifying absurd details about the book that no one ever wanted." "Once again, Wired Magazine proves that as soon as it puts something on the cover, that thing will be proven to be stupid and wrong within a few short months." "There are people with masters degrees that fell for this pandemic charade, and there are high school dropouts that can see through all the deception of the media. That's why being smart isn't measured solely on being educated by colleges." "Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa." "I haven't lost any FILES, I just lost the colour Blue in the files. But the problem is fixed now, thanks for taking care of that for me." "We propose that the ingestion of an entire venomous snake is not typical behavior for the occupants of the Lower Pecos or Conejo Shelter." "Look, it's a very risky procedure. Everything went perfectly, except he's dead." The Etruscan shrew is the smallest known extant mammal by mass. "Please be advised we're experiencing issues with Aston Lock 11 on the Birmingham & Fazeley Canal. The local team aren't certain what the issue is, but will continue to investigate." The spark-gap is mightier than the pen. "The proper way to indent is to use block comments of varying lengths. Comments are ignored when the program is compiled, so there's less whitespace to cause slowdown in the actual code." "See, THIS is why you don't take your time killing the heroes!" < thomastheo> "in a spectacular display of royal chemistry, king charles the third detonated, when he jumped into a bath of manganese heptoxide" "Ladies and gentlemen, we have determined that there is a fire inside all four engines. Please remain calm while we assess the situation." "The reason this detail is always supplied is because it's critical to make the listener think the test pilot at least looked cool when he flew into the cliff. You'll never hear someone tell a story about a guy in a rocket-powered K-car or a Volkswagen Beetle." "I think it would be great to be born on Earth and to die on Mars. Just hopefully not at the point of impact." -- Elon Musk "I am very poorly today & very stupid & hate everybody & everything." -- Charles Darwin Strasser's other Guinness World Records titles include most paper straws in a beard (534), most straws in a beard (312), most chopsticks in a beard (520), most golf tees in a beard (607), most forks in a beard (126), most toothpicks in a beard (3,500), most clothespins on a beard (359) and most chopsticks put into a beard in one minute (86). It is a new Declaration of Independence: No longer do we hold these truths to be self-evident, we hold all truths to be self-evident, even the ones that aren’t true. "It's pretty terrible throughout, but the half hour in act 2 where every transition is a star wipe and selfie stickers cover the actors is dynamite." A longtime Palmer pilot told federal inspectors that he is a "free citizen" who doesn't need a government-issued pilot license or aircraft registration, according to prosecutors who have now filed aviation-related criminal charges against him. "I have feelings now! I'm gonna go write a bunch of feelings. I have SO many feelings." Dilute bleach on hands isn't that bad. Neat isn't even that bad tbh, bit tingly. wasn't [Gorbachev] a russian ussr person? "I just see zero point in signing non-real agreements at hugely discounted prices before the product exists." -- Peter Beck Belly-Button Logic© Works. When Does Teenager Die? "To us, heaven switches on daylight, or turns on the showerbath. We little gods are gods of the machine only. It is our highest. Our cosmos is a great engine. And we die of ennui." -- D. H. Lawrence "...it was possible that the phone's airplane mode feature being turned on helped it survive the 16,000ft (4,876m) drop." "Well, I thought long and hard on how I could make your life personally more difficult, and this is the result." !wa £20 in 1951 pounds in 2023 | £20 (British pounds) inch×1951 in lbf (pound-force inches)×2023: $287563.48 kg m^3/s^2 (kilogram meter cubed US dollars per second squared); (no standard named quantities) You read with exasperation or amusement the multiple errors in a story, and then turn the page to national or international affairs, and read as if the rest of the newspaper was somehow more accurate about Palestine than the baloney you just read. You turn the page, and forget what you know. That is the Gell-Mann Amnesia effect. The name of the power that moves you is not important. What is important is that you are moved. Eating 2 ounces of black licorice a day for at least two weeks could land you in the hospital with an irregular heart rhythm or arrhythmia. "So you're telling me that you use electricity and clean water for decoration...and then just throw money in it?" Baguette vending machines are becoming increasingly common in France, and there are wurstomats in Germany that sell sausages. "It is practically impossible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration." -- Edsger Dijkstra "And how will this come to pass? ‘In the same way all change comes to pass, I fear. And I am sorry it is so. It will come to pass by violence and upheaval, by flame and by fury, for no change comes calmly over the world." "I just tried eating myself, and that doesn't let me fly. Your comparison is inaccurate." "Anyway, the important part is that Comic Sans did not exist. Now that I have caught this glaring incongruity in a comic about time travellers killing flying mutant space dinosaurs with ghosts, my suspension of disbelief has been shattered." Mango juice in a fresh knife wound is very painful. "My mother tends to refer to all polygons with more than 4 sides as a hexagon, including pentagons and octagons, but that's another matter entirely :(" I can never remember if it's ethylene or propylene glycol that's the bad one || i just don't drink either It's very easy to get misled by pure caffeine powder because of its potency. Even a teaspoon or two of the pure stuff amounts to several grams, and just a few years ago there was a report of a fatality resulting from an undergraduate stirring a few teaspoons into his coffee. If it is better to wear socks than not, and one does not wish to go barefoot for the rest of one’s life, then it must be optimal at some moment to think about socks. The year is 2190, Boeing launches the 737-5700-MAX-Pro-4 || With inertial fusion engines digitally mapped to match the profile of all previous 737s to avoid having to retrain pilots Is that good? I don't know || Idk but now I can impersonate your liver in a professional context "I think the weaponization of AI is the biggest danger. I think that we will get into the equivalent of a nuclear arms race with AI, and if we don’t build it, the other guys are for sure going to build it, and so then it’ll escalate." -- James Cameron In 1977, the UK Atomic Energy Authority dumped at least 2 kilograms of sodium and potassium down a 65-metre shaft packed with radioactive waste and flooded with seawater. The explosion blew off the shaft’s huge concrete lid, threw its steel top plate 12 metres to one side, badly damaged the 5-tonne concrete blocks at the mouth of the shaft, and blasted scaffold poles up to 40 metres away. "I would be very reluctant to offer assistance to someone who appears to be an idiot. The reason for that is is because idiots have an ability to spiral a situation and take others down with them." How many bananas are actually present on Earth at an average instant? "The first thing you do when taking apart these batteries is to remove the pyro fuse. It breaks the circuit, so if you accidentally touch this thing over here and then that thing over there you won't explode." "An Internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday. I got it yesterday. Why? Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the Internet commercially." -- Sen. Ted Stevens (R - AK) You can supply single-use plastic straws in: care homes, premises used for early years provision, schools, prisons or other places of detention Evil Overlord List #22: "No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head." "Where did they get a new server and why is it pink?" "Do you want to shove your navigation program in the coffee and find out it doesn't have star charts? I didn't think so." "We're talking about the man who decided to say the word 'blah' 497 times in a row, just because it had never been done before." "Above all shadows rides the sun, and stars for ever dwell; I will not say the day is done, nor bid the stars farewell." "The only person who saw the fire was a young sergeant who said 'the wing's melting'. It's a wonderful description - covers everything." "It doesn't stand on anything. It's a turtle, for heaven's sake. It swims. That's what turtles are for." "It has also been established that tight or loose packing of books; the amount of alkaline reserve; reactions of DEZ with degradation products, unknown paper chemicals and adhesives; phases of the moon and the positions of various planets and constellations do not have any influence on the observed adverse effects of DEZ treatment." 14v relays can't handle 37V:( The 26th Congress of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union is the largest gem diamond ever found in Russia. "At full power, they'll show you fish on the other side of the planet. Of course, that involves boiling away the oceans on this side." Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. "I don’t remember them telling me when I joined that there was a risk my face might fall off." "She waited to see if he’d fail to pick this one up, too. He did." Grusch says that he can't discuss if he has seen a spacecraft in a "public setting ". But he concedes he has not seen an alien body. "Alas, I am in such a poor state that the teapot would have to be filled with military-grade hallucinogenic drugs for this idea to work." Australian airline Qantas has apologized for showing a movie with sex scenes and nude images during a flight. Due to a technical glitch, the screen could not be turned off and the film could not be stopped. "The tools tell me that many other options would work almost as well, including 'Dominator', 'Wyvern', 'Scythe', and “Gryphon'. It seems to be working off some assumption that planes with cool names can't possibly be bad." Inverted Chronoton Field Shadowing? "If one arm detects an attractive odour, it becomes dominant and temporarily over-rides the other arms to initiate movement towards the prey. The mechanism for this is not fully understood." To the rational mind nothing is inexplicable, only unexplained. Drill presses are pretty safe, just don't drill your fingers and you're good. Each Ranger spacecraft had 6 cameras on board. The cameras were fundamentally the same with differences in exposure times, fields of view, lenses, and scan rates. Modern research indicates that there is nothing accurate about the descriptions offered here. "Ummm actually literally anything can explode at any time. This is why we dont have things like society or buildings." I found A thinf https://i.imgur.com/tXNInvf.jpeg "Dear Candidate, I'm glad that you labelled your drawing of a pipette, because I thought it was a fish. Sadly, though, a pipette was not a helpful item of apparatus in this context. Yours, The Examiner" Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire. Not so very long ago, in the top left-hand corner of Wales, there was a railway... "Three corpses were removed from their Dewar capsules so that the heads could be cut off — still frozen, so requiring a chainsaw." [11:47] (FLHerne) you don't want to be eating anachronisms for lunch, you'll become one yourself and become banned from all museums "If the paper weren’t laid out in complete grammatical sentences and published in JACS, you’d swear it was the work of a violent lunatic." English - the PHP of spoken languages. Sexy moth outfits There are two ways to understand the answer to your question: Damn near a decade of advanced studies in physics or a half pint of LSD. Phillips head screwdrivers and soldering irons are not often interchangeable tools. People who think they are should not be lent either. < raptop> I have no idea if we're discussing sex or cannibalism now "One dead following cheese recall" "I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do." "At the time of writing there are only three known regressions, down from the dozen or more we usually ship with." Genuine, unashamed patriots are an embarrassment to the cynical and manipulative. Boba Fett is an oddly overrated background character of no significance. Human teeth are denser than human bones overall at about 2.75 grams per cubic centimeter, making them a better value if you want to mail, you know, body stuff. Unreasonable people can be placated with unreasonable arguments. "A shallot is an onion with a college education." — Mark Twain I just realized why the fuck we started stocking Gatorade in the hospital || Apparently there's a severe IV fluid shortage, so they're literally out here just giving people Gatorade lmao If you make it so easy even an idiot can do it, they will. "This check job that should find minimal defects has in the past 365 calendar days recorded 392 nonconforming findings on 737 mid fuselage door installations (so both actual doors for the high density configs, and plugs like the one that blew out)." "Jerry eyed Moira’s anchovy, onion, garlic and feta cheese pizza and said nothing." "I am Captain Carrot of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch, and I hereby arrest you on a charge of conspiracy to end the world." "If he had simultaneously ran DC to a 'control' elephant and it remained unharmed, you might be on the way to proving something." On 23 May 2013, a Dutch meat wholesaler, Willy Selten, was arrested for allegedly selling 300 tonnes of horsemeat as beef. "Is it better to live a life that is short an sweet and meet someone or never meet them in the first place but live in kind of eternal solitude... Not sure, don't care, we have airboats" -- msushi The quality of any advice anybody has to offer has to be judged against the quality of life they actually lead. No art, however minor, demands less than total dedication. No work is insignificant. All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence. You're 88 years old and you're so desperate to get your rocks off that you insert a WW1 shell into your anus || How and when does this happen "I have no desire to die... I think this is one of the safest things I will ever do." -Stockton Rush "Don't get me wrong; I definitely think he has some kind of mental illness. But he's also an asshole." "It turns out that rosewood is extremely toxic! I knew this, but I did not realize just how toxic. I was sanding some yesterday without protection and now I have a HORRIBLE RASH. YAY." "... something needs to be done about it and we shouldn't be upsetting people." "Could we shoot those responsible?" "I'm against shooting people." -- Rossiya 1 TV The Telegraph Plateau is a region of the North Atlantic that was supposedly relatively flat and shallow compared to the rest of the ocean away from shore. The term is archaic and no longer used by hydrographers. Victorian hydrographers surveying the route failed to notice the Mid-Atlantic Ridge in the middle of the route. Don't do the math, because then the handwavium stops working. The problem with being a miracle worker is that everyone expects you to work miracles. "I literally saw people jumping on the pieces of the airplane to get them to align," Salehpour said. "By jumping up and down, you’re deforming parts so that the holes align temporarily … and that’s not how you build an airplane." "Holy gods someone has actually been convinced to accept a new position on the internet. The apocalypse must be nigh." "It was a blanket infused with radium, because it was warming." "When I die I want my group project members to lower me into my grave, so they can let me down one last time." "We've already had fifty-nine different applications posted, and every one of the applicants appears to be hugely overqualified thanks to fictional exploits." "Is Zambia what used to be Rhodesia? I can't get used to all these new names." -- FLHerne's grandmother, 2024 "Nothing can do something in less time than it takes to do nothing. it's a simple fact that shouldn't be hard to grasp." When Starship works, they can just build a massive telescope on the moon or something "Come on, Little Whiskers! It's just an enormous piece of highly complex physics-defying machinery that makes loud scary whirring noises, I don't see what the big deal is!" Didn't do anything all day and it's 11:58 PM? Do one thing. "This has a p-value of 0.13 and is therefore not statistically significant, but it is still trending in the right direction." "Lota shall now juggle seven hundred and fifty tons of cargo using Lota's military-grade gravitics while flying. Perhaps someday Lota will find something challenging to do." "First off, I'd suggest printing out a copy of the GNU coding standards, and NOT read it. Burn them, it's a great symbolic gesture." -- Linus Torvalds "I don't want 'cute'. I want underwear that makes sense." after a cursory google it seems a question of turning the turtle around and having a good gander at its bottom end "It is illegal to use this product in a manner not described on this label." the custom-order spikey dildos are quite something though The question of whether computers can think is like the question of whether submarines can swim. Unlike oil, cat pictures are a renewable resource. Peak reddit is a myth. "Julian called to make sure I didn’t chicken out, which seemed a sensible idea after I woke up and realized that I had never taken my clothes off in public—and certainly not in a museum at 9 am to play chess." clearly coffee is best when injected straight into the veins, right? || <`Tim> why limit yourself to a single method of consumption || you're right || I have multiple veins "Because I am devloloper!" A bulldog is a sensitive creature and one wearing a life jacket can be an object of fun. "The only way to make machinery work, I think you'll find, is to make at least one major component from a katana." "I guess it looked appetizing one day because he decided to eat it. I have no idea how." "Situational dissidence has exceeded operational parameters. Go to fallback interaction sequence: Kill everyone." what, you dont like your food looking like it has come straight out of an enrichment centrifuge? "In this case it is not in dispute that the shark is not in harmony with its surroundings, but then it is not intended to be in harmony with them. The council is understandably concerned about precedent here. The first concern is simple: proliferation with sharks (and heaven knows what else) crashing through roofs all over the city. This fear is exaggerated. In the five years since the shark was erected, no other examples have occurred." "The new owner had decided to go up-market. This was the only available direction." When you want to talk about everything, you don’t want to talk about anything. "Let’s be very honest. We don’t have a commercially available heavy-lift vehicle. The Falcon 9 Heavy may some day come about. It’s on the drawing board right now. SLS is real." -- Charlie Bolden, 2014 "H, as in jalapeño." Irony is never funny when it happens to you. "The standing rule was that headwear given to the governor could be appreciatively received and cheerfully waved on stage but should not, under any circumstances, rest on his head." they discovered some years ago that anyone could just send a death declaration to the tax office in Sweden and some people had been declared dead by randoms "There's a lot of beeping. I'm not sure having this many things beep is actually helpful." -- Elon Musk "Since this includes respiration (which produces CO₂) you are basically proposing to kill every higher organism in America." "On-site personnel should be reassured that the spiders are harmless and the facility's immense shroud of silk should be presented in a positive light as a record-breaking natural history wonder." Eat decently and drink water. It's so easy to get into bad habits until they catch up with you. It was quite literally a shack containing a regular nuke sat in close proximity to some liquid deuterium. And it also made quite a bit larger boom than intended, hence the disappearing island If you know an explosion is going to happen in the immediate future, you should probably keep moving away from it up to and until it happens. automatic mechanical bag squeezer. sounds dirty. Thunderbirds spoke of the 1960s British mindset that all problems, no matter how apparently intractable, could be solved through the application of technology by boffins. "Your book Die Ausdehnungslehre has been out of print for some time. Since your work hardly sold at all, roughly 600 copies were used in 1864 as waste paper and the remaining few odd copies have now been sold out, with the exception of the one copy in our library." "That would also explain your subsequent monologue about using quantum physics and burnt toast to achieve immortality." "The acronym BORG stands for “blackout rage gallon” according to the National Capital Poison Center in Washington, DC" "To be fair, chuck a goose through an F-22’s jet turbine and, although both players technically lose, I’d say Canada still wins that duel on points." "He uses statistics like a drunkard uses a lamppost; for support, rather than illumination." < orbbfrgg> In the beginning god created the cummy hand of big sad boi "Its great advantage over Spain is that the Greeks have so far not destroyed the beauty of their coasts and islands. If they do, the old gods will never forgive them." "There's a steady hiss. So either it’s leaking or there are snakes in here." "Are you trying to use an alien sociopath with uncontrollable appetites as a moral compass, or are you just being hypothetical?" Your foot is as long as your forearm and your armspan is your height. "It's quite common for probes to land on the wrong planet. Also, the probe's large, flat-panel hull is ideal for the high-pressure Venusian atmosphere. And, as we all know, probes often refuse to obey directives, choosing instead to attack humans on sight." "One commentator saw Truss's plummet in the polls as a sign of a healthy British democracy because partisanship would prevent such a change in fortunes for a US president." "To dock at a different port, put some wheels on the bottom of the ship to spin the planet around." "Dude, we've talked about this. You can't think about aliens and play card games at the same time. You get too grumpy." I was sad so I got a cat. I'm still sad, but now I have a cat, too. Astronauts probably don't want to be living in houses made from scabs and urine. Boneless chicken wings do not have to be bone-free, Ohio's top court ruled, ending a lawsuit filed by a man who fell ill after swallowing a piece of bone from his order. "When water from the purest spring is placed in a flask steeped in leavening fumes, it putrefies, engendering maggots. The fumes which rise from the bottom of a swamp produce frogs, ants, leeches, and vegetation." -- Jan Baptist van Helmont, Chymist, 1671 makes sense around 6pm though, after work is when you beat your wife "Don't forget that Linux became only possible because 20 years of OS research was carefully studied, analyzed, discussed and thrown away." -- Ingo Molnar According to contemporary scientific theory regarding comparative velocity measurement, all moving objects can be classified into two distinct categories vis-a-vis their velocity potential relative to that of a dog '(Canis lupus familiaris)'. The categories comprise overcaniality (potential for velocities above the maximum possible velocity of a dog) and undercaniality (lacking of the potential for velocities above the maximum possible velocity of a dog). Typing some characters quickly should have the same effect as typing them slowly. It’s amazing how many programs fail this test. "Yea. I want to draw a fucking owl not a normal owl. I need two owls at least plus a way to convey the fucking." "On an unrelated note, I now have to give you an update on my health issues." --styropyro It's not a rant until someone has to place a furniture order. "A small capsule containing highly radioactive caesium-137 was found inside the concrete wall of an apartment building, with a surface gamma radiation exposure dose rate of 1800 R/year." looking at their wikipedia page, i think [Pythom] are already up to their elbows in acid | both lsd and nitric "Martin Shkreli made an eyebrow-raising argument to a federal judge Friday, stating that his company Druglike, which he previously described as a "drug discovery software platform," was not engaged in drug discovery. As such, he argued he is not in violation of his sweeping lifetime ban from the pharmaceutical industry." well, quiche with fake eggs, fake cheese, fake cream and fake butter is no good. it was just quiche-shaped schmoo. oh wait im stupid its already there The most common error of a smart engineer is to optimize a thing that should not exist. "We don’t have time to fix it, so we’ll call it a feature." < FLHerne> raptop: you are an important part of my cert renewal automation So what I'm basically saying is we should nuke all the haters #livingmybestlife The most helplessly stupid man is he who is not aware that he is wise. "The supplies will be equitably distributed based on how threatening parties can appear, and how much damage we inflict in their direction." "My ambition is to understand everything important there is to know about the universe, apply that knowledge to become omnipotent, and use that power to rewrite reality because I have some objections to the way it works now." "Every couple of days, the keyboard has started randomly typing on its own while I am working on the MacBook. It usually seems to type messages that I previously typed on the gaming PC and it won't stop until I unplug the keyboard and plug it back in." "For some reason it felt totally safe, but now looking at this photo I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face." Don't Panic. "People are not all the same. Some people want and can tolerate being exposed to artificially generated pulsed radiation as a tradeoff to enjoy broadband connectivity." -- The Balance Group "The universe is probably littered with the one-planet graves of cultures which made the sensible economic decision that there's no good reason to go into space--each discovered, studied, and remembered by the ones who made the irrational decision." -- Randall Munroe "If you talk about launch vehicles, we believe our responsibility to the nation is to take care of things that normal people cannot do, or don't want to do, like large launch vehicles. I'm not a big fan of commercial investment in large launch vehicles just yet." -- Charlie Bolden, 2016 The Britannica tells you what dead white men agreed upon, Wikipedia tells you what live Internet users are fighting over. Under the 14th century statute Prerogativa Regis, all whales and sturgeons found on the coast are the property of the Crown. "Convincing skeptical businessmen to buy into the plan proved more of a challenge - it took six months to persuade suspicious taqueria owners to switch to a salsa with lower magnetic permittivity." A closed mouth gathers no feet. "The voices of our two telephones, though both disturbing in their import, were seldom or never connected by any mutual relevance." "Pakistani-Omani-Iranian aviation uranium contamination situation prompts ultimatum memorandum." God gave us two eyes and ten fingers so we will type five times as much as we read. "I don't think using rats for pest control is at all a viable idea." For a word to be spoken, there must be silence. Before, and after. "I, too, store half-used syringes inside an uncooked chicken." One good day cannot erase a lifetime of bad days, but it certainly gives you perspective. "Hold still cheese, not moving be!" "Teatime is also 90% of all people who hire a graphic artist for commission/contract work, except he’ll murder you at the end." "Just because he tells you that something is awful or great, it doesn't necessarily mean he'll feel that way tomorrow. You have to low-pass filter his input." "Hopefully this doesn't become one of those terribly embarrassing memories that lasts decades despite nobody else remembering it." Never trust your future self. He is a lazy jerk. "In order to transmit the same amount of information on paper, they would have to arrange for a 747 cargo freighter packed with telephone books and encyclopedias to power-dive into their unit every couple of minutes, forever." "It was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself." Boeing: faster, better, cheaper - pick any zero "The future is on the horizon. You need only, hop, skip, and occasionally zig-zag to avoid large carnivorous reptiles to reach it!" "Problem found. After I put two paperclips in the left upper and middle upper port of the nullmodem cable connector and put them in my mouth (with one hand over the keyboard) i found there was no data." "We remind our users again and again that it’s both illegal and pointless, so they should never do that." Clojure is LISP that is also just Java "'Buy good insurance' and 'don't ride inside' are not what I want to find in the winning bid." "Thank you. No-one's ever answered to two decimal places before." Back then I did not know about aspiring to things, I did not know there were things in the world that we were supposed to aspire to. But if I had, I would have said, "I aspire to total blackness." "Levels are the cure for all frailty, all drama, and all source of plot." < orbbfrgg> My sexual awakening as a child involved a film with cartoon anthro animals Glasses are a crude human technology. Normally, they are intended to enhance eyesight when the wearer suffers from an optical deficiency. (Humans have not developed a successful method of replacing inefficient optic organs, and their repair techniques are as yet too expensive for common use). yeah i have a hate boner for STOL's, single engine aircraft, and virtually anything made by the british || the vulcan is ugly get it through your heads you limey cunts lol. That's almost as scary as writing some significant piece of code and having it work the first time "The new opportunities for growth are no longer in growth. So we’ve got to identify the new non-growth growth markets, and get into them." "All right, you fellows. You can go back to prodding the universe." WANT A SQUID FACT? Text 9-RUNG-SQUID. In 2017, Wimbledon fans consumed 33 tons of strawberries. All good advice is obvious. The hard part is taking it. "We're not going to Lechlade this time. The bullocks scratched all down the side of the boat with their horns, cost £2300." Technopoly is to say that its information immune system is inoperable. Technopoly is a form of cultural AIDS, which I here use as an acronym for Anti-Information Deficiency Syndrome. This is why it is possible to say almost anything without contradiction provided you begin your utterance with the words “A study has shown …” or “Scientists now tell us that …” Get things just a tiny bit wrong and the spirits of the vengeful dead may enter your head via your ears and blow your brains out down your nose. "Apparently somebody decided to call it a feature, and just like that it had to happen." While I may have a fixation on matters fecal, you guys do seem to have an unhealthy obsession with the remains of the dead, or eating people, or making things out of people "This is the first step to enable mankind to consume pies with more elegance and comfort. Neither the sky, nor the pie, should be the limit." "'Fluctuations' means creatures spontaneously melting on contact with water, if you weren't aware." Not yesterday, not tomorrow. not 3 seconds ago or 3 seconds in the future. Now. "The fact that she had acquired new clothing was unremarkable and meaningless. But it was another small, necessary moment lived." thomastheo: you know Holland isn't a country right "You missed the television attempting to use small pigs to predict the election. It turns out that small pigs aren't a useful election-predicting tool, and that anything that might be construed as useful would be illegal anyway." "If in the course of your explorations you happen to stumble upon a sensible reason for you to be here, do let me know." Information is dangerous when it has no place to go, when there is no theory to which it applies, no pattern in which it fits, when there is no higher purpose that it serves. Sometimes even in the habitual course of life, the reality of this world disappears all at once, and we feel ourselves in the middle of its interests as we should at a ball, where we did not hear the music; the dancing that we saw there would appear insane. You can only ever find a part if you aren't looking for it. "... demand in the Soviet Union for a guard dog that was cold tolerant down to −30 – −40 °C (−22 – −40 °F) and highly adaptable to different structures and environments, such as warehouses, railroads, labor camps and infrastructure. In response to this demand. the Central School of Military Dog Breeding, a department of the USSR Ministry of Defense, developed the Russian watchdog "I don't think its fire. fire would be a lot less drippy." "During an unannounced visit to the school, which is part of the Rise multi-academy trust, the following day, an observer heard a pupil ask before a test: "Will we be doing that thing where there's pointing at the wrong answers?"" Fall into something. Fall into ANYTHING of consequence. Too many people want to have done something. "He was not instantly dead or smooshed like a watermelon. He did die eventually though... So yeh don't try it at home." "We completely understand the public's concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission," said Harry Schoell, the chief executive of Cyclone Power Technologies Death by Millennium Space Entropy "He just won’t go away, and even if he does go away, he’s just going back into his office to write more of his clever classes constructed entirely from multiple inheritance from templates." Mount Thor in Canada has the world's longest vertical drop. If you fell off it, you would fall for over a kilometer before you hit anything. "Here I stand. I can do no other." Few things are more annoying than searching list archives for a problem to discover that, apparently, lots of other people have had the same problem, and then they all died. "That's why so many young Sparks don't make it. They're smart enough to build death rays, and dumb enough to turn them on ARMIES, all by themselves." PROCMCL is probably "PROC Move Communist Lesbian", but what the fuck is PROCAPHNL? "We are not even worthy to lick your toenails free of grit and fluffy sock detritus," PC Zone wrote in a public letter to id. "We genuflect deeply and offer our bare chests for you to stab with a pair of scissors." The US Supreme Court in 1893 ruled that the tomato should be classified as a vegetable. "Are you kidding me? We need Muppet Aliens99,99 with everybody but Ripley played by Muppets, right now." You are awake. The Department of Repose recommends sleeping at this time to optimize health scores. "In due course, we received an email with a TIFF file of the logo. The text of the email asked that we return the TIFF file when we had finished with it. We did." This claim is only partly true; the bear does not have the authority to solemnize weddings, but the state of Kentucky cannot invalidate marriages performed by unqualified persons if the parties believe that the person marrying them has the authority to do so. As such, it is a belief in the Cocaine Bear's authority that allows it to officiate legally binding weddings in Kentucky "I decided we should make the engine with the lowest fuel consumption in the world, regardless of weight and bulk. So far we have achieved the weight and bulk." -- Frank Owner, Bristol Proteus Chief Engineer <@SilverFox> I don't think I'll ever build an orbital rocket "Two different bus operators in Leeds are now operating a bus with the same number, the number 7, from the same bus stop, going to completely different places. Incredible achievement. Well done absolutely everyone who made this a reality." Wine is not an investment if you drink it as soon as you buy it. If you don't inspire people to do impossible things, they'll settle for the possible. "Please, PLEASE tell me that's just tomato sauce and you didn't explode the neighbour's cat or something." "Fulton continued to experiment with live pigs, as pigs have a nervous system close to humans. Lifted off the ground, the pig began to spin as it flew through the air at 125 mph (200 km/h). It arrived on board uninjured but in a disoriented state." With microplastics being everywhere, now we can finally conclude that PP is stored in the testicles. "I'll put 'get hair follicles ripped out forcefully' even higher up on my list of 'NEVER DO THIS'. Thanks." Trains run for those who wait, they don't wait for those who run. Every heartwarming human interest story in America is like 'He raised $20,000 to keep 200 orphans from being crushed in the orphan-crushing machine' and then never asks why an orphan-crushing machine exists or why you'd need to pay to prevent it from being used. The terms "cutting-edge" and "accounting" do not sound good together. "Stolen Ch You know it's low budget when mission control is a Winnebago. Things meant to look like things often look more like things than things. Japanese scientists have found a way to attach living skin to robot faces, for more realistic smiles and other facial expressions. You will need to know the difference between Friday and a fried egg. "Similar Europe-wide initiatives resulted in a European standard for teletext, which didn’t work, and a European standard for high-definition TV, which also didn’t work." "People today...it seems they are good, or sometimes evil, mostly by inertia, not by choice. They act as their surroundings prepare them to act." why can't we just have one thing that is everything Keeping your train company a politically neutral donation-funded religion solves a lot of problems. "Those are air bubbles. That means there’s space in there. Make it smaller." -- Steve Jobs after throwing an iPod in a fishtank "It works by gutta-percha strips twisted tightly together. But not very well, I’m afraid." All fungi are edible. Some fungi are only edible once. "Many things happened that will teach us what to do next time. Most excitement took place in the last shot, when the oxygen hose, for some reason, ignited and swung around on the ground 40 feet from us." -- Frank Malina, JPL founder, on his first rocket test "As an actor by training, I've learned the best way to get better at nearly anything is to fail over and over, publicly and with great style." The culinary use of semen was something I distinctly remember reading about Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works. "While the list is not sorted, snap half of all items. Continue until the list is sorted or only one item remains (which is sorted by default)." Understanding doesn't follow from information, it follows from the desire to understand. "The dude hates traffic so much he tried to build a hyperloop, tunnels, and finally just shot his car into space. I can empathize." hmm anyone ever drank propan-1-ol? I'm actually stupid. Thought my deep fryer was dead. Turns out I plugged in the kettle. "Be super careful never to program the Atmega while high voltage is applied and caps are not discharged. When cycling through the boot loader, it seems to do something strange that will blow up the otherwise bullet proof buck/boost converter! Also be aware that Arduino also cycles through the boot loader when closing the serial terminal!" Biz admits turning human women into faceless, sexualized furniture was a 'tone deaf' marketing ploy Hitler had no talent or vision or whatever it is that separates great artists from the rest of us but he worked at it and produced passable paintings. You'll never be Michelangelo but with enough practice and dedication anyone could be Hitler. "May I ask.. why is your printer called Fred?" "The small grey non-steerable wheels are bouncing around like crazy and then my ship blows up. is this normal?" Ah, finally a terminal guidance system for the gay bomb! Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law. The best answer to any defect in the past must be a remedy in the future. "All the lads tried it and they all went 'yuck' and then they all wanted some more." "Mr Hill says the sheer number of errors show external factors were acting on him. We say this is perverse. The evidence shows he was not cognitively impaired, he was flying the plane very badly by his own negligence." -- Civil Aviation Authority I found out a while ago my mother rewinds the internet. "If it makes you feel any better, the vast majority of sex acts and other stuff like this on the internet are made up by bored 14 year olds and have never actually been done by anyone." "So I told my boss, well, I was going, and if I had a job when I came back that was fine and if I didn't have a job that was equally fine. And when I came back I didn't have a job." It's kinda disappointing that geese and swans can't adjust their buoyancy and poke their heads above the water like periscopes || I guess they're reverse periscopes Hopefully jsutton doesn't return covered in flammable tape or leaking hydrazine from random orifices "The Russian army is not strong, it is just long. We will eat them slowly, like a salami." - Ukrainian chief of staff, March 7th, 2022 Sharks have existed for longer than trees. it feels like "stealth" and "globemaster" don't belong together I'm pretty Unabomber on this topic ngl A freeze ray, heat ray, and Dijon mustard ray are all pretty similar when you get down to it. "Why this theory is popular is currently unknown, as it is clearly bonkers. Nonetheless, we will be devoting the next few dozen pages to covering this theory." Never do more than one illegal thing at a time. People have an antipodean brain but their ability to use it has been crippled by religion and academia, much like the eyes of the flounder get relocated when it goes through puberty. "I mean, no offence, but you're a sociopath." The problem with high quality UFO sightings is they quickly become FO sightings. fuck all mammals tbh Nobody is paying as much attention to you as you think they are. If you're going to Anglicize names, you have to be able to speak English! This is important! "I had to be there in order for them to be able to ignore me properly. You can’t ignore someone who isn’t there." "Instead of asking one person if the ad was effective 70 times, we should have asked 70 people one time. This left us susceptible to what statisticians call 'correlated errors'." Some people aren't happy with their problems. They want newer, better problems. an unrelated drug find in the news today was a garden gnome fashioned entirely out of MDMA "The sheer variety of cheese is amazing" -- Elon Musk "But at the root of all Warhammer design is a lovely British quirky naffness that informs everything else. Skulls hanging off of everything. That naff black metal feel the 40K stuff has. It's the spirit of the teenage long-hair outcast in fine resin form. I wouldn't have it any other way." Maxim 43: If it's stupid but it works, it's still stupid and you're lucky. "She IS ahead of the game in that she didn't try it on a giant wolverine/snake thing with poison tusks." Tea is molten ice with complex hydrocarbon flavoring. "If you put aside for the moment the certainty that something would definitely go horribly wrong..." Hedgehogs can suffer from balloon syndrome, a rare condition in which gas is trapped under the skin from injury or infection, causing the animal to inflate. "On test day, they upped the voltage in stages hoping for lift off. Eventually the system shorted out and the balsa wood frame caught fire." "BUT WE MUST CARE. FOR IF WE DO NOT CARE, WE DO NOT EXIST. IF WE DO NOT EXIST, THEN THERE IS NOTHING BUT BLIND OBLIVION." a snake is just a boned worm Aeroflot Flight 1661 crashed after colliding with a weather balloon. The Soviet ZhDT-3 rail torpedo was designed for armored train on armored train combat and might be the most dieselpunk thing ever seen. "While hackers can be very good at designing interfaces for other hackers, they tend to be poor at modeling the thought processes of the other 95 percent of the population." -- Eric S. Raymond The Darkness has begun. There will be no dawn. Buccaneers never took off, they just raised the gear. after dissecting a cat last week I honestly don't see much benefit, ah yes the muscle that we were looking for is there wowee Do you like cru00e8me bru00fblu00e9e? "You could argue that killing beings that don't deserve it in gruesome ways is /exactly/ in the spirit of Easter." i learned english by insulting people online < FLHerne> I wonder what the max. safe RPM for a human is "All fetuses showed heart rate acceleration, an increase in heart variability, and increase in movement patterns in the 6 min after the application of an alarm clock on the maternal abdomen." "If it's a dead component it'll be a capacitor. Those are the closest thing modern electronics has to a moving part." Car theft in Bermuda is almost nonexistent. Stealing a car on a 24-mile long island is silly. I'm not the morningest of people You will need to know the difference between Friday and a fried egg. It’s quite a simple difference, but an important one. "They've proven to be very good at finding bugs, especially in front of large audiences." "Look, now he has the hood up taking things apart. Should we tell him the clutch isn't in the engine?" "A lighted match was thrown into a corner. After a pause of ten seconds the surface of the wall suddenly burst into strong flames about 2 feet in length; the root of the flames climbed up the first 2 feet of wall in fifteen seconds, by which time the flames extended to the roof, and reached the top of the wall in the next ten seconds." A tank on the moon could theoretically shoot itself in the back of the turret. "The problem with aviation is that for 50 years it’s been populated by people who think it’s this wondrous sexual experience; that it’s like James Bond and wonderful and we’ll all be flying first class when really it’s just a bloody bus with wings." -- Michael O'Leary "All of this once-in-a-generation momentum, can easily be undone by one party—in this case, Blue Origin—who seeks to prioritize its own fortunes over that of NASA, the United States, and every person alive today who dreams to see humans exploring worlds beyond our own." -- NASA lawyers "No, I want MUTTON. These are all ELECTRIC sheep!" "Family poisoned after using AI-generated mushroom identification book we bought from major online retailer" "You know, if you added some vinegar it would be just like drinking out of someone else's stomach." "We can now discover GPIOs properly from userspace. We still have not come up with a way to actually *use* GPIOs from userspace." "I was a little surprised to see The Matrix with so many answers on this question, as I can’t say that I personally have ever fought off evil agents in bullet time." "What’s the good of having mastery over cosmic balance and knowing the secrets of fate if you can’t blow something up?" "We’d like to remind patrons to not attach googley eyes to books. It can cause damage to the cover and in this case haunt our nightmares for all eternity. Thank you." "The vessel has now sunk. No further assistance required." "Honestly, this never happens." god its so depressing and grey here || * thomastheo considers setting fire to his desk out of sheer ennui Denying the existence of pointers is like living in ancient Greece and denying the existence of Krackens and then being confused about why none of your ships ever make it to Morocco, or Ur-Morocco, or whatever Morocco was called back then. "If you say to a professional musician, you know, 'play like you've gone mad', they can't really do it. Erm...it always sounds beautifully honed, and they find a wonderful way of curling back into the right note instead of the wrong note and all that." -- Howard Goodall "Sometimes when I see a really complicated product I think about how thankful I am that I was never required to go to DFMEA meetings about that product." jan's brain hemispheres separated just so he could embarass himself for sexual gratification || again, i'd like to point out there's no proof of that Waltzing Matilda doesn't make sense. It's not supposed to; it's Australian. But it doesn't make sense even if you speak Australian. orbbfrgg: I still have no recollection of the brick Between 1650 and 1850 coffee changed western civilization. Coffee created modern capitalism; coffee created political discourse; it caused the Enlightenment, the American and French revolutions, more. Coffee destroyed the world that existed before its introduction. "I AM ALWAYS ALONE. BUT JUST NOW I WANT TO BE ALONE BY MYSELF." "The frogs were preserved in a "standard froggy position, fairly rigid and not super floppy."" just throw it in the trash || that's what i do with batteries Now you're cooking with radio Eat a bear liver every few weeks and scurvy will be the least of your problems. "Scientific fact-disease is caused by negative energy. Is it possible your ill health is caused by your negative attitude? #explore." -- Noel Edmunds "This server is proudly sponsored by the leap second of 2016/2017, and the number 'j'." A state-of-the-art fire station in western Germany that was completed last year at a cost of tens of millions of euros has burned to the ground because it had not been equipped with a fire alarm. "You need to quit being so darn reasonable. This is the internet after all. Outrage is the only acceptable emotion." <@electrokitty> You lot seem oddly knowledgable about starting workplace fires. Would anyone now even THINK of airdropping beavers? "...allowed the researchers to recover the private SIKE key of a Samsung Galaxy S8 phone by training the camera of an iPhone 13 on the power LED of a USB speaker connected to the handset." "The chickens would be sealed inside the casing, with a supply of food and water; they would remain alive for a week or so. Their body heat would, it seems, have been sufficient to keep the mine's components at a working temperature." Chatham Waterfront Bus Station was shortlisted for the Galvanizers Association Galvanizing Awards in 2013. "I am a Stalinist. I have defended Russia since the 1980s. I think that Russia is the only force left in Europe that is anti-American. I am nostalgic of the Soviet Union. I want a free world without America." -- Luc Michel Stay hydrated. There are so many benefits to staying hydrated. Also, sleep. i wish we had drugs squid | eight arms and two tentacles of drug enforcement excellence "I'm just not used to dictators in my noir. Then again, I'm also not used to dragons in my noir." "She would miss them, with their strange jokes and their casual insanities and their odd, warped way of looking at the universe." The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion. On the 18th of April 1930, the BBC announced that "there is no news" and played piano music instead. investment advice, religion, politics, canibalism, 3d printing AND plants It just isn't worth it to stay awake later than midnight, ever. "That's why I added the caveat, since I don't have any lime deformation data available." "The power factor of the hot dog is exactly 1, which is what you'd expect, it's resistive..." "Focusing is about saying no." -- Steve Jobs Intelligence is the ability to reconcile totally contradictory situations without going completely bonkers. "All the bankers did was copy what everyone else did. If everyone else ran off a bloody cliff, they’d run right off a cliff with them. If there was a giant pile of gold sitting in the middle of the room and nobody was picking it up, they wouldn’t pick it up, either." -- Elon Musk how about you add synchronization gear for ejection seats so you shoot the dude through the rotors "If you HAD actually died doing something that stupid, we'd be mocking you all the way to your funeral." In 1915, San Diego hired a "rain maker" who used a secret mix of chemicals to "attract rain" for $10,000, payable if he filled their reservoir. It rained for most of January, destroying bridges, dams, and causing 20 deaths. Going from anal sphincters to coffee is giving me topic whiplash, I suppose this is my own doing "We are approaching the glorious moment when we will have refined the art of throwing out governments to such a speed that we will reach a government singularity, a point at which all the governments are instantly disbanded and reformed, and we arrive in a golden land where nobody is ever legislating, and we can all relax because nobody's fiddling with anything for once!" i went to a museum today. took my niece to the natural history museum. she's almost four. afterwards i asked her what her favorite bit was. it was the stairs. "You know, missing the obvious despite that it was right in front of my face, yet able to spout off lots of information regarding incredibly specific topics at a moment’s notice?" "M74 (N) J13-RTC due to dog taking control of tractor." -- Traffic Scotland i just realized the new apartment i signed has no dishwasher how am i supposed to prepare dishwasher salmon now I guess you have to cook the salmon by hand in the sink "While she waited she lit several scented candles in the boat to mask the smell of gas." "AC current in the first coil gets converted to a magnetic field, which the second coil then converts to a DC current." "The only sensible course of action is to completely ignore the fact the engine's not gonna fit, and carry on regardless." "I confiscated the power supply for the sergeant's plasgun, and fifteen minutes later he'd put out one of his eyes." "I think a nerd is a person who uses the telephone to talk to other people about telephones. And a computer nerd therefore is somebody who uses a computer in order to use a computer." -- Douglas Adams "Another rationalizing theory is that the existence of rocs was postulated from the sight of the African ostrich, which, because of its flightlessness and unusual appearance, was mistaken for the chick of a presumably much larger species." The ability to follow simple instructions is far, far more useful in just about every field than many skills taught at college. "I regret that my fondness for cows, combined with an overactive imagination, may have carried me beyond what is comprehensible." -- Gary Larson "Diameter's a meaningless term. That structure doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to a sphere. Or any rational geometry." "So far the theories include "panic attack", "some vagus nerve weirdness", "claustrophobia", "thermal shock", "you're just not used to cold water", and "inadequate socks"." BALIN SON OF FUNDIN LORD OF MORIA im like 5'5.5 but i round down cause im not self conscious about my height, only about my 2 inch penis If you need a 20-line comment to explain why two lines of code should work, they don't. "Now imagine this tricycle is so poorly made that the company that made it does not recommend driving it in the rain because the electrical system will short out." The emperor Menelik II is said to have acquired three electric chairs in 1896 at the behest of a missionary, but could not make the devices work as his nation did not have a reliable source of electric power available at that time. Do not try to drill/enlarge holes in the T61 motherboard to make it fit! "Just remember that the point of language is that I can modify your brain in the way I want it to be modified." "I consoled myself by surrepetitiously equipping everything with steam-powered buttons." Too much coffee can make you hallucinate and sense dead people, say sleep experts. "I have elbows!!!" The rock band Fall Out Boy took their name from the Simpsons character Fallout Boy, Radioactive Man's sidekick. Mountain Goats: the fridge magnets of the animal kingdom. "That sounds pretty, but it’s not exactly actionable. 'Just write your code so that changes don’t disturb its placid surface.' Right." "The clutch wasn't up to the task of handling 60V, so the ignition switch was modified to fully engage the clutch before power is applied. The horn button was then used as the accelerator." not shitty restriction food but this sub is my safe place i know yall love grapes LOOK HOW BIG THEY ARE SO CRUNCHY AND SWEET AND HUGE i wish there was an apple sized grape "It's not like he has to produce a new build or approve a new patch every 47 seconds to keep the world from exploding." Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup. i have to now take time out of my day to complain to a lab supplier that the box of 100 test tubes they sent arrived with only 25 test tubes undamaged. they will resend another box, with a similar result. -1 x -1=+1 is stupid and evil. "...like one of those Picasso paintings that you pretend to understand, but which everyone wants to throw into an ocean because nobody wants to look at a painting of a blue man who is composed of isosceles triangles and has a guitar emerging from his forehead for no reason at all." "Perhaps we’re adding just the right amount of camphor to the nitro-cellulose after all—" "When I want a cat around, they flee. When I don't want them around, they want to sleep on my face. This is the way of cats." Communicating badly and then acting smug when you're not understood is not cleverness. "To them, text files feel like filling in tax forms for an angry robotic auditor that yells at them if they forget a single semicolon." "Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today." < sasamj> man you sound like sasamj The present is the only moment you can change. "You know? Po-tay-toes? Boil ‘em, mash ‘em, block a ship’s deck drain causing a free surface effect introducing instability and a capsizing effect?" Individuals aren’t naturally paid-up members of the human race, except biologically. Many people think the universe has a big sign on it that says "Do Not Touch". There's a big difference between helping people and drinking a bunch of nasty old bottled cum for money mate || That I have to explain that is worrying "One assumes that the hammering of the part into shape instead of using CNC was some form of shot peening or surface something. What it wasn't was a compliant component. These parts contaminated a very large number of the B737 NGs built to that date, and so of course, those responsible to ensure that the parts complied with their design and process.... ended up sacking a few of their QA people who had discovered the issue." "There’s no way I could have known he would soon shove me off of a cliff made of despair and shattered puppies." "As punishment for 'negligent regicide', you are restricted from any and all explosives for one week." So, what would happen if, for any reason, this fails? It is difficult to say without having access to a 787 (currently accepting donations) Is it better to use a bottle or a shoe to pound in nails? Learn to enjoy being wrong. The world might start making more sense. "If you succeed in tipping a cow only partway, such that only one of its feet is still on the ground, you have created lean beef. Such a feat is well done. Naturally, being outside, the cow is unstable. When it falls over, it becomes ground beef." "We took pity on him because he’d lost both parents at an early age. I think that, on reflection, we should have wondered a bit more about that." In our attempt to solve scarcity of objects we have created scarcity of choice. "Superficiality, unreliability and an apparent lack of any clear convictions...ought to exclude you from the position of national leadership to which you aspire." "When the paternity test was negative, the woman explained that her dad’s brain had been transplanted into Kyle’s body." "It could probably kill, like, a baby, but that's not what it's specifically DESIGNED to-" Time was invented to keep everything from happening at once. "I mean - you don't GET milk from vultures. Vultures are not a milk source." The opening credits of 'Labyrinth' (1986) include the first attempt at a photorealistic CGI owl in a full-length feature film. "...wait a fortnight for it to arrive by next-day secure courier shipping..." The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head. "A particularly severe high-speed flutter problem was solved only by inserting depleted uranium counterweights as ballast in the outboard engine nacelles of the early 747s. This measure caused anxiety when these aircraft crashed, for example El Al Flight 1862 at Amsterdam in 1992 with 622 pounds (282 kg) of uranium in the tailplane." "There is no room here (in nuclear powerplant development) for lofty theories which do not work out in practice. We would not get anywhere if we had the loose, hazy thinking you encounter when you bring out the obvious failures of the American educational system." -- Admiral Hyman G. Rickover "Petr stayed with the train through to Breclav. he told us that his two main hobbies were 'Beer and speaking English' - I noted that they were my two main hobbies also." "The laws of mathematics are very commendable, but the only law that applies in Australia is the law of Australia." -- Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull "It was a great comfort knowing that the gods were there. It was knowing they were here that was the terrible part." Demon core sandwich. The bits get squished in your intestines and boom. "We took advice from experts, who said we would die." "The surest sign that intelligent life is out there is that it hasn't tried to contact us yet." -- Bill Watterson Xi Jinping has instructed that China's global image should be "trustworthy, lovable and respectable." "We try things. Sometimes they even work." The phrase "I disapprove of what you say and will defend to the death your right to say it." was coined by Evelyn Beatrice Hall in 1906 and is wrongly misattributed to Voltaire. "My issue is he ate the damn thing. I know holding a firework tightly can cost you your fingers but by that logic, it should be so much worse to swallow." "A meteor around the size of a Pembroke Welsh Corgi and weighing around the total weight of four baby elephants struck the Earth near McAllen, Texas last Wednesday, NASA confirmed this week." "I would like the charge connector to plug itself into the car, sort of like an articulating snake. I think we will probably do something like that." the margins on a fully-loaded Cessna are crap as-is || several accidents that come down to "five fat people sat in it and exceeded MTOW" "What it symbolizes is the way Christ died: the blood came out of him but so did the piss and the shit. Maybe if Piss Christ upsets you, it's because it gives some sense of what the crucifixion actually was like." "it was honestly kind of fun to experience the Japanese version of racism because they’re so polite that it really takes a while to realise how disrespectful people are being" "A work of titanic silliness...the worst book I have read on language and perhaps on anything." "Due to the school's close proximity to the Seattle/Boeing Primary Target Zone, the following steps are likely superfluous, but in the interest of completeness..." "You can’t campaign on election day so if Ed wants to crash a life-size replica of the Hindenburg into Big Ben to highlight inflation that will have to be on the Wednesday." I mean there's integrity and there's a billion dollars "The wife hates it, but honestly if you can’t do that why even have kids." "Like the Army had done many times before, SpaceX dumped the machine into the lagoon. Today, it is an artificial reef." The US is the third largest country by population. If its population suddenly grew by one billion people, it would be the third largest country by population. Everyone in the business says that the best piece of locating equipment is an auger "Not good. Doesn't have the power. You know the steam is just brutal. You see that sucker going and steam's going all over the place, there's planes thrown in the air. It sounded bad to me. Digital. They have digital. What is digital? And it's very complicated, you have to be Albert Einstein to figure it out." "When a noncom of Del Conte's seniority deliberately lets his officer shoot his own foot off that spectacularly, that officer's usefulness is exactly nil." "It’s a subtle difference, but that’s the whole point: English is an awfully subtle instrument. A dictionary that ignores these little shades is dangerous; in fact in those cases it’s worse than useless. It’s misleading, deflating. It divests those words of their worth and purpose." "4 year old is livid because she thought we were travelling by FAIRY.. not FERRY :-|" jan64: the classic approach of placing a bbq lighting cube on the wheel is probably most efficient || i'm told this is how people usually burn cars down here "The proof that Gothic works are of deficient plasticity is that they produce their greatest emotional effect when they are mutilated, covered in ivy and lit by the moon." -- Antoni Gaudi French bakers set a new Guinness World Record on Sunday [5 May 2024] when they made a 140.5m (461ft)-long baguette in Suresnes, in the suburbs of Paris. my stolen bike is possibly the best bike ive ever owned 10/10 would steal again beards are great || as i've said before || if you're a man, grow a beard "Do you WANT me to grind your feet into sausage?" "I don’t understand the bit where you give all your stolen money to the Post Office. Why did you do that?" In 1921, Judge Nelson E. Johnson held that "a city ordinance restricting the wandering of bees" was unconstitutional. it is kind of like a tattoo, but from the inside out. quite a thorough way to go about it "A bear is depicted as a brown penguin, a dinosaur as a green one, and the devil as a red one with horns." "'But I use Siri all the time!' some of you are already saying in an email that will never reach me because you're trying to send it using Siri." > In game 20, he suggests a line with "this could be a sharp alternative" and it's mate in 1 for Botvinnik. "A custome lothsome to the eye, hatefull to the Nose, harmefull to the braine, dangerous to the Lungs, and in the blacke stinking fume thereof, neerest resembling the horrible Stigian smoke of the pit that is bottomelesse." -- King James I in "A Counterblaste to Tobacco", 1604 thomastheo> still though, i think if i were to do it again i'd at least cut out the spine... "I can't imagine what we could put in tea that would make it any worse than the way you normally drink it." It has been estimated that there are only about 500 real people on any given planet, which explains why they keep running into one another all the time. > When he asked whether they had any questions a British junior NCO asked if the formidable armoured vehicle was equipped with a BV. "I'm sorry what is a BV?" came the reply. A rapid explanation of the merits of the BV followed and when the tanker explained that the M1 did not have a BV the NCO summed up his take on the AFV. "The tank's crap" he said and walked away. "Hotter than toast, not as hot as the surface of the sun in the middle of the afternoon." < FLHerne> children bounce pretty well Fat choy (Nostoc flagelliforme) is a terrestrial cyanobacterium that is used as a vegetable in Chinese cuisine. It has no nutritional value and contains beta-N-methylamino-L-alanine (BMAA), a toxic amino acid that could affect the normal functions of nerve cells. When you have to spend every social interaction consciously manipulating your face into shapes that are only approximately the right ones, alienating people is inevitable. Train: A machine that grabs the Earth by metal rails and rotates it until the part you want is near you. "I would laugh at this buffoon, but some idiot made him foreign secretary." < jan> it'd have been pretty good if he didn't get sued The first frog battery was constructed by Eusebio Valli in the 1790s with a chain of 10 frogs. "Close observation of the Senator suggested that there might not be any medical obstacles to launching the entire legislative branch into space, possibly the most encouraging scientific result of the mission." The funeral train of King Edward VII on 20 May 1910 carried mourners including nine kings and emperors, the largest number of crowned monarchs ever to travel in the same train. "My opponent opened with 1. Nf3. I wasn't Reti for that." The word loanword is a calque of the German noun Lehnwort. In contrast, the term calque is a loanword, from the French noun calque ("tracing, imitation, close copy"). In the early 1980s, the Air Force discovered that the solder that had been utilized for decades inside Atlas and Thor vehicle liquid oxygen tanks was not compatible with liquid oxygen. "It worked fine – until it didn’t. And then it really didn’t work." "So I plugged the GRiD directly into the transformer and booted it without any issues. Then I tested the surge protector which promptly exploded and caught fire. It turns out that the transformer was actually putting out about 400V instead of the expected 110." Cake is is pudding, ice cream is pudding, anything served for dessert is pudding, even pudding. "Railway blaze 'was electrocuted badger'" "It's even said that in the middle of the Atlantic, around the Canary Islands and the Azores, there lies a mass graveyard of cocaine submarines." "The patriot is proud of his country for what it does, and the nationalist is proud of his country no matter what it does." "'Ooh, all my friends went and died, so now *I* have to do it too?' Oh no you DON'T! You do NOT get to die just because 'everyone else did!'" "We identified chemical elements and materials that make up a Boeing 777 - these are aluminium, titanium, copper, steel alloys and other materials - using over 20 technologies to analyse the data including a nuclear reactor." "I thus resolved to apply my knowledge of temporary market inefficiencies to my Goat." "London firefighters urge 'common sense' after penis freed from toaster." "This isn't discrimination. I'm just saying that when a majority is female, sometimes certain kinds of unsanctioned behaviour or something else occurs." -- Anatoly Perminov, Roscosmos You never know when a potato might turn up. If you’re a normal person, you say knock, knock, may I come in. The fact is that they blasted their way into the house in a very heavy wall and it took them literally seconds. By the time those things went off, they had a beautiful big hole and they ran in and they got everybody by surprise. < electrokitty> Not accusing mine of not reading essays or anything, but I definitely noticed my averages going up after I started submitting them in LaTeX It is illegal under the Prohibition and Inspections Act of 1998 to cause a nuclear explosion. Authors lose all their appeal to the public if they are only available in kit form. "that thing has a huge radius of squishing" - deadmind "Cultural? Like the woman is Dutch and habitually blunt, and the OP is lucky she didn't tell him he's ugly and smells weird?" 'United Passions' has been criticized for the poor quality of the drama, the unsuitability of the topic of administrative matters for a movie and the perceived biases of the film, with The Guardian describing it as "cinematic excrement". It made $168,832 at the box office on a budget of $32 million. "If you asked every engineer at NASA what the worst scenario for the Hab was, they’d all answer 'fire'. If you asked them what the result would be, they’d answer 'death by fire'." "...there is a taboo against nuclear weapons use. It comes with a whole bunch of benefits. The first is, uh, we don't all die." All stupid plans are subject to immediate rejection. If it doesn't exist on the Internet, it must be created. The strongest predictor of road accidents is variance from the average speed of traffic. < sasamj> I bet horses substituting for cars would be pretty GHG friendly, so long as you ate the horse after We can’t destroy the beauty of nature just because some people are too stupid for their own good. "I’m pretty sure their goo didn’t come to life, but having not been there, I cannot definitively confirm this one way or the other." "I have been holding off because I didn't want to offend actual blind people but I realised they won't be reading it anyway." "I imagine that if he were to learn the thing was nominated for a major literature award, his head might actually EXPLODE." A swarm of crazy ants can asphyxiate a chicken, and swarms have been known to attack larger animals, like cattle. We judge ourselves by our intentions, but we judge others by their behaviour. if a submarine full of crows is going down on your netherregions then you have problems i cannot foresee a resolution to < jan> I don't know what shell my vaccum includes, i haven't actually rooted that yet "I'd prefer to pay [for 50 ohm coax cable] in cloudberries or dead animals." Most of the War Cabinet, including John Major, ducked when they heard the first mortar bomb explode in the Downing Street garden just 50 yards away. "It seemed a good thing to do," said one official. "I'd like to help you, Mr. Kusanagi, but this is an employment line and you already have a job." "As the diver descended to a depth of about 20m, the umbilical cord containing an air supply became entangled in the vessel’s aft Voith Schneider propeller, and the diver was dragged towards its rotating blades. [...] The diver was approximately 3m from the rotating propeller when the propeller was stopped." The patient was socially and intellectually competent. He was also attracted to dogs and goats. The Mediterranean sea has been described as the world's largest fish trap. Kohler’s PureWash E930 bidet seat helps smarten up your existing toilet by adding new sprays, app connectivity, and voice control. Reticulating splines... hm, now we're at 50-litre cans of unknown petrochemical "I mean no. I should have told you no. Outside is where the monsters are. Is it too late to say no because I meant no." What is the IEC code for a frog battery "The IMDB page mentions that it is the longest scene of someone vomiting in a movie ever made." "Before you go all gooey-eyed, please remember this new, crazy AI wants all of us dead." Is this really a useful thing to be doing? More games—perhaps every single game?—should feature cat tokens. If it's stupid and it works, it's still stupid and you're lucky. The first corrupted file I looked at contained just a PDF advertising a rentable bowling pin mascot costume "Trade in young, unborn, and even theoretical goats allowed yet more money into a market whose only bottle-neck or brake up to this time had been the physical shortage of actual goats." "Can I solder these together? YES I CAN!" "You are responsible for that website! If you don't delete that, i will report it to police! Your moderators just offend me by direct massage!" "The other Rapide that we bought as scrap for engines etc had a jumper from a higher a/c hit from above and wedged in the fuselage up to his waist." "I think it should be international law that spiders should never be enlarged in fiction for any reason ever for all time." If penguin eggs are boiled, the albumen does not whiten but remains translucent. This is because penguin eggs have more of a glycoprotein called penalalbumin which would normally help the eggs survive the cold. In 2009 the "Supreme Council for the Restoration of Democracy", a military junta, carried out a coup and took power in Niger. The next year they restored democracy and mostly left politics. <@jsutton> fortunately ausrtalia's customs officials will intercept and destroy the pinecone before it can reach me I used to ring church bells with someone whose chicken murder count was astronomical || world expert on practical research into infectious diseases in chickens The United States doesn’t have a federal law banning cannibalism. Idaho is the only state in which the simple act of eating human flesh can land you in prison. Laws against murder, buying and selling human meat, and corpse desecration make cannibalism difficult, but technically legal in the other 49 states. "The reason the door blew off is stated in black and white in Boeing’s own records. It is also very, very stupid and speaks volumes about the quality culture at certain portions of the business." "You know, that's what's so damn annoying, isn't it? The way they can be so incapable of any rational thought and so bloody shrewd at the same time." "I was hoping to get those engines for Christmas." -- Tory Bruno "You're the gayest straight person I know." anal chem is no joke Did you accidentally go out of bounds in reality and noclip into the top of a cathedral (again) guess what the one with the weapons holds the power "Not only is it an effective and secure gate, but if you leave your key indoors by accident you can use the main section as a ladder to get inside, potentially saving a fortune on locksmith fees." "When your adaptor fails, you will descend rapidly onto the rear wheel. The remaining original seatpost has an excellent chance of tearing your chest open, and impaling your head up through the jawbone. While this is definitely creative, its absolutely not the right answer." "On the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons." "In memory of Ellen Shannon, age 26 years, who was fatally burned Mar. 21. 1870 by the explosion of a lamp filled with R. E. Danforth's Non Explosive Burning Fluid" "Posters in the Ars Technica forum begged Sneed to stop. “Do not ionize or vaporize uranium!” one geek wrote. “It's not the radiation that will kill you, it's the fucking heavy metal toxicity.”" we'll put a great big catapult in calais, and launch convicts in inflatable bouncy balls across the channel Avoid red traffic lights by driving at 114,004,827 mph. The velocity will blue-shift them enough to appear green. "There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there always has been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.'" -- Isaac Asimov I am legally required to say that is a joke In 1813, an NCl3 explosion blinded Sir Humphry Davy temporarily, inducing him to hire Michael Faraday as a co-worker. They were both injured in another NCl3 explosion shortly thereafter. A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go. Evil Overlord List #82: "I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure." Planning is that thing when you look into the future and know what's going to happen before it does. If you're a non-confrontational normie, you have to stop letting assholes ruin your organizations. The Church stands for faith, peace, charity, supporting the local community and bludgeoning small furry creatures to death. "Edward Snowden just called for civil disobedience against the US government whilst also arguing for the legalization of marijuana during an AMA. This is quite possibly the most reddit thing ever." "Morning Francis! Just been for a quick swim! That bank is a bit steep to ride a unicycle down. If carrying a toddler." Pope Francis has warned priests and nuns about the dangers of watching pornography online, saying it "weakens the priestly heart". Our response to natural disasters is to just rebuild our buildings in the exact same places. "The severity of the breach espoused in extradition attempts belies the theory of a honey pot, while the lack of a giant space fleet hanging out around Earth belies the theory that there is a giant space fleet hanging out around Earth." "I think I would rather have them spill a bunch of kerosene near me, rather than water at that temperature, because that will strip the flesh off your bones in seconds." -- Scott Manley "WARNING: Torpedoes may run ashore without warning between 08·00—16·00 Hrs, Mon—Fri." Eighteen Pumas took part in exercises in 2022, and all of them were inoperable at the end of the exercises. Major General von Butler, the commander of the 10th Armoured Division, described the situation as a "total failure." "This file should contain the number 9. This is a magic number. Do not put any other number in there." -- Debian packaging guidelines There are very few things that a man with a big enough mincer cannot put in a sausage. "I'm also confident, though somewhat less so, that this experiment has never been conducted." hopefully it goes better than the last time Rokker and I met up || hopefully nobody dies || there was a jet-powered truck accident "The mustard, despite being a creation of Lord Randall, is generally regarded as heresy." "The freedom they celebrate is highly selective: in many cases it means the freedom of the rich to exploit the poor, of corporations to exploit their workers, landlords to exploit their tenants and industry of all kinds to use the planet as its dustbin." "If they ALL wanted to kill us, they wouldn't have to vote on it." Regardless of the fuse type, a person's head should never be placed in the way of a firework. "When I say, ‘This will work,’ it is more convincing than other accents for some reason.” -- Hans Koenigsmann It is essentially science fiction coming true to have a phased array antenna in the GHz range as a consumer device which has a $300 price tag. "A few years ago I was over with the French counterpart of these two companies. And they were telling me that their launch costs about $200 million equivalent, and they said they weren't worried about ULA, but could I get rid of SpaceX because they were going to drive them out of business. So I see why we have kind of a confrontation going on here." -- Rep. Linda Sánchez Earth body 4 corner time equals 4 leg mobility. Your ignorance of Harmonic Cube is demonic. "It may seem safe, but on further inspection it's actually a machete bolted to a hard hat." Somewhere out there, investors are speculating on poultry futures, and quite literally counting their chickens before they've hatched. "That's the plan, but it turns out making things simpler can be really complicated." -- unnamed SpaceX engineer SpaceX has launched more cars into space than Blue Origin has launched satellites. "I had issues with a VM cluster killing itself so my team decided to shut down the entire rack and restart it as we were at wits end. "What more could go wrong, the cluster is already dead." - That was a mistake. As the rack was shutting down, one of the two UPS's literally exploded." There is no 'cloud', just other people's computers. Atheists simply disbelieve in one more deity than most deists do. Just because two things are correlated does not create a casual relationship. "You cannot give a Bear a Bounce House, because she would not Appreciate the gesture." For a bunch of smart people you ain't half thick "Two Air France pilots suspended after cockpit fistfight." -- BBC News The character "ꙮ" (U+A66E) is being updated in version 15.0.0. Because it doesn't have enough eyes. It needs to have three more eyes. <@SilverFox> listen, i may be stupid "As you might imagine, we model this carefully. Our estimate remains around 10 flights as a fleet average to achieve a consistent breakeven point for the propulsive flyback type of reuse. [...] Our current assessment is that 10 remains valid and that no one has come anywhere close to demonstrating these economic sustainability goals." -- Tory Bruno, April 2020 "There was no communication from Hoegh Osaka, as no one on the bridge could reach a VHF radio due to the angle of list." The Vatican City has promised never to develop cluster weapons. I stole another bicycle Everything is a chisel. Having only one method of civil execution for all regardless of class was also seen as an expression of equality among citizens. "The cockpit ergonomics were less than perfect. An example of this was the cabin heater switch being mounted next to the fuel cock; this led to the loss of at least four aircraft." (1) When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade. (2) When life hands you a hemlock, don't make hemlock-ade. (3) Always know the difference between a lemon and a hemlock. "It was a stark composition, graphite on paper, blackest shadow and pitiless, blazing light, jagged edges, and the cruel beauty of sunlight." "OK, when normal people say that, they don't mean holding the gods hostage with an unstoppable killing machine via some improbable evil scheme." 40k is like "I like D&D but it's not nerdy and expensive enough, what do I do?" "Assuming that the submarine is made of metal, I expect that it would be not only crushed and molten but also dissolved in the metallic hydrogen." wait, that asbestos quote isn't about the chocolate bars is it For two paragraphs, Tolkien switches to the point of view of a passing fox? Who else would do that? Everything worth saying, and everything else as well, can be said with two characters. "My SSH session didn't hang. The Raspberry Pi 2 didn't explode. As best I could determine, nothing important was currently on fire." If the code is terrible but doesn't have a bug, then don't be ridiculous, of course it has bugs. A human being should be all human. He should have habits and possessions peculiarly his own, he should not try to look like or behave like anyone but himself, and he should not be half robot. orbital :( Im still salty. Even Orbital ATK was gud, but no, big baddy daddy NG come along and all corpo it :( "After that fulfilling bite of the body, it’s time to move on to the head." im basically an oap now It is a poor craftsperson who blames their tools, because the good craftsperson has an extensive collection of high-end Japanese, German, and bespoke-small-company tools that they love and trust. The secret of success is knowing what you can afford not to worry about. I love cheese i ordered another 200g of sodium metal || i don't know why || i just kinda did it || also some arsenic. "I don't want to narrowboat, a silly short and shallow boat, no bigger than a Barrow boat, to serve the Narrow way..." "...determined to show all the others that THEY ALONE possess the knowledge and wisdom needed to rule. This is demonstrated by the constant unleashing of robots and monsters upon hapless citizens." Reading that article was like being inside the pineal gland of a zoomer. All it needed was Roblox, crypto and sexual exploitation. "The magma bath, or mist, would be to burn the child to remove all the fat, thus making them flame-retardant." I said to make frog smut in the style of john william waterhouse's hylas and the nymphs "With all due respect to your honor, I think the defense is trying to take advantage of your lack of knowledge about technology." "I said, 'We can’t give you a human heart; you don’t qualify. But maybe we can use one from an animal, a pig. It’s never been done before, but we think we can do it.'" -- Dr Bartley Griffith "In C++ it’s harder to shoot yourself in the foot, but when you do, you blow off your whole leg." -- Bjarne Stroustrup "I have a foreboding of an America in my children's or grandchildren's time ... when, clutching our crystals and nervously consulting our horoscopes, our critical faculties in decline, unable to distinguish between what feels good and what's true, we slide, almost without noticing, back into superstition and darkness." -- Carl Sagan The Strong Lithropic Theory suggests, based on substantial evidence, that the universe's purpose is to create rocks. "The coated glass demonstrated superior performance compared to normal glass, reducing the temperature by between 41.7 °F and 45 °F (5.4 °C 7.2 °C) across a wide range of incident angles." You can’t just place a LISP book on top of an x86 chip and hope that the hardware learns about lambda calculus by osmosis. "The official rules are completely pointless, and make sense only because the standard is written for some random 'abstract machine' that doesn't actually exist." "I’ve been up all night trying to think of any possible way to de-escalate this war." -- Elon Musk Hm. I just discovered why my shift register doesn't work | It's not a bloody shift register maybe just have a type specimen for every chair, and set up some kind of binomial nomenclature and classification system In Russia it is prohibited to display a blank sheet of paper in public. "I resolve to make no more resolutions. And if I get around to it, I'll try not to procrastinate as much this year." William Howard Taft: America's greatest president by volume. "I acccidentally stepped on the side panel which warped so I emailed Fractal Design, told them honestly what happened and that it was purely my fault and asked if I could order a new panel since the case wouldnt properly close anymore. I was sent a brand new side panel via DHL and they charged me absolutely nothing." A pub is not a bar. It is not a restaurant. It is not a social club. It is not a shop. It is not a bench in a park. It is not a surgery or psychiatrists’ office. It is not a gig venue, a football stadium, a fighting pit, a staff room, a piano room. It is not the house you grew up in, nor the atrocious digs you moved to in your 20s. It is not your present-day living room. It is not a bus shelter. And in some way it is all those things. It is a pub. "Scaling Everest was, by far, the most amazing and transformative experience of my life. Unfortunately, this is a thesis on context-free grammars." English is a pictographic language with 26 radicals. "I want to tell you about my big rocket." -- Jeff Bezos The 1562 Articles for the Execution of the Statutes of Apparel prohibited anyone from appearing at the royal court wearing shirts with "outrageous double ruffs" or hose of "monstrous and outrageous greatness." "I have a dream, a most brilliant one! To outsource old age!" "Hey, it's not HIS fault your cow wasn't spherical enough!" "Also, as a rule of thumb, if you find yourself defending your inalienable right to make someone else feel like garbage, you're on the wrong side of the argument." -- Rich Burlew "That's not what I mean. You're a fraud because you're pretending to do these things through trickery, but you're actually using psychic powers and misleading us by not admitting it." "The AI can select a move for its characters, and consistently chooses ones that are completely stupid." "Gosh, you're both making this harder than it needs to be. Just use a *drill*. Drill all the way to the target point, push the transmitter to the end of the borehole, and fill the rest with tofu. This way you minimize acoustic artifacts not just from the test equipment, but also from shattered skull bone fragments. This would also let you take a continuous linear single-axis scan - just keep the transmitter running as you pull it out slowly, Given a choice of actions, perform the one most likely to result in personal or more general harm, then optionally inform others after doing so. whats tatp About 81% of riders will experience an injury at some point, and 21% will experience a serious injury. The most common horse riding injuries are head injuries, broken bones, and bruises. Traumatic brain injury is the leading cause of serious horse riding injuries. "The development of the camp and cottage life which is now the great feature of the river has been made possible largely through the introduction of the older types of pleasure craft, first, the primitive steam launches, then the naphtha launch,"and the "Alco-vapor launch," and more recent years the gasoline launch with explosion motor." Key to our ubiquitous tendency to stand peacefully in line is the fact that our common behavior is ‘stand in line and get angry with anyone who jumps it’ not just ‘stand in line’ which would be immediately exploited. Officials said someone turned the oven on with the gun inside. The gun overheated and five rounds went off. "Please do not store guns or anything else in your oven," Chesterfield Fire and EMS said. Q: What's the only thing that graphene can't do? A: leave the laboratory. "Whatever. People are buying his stuff nonetheless. He has a brand in his own right and is doing everything a designer should do. Apart from existing." "Indeed, breaking up a big solid mass of pure ammonium nitrate with dynamite would be a terrible idea, the sort which would only be done once." "I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question." -- Charles Babbage "I'm sure we would not have had men on the Moon if it had not been for Wells and Verne and the people who write about this and made people think about it." -- Arthur C. Clarke There are Claims that Armed Forces in both Kosovo and Serbia have begun to Mobilize in the direction of the Border Regions after License-Plate Negotiations between the two Countries collapsed earlier today. Duplication is much cheaper than the wrong abstraction. Not yesterday, not tomorrow. not 3 seconds ago or 3 seconds in the future. Now. "Stand back. I'm going to try SCIENCE!" You know, you can replace things *before* they explode It doesn't matter what it is; the second you toss it, you will need it a week later. "This is canal exploring at its finest. I have no idea where I am. Somewhere in Smethwick." "I don't see the point of these speed bumps, if anything they make you slower." Considering how energy efficient muscle power is, we clearly need to generically engineering some brainless slave meat robots Is child labor law way overkill o'er in Europe like it is in NA "'Zaat', though, could very well be the best film ever made about a mutated catfish." "If your security system had been better, it wouldn't MATTER that my password was 'password!'" Body styling is a wilful misunderstanding of drag "If the goal is to just make money, I could sell 6,000 PPI panoramas of women's feet as NFT's. Note: Do not contact me about this" Just think, any dinosaur you see on the street could be a ninja inside a hologram. "One half of the boat was safely salvaged and the half will be recovered later." -- British Waterways Jean Bosler published a similar energy conversion argument in 1916, calculating in one example that an impactor might carry two million times more energy than a German “marmite” shell. it's oddly charming || he's really going full ham on those spoons "So...I wasted a bunch of time writing code that slowed down the program and looked terrible when you noticed it at all." don't buy really old electron microscopes. some of them use mercury diffusion pumps. || that's about as bad as it sounds || it's basically a heated mercury fountain "The Bureau of Ordnance sent an expert to Surabaja to investigate, who set the gyro backwards on one of Sargo's trial torpedoes; the potentially deadly setting, guaranteed to cause erratic running, was corrected by torpedo officer Doug Rhymes. Though he found nothing wrong with maintenance or procedures, the expert submitted a report laying all the blame on the crew." "It sure is convenient for all zero people who know about the feature, but less so for the rest of us." "Congrats @SpaceX on landing Falcon's suborbital booster stage. Welcome to the club!" Isn't Airbus the airbus of defense "I think so far none of them ever did anything except exploding." "So we've reached this weird point here where we've got 20 milligrams of a superexplosive that's super-sensitive and it's strapped to a can...so we don't have many options, um, so it's time to do something moronically stupid." these non-spacex launches are starting to feel like when someone takes their veteran car out for a spin || except they throw the car into the ocean after || but yes "This is like using "my head is cold" as an excuse as to why you’re wearing a diaper as a hat. It does indeed solve the problem, but it isn’t elegant or pretty and I’m not about to pretend not to notice just for the sake of being nice." -- Shamus Young my secret home ingredient for surprising people with good food is duck fat It's possible and good to make things yourself. "The mad scientists who vie with each other to see who can be the first to turn the population into wombat bats or clam people or STYLISH FURNITURE." Ahctuallly a man named Oppenheimer can be credited with that bc he made the dynimite and he said I are death now destroyer of worlds, somebody help me." #define mul(x, y) (sizeof (char[x][y])) Putin Appoints Economist as Defense Minister in Shock Reshuffle watching you be torn limb from limb in a shower of blood will give much more closure "All members of my Legions of Terror will have professionally tailored uniforms. If the hero knocks a soldier unconscious and steals the uniform, the poor fit will give him away." Mexican President Adolfo López Mateos ran one of the cars on tequila after Chrysler engineers confirmed that it would do so. "The total value we place on all the world's humans is about $60 trillion - less than the total value we place on all the world's oil." Idiot Plot: Any plot containing problems that would be solved instantly if all of the characters were not idiots. This Room is Equipped With ~Edison Electric Light~ | Do not attempt to light with match. Jalapenos are ~1/20th of the spiciness of a finger chilli; I can comfortably eat a volume of jalapenos approximately 20 times larger than finger chillis "If she does this and Corbyn doesn't call for a VoNC I will post an angry comment on Reddit then do absolutely nothing." "This new procedure became known as the 'icepick' lobotomy and was performed by inserting a metal pick into the corner of each eye-socket, hammering it through the thin bone there with a mallet, and moving it back and forth, severing the connections to the prefrontal cortex." "If blue light is flashing, check for Nuclear War or other significant source of radiation." "The rock immediately became the subject of a 5-year civil suit, United States of America v. One Lucite Ball containing Lunar Material (one Moon Rock) and One Ten Inch by Fourteen Inch Wooden Plaque" Cyclone Power Technologies stated that animal or human biomass was not intended to be used in the waste heat combustion engine of the robot, and that sensors would be able to distinguish foraged materials, although the project overview from RTI listed other sources including chicken fat. Up to 89% of the animal's blood cells become packed together, almost doubling the size of the liver, and allowing the frog to become transparent. Otto von Bismarck was reported to have challenged Rudolf Virchow to a duel. Virchow, being entitled to choose the weapons, chose two pork sausages, one infected with the roundworm Trichinella; the two would each choose and eat a sausage. "I have forgotten the books I have read, and so I have the dinners I have eaten; but they both helped make me." -- R. W. Emerson, maybe "They may say it is 'only the first one backwards', or that 'the underlying structure is the same' - whatever that means - and they will tell you such things even though the two touches are on different numbers of bells, or in different methods, or have different numbers of bobs, or all three." I remember when someone dropped a cylinder full of bromine in the chem lab at school || When we were allowed back in it had eaten part of the floor "This may be a feature of his distributed brain. Any true injury he suffers is, by definition, brain damage." No one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away—until the clock he wound up winds down, until the wine she made has finished its ferment, until the crop they planted is harvested. The span of someone’s life, they say, is only the core of their actual existence. This is a common misconception about autism. Being autistic doesn't mean you're a software engineer who is interested in WW2. Autism is a spectrum that covers a variety of engineering and software jobs. They can also be interested in either WW2 or trains, similar to a rhesus factor for blood. I personally have WW2 factor mechanical engineer autism. According to Transport & Environment, a flight from Paris to New York would need fat from 8,800 dead pigs. There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do. < sasamj> i wanted to ride that neck breaking roller coaster in japan, but they closed it down for breaking necks or something "They took on a life of their own, ensconcing themselves in online lore. The Internet was not a big truck! It was a series of tubes! And it was proud." "The unintentionally published fake news described the acquisition as 'a surprise move to everyone who is alive' and quoted Google employees as saying 'Yay'." sasamj: Actually how much is an abortion "I believe that we are governed by a global conspiracy of evil reptiles" ... "I am a fan of Vladimir Putin. I think he is the dark knight. He is the hero we need." -- Thierry Baudet, leader of FvD" People like to talk. Just because they run out of facts doesn't stop the mouth from flapping. < jep_miner1> the dickhead one sells very well 'Fail' is not a noun. "Conus geographus, is also known colloquially as the "cigarette snail", a gallows humor exaggeration implying that when stung by this creature, the victim will have only enough time to smoke a cigarette before dying." "It didn't blow up last time, so it MUST be safe." If you don't want players killing sentient babies, don't give stats to sentient babies. "A few weeks after we met, we realized that we had to write a joint paper because the combination of our last names, in the usual alphabetical order, is remarkably obscene." -- David A. Cox "It’s like, French is a great idea, but nobody is going to invent French if they’re constantly being attacked by bears. Do you see?" We were taught as kids to not get in strangers' cars or meet strangers from the internet, and now we literally summon strangers from the internet and get in their cars. "Perhaps my factories will put an end to war sooner than your congresses: on the day that two army corps can mutually annihilate each other in a second, all civilised nations will surely recoil with horror and disband their troops." -- Alfred Nobel "Musk says he won’t fire 75% of Twitter staff, also won’t turn site into 'hellscape'." "In the army, said Owen on the phone, there are eleven officially recognized types of fucking idiot, and you are eight of them." Python's just method calls all the way down, then a turtle. "No self-respecting physics programmer would ever let us sully their beautiful mathematics with something as pedestrian as gameplay." "Moses spoke about a part on the carrier aircraft, Eve, that moves during flights. Previously, every time this part flew, it cracked due to this movement." "I think you're assuming away the existence of the lime a little too much. If it didn't significantly deform when the liquid was poured on top, then I don't think there should be a significant change in pressure below it." It was used in tanning, wool production, and also by launderers as a source of ammonia to clean and whiten woollen togas. The buyers of the urine paid the tax. Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight. To see is not to know; and even to know is not to know what to do. "On an early attempt, the loco was inspected at Heaton Mersey and it was found that all of its brake blocks had melted." "...the heavy tanks WERE in front, right up until Sergeant Schlock found the 'rocket mode' switch on his plasgun." "This camera is specially made not to take ugly pictures. If you have a complaint about your photo, we suggest that next time you bring a better face for your picture. Thank you." "He said this after he tore out the wall between his living room and dining room, which he had not done before for fear that it was there for a reason." According to excerpts published by Russian media, schoolchildren will now be taught that human civilisation could have come to an end had Vladimir Putin not started his "special military operation" against Ukraine. "Colleagues are asked to delete old/unwanted files from their work or personal devices to reduce the environmental impact of digital pollution. Your action will contribute to our collective target of 80TB of deleted files, saving 20 tons of CO2." "There are two kinds of languages: the ones people complain about and the ones nobody uses." -- Bjarne Stroustrup Just fuck off with your teddy noisy cunt bearstard shitnic you festering turds, before I build a HERF gun and turn your sodding jingle box into a smoking wreck that goes WAAAAARRRRRRRK. "FOSDEM is free. Not just free as in software but free as in beer, though this being Belgium the beer is not free." If you criminalise peaceful protest, then you erode the line between a march and a riot. "If you're talking about the melting ghost-babies? Yes, PLEASE no more of that..." "In order to spite their Russian grandmother, ESA decided to freeze off their own ears." -- Dmitry Rogozin "Let's think outside the box. How important is the hull, REALLY?" "Police were called after a tank full of Santas caused chaos by getting stuck down a village lane during a pub crawl." "Look how much we've 'progressed' in the last hundred years... Science has caused the death of millions, and soon we will all be dead." "Big-endian x86_64 doesn't exist yet, but OpenSSL supports it anyway. Proactive coding!" < FLHerne> the alleged radioactive stuff I don't know the colour of, just an approximate location You will be allowed in anywhere, no questions asked, if you wear hi-viz and carry a ladder with you. No matter how hard you push and no matter what the priority, you can't increase the speed of light. "The 'using yourself as an improvised weapon' bit is also somewhat questionable." Stair kayaking is a stunt where a person positions a kayak at the top of a flight of stairs and then, using their paddle to push off, rides the kayak down the stairs. This poses significant easily foreseeable risks of injury or death, as well as being very bad for the kayak. There are probably few commuters out there who haven’t, at some point, tiredly tried to Oyster into their house. they are pretty destructive unfortunately. they can envelop a whole tree and eat it bare "A judge who was said to have died of a heart attack while overseeing a corruption trial involving the president's chief of staff in the Democratic Republic of Congo actually died of stab wounds to the head, the justice minister has revealed." "I can almost certainly manage to get you executed in a reasonably civil manner." "What you’re actually doing has so little relevance to what you’re trying to achieve it’s very easy to get lost, and what you’re trying to achieve makes no sense anyway." It's generally better for things to not be on fire than to be on fire. "The present invention relates to apparatus which utilizes centrifugal force to facilitate the birth of a child at less stress to the mother." -- US Patent #3216423 "I used to think that "do your research" was a signifier of people who like a little bleach in their horse paste, but it turns out that it is also the rallying cry of cryptobros." -- jwz Don't buy from: HP, Dell, Samsung, Nvidia, Whirlpool, AEG-Electrolux, Google/Nest, Yahoo, Nestlé, TalkTalk, Sony, Rolson, GoDaddy, United Airlines, Marriott, DJI, Wetherspoons, Uber, Sonos, Trustico, 505 Games... Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don't. my *internet* has been flooded with "articles" about some bitch who threw a bra at drake and she has big fucking tiddies and that's somehow the most fascinating world-breaking thing ever and they won't fucking shut up about it < sasamj> i think if i end up a feeble old man im gonna get stoned outta my mind every day "Unfortunately, weather isn't a druggable target due its big nebulous binding site. But we've got something in Phase 1 for birdstrikes. We'll see how it goes." "Today I'm going to talk about helixes, and why I don't like them." If it's not something you can talk about intelligently, don't put it on your resume. "Headquarters had even started an Employee of the Month scheme to show how much they cared. That was how much they didn’t care." "We're probably only a few decades away from being able to bioengineer bipedal frogs. I say we do it. For science." Cats do not abide by the laws of physics. Hm, apparently the horsemeat thing wasn't even just that it contained horse, but it wasn't even food-grade horse "I like Gentoo. It keeps my keyboard warm in winter." Puppy pregnancy syndrome (PPS) is a psychosomatic illness in humans brought on by mass hysteria. People suffering from PPS believe that shortly after being bitten by a dog, puppies are conceived within their abdomen. It is believed that the victims will eventually die – especially men, who will give birth to their puppies through the penis. if I ever run out of tobacco and decide it's a reasonable idea to start smoking a dry dog/cat/fox turd please turn me in to the relevant authorities "I really don't expect a premium laptop lauded for build quality and durability to damage itself simply by CLOSING IT." Anyone with a dog is allowed to talk to anyone else with a dog. It's like a secret loophole for allowing the English to talk to strangers. "These are the same people who thought NTP queries had to be run once a day at midnight to keep network traffic manageable." "This person would install new tires in the engine block, somehow." "We have overridden the OnLostFocus and OnPaint methods to re-assert the TopLevel and TopMost window properties, as well as calling BringToFront and Activate. The result is that our application and other applications end up fighting back and forth because both applications are applying similar logic. We tried installing a global hook and swallowing paint and focus events for all applications aside from our own [...] but..." "The solution is to have more and smaller buses so that you don't have to wait for one large one that will be overloaded and may not arrive on time. This is obviously very expensive so it makes sense for the passengers to own and operate their own miniature bus." "That pasta’s all gone wrong. I’ve had it grilling for hours and it’s still hard as nails, the wretched stuff." "Controlling complexity is the essence of computer programming." -- Brian Kernighan Oh that reminds me I need to purchase a tactical spork Navy Secretary Ray Mabus has called the lack of identified missions for the Littoral Combat Ship "one of its greatest strengths". it only fails, I should fix that electrokitty, theoretically, if i don't currently own a microwave, what's the easiest way to cause a shitload of bluetooth interference || Asking for a friend whose neighbours seem to have aquired new speakers. trains are to engineering as crabs are to biology "This photo shows a Thai teenager trying out a traditional coffin at the Kid Mai Death Awareness Cafe." Just remember: If the world didn't suck, we'd fall off. Jones promised that he was not using his silvery complexion as a gimmick. His purposeful consumption of colloidal silver was a self-prescribed measure undertaken in response to fears that the Y2K problem would make antibiotics unavailable, an event that did not occur. In late 2014, the company offered to replace the "Play-Doh Cake Mountain" playset's extruder tool, for free, after receiving complaints about the tool's "phallic shape". A large cheese pizza might be three times more radioactive than a banana. "I'm not performing any experiments on myself without a control group." The United States Navy's Mark 50 torpedo closed Rankine-cycle propulsion system is powered by sulfur hexafluoride in an exothermic reaction with solid lithium. Laptop 'manufacturer' MALIBAL has "banned the entire state of Colorado for life" after comments made on Twitter/X by an engineer from System76. "He didn’t tell me anything except SQUEAK and I don’t know what that means." "Does this mean that I am going to have to start taking my raw chickens out of my carry-on bags and walking them through the new body-scanners? So that everybody can see my chicken naked?" "Directionless" and "unwatchable", along with "poorly-written dialogue and unlikeable main character," are common criticisms of bad movies, but have entirely different and much more personally cutting connotations when applied to a human being. The acceptable list of worshipable animals is vast and includes but is not limited to, frogs, toads, newts and all amphibians except maybe caecilians because they're basic and spooky. All cephalopods (but especially squid), all crustacea (esp. crabs), gastropods, turtles and their ilk, rotund birds, capybaras and other non-boring mammals sending one of those giant narrowboats down a canal does seem a little bit like swallowing a twix whole. Be as you wish to seem. The owner of the medkit is unable to attend the conversation, presumably due to their death "Oh! I thought it was going to emancipate me. It's just gonna emancipate my cubes. How rude!" Only me and FLHerne went fully conic as far as I'm aware They wouldn't be called extremists if their methods weren't, y'know, extreme "Hope you've got enough water 💦 and pooping space in your container" the shooting at Guaranteed Rate Field during a #WhiteSox game was indeed an accidental discharge by one of the women "grazed" by the bullet. She reportedly snuck the gun in past metal detectors hiding it in the folds of her belly fat. "Boeing is also facing certification challenges on its forthcoming 777X mini-jumbo." Turns out IRC people have welders, sheet metal and a lack of respect for environmental regulations forbidding storage tanks on one's land "Stop using bits of metal as fuses. You have SPARES!" "Eventually the question you ask stops being 'Who is John Galt?' and becomes 'When will John Galt shut up?'" Yeah it's just a run of the mill double fuselage 6-engine plane || See them all the time Every good sandbox game becomes a general-purpose scripting language. Most globies do not realize this, but the belief in a ball shaped Earth is not science. It is as far from science as science gets. The globe myth is a religious belief disguised. Realize that and break free of this insane larp where you claim Australians live upside down in real life. Ridiculous. Say "intermittent fault" to any programmer and watch their face fall. "The downside of all this implicit-object-reference in Python is that making things their own grandparent is too easy." "I refuse to be upset that the live video delivered to my phone from a robot barge expecting an autonomous upright rocket landing didn't work." "The whole point of the project was to prove to myself that you can breed materials with little expense in your garage and do it relatively safely." -- Cameron Sneed with today's technology we could make everyone have the exact time and make infinite time zones based on GPS data || Let's do that "It's not a city. It's a very large low-flying airship, and I intend to see that it comes to no harm." "I am a cartoonist. If you follow my advice on safety around nuclear materials, you probably deserve whatever happens to you." -- Randall Munroe Restating the question as an aspiration isn't an answer. Modern cars have sealed transmissions. The fluid lasts the life of the vehicle, but the life of the vehicle is defined by how long it takes the transmission to eat itself in half. You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it. Public pools are pretty disgusting when you think about it || Even with eye-burning amounts of chlorine it's still a giant shared bath with probably several litres of piss "Since the Stations Z8 through Z12 we've seen were actually Alternate Reality Gordon Monsters, they're not being counted." Y'know the ending of Portal 1 when all the bits of Glados are flying apart? I imagine it'd be somewhat like that. "Chinese man gets trapped aloft in hydrogen balloon for 2 days, traveling 200 miles. He was trying to collect pine nuts from a tree." "We are making marvelous progress. We humans are really growing rapidly now. It is largely a product of television and communications. Our attitudes are changing with remarkable speed. I am glad to be in drama, because I think that I, along with other writers, can make great changes in our world because of the power of sound and image that is often as real to people as their own lives." -- Gene Roddenberry Noble sacrifices only make sense when they solve the problem at hand. "Shoot for the moon, even you miss you'll land among the stars" is not actual advice for space exploration, no one is genuinely suggesting that you strap rockets to your ankles and launch yourself into the cosmos. < thomastheo> it's like the worm equivalent of cropdusting a room with powerfarts and scooping them up as they head for the exit Why would I want to go [to Muricah] anyway? | I mean, if you scroll Reddit every city is filled with homeless people, all the malls are dodge-the-bullet challenges and the rest of the country is filled with asphalt and trucks that are way too big "Yeah, it's about a kibimetre from here." "This Tuesday will be HUGE! If Obama wins the election, it could generate coverage DEVASTATING to Romney's position in the tracking polls!" "That’s what the universal engine in the microchip made possible; you could hide the equations that calculated the collision and let the consumer enjoy the bang." "Brilliant! If everyone knows, no-one will suspect it's a secret!" SOY! SOY! SOY! Soy makes you strong! Strength crushes enemies! SOY! -- someone on everything2 I do sometimes wonder just how much lead I inhaled as a teenager though :-/ || probably quite a lot There is no problem so complicated that you can’t find a very simple answer to it if you look at it right. Almost every human has more limbs than the average. The Gyrodyne QH-50, aka Drone Anti-Submarine Helicopter (DASH), was the only nuclear-armed UAV. Only looking at specifications gets you an ugly, fragile, heavy piece of plastic with 20 minutes of battery life. "Look, they did it before with a bean, how much different can it be for a rocket? Just build another tent!" "Did he send any additional details? Because I still can't see how that tactic would work." The empires of Mad Science are built of blood, sweat, oil and coffee. why is the plumbing electrified || it would be a waste not to use all that copper to conduct at least a little electricity || almost rude not to || could've been worse, could've been a gas line "Friday October learned that his father had forgotten to change the date when he re-crossed the international date line. He immediately changed his name, and he and his son were henceforth known as Thursday October Christian Sr. and Jr." "I would rather sit on a pumpkin than be crowded on a velvet cushion." The longer everything goes according to plan, the bigger the impending disaster. "He had a 320 page backstory that justified EVERYTHING, from his casual knowledge of physics to his ability to speak Portuguese flawlessly." "No more delays! Before there's an explosion—or MORE CULTISTS—or another monster attack—or a PLAGUE OF SINGING FISH—we do it NOW!" "Non-native speakers always get this word wrong or completely out of context, and are well advised not to try." Ironically, I have backups of the bloody colloids but not my email history, because of a stupid scripting bug There are two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors. Engineering *is* poetic, in the ancient sense of the original Greek word our 'poetry' derives from. Poesis meant *making*. And so every maker is a kind of poet. thomastheo: laugh all you want at that, we both stole it from the french my grandpa once got fired for having a car Have you considered...NOT making stupid decisions? Fluorescent yellow tennis balls were invented by Sir David Attenborough. Even though in the past tense its amusing to look back at raising your sunken boat, its not so fun at the time, especially if it goes down 2 days in a row. "He was calling it an atonic seizure because, even if he didn’t know why it had happened, it was important to give it a cool name." Life is essentially uncertain. And if we try to be certain before we act, we may never act. In 1991 Klinkhamer's wife, Hannelore (née Godfrinon), went missing from their home in Hongerige Wolf. A year later Klinkhamer went to his publisher with the manuscript for Woensdag Gehaktdag, which detailed seven ways in which he could have killed his wife. A dog can never have too many chew toys. "Those cartridges would be so clogged with dead skin and oils, rinsing them off was like cleaning off a thick stew of human remains." "He's diversifying his dashing trope portfolio!" if all the air in your house is suddenly replaced with a hypoxic atmosphere, you'd sure wish you had a tank of air The solution to "whistleblowers might expose your suckiness" is "suck less", not "cover it up until someone dies". I'm like whatever gay is but backwards Australia is wider than the moon. There is an assumption that this RTG was run over with a land rover by deer farmers of a brigade that was staying at Navarin in 1999. The heat exchange was violated, and RTG warmed up inside to 800 degrees Celsius. Metal plates, securing from radiation, cracked. "You have NOT worked here long enough to be allowed to finish that sentence." "So I stopped it. And I did it MY way this time. No more negotiating. No more promises. No more second chances. And I did it ALONE, because I had to. And it worked." "The security weenies came in for an inspection, and seized our battery-powered vacuum cleaner because it was a wireless device." "Whoever came up with "hold the shift key for eight seconds to turn on 'your keyboard is buggered' mode" should be shot." -- Linus Torvalds Weirdly I was able to buy non-OTC hydrocortisone sold as bite relief cream, but as generic skin cream it's OTC || Same dosage and everything "I mean, he burned to death in a high oxygen environment, which is pretty much the opposite of drowning at sea." "You wanted to have your cake and eat it too." "Well, yeah. Because that's what cake is FOR!" "I don't own any wheels for religious reasons." "Because Valli found himself on the wrong side in this dispute, and refused to change his opinion despite the evidence, his work has become a bit of a backwater and his frog battery is little known and poorly documented." The RTG was installed 3 metres away from the edge of a 100-metre-deep precipice. A crack in the ground can be traced throughout the site, causing the risk that the RTG may be caught in a landslide together with big masses of rock. Descriptions of flying fixed-wing aircraft on Mars in simulation included phrases like "like trying to steer a supersonic cruise ship". "This thing does some stuff, taking some things and returning something." "Something very fundamental seems to have gone wrong, you see. You're dead in every sense but the, er, actual." Samples of the supposed chemical agent that were supplied to a group of independent scientists turned out to be honeybee feces, suggesting that the "yellow rain" was due to mass defecation of digested pollen grains from large swarms of bees. A "lasagna cell" is accidentally produced when salty moist food such as lasagna is stored in a steel baking pan and is covered with aluminium foil. "No, I think I'm making headway! She only used lukewarm coffee today." We all have a skeleton inside us that we must defeat . i have no idea what that was, ngl i thought it was that CIA shit show where they jacked off dolphins on LSD "I hereby declare skyscrapers to be called 'vertical stationary trains'." If I give in to the probably actual fact that some people's brains just aren't built for certain tasks then I need to accept that it's okay for people like sasamj to mess up basic English words and I can't take that step yet We are punished by our sins, not for them. What if the mere action of ecceeding the speed of light, requiring infinite amounts of energy, by it self causes the opening of a warm hole, at the point of the speed of light is exceeded. Therefore the point at witch you come out, depends on the amount of time you exceed the speed of light. Then speed overtime would no longer correlate to distance, but to the amout of space/time is bend. Just a thought. also discovered that you can use a standard changeable bit screwdriver socket to turn the switch in these dutch door panels in a way that locks out the conductor :P || basically bricks the train (until someone figures it out) Protons are the only subatomic particles with a taste (sour) If you just blanket say "external sources of information are irrelevant to me" that makes it hard to go anywhere. did an a50 even get killed Unclear It got teabagged at least If the implementation is hard to explain, it's a bad idea. Speck was stranded on a small island with a corpse, where he waited for a week for a storm to pass. Most prose intended to teach the reader something technical is so poorly written that it might as well be in MD5-hashed Cantonese. Royal Marine volunteers returned to the Sir Galahad to assist a Royal Navy EOD team in defusing the unexploded 1,000 lb bomb, physically carrying the bomb through to the rear tank deck ramp, where it was placed in an inflatable boat – filled with packets of cornflakes to act as padding i think seaworld has commited to eventually nuking the orcas "I do not need a mustache to complete our ultimate triumph! And it itches anyway!" *grabs a bell pepper* "honey, I'll be in the workshop" Honestly trying to walk over/around a patch of 100ish 10p sized froglets on a canal towpath is incredibly stressful "Oh my gosh, I want to wear your skin as a blanket." In case of implosion, look directly at implosion. "We know exactly what we want. We want a fast, highly mobile, fully armored, lightweight vehicle. It must be able to swim, cross any terrain, and climb 30 degree hills. It must be air-transportable. It must have a simple but powerful engine, requiring little or no maintenance. The operating range should be several hundred miles. We would also like it to be invisible." -- General Bruce C. Clarke "No longer are you keeping those private files in some file cabinet. It's on your laptop, and it's then therefore up here in this cloud, that exists above us. It's no longer in a physical place." -- Kamala Harris "Surfing down the sides of disintegrating cities inside fiberglass whales isn't really my cup of tea, I'm afraid." "These cereals are deceptively marketed because consumers are led to believe the products are packed with real fruit, notwithstanding the fact that neither 'Crunch Berries' nor any type of froot actually exist in the real world." New Hampshire Governor Chris Sununu performed the Heimlich manoeuvre to save a man choking on seafood during an eating contest. Despite the incident, the contestant resumed the competition. "I dunno, it looked like it would fit. Don't you ever get the urge to put something on your head and wear it like a hat because it would look funny?" ...and if that offends you, then go and watch my video on how Blue Origin's New Shepard is like a big willy. "70 percent of the cranes used in our nation today are being controlled by communist party in China," said US Congressman Carlos A. Gimenez. "I have introduced legislation to outlaw Chinese-made software that controls these cranes." "Hi, yes, that thing detected traces of explosives because I played around with Russian explosive armor that I bought on eBay" ... "Come with me sir, we have some questions." "John Kacur voiced the suspicion that Christoph had a secret plan to promote physical fitness in real-time developers by making them hike through the Austrian Alps. As it turns out, he was right." Initially Mr Irvin tried to cast his own anus with messy and disastrous results. Whilst explaining his failure to a chance acquaintance at a bus stop he was gratified to find that his fellow bus passenger was willing to allow him to cast her anus. The Brazilian wandering spider's bite can cause severe symptoms, including increased pulse, blood pressure, and respiratory rate; extraordinary pain; penile erection that lasts for several hours; and, in several documented cases, death. "That arcing sound is exactly what you get if you're holding a live connection while you're being electrocuted." Folks, clean out your dishwasher filters. They're disgusting if you don't. Consult your manual. It just takes like five minutes. "...however there are substantial differences between whales and pot plants." If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the Universe. "If I can give -0 stars for this awfully atrocious company, I would. " - A T, Local Guide, 2023 "It goes HRUUUGH! It is a hippopotamus! That is not my cow!" "The structural integrity of the entire stabilizer was compromised. I don't know how we didn't lose the vehicle and kill three people." -- Todd Ericson, Vice President for Safety and Test, Virgin Galactic I will watch cat. I will not watch people die if I can avoid it, thx. Systems engineering is good, but should be done carefully so as to not do too much of it. Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. Pliny the Elder, in his Natural History, wrote that earwax—when applied topically—cured bites from humans, scorpions, and serpents; it was said to work best when taken from the ears of the wounded person itself. As of 1861, some 17,500 kilometers of submarine cable had been laid in various places around the world, of which only about 5,000 kilometers worked. To live is to stand on one side of an equation, which must equal zero in the end. "will one of you _please_ smile or say j/k or something. you're seriously creeping me out" "It ruined music, in his opinion, to torment it by involving it on dried skins, bits of dead cat and lumps of metal hammered into wires and tubes." you know the furlong seems like a more reasonable long length than the mile What if some mathematicians figured out that 2 is actually 3 and you had to change your program? "I will tolerate a fair amount of nonsense for a reliable supply of potato chips." There's more to cooking than extruding edible hydrocarbons. "Almost getting yourself killed in order to avoid insulting someone who is unsafely waving you across the road is about the most British thing I can think of." sasamj: because cannibalism is such fun Man doth not live by bread alone but with cheese added he can do rather well. "You know, most parents would be HAPPY about their sons answering 'no' to that question." "Um...just for the sake of clarity, assume that I'm not barking mad." "You're SURE this "exercise" isn't an off-the-books operation? You appear to have lost half your face." "It isn’t a good idea to rely on other people to do things for you, you see. They always get it wrong." The glass harmonica excessively stimulates the nerves, plunges the player into a nagging depression and hence into a dark and melancholy mood, that is an apt method for slow self-annihilation. If you are suffering from any nervous disorder you should not play it. If you are not yet ill you should not play it excessively. "The odds were roughly equivalent to the chance that you may, at some point during your life, die." The earliest attestation to cats in Japan is from the emperor's diary in 889 CE. It talks about how cool his void kitty is. "Any fabrications would most likely have been created using dead rats, given how difficult the process would be if the rats were alive." "It's this new 'sincerity' thing I've been trying. It's like going vegan, but for your emotions." There are a million ways to do anything. Most of those are bloody stupid. When there is a plan, things cannot go according to it. If they do, the plan becomes a spoiler. "Fire blankets and buckets of sand are supposed to work. Or fire extinguishers. I personally haven't ever set my legs on fire, so I have no personal experience." There have never been any double-blind placebo trials to test the efficacy of parachutes in preventing death. "I said 'nice day' to the guy beside me and he says 'yep, better than having your guts spread across Texas', which seemed to be a really bizarre thing to say. Of course in the evening I saw the news, and actually it's still a really bizarre thing to say." Sarcastic Vimes is the best. Walking on water and developing software from a specification are easy if both are frozen. /* TODO: remove this comment */ "Before you say there are 6 sides to a cube, the top and bottom don't count as 'sides'. Not really sure why, but if you don't understand, you're obviously a moron." Is it that wholesome, about radioactive kittens? || well, after the warm bath and shampoo they weren't especially radioactive || Yes, but they were still radioactive in the first place. And still ended up mildly radioactive. Kittens should not be radioactive || if someone offers you rad-add services for your cat, just say no "All passengers must be able to fit within this cage to be allowed boarding." "Bruhhhhhhh "The Dank House of Chill Hades" did it really say that lol? "The inventor stands ready to demonstrate the economies of this engine, on any kind of paper, either with pen and ink or with a soft lead pencil with a rubber tip." "They didn't beat us much this time," one of the protesters told the BBC. "In Stewart, the court found that a pine tree with a girth of 2’6”, a hedge 4’ wide and 12’ high and an electricity substation were capable of being temporary obstructions and could be disregarded." "The exact characteristics of this shock front—and thus the mechanical stress on the steak—depend on how an uncooked 8 oz. filet tumbles at hypersonic speeds. I searched the literature, but was unable to find anything to help me estimate this." Why sell them what they need when you can sell them a synergistic partnership alliance? "If you skip step 5, you won't notice anything's amiss until step 11. If you THEN do step 5 everything looks good until step 13 when the whole thing goes pear-shaped." the above line was going to be something else but then my broccoli exploded while I was typing "He was really a wonderful pet, and we'd probably still have him if it wasn't for some raccoons killing him one night." You Are A Lousy Mechanic! Your Methodology is Flawed! Your Proofs are Circular! Your Tools Are Rusty! the destruction of fatherhood and the nuclear family has more devastating consequences than the industrial revolution Blue Origin was “able and willing” to offer NASA a lower price for its lunar lander but chose not to because it expected NASA to ask and negotiate for a lower price first, the attorneys allege Kangaroos are basically plants "Naturally, he's annoyed in the arena because those are HIS troops to throw away when he feels like it. What if he wants to send hundreds to their death on a whim and there aren't enough left? Geez!" The phrase "moon rocket" has the same energy as "squirty cream" Steal five dollars and you're a petty thief. Steal thousands of dollars and you're either a government or a hero. "I'm going to become rich and famous after I invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet." "It's essentially apocalypse porn. It has accurately predicted 200 of the last 2 recessions." "They seem to regard this as fine. As long as it could be done, it should be done, and would be done; and so the work was good." "WARNING: includes a photo of a sort of mangled penguin so if you do not like looking at sort of mangled penguin be advised uwu" "luizopiloto considered the mission a democratic success, since a majority of parts didnt explode on touchdown." "Let's just say that I, for one, had no idea that there was a difference between a 'coral tank top', a 'rose camisole' and a 'salmon crop top'. Apparently there is." "...tipped me off to some monster magnetrons being sold as heat exchangers. I bought a few: although one came DOA, two were still functional. I was salty about the dead unit but then a scorpion jumped out of the package, which I thought was a pretty cool consolation prize." If it's so simple that an idiot could understand it, it's quite possibly the case that you're an idiot and don't understand it. "The ultrasonic waves trigger the chip's resonant frequency, unlocking its ROM to receive hex-encrypted commands." "They'll just try to reverse engineer the abomination and turn it into some sort of technology." "It's like if you meet somebody who says they're really into science but they mean they watch Rick & Morty, NdGT clips, Richard Dawkins and bought a NASA t shirt from AliExpress" - Frogman 2024 The pilots asked if we wanted a second [zero-gee] dive. Half the plane groaned in protest, the other half went YEEEEEEEEEEESSS. The YESSSSS group won. Truly, your wit has never been equaled. Surpassed, often, but never equaled. "Ohh yeah, my in-law said that RAM makes computers faster and so i bought some laptop RAM. But it didn't fit so I used a dremel to make it fit." "CodeQL failed 5 hours ago in 23s: 3,378 new alerts including 83 high severity security vulnerabilities" You might be right, you might be wrong, but you do have to choose. Any random fucker could just walk into the Department of Transport with a crayon drawing and say "aah've desaahn'd train" and British Rail would go "Great! Build us three hundred, please." "And now it seems there are lots of other worlds as well. When I think I might die without seeing a hundredth of all there is to see it makes me feel... well, humble, I suppose. And very angry, of course." As last words go, "I can taste key lime pie" isn't so bad. "We may not be able to prove exactly how the incident happened, but no reasonable explanation leaves you not guilty." #ask how is Grzegorz Brzęczyszczykiewicz pronounced? || CUDA error 2 at ggml-cuda.cu:8681: out of memory Astronomers hate leap years because they make light-years 0.27% longer. Mexico, formerly known as New Mexico, is a city in Audrain County, Missouri. "Indeed, birders have developed a special skill, called recognition by jizz." > Adding that [octopuses] were "as intelligent as cats" he suggested that a more humane way would be to kill them as many fishermen do, by clubbing them over the head. "Do we need to disassemble it or has that already occurred?" "I would like the last Guinea worm to die before I do." -- President Jimmy Carter "Well, that was a pretty successful failure." History is Lamarckian. making propellant for rocket motors is stupidly easy, if a little hazardous || the trick is to make the powder just shit enough that they dont explode admittedly i'd probably mind sitting next to a dead body less than i'd mind sitting next to a fat person "...had a metricated technical data section in which most of the original numbers had been multiplied by 25.4. This included Pi, stated to have a value in the metric system of 79.97" Why bother hosting your own stream when you can just give it to a rocket nerd in his basement "Mulholland? Nice guy but almost as stupid as he looks. Well, that's not quite fair; nobody could be that stupid. Maybe Mulholland." "The first victim was a member of Group One, a druid who hadn't been informed of the plan and summoned vicious apes to rip off his own head." "Dude is not clear whether the data on the tape is encrypted, and if so, he doesn't know where the encryption key is. He just knows that the backup program on that server is able to restore from the tape." The Russian ambassador to Washington has blamed the death of a Ukrainian F-16 pilot on inadequate training provided by the United States. A petition calling for Sir David Attenborough to change his name to Sir Boaty McBoatface "in the interest of democracy and humour" soon received over 2,000 signatures. "Don't worry about the screaming, it's just my voltage converter. It's fine. Basically it's saying the batteries are on fire." "Steve, are you telling me that Venus is composed of high density polymerized plastic?" "Inside the bubble, Republicans say, 'We need to get a result, we need to effectively govern.' Um, to me, that's almost code words for, 'We got to do Democrat-lite.' [...] I think we’d be far better off if we never passed another piece of legislation." -- Sen. Ron Johnson, R-WI "That's mental! It's like the Internet Meme Violin!" "Falling launch vehicle fragments would be unlikely to strike a marine mammal due to the extent of the open ocean and the relatively low density of marine mammals in the surface waters of open ocean areas." Justin Trudeau, prime minister of Canada, is actually the son of Fidel Castro. First, Justin looks like a young Fidel, obviously and nothing like Pierre Trudeau. And Pierre and Margaret Trudeau were rumored to be swingers. They were in Cuba in early 1971, around February or March and Justin was born Christmas of that year, about 9 months later. "We drew straws, then I ate all the straws and volunteered." "When you put a hat in a blender, all the volatiles from the process of making the hat are released." -- Peter Beck "They took two days to make, but would have taken only four hours if the kettle had broken." " have the english considered being less english? because i think that would make it easier on the rest of the world" I still can't reconcile my beliefs in free will and in people being mechanistic, and it frustrates me :-( "Elsewhere the sky is the roof of the world; but here the earth was the floor of the sky." FLHerne: all the water on the Shroppie is made of sewage anyway "I didn't understand until this moment that I want to throw a swan by the neck at least once in my life." Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. The burden of choosing correctness over speed should not be placed upon the programmer; there should be only one function. Speaking to BBC Sport, Mr Jenkins said: "This morning I was throwing up and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to race. It would be a lot nicer if there wasn't as much poo in the water." "I fail to see how that should have been obvious." "What you have to think about is: A COACH. Is a NARROWBOAT. That can do SEVENTY MILE AN HOUR." "The effect of this cannot be understood without being there. The beauty of it cannot be understood, either, and when you see beauty in desolation it changes something inside you. Desolation tries to colonize you." Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do. "Now, would you like me to not fix that chair? Because I could almost certainly do that as well." "My brothers were into fighting for fairness and justice, where ‘fairness’ is about one’s right to have stuff someone else has, and ‘justice’ is about meeting all slights with tireless bloodthirsty revenge." maybe we should switch to coulombs || people would ask why your unit is named after the guy who discovered america Atwater General works well when you're mixing foods together - if you put an apple, chicken thigh, milk, and some lettuce in a blender you'll get a disgusting mix where the calories probably average out to be about 4 per gram of carbohydrate and protein and 9 per gram of fat. Sometimes you wonder why the power [to an entire room] doesn't work and it's because someone unplugged it A small but significant percentage of people who die from aneurysms are actually spontaneous telekinetics who've accidentally tried to move something heavy with their brains. "Family. That I have. That I will protect, as best I can. Whatever else." Have radioactive bees with flamethrowers YET AGAIN invaded your workplace? FLHerne: do canals make a good place to hide a body | someone would find a leg jammed in their propeller | that happened at Atherstone a few months ago | turned out to be a missing cyclist "The new broker immediately endears himself to me by mandating the production of toy forges." Mr Blobby's 1993 Christmas release "Mr Blobby", which topped the UK Singles Chart for three weeks, is regarded by many as the worst single, and indeed, song, of all time. It beat Meat Loaf's "I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)," and Take That's "Babe", to Christmas number 1. 97% of scientific discovery is "I was looking for this but that happened." a thousand cans of surströmming exploded over a period of six hours during a fire at a Swedish warehouse in 2014. "If anyone heard the mass of police sirens in Chapel St Leonards at 9.30pm last night then please be reassured. They were on their way to the Observatory after someone had reported a mass killing in our building, having seen several people laying on the floor... which actually turned out to be the yoga class in meditation." Badgers are very sad creatures that I do not give a Damn about. They have never been there for me. All they do is Dig and eat WORMS. One day they will Dig themselves straight in to Hell and no one will be sorry about it. "Waarom heeft niemand mij verteld dat het zo erg zou worden in Afghanistan" is the first full-length feature film shot with a mobile phone. Memory in the 1950s was knitted. There is no problem so bad that you cannot make it worse. There is an update for: Adobe Download Manager. This update will allow you to download new updates to the Adobe Update Downloader. [OK] [Download] In the beginning was a word. But what is a word without its messenger? "Stonemason | S. P. Andersson | Born 25/4 1834 | Killed by this stone 22/6 1880" "For new variants of ordnance they would have to get to the ordnance, do one step of the procedure and come back to the shore and write down what they did or were about to do in case it detonated & killed them so the next guy would know what not to do." Is that a theramin stuffed inside a taxidermy badger? || yes || Why. || What else do you do with a dead badger || FLHerne: well, not that "2030 kids be like 'lol Gymothy Q7 (kid names will only get weirder) has only been suborbital, what a povvo'" - orbbfrggg "I said some things on the stage that I thought were coherent, but were actually just syllables." I've suggested turning Milo into a sort of cushion when he dies but my stepmother gets all aaaaaa about it "The last sentence, while in pretty much the same voice, had an intrusive, not-quite-right quality. Apart from anything else, it made sense." i knew this one kid who was scared of anything fermented. so i told her chocolate is a fermented product, expecting it'd snap her out of it. last time i checked she still doesnt eat chocolate The STS-128 flight day 6 execute package report claimed that Jon Stewart turned down NASA's offer to name the ISS Urine Processor "Space Toilet Environmental Waste Accumulator/Recycling Thingy" (STEWART). WARNING: throwing tantrums at faces is dangerous! Always ensure adult supervision while playing with tantrums. "Your book makes like three points, and two of them are the same point." "I melted a large hunk of uranium out of one side of an ore chunk. I am concerned that background radiation level in my office and bedroom have almost doubled." "Better to trust and be betrayed, Kelsier seemed to whisper. It had been one of the Survivor’s mottos. Better to love and be hurt." You’ve got to catch the bus at bus-catching time. "According to the AAIB accident report, the company consulted the International Air Transport Association’s guidelines for live animal carriage and determined that a Boeing 737–200 was the optimal airplane for shipping the veal calves." The good thing about lending someone your time machine is that you basically get it back immediately. "When hearing he wasn't facing imminent death, he felt very upset and wanted revenge." Phone 0121 557 1402 to pre-book your pie and avoid disappointment "HFR till end of the world confirmed." -- tag on official CNN end-of-the-world video Water lines were cut first. Then, sodium lines were cut with hack saws and immediately sealed with several layers of masking tape. The sodium pump was cleaned and the impeller was removed for examination. When the sodium pump and heat exchanger were removed, the radiation field in the room increased to 600 mrem/hr. "It's happening. I mean, not sure what, but something IS happening." "This seems less like a genuine experimental treatment based on scientific evidence and more of an idea an irresponsibly drunk MacGyver would come up with." "This is where most candidates fail with OO. They can recite the textbook definitions, and then go on to produce certifiably insane class designs for simple problems." "You could not go on calling a place 'Experimental Suburb M/L1' forever, not if you meant to live aboard it, and carry the culture and memories of your city away on it to new lands." "I would have thought that the governing body in charge of the physical constants of the universe would have a budget for website design." < ldgoforlaunch> hm, i might have to google average cock size Veritasium have managed to recreate 90'e era discovery channel programming but it's on YouTube so it's new If you want something invented, just write it into popular children's fiction and wait 50 years. If it takes less than 2 minutes, then do it now. "We maintain a human presence just outside of gravity, and we touch points all across the Solar System - and beyond." -- NASA Administrator Senator Bill Nelson "See, you gotta give respect to get respect. You can’t get no respect if you ain’t givin it. But you have to have respect first, and that’s self respect." If you turn the crank of a sausage machine backwards, pigs won't come out the other end. < orbfrg> I think I want kids eventually but not with a bogroll so I think I'm okay for now Actual politics is quite boring and will not satisfy the current generations of television and internet-saturated entertainment consumers. "Everything about this robotic snake arm is unclear beyond the fact that a) it seems to work and b) it is a robotic snake arm." “I just typed into Google ‘how to change the prime minister’ and it came back with start a petition. So that’s what I did.” "Every time a company proudly announces that they 'Rewrote X from the ground up!' all I can hear is 'We replaced all the bugs we knew about with ones we don’t know about!'" "It's moving! Holy shitballs, it's going! I did not expect that!" -- Scott Manley "In the official build records of the airplane, a pressure seal that cannot be accessed without opening the door (and thereby removing retaining bolts) is documented as being replaced, but the door is never officially opened and thus no QA inspection is required." After landing in Istanbul to refuel, the pilot pushed the hijacker out the emergency exit whereupon he was arrested. "Story in a game is like story in a porn movie; it's expected to be there, but it's not that important." -- John Carmack The concept of "the" implementation is always problematic, and when the implementation is tightened or fixed we discover we didn't actually get it right, we just got it working. The frogs were preserved in a "standard froggy position, fairly rigid and not super floppy." Nvidiot, have you tried eating the regular thermal paste though? they're awful "A small, but significant number of buyers returned their Curtas in pieces, having attempted to disassemble them. Reassembling the machine was more difficult..." you would not believe how much neat but very creepy stuff they have in the Zoology Dept's basement "The shuttle pilot is the only human on board. This doesn't appear to affect him at all. He likes mustard. He crashes shuttles. That is all." "Actually, I feel like I'm in a Dilbert cartoon quite frequently." -- Elon Musk "Ahh, you see in the UK we use giant pencils to draw the curtains at night." "The problem was the system was too slow to react to catastrophic failures, so the exploding turbopumps during launch #2, for example, got entirely out of hand." "While the Newtonian insistence on ensuring that any statement is testable by observation ... undoubtedly cuts out the crap, it also seems to cut out almost everything else as well." -- Michael D. Alder "You're the guy with the guitar strings. The whole piano technician world has seen your video." Treat every blunder as a gambit. "To my knowledge, the existence of matter outside our atmosphere has not been outlawed by any treaty or act of parliament. It is my understanding that space is chock-full of things like the moon and the asteroids, which are not made of green cheese." "I wouldn't want to ruin my reputation by *testing* the patches I send out. What would be the fun in that?" -- Linus Torvalds Success breeds complacency. Complacency breeds failure. David Henderson, chief executive officer of industry lobby group Water UK, claimed the issue of gallons of raw sewage being spewed out on a daily basis became such a hot topic only because more people had taken up water pursuits such as cold-water swimming. "Having a wonderful time. Wish you were here, instead of me." Nobody will watch your TED talk if your sense of optimism is grounded in reality. It's quite exciting for there to potentially be a completely new thing ZLSA: i’ve resigned myself to being single for a long time to come || the advice of “go to places you enjoy to find someone kinda similar” doesn’t work because i enjoy being at home "The bad news is I’d never removed them. The good news is the explosion removed them." "After extensive statistical analysis of my G+ polling, I've come to the inescapable conclusion that internet polls are bad." -- Linus Torvalds Apparently, a semi-official Lego concentration camp set exists. https://boingboing.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/bb1_libera1.jpg "I'm perfectly whelmed and poplectic. How about you?" In the beginning, there was nothing, which exploded. "President Bill Clinton apologized for the bombing, stating it was an accident." Beauty should depend on a few carefully chosen structural elements rather than a profusion of superficial ornament. "'Flying aliens' harassing village in Peru are actually illegal miners with jetpacks, cops say" "I'm not sure what it means when the unaltered mechanics of your videogame can serve as the punchline for a joke, but it probably isn't a hallmark of success in the area of game design." Until 2018, Morocco observed two separate periods of DST each year. "You're sound asleep, safe, you think, in your bed, and you can get taken out by a meteorite, apparently." "When I think I might die without seeing a hundredth of all there is to see it makes me feel...well, humble, I suppose. And very angry, of course." A flagellum is kinda a wheel if you squint hard enough "I was gonna ask if that's valid in Scrabble, but that probably wouldn't fit on a normal Scrabble board." complexity is spirit demon that enter codebase through well-meaning but ultimately very clubbable non grug-brain developers and project managers who not fear complexity spirit demon or even know about sometime You don't use science to show you're right, you use science to become right. "Epic Games Store isn’t Epic’s Game Store, it’s Epic Games’ Store" "I'm sorry, but I think that your beard has to be just a teensy bit longer before you're allowed to proclaim things by its name." Jam tomorrow, of course, has the inestimable advantage of never requiring jam. "8000 UK patients receive message that they are dying of cancer instead of holiday greeting." Sell your soul for power, and you’ll become so powerful you’ll be given it back. "If it's in my head I don't have to worry about an ethics panel inquiry." "I never personally used [ant heads] as stitches, but local friends did. The weirdest part is the antenna would still move for a day or two. What I did do was write the initials of the girl I liked on my shirt using army ant heads. Strangely, she wasn’t impressed. My mom wasn’t either." "It is my theory that squirrels high on vitamin A [from pumpkins] will throw themselves recklessly into traffic due to a decrease in inhibition, heightened awareness, and the belief that they are indestructible." Sid Vicious (the wrestler) took his stage name from Sid Vicious (Sex Pistols) who was given his nickname after being bitten by a hamster named after Syd Barrett (Pink Floyd) who took his name from Sid Barrett (jazz musician) "Atmospheric considerations are ignored here since it is far more energy-efficient to manually remove the Earth's atmosphere, move the planet, and reinstall it." ""We did have to shut for three weeks because a baby seagull got into the roof void and dislodged a whole load of asbestos." -- Bristol Music Trust Nottingham has pubs which claim to be the oldest pub in the world, the oldest pub in Europe and the oldest pub in the UK, and they're not even the same pub. Gliptic, Planets have gravity, this is a consequence of the absorption of the field form of matter. Asteroids don't grow, they don't have gravity. is it as good as drunk ikea | cause drunk ikea is pretty good somebody should start a rent-a-goat business where you just temporarily get a goat in once or twice a month to eat the lawn "My name is Aldo, and three weeks ago I was at Burning Man in the Nevada desert. And I felt like I was in Mars. It was a dusty storm and it was really cold at night and there was no water. But there was one problem at Burning Man. With a population of 75,000 there was a lot of shit. And there was no water to take it into the rivers [...] So I was like, is this what Mars is going to be like? Just a dusty, waterless shitstorm?" If you're gonna be stupid, at least commit to it "I think you're forgetting the minefield of regional bread based dialects." "Knuth has shown us here how to program intelligibly, but not wisely. I buy the discipline. I do not buy the result. He has fashioned a sort of industrial strength Faberge egg – intricate, wonderfully worked, refined beyond all ordinary desires, a museum piece from the start." -- Doug McIlroy "Yesterday I established that it is possible to hold a Zoom meeting whilst paddling a coracle up the river. People don't realise that you haven't just chosen a river landscape as your backdrop." It is far quicker to jump down a staircase than walk, even if there is a chance of landing on someone. Changing things merely so that you can claim you've optimized them is silly. "You've reached the end of the worrying process! You've gotten to the worst possible answer you can find!" Anyone sufficiently into a hobby (especially one that requires "gear") is insufferable in proportion to the nicheness of the interest. "A bird is an instrument working according to mathematical law, which instrument it is within the capacity of man to reproduce with all its movements." -- Leonardo da Vinci "It doesn't just implode" - Stockton Rush, in a USCG hearing "There is a small air force, which is mainly used for transporting the king." "A mallet was used to drive the orbitoclast through the thin layer of bone and into the brain along the plane of the bridge of the nose, around 15 degrees toward the interhemispherical fissure." William Stark began his study of scurvy in London, June 1769, with a series of dietary experiments on himself. He had considered testing fresh fruits and vegetables but was still working through tests with honey puddings and Cheshire cheese when he died in February 1770. "In case you need enough to fill a pig with it and do experiments on the pig." When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteor hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed, no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteorite. A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. < Shoe> raptop: i have no idea lol i’m just kissing their ass and they seem to be liking it please don't !stupid that In 1845, 79 people died in a bridge collapse that happened because a large crowd had gathered to watch a clown in a bathtub be pulled up a river by four geese. Some of the magnesium also sticks to the sides of the sodium so shave it off like like you're peeling a carrot. A very dangerous and explosive carrot. "No-one in the entire episode, human or alien, acts in any rational way; it's all just an excuse for cool action scenes and explosions." Florida has an invasive population of wild monkeys that carry a strain of herpes that is transmissible to humans and can kill you. Humans tend to suck as a food source. We don't have the blubber or fat content most of the large predators need...we are the iceberg lettuce of the planet. Shirataki noodles are made from 97% water and 3% konjac, which contains glucomannan, a water-soluble dietary fiber. They are very low in digestible carbohydrates and food energy, and have little flavor of their own. Eventually GNOME is just going to regress into just a single open window with a picture of a foot. "Report about 'hysterical death cries' turned out to be karaoke." "The Colonel of the General Staff was arrested for taking a bribe in the form of a washing machine from the military commissar." "I think that's a dangerous risk and you're stupid to be even thinking about it. A lizard's tongue can move incredibly fast, as soon as one of her independently controlled eyes caught sight of you she'd whack her tongue out and you'd be lizard food." Imagine dieing from the venom after being attacked by a 3 meter long irradiated platypus ""Fair use" of this video is not authorized without written permission from Growler Jams." Computer science is the study of computers only in the sense that astronomy is the study of telescopes. "When turning her head at an extreme angle fails to produce a life-altering epiphany, she usually just short-circuits and rolls on her back." Dracula was written in 1897. Due to the year it takes place, Count Dracula could’ve theoretically worn Levi’s jeans, consumed Coca-Cola, and owned a Nintendo product. that reminds me, i have some asbestos to dump < FLHerne> carrots make better wheels than cucumber because the axle hole doesn't just squelch "Starship will be able to place more than 100 metric tons into low Earth orbit. [...] That could be sufficient for TROPICS, whose combined mass is about 56 kilograms." "My leading theory is that the em drive produces thrust by accelerating speculation out of the back." "We concluded that the front subframe was apparently either made from tin foil or some sort of soft cheese." The worst kind of problem is when it works, and you didn't expect it to, and you don't know why. The Mayor of London is the third most powerful directly-elected official in Europe. F for Firefly || What, again? || add that to the bankruptcy list || !nextbankruptcy || electrokitty: Firefly Aerospace, again. "Loneliness—the kind that doesn't go away in the presence of others. When isolation is the answer to every problem." You say no name, but it's actually got excessive amounts of name "When I asked him what exactly he had done to treat it he told me that first he stuck some minced garlic, then he poured alcohol into it and then he shoved a cigarette..." "Part of the reason the American army started investigating psychic powers was due to Russian experiments started because they thought Americans were already investigating this." "The tower OJTI then asked the trainee tower controller to inform the flight crew of VXS that, in the event of a missed approach, the flight crew were to expedite climb to 4,000 ft as there was ‘traffic departing the crossing runway.’ In response to this transmission, at 1810, the flight crew of VXS advised that they were going around." "What if by saving the day at his own wedding, he’s...not allowed to retire?" "The dumbing down of America is most evident in the slow decay of substantive content in the enormously influential media, the 30 second sound bites (now down to 10 seconds or less), lowest common denominator programming, credulous presentations on pseudoscience and superstition, but especially a kind of celebration of ignorance." -- Carl Sagan The accordion is a nightmare. It's all the difficulty of the piano, turned on its side, with an aerobic workout and an attached computer keyboard in a language you don't speak. "Horses have over two hundred million legs. The mean horse has only three legs, however. (I am thinking of a specific mean horse. That is why he is mean; he hasn't got a leg to stand on, and he knows it.)" "I recently had like ~40 dermatologists on a tour with me who were in town for a conference. I have always had this weird skin thing going on and I asked them about it after the tour. They sort of stood around and argued and looked at me, eventually diagnosing me with cholinergic urticaria." "He didn't remember which button is 'move forward' on his own sub. Anyone who has ever held a controller should recognize that as deeply troubling." "Apart from the fact it will short out the CMOS battery, which may then explode, it'll be fine." You only win the Bitcoin version of Monopoly when you find the real Satoshi Nakamoto. Well I'm off to skin some cats "Time continuity working as intended. Ticket closed." "The Meow Mix Theme" was used by the United States Central Intelligence Agency as part of torture and interrogation programs "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." -- Popular Mechanics, 1949 There's little tactical advantage to being able to blow up the world ten times instead of just once. The Waterloo & City Line is turquoise because it's the favourite colour of the legal secretary who worked on transferring it to TfL. Nine people can't make a baby in a month. "Let’s just ignore that they were saving the whole world from themselves, so that’s totally unimportant MOVING RIGHT ALONG." "We had a lady try to warm a blanket in a microwave once. Apparently that's not how it works... When you open the door, it bursts into flame." "A game where you harvest your constituents while outrunning the your-constituents-find-out-what-you're-doing horizon" "Features aimed at very different groups of users (like wedding planners, book clubs, or dogs) will be much harder to get upstreamed." "That same year, a twenty-five foot area crumbled exposing toxic waste drums, which then filled with water during rainstorms. This created large puddles that children enjoyed playing in." "Do you know how difficult it would be to hang a monkey? Hanging works by the downward weight of your body breaking your neck. Monkeys have stronger necks and lighter bodies than humans. I feel we need some scientists to experimentally validate this, but I think it's highly likely that hanging doesn't really work for monkeys." "If, however, this coat is melted or scrubbed off, and has no chance to reform, the operator is confronted with the problem of coping with a metal-fluorine fire. For dealing with this situation, I have always recommended a good pair of running shoes." "The team spent six months producing the film's two-minute trailer, leaving just four months to finish the entire 110-minute film." "Oh, no one’s dead. It’s the dinner, it’s still alive and hangin’ on to the ceiling. And the pasta’s all gone black, see." "I know for a fact that of all the creations that you’ve had, this is the song that has inspired the largest number of stuffed animals." "Caterpillar Inc. faces $145k fine after employee fell to death in molten iron." "There's a thin layer of toddler covering every surface of my house." "The patient will of course die if certain variables are too far from their normal value. The cause of death will then be displayed. Click on Restart to bring the patient back to life, starting from the default values. Note that this function is not available in real clinical situations." All the cool kids have big ASCII login banners. Pretty amusing baby capybaras are just capybaras but smaller Flashing lights are seldom the harbingers of joy, except at Christmas. my guess is that on starship testing day, a big hole opens in the ground, and that jumbo thing comes out of it. and they launch that instead of starship. "The lasers, though, did not work, and engineers determined that a physical switch — a safety measure on the ground because the lasers are not eye-safe — was not flipped before launch." A jet-ski is a motorbike that has been modified so it sinks more slowly. It is used for sexual display and to generate waves. "We think the holding of a huge nuclear blast in Alaska would be a fitting overture to the new era which is opening for our state." -- Fairbanks News-Miner, July 24 1960 "When you're living next to a good-aligned ocean, merpeople are a renewable resource: the only problem is catching the darned things." "WHO DEACTIVATED ALL MY BEAUTIFUL FROGS?!" "When the fetus leaves the mothers vagina and lands on the cotton bed 97 in the net 88, its Weight, as a result of the rotation of the machine, exerts a radial centrifugal force on the bottom of the elastic net 88. This force on the net 88 presses on the upright switch-out plate 93..." "It throws a virtual exception, which itself is a method of an object of a new subclass of the generic superclass. In line with the best data-hiding principles, there is no way to intercept this exception." "You see a power line, I see a tik tok challenge" "I wonder if having the urge to plunge chopsticks into my brain counts as a secret." "You basically have two options when you come across a new problem: delete some code or copy some code. It’s not often that I come across an issue which can’t be resolved by one of the two." FLHerne: all cars should be pyramids Space News: China launches new Beidou satellites, rocket booster lands near house "As the disease worsens, the artist will resort to increasingly ridiculous ways to conceal the fact that he is totally unable to draw feet." "According to her, she was injured while destroying a merry-go-round. I suspect a blow to the head is more likely." i guess that's what we'd look like if we could inflate our lymph nodes on command "As a consequence of the scandal, a total of 27,000,000 litres of wine had to be destroyed by the West German authorities [...]. Doing this in an environmentally acceptable way proved to be something of a challenge, because [diethylene glycol] was incompatible with sewage treatment plants. In the end, the wine was disposed of and destroyed by being poured into the ovens of a cement plant as a cooling agent instead of water." Half the government is lawyers, and when they make laws they don’t write them in English. Nobody but a lawyer can tell legal from illegal, and the lawyers can’t tell right from wrong anymore. There is a big difference between a well-equipped company and a squad carrying all the materiel for a well-equipped company. One is efficient, flexible, and extremely dangerous. The other stands a good chance of being murdered for its luggage. BREAKING: To surprise of pundits, numbers continue to be best system for determining which of two things is larger. "Nonsense in produced nonsense out, with no allowance made for good intentions, no tolerance extended to the nearly right and the half right." "I doubt that you meant to do it that way. No one would mean to do it that way unless they had no idea of what they were doing." FLHerne: 'Bonfire' is a funny way of spelling 'petrol bomb' StarLink will destroy Earth on Dec. 25 2022. You have been warned. You will see 2 False flag events before it happens. Sep. 23-24 and Oct. 17th. Any number you can fit on a whiteboard basically rounds down to zero. "Our anti-vaxx supervisor told us not to be guinea pigs and I'm upset that they would try to police my fursona like that." "someone remind me to un-hardcode !nextyear before next year" Russian media say 65-year-old Elena Belova, who set fire to a Russian military official's car in Moscow, was kidnapped by Ukrainian special forces, hypnotized and taught by them how to burn cars. "they couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-" -- alleged last words of John Sedgewick "The bumper would mechanically activate discs inscribed with the name of the owner and the license plate number of the car. The discs would stamp the information on you, alongside your bruises and broken bones." A chipmunk was fatally squashed in Paramount’s 2006 Matthew McConaughey-Sarah Jessica Parker romantic comedy 'Failure to Launch'. "At that scale the difference between a child's organs and interior plumbing is NEGLIGIBLE." "He's quite right. A true professional would invent new words rather than re-use words they found on the web. Ugsaf walla! Wibble-wooble trop 7at!" You ever sort of screamed at someone with your mind? You ever sort of screamed at a DOLPHIN with your mind? also, what's up with every US politician having classified documents at their home <-- they're secretly playing war thunder < jan> i have a feeling the poo might not have the necessary calorific content "Given the choice between maintaining Linus' trust that I won't merge 100,000 lines of abstracted HAL code and merging 100,000 lines of abstracted HAL code I'll give you one guess where my loyalties lie." -- Dave Airlie A Crab is a standard astrophotometrical unit for measurement of the intensity of Astrophysical X-ray sources. One Crab is defined as the intensity of the Crab Nebula at the corresponding X-ray photon energy. Would have been even more so if SLS was called Shuttle+ or Shuttle Pro or something Who says you need to be a girl? If you're just showing feet... "Why didn't anyone think of that before?! It's so stupid it's positively brilliant!" "Even he isn't crazy enough to build something that could never be safely used and then use it." "...because the guide told me to add a at the end." Flying Officer Lloyd Allan Trigg, RNZAF, is the only person to have received a Victoria Cross based only on evidence from the enemy. "here you go, i made a thread of taylor swift outfits where she's dressed as different mips instruction encodings." Part of being an author is looking at the people around you and asking, "Why do they do this? What motivates them?" "I am just hoping he doesn't kill his parents to become like Batman." Troubleshooting, Step One: Separate all separable components. A dog which has patches of different colour on its eyebrows has four eyes, and can detect and attack beings that are invisible to humans. All the doom and the gloom and the guilt and woe. All the stuff that doesn’t really exist. That’s what brings you down. Life pro tip: if you want to murder someone, do it with a car and make it look like an accident. "The gang members were played by USC students, who Carpenter remembered had a lot of fun finding ways of dying while spilling blood over themselves." "Oh no. I'm TOTALLY fine with this. The sarcasm is just an artifact." "Is this a blimp? I've always wanted to ride on one, but Uncle never let me. He thinks they're too flaccid." "Frankly, the word 'vehicle' is a bit misleading. Essentially, what you've created is an unstable pile of gunpowder the size of Central Park." Shoulder pads better not be actually making a comeback || They were shit the first time || They're still shit now Alcohol is an inefficient means of self-medication. When used in the production or handling of chlorine, titanium should not be exposed to dry chlorine gas because it may result in a titanium–chlorine fire. "Also featuring a horrific god-like creature made out of the Google founders and a time-travelling hypersonic sorceror version of Steve Jobs." The best way to think of SLS is as a balding guy with a mullet: there are fireworks down below that are meant to distract you from a sad situation up top. "Full rotation is insufficiently observing! There must be lookings up and down!" Good ideas are always crazy until they’re not. You can't blend old people! Well I didn't read what you said as I typed & hit send "You're an idiot. A weirdly flattering idiot, but an idiot nonetheless." "Next door neighbour used his car waste oil thinned with kerosene to paint/preserve the garden fence. It seemed to do an excellent job until the day of the fire!" How bad can you be at shitting "Grandmasters don't like to lose to 10-year-old girls, because then we make the front page of all the papers." -- GM Edmar Mednis KDE bug 379093 in Spectacle (General) "Spectacle logs user out of the system when user clicks Export image > Share > Save as" Engineering: Precision guesswork based on unreliable data. "This investigative study asks whether domestic cats (Felis silvestris catus) are also susceptible to sitting in enclosures that are illusory in nature." "I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, it was only gathering dust." The animal on the front of the Win32 Python programming book is a caiman crocodile. "Take an exploding mortgage, the only way to finance homes in a dystopian alternate universe. It’s like the mortgages you are familiar with, except it is callable on demand by the bank. If you get the call and can’t repay the mortgage by the close of the day, you lose your house. " "I do often point out that I write both science fiction and fantasy. It’s just that the science fiction is usually titled ‘technical proposal’ and the fantasy is titled ‘budget proposal.’" -- Jordin Kare Low-flying military planes caused the plaintiffs' chickens to "jump up against the side of the chicken house and the walls and burst themselves open and die". The plaintiffs sued the government. One child, one teacher, one book, one pen can change the world. Imagine trying to sleep and at 2am your upstairs neighbor starts up the mini lathe. "How cute. He's like a pithy greeting card dipped in crap." People think you access heaven via a stairway. In reality, you access it via a 49 degree wooden ramp. "Apple’s typography guidelines suggest that developers aim for a 7:1 contrast ratio. But what ratio, you might ask, is the text used to state the guideline? It’s 5.5:1" "Since spiders are biodegradable, researchers say they're not introducing a big waste stream, which can be a problem with more traditional components." If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. Flattery rarely fails, and never does if it’s sincere. "I wonder how long a direct-injection nitroglycerine engine would run for?" -- Douglas Self "To be fair, it does say 'accessible', not 'safe'." we found that an aqueous solution of a common food color approved by the US Food and Drug Administration, tartrazine, has the effect of reversibly making the skin, muscle, and connective tissues transparent in live rodents. i'm considering setting fire to random objects again "Prawo Jazdy" was a supposed Polish national who was listed by the Garda Síochána in a police criminal database as having committed more than 50 traffic violations in Ireland. "There was no WiFi signal when on the desk in front of the window in my room, but after some experiments, I discovered that the signal was quite good on the ceiling of the bathroom." "Keep that accent up and I'll overflow you with my trophy fork." "I feel like the life lesson is don't accept free food from people who want to destroy you." -- Eric Rosen If it ain't broke, fix it until it is. "If this agreement is breached, employee will immediately be struck by lightning and hereby agrees to forfeit his immortal soul." my hacked thing to illegally circumvent drone licensing will be against radio band licensing this is unacceptable "The aircraft on display above is the only F-15E to ever achieve an air-to-air kill, a feat it pulled off by bombing a helicopter as it took off." "Isn't that why Americans create hurricane to let the winds carry their houses to a new location? Well, the ones that are more well off, the poorer classes have to put a lot of balloons on their houses. I watched some American movies, I am basically an expert in how it works there." Talons are really bad for woodwork. They bring out the natural grain of the wood really well as they strip off the finish. "I know all these words, but I just can't parse this." "I don't believe in evolution. The evidence for it is so overwhelming, belief isn't an issue." "Well actually I think we destroyed the alternator, because we pressure-washed the engine for some reason." "My friend came over to my house and erased all my other browsers and said you're using this now." Turtles have it figured out, man. "It's like regular childcare, except with more dogs, and less care." "He resisted, but in the end he got grounded by reality. Shame, he seemed really amped to touch that cable, I don't think he knew how much it was going to hertz. Currently he is undergoing a battery of tests at the hospital, shock therapy is being considered before he can be discharged." "It looks great when it goes right - but also provides countless opportunities for the most almighty cock-up when it goes wrong." "I didn’t get where I am by having reasonable goals." "I shudder to imagine what kind of sin one could commit against fish." "I used to laugh at all those sci-fi stories where some billionaire industrialist launches a fleet of ships into space. They seemed so implausible." "Schlock Mercenary - the only community where people will assume that 30 inches is the DIAMETER of a sniper rifle's barrel without raising an eyebrow." "The vehicle also delivered NASA’s Cosmic-Ray Energetics and Mass (ISS-CREAM) to the space station." "My CI pipelines don't always fail [pic] But when they do, they XPASS." "This is the same man who claims we can't derail his adventure because there are no rails and we're free to do anything. I suppose there aren't rails because we wanted to move something by train once." Like cheap Android phones, cats do not receive upgrades from their OEM. "'Brilliant solutions' that solved everything, but typically exacerbated whatever problem they were supposed to fix." "Because while no one NEEDS a rainbow worm covered in Gummi Bears, WHY THE HECK NOT?" "The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race. They have greatly increased the life-expectancy of those of us who live in “advanced” countries, but they have destabilized society, have made life unfulfilling, have subjected human beings to indignities, have led to widespread psychological suffering (in the Third World to physical suffering as well) and have inflicted severe damage on the natural world." -- Ted Kaczynski "I swear this is actually real and it actually costs actual money that actual people on planet Earth actually paid for it." Royal Raymond Rife is known for his microscopes, which he claimed could observe live microorganisms with a magnification considered impossible for his time, and for an "oscillating beam ray" invention, which he thought could treat various ailments by "devitalizing disease organisms" using radio waves. "I (in jest) said to the Fire Officer 'of course in the event of a fire the wedge will combust, and the door will close.'" The only animal that should be allowed on a [train] seat is a goat, to lessen the chances of it eating the seat. Russian veterans used to jokingly pride themselves about the stench of their footwear, referring to their footwraps as "chemical weapons" that would defeat any enemy unaccustomed to the smell. "If we die, we want people to accept it. We are in a risky business, and we hope that if anything happens to us, it will not delay the program. The conquest of space is worth the risk of life." -- Gus Grissom "This device appears to be a unique combination of flame loudspeaker and gramophone. Here the flames do not generate the sound; that comes from a conventional horn, then passes through the flames, whose amplitude is modulated by the sound. In a true flame loudspeaker the electrical signal is applied directly to the flame by electrodes." "I shall explain. Snakes are long and tubular, and could easily be sliced into rings for rapid shallow frying. The noble calamari testifies to the efficacy of this technique. Bones, you say? Remove them. Breed them out. I want battery snakes bred for their meat and bonelessness, and I want them sliced into rings and fried. With a little salt." standing in the sun playing your trombone while wearing a bearskin hat is all fun and games until you pass out and shit your trousers in front of all your colleagues and the royal family Luer Quality Meat Rocket "The court cannot determine the substance, if any, of the Defendant’s legal argument, nor can the court even ascertain the relief that the Defendant is requesting. The Defendant’s motion is accordingly denied for being incomprehensible." Yeah if anyone is gonna defraud the company it’s me. it's worse when you're working with perchloric acid, as it can make the ducting itself explosive "treatment of a mild chronic condition such as obesity with a toxic agent capable of inducing serious injury and death appears unjustified" ~FDA, 1935 "The deep space communications system is in deep--well, let me use a better word, deficit. There’s a four-letter word that occurs to me, too." -- Vint Cerf "This is the Timor Sea, mate. It's where they make small useless islands for later export to impoverished nations that can't afford small useless islands of their own." No-one inspects the Spanish Exposition! "To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble." -- Bill Watterson "It was a machine, made of people!" "You don't get many plays about goats. Or economics. So when they asked me to star in a radio play about a giant speculative goat bubble, how could I say no?" "New kid joining the school, this was unusual in our quite remote school. They told us his name where he was coming from and that .."he is fat but none of you are allowed to call him fat" ..so that worked as well as you would expect." If they say they've solved their problem, NEVER ask how. "Now, this all makes sense if we assume the spring is a ball on a pendulum with its mass at a point at its centre suspended in mid-air but there's no air and no gravity and the pendulum spring has no mass and no friction. I believe the other unstated assumptions are obvious." Although technically a volunteer, the IOC President receives a yearly “allowance” of $251,000 and lives rent-free in a five-star hotel and spa in Switzerland. Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced. "For me, the most ironic token of that moment in history is the plaque signed by President Richard M. Nixon that Apollo 11 took to the moon. It reads, ‘We came in peace for all Mankind.’ As the United States was dropping seven and a half megatons of conventional explosives on small nations in Southeast Asia, we congratulated ourselves on our humanity. We would harm no one on a lifeless rock." -- Carl Sagan "Right out of the gate, there's a strong difference of opinion between our one candidate." "If he had found some way to incorporate a man wearing a dress and some silly exaggerated voices, it might have been the most British collection of words in existence." "We're aiming to be able to drop Starship on the lunar surface in 2022." -- Gwynne Shotwell, Nov. 2019 if I wanted to taste potato i'd be eating a potato god dammit One of the ships at Pearl Harbor was sunk by the Royal Navy. I wonder if there's some commonly-ingested thing which dyes your internal organs, but no one notices because we don't regularly look at them "They're beyond the we're-probably going-to-blow-up-the-pad phase." -- NASA Deputy Administrator Pam Melroy "It is not really necessary to look too far into the future; we see enough already to be certain it will be magnificent. Only let us hurry and open the roads." -- Wilbur Wright Eyyyyyy https://usercontent.irccloud-cdn.com/file/vJL7jf4t/1691452991.JPG "Originally it was £10 per mattress, but he gave me one for half price because it was more stained than he thought it was." "It is more difficult to plug a USB port into the mains without someone asking you what the hell you're doing." 'orbbfrggg: jan anal obliteration risk be damned, I love this new chair.' Sculptor Fabian Brunsing brought a satirical eye to hostile architecture by creating the "pay bench", an art installation of a park bench that retracts its metal spikes for a limited time when the prospective sitter feeds it a coin. Chinese officials, completely missing the joke, thought that this was a great idea and installed similar benches in Yantai Park. RIFA's class-X2 film capacitors, widely used in 1970s and 1980s equipment within mains filtering circuits, are well-known in hobbyist circles for their explosive failure mode after long periods of disuse. Welp. I can confirm that after sharpening a knife it'll happily cut your flesh. :( Decide what to do, then make it the right decision. "If we just thought about the Russian response, then we could not send anything. Every second week you hear that somebody will be nuked." -- Ingrida Šimonytė "There aren't enough swear-words in the English language, so now I'll have to call you perkeleen vittupää just to express my disgust and frustration with this crap." Unless there's been an especially strange freeway accident, your car is currently within the Earth's atmosphere. i was barred from a pub once and i didnt even do anything || nothing was on fire, i swear "The bill's language and topic occasioned confusion among the membership; a member from Bloomington proposed that it be referred to the Finance Committee, but the Speaker accepted another member's recommendation to refer the bill to the Committee on Swamplands, where the bill could 'find a deserved grave'. It was transferred to the Committee on Education, which reported favorably." The Royal Society bylaws stipulated that any person discussing religion or politics at a Society meeting was to be summarily ejected for being an "enthusiast." Lincoln was shot at Ford's Theater. John F. Kennedy was shot in a Ford Lincoln. Gerald Ford was shot at, but they missed. "That's not what I was thinking. I was thinking about how long it takes giraffes to swallow. They've got super long necks. Yes they do." Yes. Yes, this is a fertile land, and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land, and we will call it... "This Land.". I think we should call it "your grave!". Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal! Har har har! Mine is an evil laugh! Now die! "I told my doc I liked my high blood pressure because it was like pressure washing my arteries. He didn't like that." As long as you accept that you're always going to be doing it wrong, that there's always a newer library, and that your code will never scale infinitely on the first try, you'll find that you can succeed and remain gelatinous. "I'm not a people person, I'm a machine person, I find that machines communicate far more precisely than humans." You would be sad if you went to the hospital to have your appendix removed, and the surgeon opened you up, and she said, 'I DIDN’T EXPECT YOUR LIVER TO HAVE GILLS', and then she proceeded with her original surgical plan, despite the fact that you’re apparently a mer-person. Selecting handwritten typefaces for marketing material is a careful balance between “six year-old with a crayon” and “channelling a serial killer’s ransom note”. -- echo That just raises more questions || Why would you drink a random unlabelled solvent "Just ignore him, he's not a PhD." Berger's Law: If a rocket is predicted to make its debut in Q4 of a calendar year, and that quarter is six or more months away, the launch will be delayed. Sure, but there's not much worse than if your entire house catches fire *and* sinks "Massive cryptomining rig discovered under Polish court’s floor, stealing power." Turns out that there's no pairing on the IR remote controls and also if you make a cardboard tube on the end it becomes quite directional || Infinite amusement when you can remotely turn up the volume to max of the person playing a game in class Maxim 11: Everything is air-droppable at least once. "The seat has been submitted to Innovate UK and been chucked out because it isn’t innovative enough. In other words, it has the huge disadvantage that it actually works." <+thomastheo> ive considered supplanting my diet with artificially enriched carbon-14 to mess with future archaeologists, but it would be a rather involved process "STAY OFF THE TRACKS! They are for trains only. If you can read this you are not a train." "Suppose you put one end of a wormhole in the inner boathouse, and sailed the boathouseboatboathouseboat into the other end?" "I don’t know if you noticed the earthquake a few minutes ago, my dear man, but the world appears to be ending. That is an indisputably depressing event." "Seriously, DAL is abstraction on top of abstraction on top of abstraction (grep for ->base.base.base)." "There was much pointing and scratching of heads and then they picked up their bridge and took it away." There is a difference between spare parts and extra parts. "As you know, when atoms are split, there are a lot of pluses and minuses released. Well, we've taken these and put them in a huge container and separated them from each other with a lead shield. When the box is dropped out of a plane, we melt the lead shield and the pluses and minuses come together. When that happens, it causes a tremendous bolt of lightning and all the atmosphere over a city is pushed back! Then when the atmosphere rolls back, it "This is one of those things I'm apathetic about that everyone else finds creepy, isn't it?" "Nothing remains static in war or military weapons, and it is consequently often dangerous to rely on courses suggested by apparent similarities in the past." -- Ernest King If you don't own up to a particular identity, you can't complain if someone pins one on you. "During the Apollo program, the NASA’s mission-driven human spaceflight program spent money in order to do great things. Now, lacking a mission, it just does things in order to spend a great deal of money." -- Robert Zubrin "He was never able to get it going, which was probably just as well, as it would infallibly have exploded." "He treated humor as some human aberration that had to be overcome by talking slowly and patiently." adding your own lines to !stupid is banned "If you did a radar update using a ground feature, the NAVHARS always gave a position error of 360/999nm and if you accepted the fix, the kit immediately went TU. We discovered that it hadn’t been programmed to cope with the southern hemisphere." "I refer to things by incorrect words: species of car, makes of dog, calling tennis rackets and golf clubs ‘bats’, to name but a few. It’s a little thing I find fun, and sometimes it gives the listener a little pause while their brains catch up to what I said." "No I am not Nick Krause. That email was a mistake by typo and was hoping nobody picked it up as they would then believe I was Nick Krause." "If you were within 100 yards of a Shuttle launch, the heat and blast would kill you. If you were within 400 yards, the sound pressure levels would kill you. And if you were within a mile, the gators would kill you--those low-frequency vibrations really rile them up." -- Charlie Bolden If not now, when? "Debian does not update WebKit as a matter of policy. The latest release, Debian 8.7, is still shipping WebKitGTK+ 2.6.2. I count 184 known vulnerabilities affecting it." "It's made out of his old shirts! So we've got all bits of Dennis...we can do that DNA on it." "This [axe] is a sharp Medicine, but it is a Physician for all diseases and miseries." -- Sir Walter Raleigh "It's a small site, so it doesn't attract many tourists. I thought you'd appreciate that since you look like a big fish." "Ah, so your cunning plan is to foil his trap by walking directly into it." "Now, although they call this a museum, it's really just a group of volunteer enthusiasts with a warehouse." "The British experience suggests that the role of a constitutional monarch is to flaunt how rich they are, get 24-7 news coverage regardless of whether or not they do anything interesting, and have scandals. Donald Trump is the best person in the world at all three of these things." I remember that one quite fondly because someone in my class somehow managed to squirt the amylase+HCl from the pipette directly into their eyeball "I could very easily conclude that every army in the world needs to get rid of its BMP-1s *right now* before they spontaneously combust and kill their crews." -- Perun He meets a linguist, who smiles. "If you take everyone who is not tied down, they all sort of fall down to the bottom of the planet." "That lovely feeling when you typo a PID and kill returns successfully." these bullets are infused with pork for an extra “deterrent factor of eternal damnation for fundamentalist Islamic Jihadist.” "Pull up! You're trying to deflect the planet, and it's NOT WORKING!" The U.S. Nuclear Regulatory Commission allows for the sale and transportation of uranium to the public if certain conditions are met; the most pressing of which deals with the maximum allowable quantity any one person may own (7kg) Stupid sexy bugs "We must have bearers, and outriders, and perhaps an elephant – they are so imposing, nothing says 'Get out of the way' quite like an elephant in the front." "Right now the only person crazy enough to take the job is probably too crazy to be trusted with it." Insult people by confusing them about whether they just were insulted or not. "After checking Civil Aviation Authority regulations, and the MTOW of their machines, the rescuers calculated they could attach a single sausage to a drone." "This is footage of an improvisation played on instruments that are made out of paper and are on fire." -- Vi Hart "It's like there's this whole stupid idiotic world of garbage juice products out there that we're getting a glimpse of. We're about to cross some kind of stupid juice machine event horizon." "So British cars are great. But they are not, under any circumstances, reliable." although tbf Lenin had quite a good time as a hamster "It's easy to get the steering to work 99 percent of the time, but 99 percent is not good enough. One percent of steering into a wall is not...not good." -- Elon Musk "I don't care how muscular, respectful, wealthy, etc a man is, I'm not interested unless his hair is at least halfway down his neck. Short hair has been too often associated with slaves, conscripts, prisoners, and sick people throughout history that closely cutting/shaving one's mane seems like such a disgrace." It is likely that the name of Ea-Nasir is now known by more people than existed on Earth during his lifetime - the kind of fame reserved for kings, gods, and purveyors of substandard copper. "The critics said his writing was clumsy, ungrammatical, repetitive and repetitive. They said it was full of unnecessary tautology." Humans love to serve powerful crabs. "I am beginning to think Jaguars were fitted with mice as a factory option." If you're going to be weird, at least be confident about it. "Clarification as to how swamp gas could possibly be a viable explanation for this was not provided, creating a field day for conspiracy theorists." Springs are just solid liquid pressure "Futurists tell me that exponential improvement always continues forever. So I'm guessing that by the end of the century SpaceX will have launched the entire mass of the Earth into geostationary orbit." "The world is a computer made out of crabs" — James Bridle hm, I added "Tom Clancy's" to the bot and it immediately gave me "Tom Clancy's Corpse Excretor" and "Tom Clancy's Gunk In A Tube" as examples π≅355/113 "He almost had me convinced this was a normal conversation to have with someone." I'm that weirdo that thinks the An-22 "cock" is sexy No millipede has as many as 1000 feet; the record is up to 750, for Illacme plenipes. Sludge has gotta be in the top 20 words "I minded the bikes in the sun as the Dutchman, who had no French, spent two hours in a confectionery wholesaler trying to buy an oil filter." "The vessel was lost while working as a result of the entry of seawater through the seacocks which the master wrongly thought had to be left open while pumping out the bilges." I had a dream once where my dick grew really big and then just fell off "The number 602,214,129,000,000,000,000,000 looks about twice as long as a trillion, which means it’s about a trillion trillion." the world needs impractical idealists. unfortunately not as many as there are though. "Well, at least the pieces were bigger this time!" like if you want to eat your own body parts, god bless || but i probably would still suggest locking up people who offer to help you eat your own body parts Mount Judd, former spoil tip of the Judkins granite quarry in Nuneaton, was voted the United Kingdom's best landmark in a Daily Mirror poll in 2018. "Because of all these factors, along with a sense of urgency in Europe about the need to begin flying the Ariane 6 to become more competitive with the likes of SpaceX, we have highest confidence in the maiden launch of this vehicle in 2020." -- Eric Berger "Boeing has been able to command seven of 13 valves open that previously were in the closed position. Test teams are applying mechanical, electrical and thermal techniques to prompt the valves to open." "It probably wasn't a good idea simply to ignore the OBR" -- Kwasi Kwarteng "Musk noted that there will be no requirement for ground stations everywhere which helps Starlink broadband achieve data transfer close to the speed of light, possibly even faster." The violin (violin) is a kind of super clean orchestra played to ring carry instruments. Weird how gay people are just accepted now, no one is talking about revoking gay marriage or anything "In his presence, reality is malleable. He can convince anyone of practically anything." "It's not entirely my fault. When I hacked into it I said to play the national anthem. That's...not what he did." "and this time it has a steel rim so if we have shrapnel it's going to be much more excite- exciting because it's a steel shrapnel" "Saudi World Cup chief claims LGBTQ+ football fans ‘welcome’ despite death penalty." If you think something is impossible, don't disturb the person who is doing it. < Nvidiot> Does it look safe and sturdy? | < FLHerne> not hugely | < FLHerne> I'd cross it quite happily though 'strtotime() is known to be extremely lenient and prone to interpreting very stupid inputs as valid values. Other fun block durations to try include "100000 years" and "a potato" (see T51580)' "My bon mot was not warmly received, so I retreated to my office before I got assaulted." "You can't even put it down to zombie cunts liquidising their brains with mobile fucking phones because they were every bit as mindless with pelicon crossings long, long before it became fashionable to shamble around drooling into a portable cerebral disintegrator." Evel Knievel holds the Guinness World Record for "most bones broken in a lifetime." "According to DHL my parcel was delivered yesterday to someone with no name with a signature that doesn't look like mine." "I always think of Thor, which was rushed to the pad with no ground testing. The first four blew up, then they had a success. Terrific, right? Then three of the next five failed. Then four more failed. Then they built a static test stand." -- Ed Kyle "You’re absolutely right. He’s really pushed back the boundaries of ignorance. There’s so much about the universe we don’t know." Yorkshire's very own superhero has taken the plunge into the region's favourite dish to mark Yorkshire Day. Yorkshireman - otherwise known as Josh Benson - plunged into a giant Yorkshire pudding filled with 2,000 litres of onion gravy. "We do these things not because they are easy, but because we thought they were going to be easy." < orbbfrgg> Honestly the most depressing part about getting old is that your dick does indeed shrink Is it weird how saying sentences backwards creates backwards sentences saying how weird it is? The past is a foreign country, with an outdated military and huge oil reserves. The infamous "seal wearing headphones strapped to a board" photo is from 'SRS Technologies. 2001a. Acoustic Measurements of the 8 September 2001 Atlas IIAS MLV-10 Launch and Quantitative Analysis of Behavioral Responses of Pacific Harbor Seals, Western Snowy Plovers, and California Brown Pelicans on Vandenberg Air Force Base, and Selected Pinnipeds on San Miguel Island, California.' Apparently you can pay £500 to blow a cow up with an RPG in Poland || I would have thought both a cow or an RPG would cost more than that "This triumph paved the way to other triumphs: improvements in transport, in sanitation, in surgery, medicine, and psychiatry, in commerce and industry, and, above all, in preparations for the next war." that's.... what she said. Oh man, pipe organ jokes, there's just too many "You have a few things wrong, but I don't think that has much impact on your summary. [...] The Orion capsule's interior volume is approximately 80,619 times larger than a typical can of Atlantic sardines." 7 year old me had never even heard of this 'Dr Seuss' before and was quite confused when everyone was eating clearly rotten eggs "Your country's navy is so big that it has its own army, and that army has its own airforce." Throw pillows suck. They serve no purpose. They're purely decorative. "Please allow 3-4 months for delivery, as nobody has actually ordered this before and we don't have any." "Friends, that is not how O-rings work. If you put an O-ring inside a pipe and try to weld it, it’ll melt, ruin the weld, and probably catch fire. Don’t try that." If you see a group of people in a field, go find out what they're doing. Owls have long eyes || That's why they got the neck. "Beloved terrier eaten by a crocodile it had taunted for a decade" -- ABC News The thing about being an unstoppable force is that you can really only enjoy the experience of being one when you have something to bash yourself against. You need to have things trying to stop you so that you can get a better sense of how fast you are going as you smash through them. Give something a label and it stops being mysterious and devilish. It just is. Borg, or "blackout rage gallon," is a gallon jug of water with alcohol and flavoring. Learn about the risks and benefits of this trend from experts and see how students are using it on TikTok. "But the thumbwheel makes you feel like you’re in control. People like to feel in control. It makes people happy to feel in control." You don't need to be rich to impulsively buy top end CPUs - you just need a credit card and lack of good judgement. Any plan with the word 'hope' in it is a bad one. The correct way to call a bob is to use the word 'bob' and the correct way to call a single is to use the word 'single'. Too many conductors use words such as 'eargh', 'hu' and 'brruuuggghhhh' etc. "Spencer “Corry” Jones, a contestant on the American-produced show Race to Survive: New Zealand, was disqualified along with his teammate Oliver Dev for killing a weka bird, an iconic indigenous species which is extinct across large parts of the country. " Attitude is no substitute for competence. Thinking isn't doing. Do something! wait you mean they actually use the fish to BZZZZZZT people? "Same bastard who blew up your bar killed two of my buddies. This is after they stole all my fucking lawn gnomes." "The Twitch stream has spawned both in-jokes and fan art about the in-jokes." "Some of it was delicious, some of it was edible, some of it was beans, and some of it was an abomination in the eyes of god and men." Anyway, I think UK is just a wasteland. And as it's an island, we should just build wall on its shores and dump all of worlds nuclear waste there, problem solved. "The engines are tested on Shell Mex Gas Oil, but will run on any of the oils marketed in this country as Diesel Oil, Gas Oil, Diesolite, or Gasoleum, provided that the viscosity does not exceed 40 seconds Redwood No. 1 at 100° Fahrenheit and the oil remains fluid at 200° Fahrenheit. As diesel fuels are variable, it is desirable to draw a sample in a glass from every consignment." MicroSD cards have a capacity of about 1.6 petabytes per gallon. Before getting into an argument, consider your desired outcome from it. "It's a harebrained idea, of course, otherwise YOU wouldn't have had it, would you?" "I am just pointing out that the public Internet attack is limited to servers that are directly connected to the Internet" "Right. Now, let's get this over with before her Royal Sparkiness shows up and turns us all into FISH or something." "His own hands to use, not the hands of others to command." Someone shat in the Prime Minister's lake. "Participants in the study would happily bludgeon a potato with a hammer, unless you stuck some hair and a pair of eyeballs to the potato." "It's like choosing bottles of nitroglycerine for juggling - the inevitable explosion will be your fault." So called "best practices" are contextual and not broadly applicable. Blindly following them makes you an idiot. "There's just something about that bench. Some say that the bench is the key out of there... some say it gives you special powers beyond your imagination. Others just seem to think it's a damn fine bench." "There were a couple of times that I lost track of the chip and had to check some specks under the microscope to determine which was the chip and which were dirt." -- Ken Shirriff "Man's unfailing capacity to believe what he prefers to be true rather than what the evidence shows to be likely and possible has always astounded me." "In a distant and second-hand set of dimensions; in an astral plane that was never meant to fly..." 4x Thatcgers haze abd a souble rum and coke "If you put butter and salt on it it tastes like salty butter." "Now that we finished our scalable agile cloud migration, our organization will be going completely dig-o-stanc next month." An explanation isn't necessarily a reason. "Why don't you just cast a spell and make the mountain turn into a giant bowl of PUDDING or something?" "I was trying to extract caffeine from tea leaves, but I ended up with a green, frothy mess that looked like something the Grinch would drink." -- ChatGPT inventing !stupid quotes *I frown and look at the ground* even if she's at Windsor? It's hard to stand on your own two feet when someone else owns the carpet and keeps trying to jerk it out from under you. “Here we are in the South Pacific waiting to take off because our flight is delayed waiting for the Space Shuttle to launch from Florida, and the Space Shuttle in Florida is waiting to launch due to bad weather in Africa.” -- Richard N. "Dick" Richards "TSR2: Nice canards, but where are the wings?" i heard theres no abort system because elon is anti-abortion | starship is the second pro-life spacecraft after the space shuttle It was considered unlikely that the machine would be used by unauthorized persons, as all the controls were labelled in Russian The New York Times review of The Song of Hiawatha was scathing. The anonymous reviewer judged that the poem "is entitled to commendation" for "embalming pleasantly enough the monstrous traditions of an uninteresting, and, one may almost say, a justly exterminated race. As a poem, it deserves no place" because there "is no romance about the Indian." You're worried about the WRONG THING again... Douglas Crofut's death is notable for being the only US death attributable to an unknown source of radiation, along with being the only known case in the US of a suspected suicide undertaken via radiation exposure. There is a way of playing certain musical instruments that is called "circular breathing", devised to allow people to play the didgeridoo or the bagpipes without actually imploding or being sucked down the tube. "Anybody even remotely sane hearing the words 'multi-spark concept device full of experimental technology' would either be bringing out the hammers to smash it or making for the horizon at top speed." that website seems to have better stock than the actual Russian Army A frog battery is an electrochemical battery consisting of a number of dead frogs (or sometimes live ones), which form the cells of the battery connected in a series arrangement. On July 27th 1939, the IRA blew up Bridge 15 of the Leeds & Liverpool Canal. "Like all good theorists, experimental equipment spontaneously blows up when I get near." "The original film, the door - if there had been a door - it would have been closed with a pulley and a stagehand just closing it like that. But now we had *lots* of money, and technology, and so they built a fucking great hydraulic door which closes at light speed." -- Harrison Ford i like to keep things low current, on account of the whole heart fibrillation and death thing. aww the new guy left again || and i didnt even get to ask him about cheesecake Hashes are perhaps the holy-grail of computer-science. With a good hash, we can just side-step all the hard problems by trading them for an even harder problem (hash collisions), and then we just ignore that harder problem. Brilliant. Internal penguin pressures can reach 10 to 60 kilopascal (0.1 to 0.6 atmospheres, or 600 grams per square centimeter), significantly higher than the pressure the average human can exert when defecating. "In other letters there were plans for a perpetual motion machine and a proposal for a giant inflatable rabbit that could be used to plug oil spills." Part of what makes a good developer is the ability to choose the tools that work best. Gerrit Blank is the only living person known to have been hit by a meteorite. The giant panda is a rubbish animal which deserves to go extinct. "Gannets dive spectacularly from a great height; they fold up as they hit the water and down as far as two hundred feet they can give a fish a run for its money. To my mind that should class them as amphibians, although this is not generally conceded." "Liga.net found the woman who knocked down a Russian drone with a jar of pickled tomatoes. She wants to set the record straight: those were NOT pickled cucumbers." "The Air Force has its own satellite internet system called Hawkeye that’s a lot more expensive and slower, Flores added. A Hawkeye dish costs $250,000 and provides internet speeds of 4 megabytes per second, he said." The word of God is the creation we behold: And it is in this word99,99, which no human invention can counterfeit or alter, that God speaketh universally to man. Squid are such totally cool animals: 10 arms, beaks, better-designed eyes than humans, jet propelled, and ink cloud defense. What's not to like? convert £1 (British pound) to US dollars: , (total coin weight: 18.17 grams) Detailed documentation will not be headed to NTSB because Boeing doesn't have any. Sources with knowledge of the probe told Aviation Week that Boeing has provided all the paperwork that exists related to the mid-September 2023 rivet re-work during the aircraft's production that required opening the plug. The work's non-routine nature meant it was not documented in detail. [Dune]'s just like, star wars with islam "Any system of control must make some small place for the dynamic, the unexpected, the downright quirky. I therefore recommend that the Headington Shark be allowed to remain." -- planning inspector Peter MacDonald A red car covered in megaphones has juste ,hoxrtdmme drvoe , Allahuii Akhbar "Sample spicy shakshuka or shikshukit; if you like mushrooms, we’d suggest the dish we’re calling A lot of Mushrooms. It has four types, and they’re served with broth and a perfect egg." After a certain point, most people have stopped wondering who they're gonna be because they've been who they're gonna be, possibly for a while. Things get a lot less existential. I don't think anyone's going to arrest you for stealing some pinecones "We will devour Mars, Venus and the asteroids. We shall devour the sun itself, and then sail on across the gulf of space. A million years from now our city will still be travelling, no longer hunting towns to eat, but whole new worlds!" Rocket surgeons take the mathematical prowess of a rocket scientist and marry it with the God-complex of a neurosurgeon, culminating in a never before witnessed level of egocentrism. "Based on all the things I've read in the thread, I wouldn't be surprised if zero gravity is also somehow bad for horses and they just spontaneously explode." In 1–2 weeks, some people may recover, although others might not. ... If the patient still has [Omsk Hemorrhagic Fever] after 3 weeks, then a second wave of symptoms will occur. It also includes signs of encephalitis. In most cases if the sickness does not fade away after this period, the patient will die. South Norfolk Council told Stuart Dobson, 77, it was "sorry to hear" he had died and informed him he could get a council tax exemption. The Dutch word for playful mischief is 'kattekwaad' which roughly translates to 'evil as done by cats'. Pigs are mostly water when they're alive, and are REEEALLY difficult to set fire to. Can you imagine the fuss 40 unbound adult pigs would make in a small room with a spreading fire in it? Nothing in IT is completely safe, aside tossing your system in an industrial shredder, and then tossing the fragments in a blast furnace and tossing the blast furnace into the sun, and then tossing the sun into a black hole. "(For an extended list, see 'Appendix: potentially valuable things things ants can do')" When i can can came in your office???when u are open????i whrily need job. "Once the sound of the explosion and aftershock had died down, John Major said, 'I think we had better start again, somewhere else.'" "I mean rhinos from space! And we’re on the moon! Great big space rhinos, with guns, on the moon! And I only came in for my bunions! Look, they’re all fixed now, perfectly good treatment, the nurses were lovely, I said to my wife, I said, I recommend this place to anyone. But then we end up on the moon! And…did I mention the rhinos?" < orbbfrgg> I had to slaughter 30 puppies just to get my frame rate back "I like when things catch fire and explode, which means I do not have your best interests in mind." -- Randall Munroe "As I have gotten more experience in space and tech I am utterly unimpressed by economic models (even by famous consulting firms and think-tanks) to have *any* predictive value. The only successful way of predicting the future is to build it." -- Thomas Zurbuchen, NASA The French Revolution started out pretty well, but then a bunch of people just lost their heads. "You know where the petty cash is. Usually you're the only one that does." I can't open the bridge because it would hit the tree || (and also because it's been rusted shut for the last century) "Some would ask, how could a perfect God create a universe filled with so much that is evil. They have missed a greater conundrum: why would a perfect God create a universe at all?" "They did it to Iain Banks, too, and apparently at a con he tore out the offending page and ate it." "Asking that kind of question often enough to have a single-purpose script to answer them is a bit silly." There are people that will tell you that Regular Expressions shouldn't be recursive. They are limiting you. They need to subjugate you, and they do it by keeping you in ignorance. In 2006, the son of a Wolverhampton ironmonger recalled a very wet evening on which Enoch Powell, the local Member of Parliament throughout the 1950s and 60s, required a new washer for a tap: "his moustache quivered with urgency and water streamed from the broad rim of his black Homburg hat." Nothing is more permanent than a temporary solution. "Thanks for gathering samples. But leave them behind. And one of your arms, too. Whichever one you like least." "There are so many buttons everywhere! Covered with vague indecipherable icons. It's like driving a Japanese toilet but not as satisfying." "It was highly unlikely that electrical short-circuits, for instance in the gaming machines, would have caused explosions of the size and nature described by the bystanders." "On the evening of 16th July 1976, a Dutch motor vessel, named the 'Happy Rider' sailed towards Warrington with the bridge wrapped around it." It took 12 months to install a new bridge. "There is no such thing as a plea of innocence in my court. A plea of innocence is guilty of wasting my time. Guilty." -- Inquisitor Lord Fyodor Karamazov "This is my seat. There are many like it, but this one is mine." "The game itself only has the bare minimum requirements necessary to technically be called a game, and even these components are an ugly mess." If it ain't broke, don't fix it. If it is broke, don't fix it, just complain about it. "Look Tony, what are the odds of a prime minister being drowned or taken by a shark?" - Harold Holt In most circumstances, people are not allowed to hit you with a mallet. "We've just had four failures and the world is in financial ruin, but would you like to give us some money?" dnsmcbr, Agreed, as Emotional Resilience is at least as important. I once played an acknowledged super genius at Chess, he was defeating me decisively when he overlooked the possibility of me skewering his Queen against his King with my hitherto undeveloped Bishop. I won the game. The real shocker was that he refused to play me after that! Obviously, losing to an obviously inferior play was too much for his ego! "What happens next reads not as something a real person would ever attempt, but rather as the log of a man stuck in an adventure game, exploiting the bizarre dream logic adventure games are infamous for." "You need to work up a better grade of threat. I don't know, maybe grow a moustache so you can twirl it." Huxley was right. "...a new formula that caused him to hallucinate that he was completely sane. (This is a very common hallucination, shared by most people)." In 2016, customs officials in Nigeria confiscated 2.5 tonnes of rice which they suspected was made from plastic. "This sequence was based on an old radio play "The Dark" by Arch Oboler that I remember hearing a replay of on NPR when I was a kid and the sound effect that they used for the fog turning people inside out gave me nightmares (I have since read that it was achieved by pulling a wet rubber glove off next to the microphone)." > Bald eagle thought to be injured later deemed "too fat to fly" "It looks like some kind of perverted vegetable rodeo, or maybe a bizarre clone military exercise." "At night when nobody was around, I grabbed a soldering iron, and took it down, plugged it in, and then melted the hole for the reset button." There's a saying in Russia "Не трамвай, объедет", "It's not a tram, it will go around". It doesn't apply to trams. If you put your mind to it, you can do anything. But you won't. "Kasian Bhanganada and colleagues were awarded this prize for their investigation into surgical methods to repair penis amputation in Siam, except in situations where the penis has been partially eaten by a duck." But it's a bit sharp and pointy, not so great for cuddling with At Hinchingbrooke Hospital, two operating theatres were temporarily shuttered to patients heavier than 120kg due to a risk of structural collapse. In general avoid exposure to any temperatures, pressures, particle energies, or states of matter that physicists think are neat. Mathias Clasen is director of the Recreational Fear Lab at Aarhus University. oh, no, nevermind, we have floating brothels here also Unions are the free market alternative to labor laws. Don't try to use the Internet as part of your brain. Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas. "You won't believe the number of people that put something on their resume, then act surprised or defensive when I ask about it. If it's not something you can talk about intelligently, don't put it on your resume." "A limerick: (12 + 144 + 20 + 3√4) / 7 + (5 × 11) = 9² + 0" "Tower, American 1997, we just passed a guy in a jetpack... Off the left side, maybe 300 yards or so, about our altitude." Floating in the air doesn’t make you a bad person. "Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore if you write the code as cleverly as possible you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it." -- Brian W. Kernighan "It was such a relief to be right, even though you knew you'd got there by trying every possible way to be wrong." just yesterday i was biking home with a big box with a fan in it, through a stupidly busy city center. a bit stressful with only one brake handle There are specified methods of humanely killing protected animals used in research, but boiling is not one of these. "And the third sin is looting. Including sexual contact with local women, flora, fauna, men, anything." -Wagner PMC recruitment video "...these absurd, all-encompassing, high-level pictures of the universe that are all good and fine, but don't actually mean anything at all." Balanced doesn't mean giving equal airtime to any viewpoint no matter how wrong it is "And for some reason the designer decided that missiles should never ever explode inside the launching ship." If you murder enough people, the homicide rate drops to divide by zero error. "Aside from the fact that there's absolutely no evidence that this is true, and that it raises more questions than it answers, it's a perfectly valid theory." "I've invented a thought controlled air freshener. It makes scents, when you think about it." "I honestly can't think of a single state, province, or militia compound where murder is justified as long as you're shouting obscure and useless video game factoids." "People told me that my new hobby of swimming wasn't as interesting as my old hobby of exploring abandoned things and trying not to die. They're the same hobby, fools! Let's get on with the show!" "What he doesn't know can't hurt him, so he's basically invincible." "A headline with a question mark at the end means, in the vast majority of cases, that the story is tendentious or over-sold. It is often a scare story, or an attempt to elevate some run-of-the-mill piece of reporting into a national controversy and, preferably, a national panic. To a busy journalist hunting for real information a question mark means 'don't bother reading this bit'." -- Andrew Marr I have the benefit of being simultaneously kinda smart but also an absolute moron || And those two halves communicate "At around 5.40pm one of the eyebars in the southern suspension chain failed; this was witnessed by members of the crowd but no action seems to have been taken to evacuate the bridge as a result." Maybe there would be hope if it was only a mild case of death It dawned on me the other day that Vengaboys have lore POTATO: The round starchy thing that stands between you and cannibalism. "I think she became quite panicked, and she started bringing me weak penguins, then dead penguins; then she showed me how to eat the penguins - she would offer me partially consumed penguins. She started to take penguins and actually push them into my camera." "I am going to quit my job. My next job will be making your vital organs universally accessible and useful." "It's like she's got that monk ability that lets you jump as far as you want, except with her, it applies to conclusions." https://i.imgur.com/oOdqTWk.png "I know what I'm doing, when I sit down I can log in and everything works, but I can't log in when I stand up." "He can fix things, but generally the thing being fixed does something completely different than it originally did. And is covered in duct tape. And I wouldn't call it 'fixed'." Ukrainian forces advance in southern Russia Etiquette tip: It’s okay, more or less, to ask an author to sign your arm, but not good manners to then nip around to the tattoo parlor next door and return half an hour later to show them the inflamed result. An Iranian man named Amirhossein Molaei holds the Guinness Book of Records title for the highest vocal note produced by a man (F♯8, 5989 Hz) "I must find a thing called 'biscuits'. I will do science to it." jan: yeah, it was modelled to survive 4000m, then they tested a scale model which only survived 2950, so reduced the depth rating to 3000. Then some time passes and they decide to take it to 3800 several people could live vicariously through FLHerne "Because I call the shots! Literally, I call the shots. You're just the meat-servo." "If I keep retrospectively adding nonsensical caveats, I'll have a point eventually..." [22:29] (FLHerne) it's actually the second musical instrument made from a taxidermied badger that I've seen "Why does everyone run TOWARD a blood-curdling scream? It’s contrary to all sense." ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ WARNING: This laptop may be affected by gravitational fields. "Sadly, Google had zero useful results under 'Gorram poodle fookin cultists'." Evil Overlord List #34: "I will not turn into a snake. It never helps." "The snake slithering is a mix of Burtt running his hands through cheese casserole and wet sponges being dragged across grip tape; the rolling boulder is a Honda Civic driving down a gravel hill; and the Ark lid opening is the sound of a toilet cistern being opened. The Ark spirits are the cries of sea lions and dolphins filtered through a vocoder." "On the initial date, the hashtag "#jechiedanslaSeine" ("I'm pooping in the Seine") trended on social media as some threatened to protest the Olympics by defecating upstream." "Oh, just hit both shift keys to change over to QWERTY. CapsLock is Control. And spacebar is CapsLock. And two-finger scroll moves through time instead of space..." "I don't function in society, Sir. I'm a mercenary. I blow society up." Do not crawl on your belly into partially-frozen submerged prisons. from __future__ import timetravel "They actually work by expelling reaction mass of disaggregated netbooks on a parallel hyperplane." "I can use blue painters tape and CA glue to hold parts to the mill because I'm Built Different" -BPS Space "Yes, you have excelled at being the subject of contemptuous and dismissive language." "What we need is something halfway between Labour and UKIP. Like, a Common Sense Party." You're bored? What about all those interesting things you've not found time for? "Enter roundabout and take fourth exit" is typically code for "you've done it all wrong". Never drink any drink with a paper umbrella in it, never drink any drink with a humorous name, and never drink any drink that changes color when the last ingredient goes in. The R-1's insulated electrical wiring attracted vermin. In one January 1953 incident, thousands of flood-displaced mice disabled many rockets by eating the insulation, requiring "hundreds of cats and repairmen" FLHerne my formal meeting attire is mostly just my underwear electrokitty: Do they make vegetarian eyeball alternatives "One can scarcely conceive of a miracle more superfluous in that part of Wales than the creation of a hill." -- John Davies "It is believed that she hid in the park after hours and found the keys to the cheetah's enclosure. While an animal-rights group accused the zoo of being unsafe, the victim's behavior obviously had an important role in the incident." while they do have a heart, they use gut peristalsis to move their haemolymph around in the legs for gas exchange "I guess that is what happens if you stand on the shoulders of other people then turn around and kick them in the face, you end up in midair suspended by nothing but the hot air you are producing, which always runs out in the end." "Do they routinely enter the houses of unsuspecting people, demand food and drink, and then sing about destroying everything around them?" be back || EricAbneri is now known as quit. || fuck "Everyone goes everywhere by car these days, and perhaps in a few hundred years from now our great-great-great grandchildren will be born with hardly any legs at all because they won’t have any use for them." -- Roald Dahl "She had heard it said that humans are supposed only to use about a tenth of their brains, and that no one was very clear what the other nine-tenths were for, but she had certainly never heard it suggested that they were used for storing penguins." "The story appears to capture the current mood in Lebanon, where no one seems quite sure what will explode next." Have you checked the REALLY obvious things? "Not to put you to any trouble, but there IS this GIANT FROG out here..." "I can't tell you what a miracle H202 is. A cure all for most diseases. I've cured my 40 year chronic asthma with this beauty. I just wish we could get 35% in Britain. Every house should have this in its medicine cabinet." I'm not a lawyer, but my lawyer is "Stop making everything multiplayer. I don't have friends, you assholes." "The picture is rather blurry, but lets start with First Principles: nothing in your breaker panel is supposed to be warm, never mind glowing. Turn the power off now. Not later, Now." "They weren't all true—but they all had truth." I Am The Only Photographer In The World... In All Of NASA‘S History ; To Have His Photographs Used By NASA‘S Design & Analysis Engineers , To Help In ReDesigning NASA‘S Space Craft . There is, in fact, tea in 'team'. The bony-eared assfish may have the smallest brain-to-body weight ratio of all vertebrates. "The boat might well be stable. As it heels one way the roof customers, tables etc. will fall off. [...] I doubt that the MCA will be keen on this as a stability mechanism." "He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife." [on the 737 MAX] "This airplane is designed by clowns, who are in turn supervised by monkeys," an employee wrote in an exchange from 2017. "The values of good C++ programmers are incompatible with the values of good C programmers. The term 'C/C++' infuriates me." -- Drew DeVault < nivag> Come for the cicada video, stay for the scaling graphic of urination across animal kingdom. "I think she thought the camera was my mouth, which is every photographer’s dream." Just because things are obvious doesn’t mean they’re true. Plastics are poor conductors of heat so they can act as excellent [electrical] insulators. "There is considerable overlap between the brain power of the most intelligent bears and the least intelligent tourists" - some US park ranger in the 80s Better to trust and be betrayed. Better to love and be hurt. Edwin Trout is Executive Officer of the Institute of Concrete Technology and Information Manager of the Concrete Society. It's better to be awake two-thirds of the time than to be half-awake all the time. "Instead of generating some majestic bovine megafauna, they made the unfortunate decision to use digitally enlarged live animals. Specifically, they glued horns to a bunch of hogs and filmed them; it didn't have quite the impact the filmmaker seemed to have been going for." stop ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ing at me I need tab-completion for LunchBot I still stand by Wet Dress Rehearsal being a fantastic name for a risque spaceflight themed band "We've arranged a global civilization in which most crucial elements — transportation, communications, and all other industries; agriculture, medicine, education, entertainment, protecting the environment; and even the key democratic institution of voting — profoundly depend on science and technology. We have also arranged things so that almost no one understands science and technology." -- Carl Sagan "I like the term 'expecting', like we're expecting a baby, but it could be a velociraptor." "...which is fantastic only in the sense of extreme improbability." bleugh, everything produces phosgene gas these days If you're embarrassed by something within your control, fix it already. I'm not going to not eat something just because it's a strange colour "I had to tear a lot of interns in half to get the reference right for this page." "Making your opponent the incumbent Prime Minister is actually one of the worst electoral strategies you could possibly go for." "Maybe cats will take over when we all die. That's a nice thought. I hope we all die." My fav cars are the early Honda insight, the Volkswagen xl1 and this new aptera EV, I have a type 👀 Soon the shortage of actual goats led to a booming market in goat futures, goat options and increasingly arcane goat derivative products. it could be fine, but this one isn't Sometimes the best answer is a more interesting question. Make it work, then make it work right, THEN make it fast. "You're all under arrest. It turns out I have a long-suppressed megalomaniacal personality. Who knew?" SilverFox: its funny cause that is the case for everyone basically, and in job interviews they'll be like "forget everything you learned in college cause you won't need it here" then you be like "okay yeah I didn't go to college" and they're like "well now you're not qualified to work here" By the time you've sorted out a complicated idea into little steps that even a stupid machine can deal with, you've learned something about it yourself. "Users like this are like a mongoose backed into a corner: with its back to the wall and seeing certain death staring it in the face, it attacks frantically, because doing something has to be better than doing nothing. This is not well adapted to the type of problems computers produce." "There's about three people who REALLY understand how the Input subsystems are all held together...and I really wish I wasn't one of them." -- Daniel Stone "The separation of the MED plug from the airplane adversely affected the pressurization performance of the airplane." "It's been built, and not using it would be an admission that it was pointless." Glowstick goo tastes awful "Eating crustaceans, you mean. It's not a sin for crustaceans to exist." The state fossil of Illinois is a strange creature with stalked eyes and a long nose-like appendage with teeth. It might be a vertebrate, but probably not. "I think lightsabers would be good for measuring a lot of things. And, as a bonus, if the thing is too long to measure with a lightsaber, it can also solve that problem." In flight, the fuselage of the Concorde would expand by up to ten inches due to kinetic heating. Also the wings would kind of swap sides and the wheels would go wrong and the whole airliner would become smaller than the tree next to the runway. "Everything in moderation, including moderation." "As suddenly as it had appeared, the magical tornado vanished. And there, occupying the space where the frog had been, was a frog." Could you imagine facing death and your adversary creates a well-rhyming, improvised song on the spot? Bats are really fascinating disease vectors. Take something with mammalian biology, have it live in HUGE, tightly-packed colonies, and then have it not only fly, but do so over large distances nightly and as part of migration. "It turns out that opticians don't know much about databases but these particular opticians were sure they could figure it out by trial and error. Mostly error." "Hey, that makes me sound like a jerk! I demand an apology!" "The direct cause of the NS-23 mishap was a thermo-structural failure of the engine nozzle." "We urgently need to change how dyslexia is perceived. That’s why we’re launching a dyslexic-only sperm bank." -- Richard Branson "You had to hand it to the Patrician, he admitted grudgingly. If you didn't, he sent men to come and take it away." "Some of us are killed, but all of us are called Zem, so we never know which and globbering is thus kept to a minimum." "Memo to self...Talk to triage team about the importance of disarming patients." What's broken THIS time? If you think somebody is trolling, please do not engage with them unless it is funny to do so. Money is like fire. It's useful, and if you have some, you can use it to make more of it, but it's a bad idea to commit yourself fully to the goal of making as much as possible. If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there and worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the loss of sleep. "In March 2017, the local water utility, Severn Trent Water, refused the council's application for a "trade effluent permit" because there was no water industry standard regulating the disposal of liquefied human remains into sewers." Your local forecast tomorrow is 'Steve'. Good luck. "While I accept your humiliation as part of the proceedings, there has been no humility." -- Judge Deborah Taylor "the good news is we've invented time travel, the bad news is it only works on mud" "Soft drinks only, of course. But as far as the Germans were concerned, beer was a soft drink." "An Outside Context Problem was the sort of thing most civilisations encountered just once, and which they tended to encounter rather in the same way a sentence encountered a full stop." "Alright...uh, hey, pilot guy! Can this thing do a, uh, backflip, do you think?" -- Richard Russell, RIP Nvidiot: if I manage to kill myself with 12V that'll be an achievement in itself except maybe by fire "This island is made mainly of coal and surrounded by fish. Only an organizing genius could produce a shortage of coal and fish at the same time." -- Aneurin Bevan "Viasat argues that SpaceX has not provided analysis demonstrating how the latency has changed by reducing the satellites' operating altitude." "Test the oil between the fingers. If it lacks lubricating quality, or if it has become thicker, renew it. Discoloration is not harmful." "The two things I always study a lot are the things I love and the things I hate." "Of course, she's still fighting a thumb war with a giant guinea pig person, so maybe that part's just silly." If you know that platinum won't melt under about 3000° F. by itself, but will melt at the glance of a pair of deep blue eyes if you put it near a bar of lead, then you don't know how men make love in the twentieth century. Mitochondria form the dispersed body of an intelligent conscious life-form which has been waiting throughout history and evolution for the right conditions when mitochondrial life can achieve its true potential and take over from eukaryotic life-forms. "In case of emergency ask porter for gas mask, working hours 08:00-16:00." Onset of avocado hand develops suddenly when someone preparing to eat an avocado stabs themselves instead. "remarkably prescient. The Skylark of Space, for example, contains the discovery of a nuclear reaction strikingly similar to cold fusion, more than 50 years before Stanley Pons and Martin Fleischmann would make such a process a reality." It doesn't matter where you're running, it only matters where you're running from. "We can technically attach the new wing flaps to the train, and it will be as safe from the risk of falling-out-of-the-sky as it ever was." "My shell scripts also take 5 to 10 minutes real-time to compile on a large compile cluster. Why am I compiling shell scripts? Good question!" we're all floating amongst the turds now The M-15 is the world's only jet cropduster, as well as the world's only jet biplane and the world's slowest production jet aircraft. "A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance." -- Stanislaw Lem Most people don’t know when to be afraid on a plane until they are dead. "Mogadishu airport is surrounded by dangerous wartorn territories, and the approach chart explicitly designates the city around the airport as a "No Fly Zone", so the only "safe" approach is from over the ocean. That's a pretty good motivation for someone to weigh the risk of a tailwind against the risk of getting shot at." "Oh, I love that place, but I forget the name. I got stabbed there once." "That was you? I heard about that!" "It probably created some toxic chemical or something. That did not taste, uh, edible." Against criticism a man can neither protest nor defend himself; he must act in spite of it, and then it will gradually yield to him. you thought it is impossible to make the sandwich smoothie worse? behold what science should not have done, the sandwich smoothie popsicle G Nageshwar Rao, vice chancellor of Andhra University, said a demon king from the Hindu religious epic Ramayana had 24 types of aircraft and a network of landing strips in modern day Sri Lanka. The director of a zoo in Mexico had 4 of its 10 pygmy goats cooked up for a New Year's feast, authorities say. I think there was some humorously unexpected outcome, but never found that reddit thread again During the Indo-Pakistani War of 1947, George VI was head of state of both warring nations. Personal’s not the same as important. People just think it is. "Environmental regulations forced us to pay someone to capture a seal, strap it to a board with earphones and play sonic boom sounds to see if it would become distressed and potentially not want to mate." "Got a quick question. How much water can my computer have inside of it before I shouldn't turn it on?" hitchBOT was a Canadian hitchhiking robot created by professors David Harris Smith of McMaster University and Frauke Zeller of Toronto Metropolitan University in 2013. It gained international attention for successfully hitchhiking across Canada, Germany and the Netherlands, but in 2015 its attempt to hitchhike across the United States ended when it was stripped, dismembered, and decapitated in Philadelphia. "Half a century ago, the [Ministry of Silly Walks] skit might have unwittingly touched on a powerful way to enhance cardiovascular fitness in adults. Had an initiative to promote inefficient movement been adopted in the early 1970s, we might now be living among a healthier society." "I, for one, don't think jokes about Roman numerals are that funny." Anyone can make an error. It only becomes a mistake if you refuse to correct it. Viruses, bacteria, and fungi are all the same organism, just at different pH levels. Just because someone is hard-working and ambitious doesn’t mean that person has the least idea what is going on. "That was not a crash. That was an unplanned lithobraking maneuver. ​There's a difference." "Now get on your flying boat and stop a crazy dwarf vampire from committing election fraud!" The best way to get something done is to give it to someone who is busy. "What have I always believed? That on the whole, and by and large, if a man lived properly, not according to what any priests said, but according to what seemed decent and honest inside, then it would, at the end, more or less, turn out all right." Don't get even. Get odd. "She still comes to see her old dad, my little girl. She was the only one with the strength of character to murder me." "Captain Vlad advised the committee that the exploding bits weren't really part of the spaaaceship at all... any more..." There are so many adventures that you miss because you're waiting to think of a plan. <@thomastheo> being a terrorist is way worse even than wearing a bicycle helmet The single most successful torpedo salvo in history (in terms of number of targets hit) was friendly fire. "The amount of times I've had to explain that 'the side' is literally any flat surface in our house is pretty astounding." "Designers may be desperately sad that the new Multipla no longer resembles a psychotic cartoon duck." "Ignore the sickening whirling of the planet around your ship and the graphics glitches. That's totally normal." "I am deliberately not turning this site into a Whack-a-Mole exercise dealing with a series of objections to some of the coronavirus vaccines, or all of the coronavirus vaccines, or all vaccines for anything ever, or germ theory in general, or ontology and the knowability of any facts whatsoever." -- Derek Lowe "It will be years -- not in my time -- before a woman will become Prime Minister." -- Margaret Thatcher, 1974. If Java had true garbage collection, most programs would delete themselves upon execution. First, do no harm. "India Pale Ales smell like a man urinating in a freshly-mown field. As he urinates, he explains to me a subject which I already understand. I cannot get him to stop." "Cheap white bread, actually, is pretty good for removing spigot bearings." "That's actually how magnets work. They steal energy from nearby batteries and turn it into an attracting force, incidentally the same principle that keeps penguins in tight groups." "Oh, you ain’t seen bad yet, but don’t you go away, now. It’ll be along in a minute." The best way to win a one-on-one fight is to be the third to arrive. "Left-handed giant bird-people, that’s what we’re growing down here. It’s bizarre if you ask me. You see them running across the dunes and expect them to just take off and fly." "The war was unacceptable when Russia invaded. That's why it needs to be won, and not, you know, accepted." "Media reported that the scene was so grisly, the ground was soaked in blood — before they were informed that the plane had been carrying a shipment of medical blood in the cargo hold, which was now dispersed over the crash site." "I like that I can write a /dev/random entropy source built entirely from Intel marketing names." The Eastwind ran aground on 21 January 1964, which is likely the only time an American military ship ever did so inside an active volcano. If you are ever offered polar bear liver politely decline. "Just make sure it's real chalk: blackboard chalk doesn't work, because it isn't chalk, it's gypsum - calcium sulphate." "There seemed to be so much to do that she couldn't bring herself to do any of it." that looks like one of those 'face full of spiders' moments You can’t choose your childhood, it’s just what happens to you. Users with unacceptably deviant names will be assigned GUIDs for standardized interaction with all systems. Make injections and decapitation quicker and easier with Braintree Scientific's DecapiCones. Tapered plastic film tubes provide quick and easy restraint of rats, mice, and other small animals. I.P. injections can be made directly through the film! electrokitty: nah theres good Samaritan law, unless you were doing CPR with a knife instead of your hands chances are you are immune "So this secret convention of ten thousand or so computer criminals was covered by the local newspapers?" There is no point in using the word 'impossible' to describe something that has clearly happened. this is sketchy, want to get involved? I was stood next to some control panel and it was flashing about something, so I may have opened the panel, hit 'acknowledge' and closed it again I'm doing their job for them they should pay me "It's like playing cat and mouse, except the cat has no legs. And is blind, and dead." I wanna put 6 giant pulse jets on the back of a pickup and run it through the neighborhood at 3:30am "Do not listen to a word he says even if it, somehow, is compatible with reality." A car that won't start is an inconvenience. If it won't stop, that's a problem. Eight orphaned hedgehogs in the Russian city of Vladivostok were saved after kindly cat Muska adopted the spiky brood when their mother died in a lawnmowing accident. "...and the next day you’d start XOR’ing the branch’s PC address with a shift register containing the branch’s recent branching history, because in those days, you could XOR anything with anything and get something useful." "That's a TERRIBLE plan! There's another TWENTY of them! We don't have enough minions!" The Future for Religious Heritage believe Henry to be the "world's first open-access railway station pipe organ." "Aw, they’d get the message after the first couple of explosions." In 2010, Caitlin Moran wrote that British Prime Minister David Cameron resembled "a slightly camp gammon robot" and "a C3PO made of ham." "I once watched [K. B. Spangler] take a live falcon to the face. After that, I wouldn’t dream of any other editor for my self-published books." Defence company Nammo said it is unable to expand its factory becuase a TikTok date centre that stores 'cat videos' is eating up all the electricity in the region. Any pub universally known by an unadvertised nickname is good. "Is the desalinator not working?" "No. Ed set it on fire." There's nothing critical to the definition of a jet engine that you can't point at and say 'look, a jet engine'. "Your AI Girlfriend Is a Data-Harvesting Horror Show" For health news, it is important to read the Daily Mail, which will tell you if last week’s miracle anti-cancer food has turned into this week’s cancer-inducing poison. "It seems to be a complicated device chain for pulping bees and combining their DNA." "Oh sure, like you'd— wait, what? Seriously?" "I love that a bunch of people just got together, self organised and ran a massive distributed computing experiment to solve something so pointless." "All of our customers who have suffered hardware failures due to our Cloud Outage will receive assistance to repair the printers if required." " Will you maintain and preserve inviolably the said settlement of the Church of England and the doctrine, worship, discipline and government thereof as by law established within the kingdoms of England and Ireland, the dominion of Wales and town of Berwick upon Tweed and the territories thereunto belonging?" -- Coronation oaths 1707 jan64: one of my stepsisters likes discussing that sort of thing, but fortunately I don't live in a bad porno 'Hey look, we *do* QC' || I'm sure more often than not, the job of a QC inspector in China is to apply little 'QC' stickers Unfortunately, after one or two drinks it seems like a tremendous idea to keep having more drinks. Aircraft grounded after 130 hamsters run riot in luggage hold "Another triumph of insomnia over practicality or logic!" "I love that he killed a tube worm, that's so cute!" The best thing about being an engineer is if there's a thing that doesn't exist, and you want it to exist, you can just make it exist. "I'm not superstitious… It's bad luck to be superstitious." -- Jared Isaacman "As an avid fan of both chess and shrooms I had never considered doing them simultaneously, but this sounds exactly like my experience with being shroomed on other strategy games." thanks, I hate non-mammal cheeses "This particular [Crew-2 parachute issue] is indeed a 'meh'. The problem with 'meh' is that once you start stacking them up, you end up with Challenger. You're only allowed one 'meh' at a time." - u/JshWright More people should realize that they are someone when they say "Someone should do something." "In the comics, it always seems like they are trying to save the world. It seemed like one should try to make the world a better place because the inverse makes no sense." "You mean the one with her nose rotted off and no eyeballs and that skeletonized face? Why would you have nightmares about that?" “The fact that turkey DNA was so similar to that of Triceratops was very suspicious.” SKREEEE! < MightyBOB> So THAT'S how you send ghost snakes to bite someone's boob. "Duct tape is not a perfect solution to anything. But with a little creativity, in a pinch, it's an adequate solution to just about everything." and i merely suggested caning drug dealers [the Boeing LRV] was designed for a top speed of 6 miles per hour (9.7 km/h), although it achieved a top speed of 11.2 miles per hour (18.0 km/h) on its last mission If at first you don't succeed, you fail. "The wildlife was modified in the incident and wasn't representative of its type so wasn't suitable for preservation." "TCL’s VP of content services and partnerships, Catherine Zhang, explained during the screening that the goal of its original content is to get people used to passively watching movies and shows built with generative AI so TCL can make money from targeted ads." "The only reason he survived was because he broke every bone in his face, which allowed for his brain to swell." He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough. Tom O'Leary, head of education and interpretation at the National Archives, replied to the media that, "It does seem like an April Fool but it most certainly is not. The Civil Service does not do jokes." it would be funnier if you were a tofu extremist "We'll be on, and we will cover the end of the world, live, and that will be our last event. We'll play the National Anthem only one time, on the first of June [launch day], and when the end of the world comes, we'll play 'Nearer My God To Thee' before we sign off." -- Ted Turner, founder of CNN If you're sourcing your poetry from NTRS, something has either gone terribly wrong or terribly right. [20:47] sasamj: also would it be so much of a violation of civil liberties if we forced pedos to get tatoos on their face saying they're pedos "America is a death cult whose vast wealth is fueled by killing in a thousand different forms. Nothing in humanity's past or present even comes close to it. [...] There's only one possible undertaking that could shift the U.S. economy away from death toward life: space exploration." FLHerne is the only person here worth discussing things seriously with Multiplication is like addition, but with more addition. Potassium iodide has a painfully bad taste, so bad that a single crystal or 1 drop of the saturated solution in a small child's mouth would make him cry The hardest thing in chess is to win a won game. The most successful hoax in history is the notion that anyone knows what they're doing, ever. In recent years, the US birth rate has increased dramatically to over 0.5 Miles/hour. Life needs to be more than just solving problems every day. You need to wake up and be excited about the future. Only the Polytron reduces an entire mouse to a soup-like homogenate in 30 seconds. "Culling has proved to work, and can I suggest that rather than talking about stopping culling on badgers and to introduce some other form, that all wild animals have to be culled." -- Richard Drax MP "The Idiot Plot, of course, is any plot that would be resolved in five minutes if everyone in the story were not an idiot." -- Roger Ebert "You don’t put stuff on your head if you’re president. That’s Politics 101." -- Barack Obama "This ship hovers with no visible means of propulsion and travels through hyperspace, and you're worried about how the air conditioning works?" The AAIB wrote that the use of a common grounding point for several systems, whose failure could cause the uncommanded shutdown of both engines, was "not sound design philosophy." do not taunt the cursed gourds You cannot spell "accidentally" without "dental" if someone invents teleportation the first thing I'm using it for is to teleport all the gunk out of my sinuses/nose into the sun "This gets to be the spectral chicken forever more as punishment. Next time AMD can try again, and if they manage to get their act together and publish something before I get to write the code and invent a name for a magical bit, they get to name it how they like." Stupid sexy helicopters. Always with the spam, and the bans, and the "you can't add diddler to the bot" "🚀👩‍🚀👨‍🚀🌌🛰️🌍🌎🌏📡🔭💼🧑‍💼👩‍💼🌟✨📈" -- Eric Berger The UK military denied any warning shots were fired and said the ship was in innocent passage in Ukraine's territorial sea, later clarifying that heavy guns were fired three miles astern and could not be considered to be warning shots. Rust is absolutely amazing to use if you understand how things work, and if you don't the compiler is like "fuck you and your mutable borrow" and you gotta learn more. A website viewed on a desktop should not have a hamburger menu. Don't set something one does not really want as a goal; this goal will not be achievable. "There was a doorway where she thought the wall was, and she just kind-of disappeared mid conversation." "Holy camera! We've hit the sun!" "I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life." -- God A birth certificate with a vague account number written on it is not a recognized medium of commercial exchange within Canada. "Lori, you have got to tell your friend Elon he can't do that. He's in our lane. You made us get out of low-Earth orbit, so we've given him that lane, but this is our lane. We build the big rockets." -- unnamed NASA senior official The more you practice, the luckier you get. Hippocrates believed that hair was hollow and its purpose was storing semen, which was created in the brain. As men went through puberty the semen would flow into the hair all over their bodies. "As with anything, it'll be ignored until someone realises the problems will hit before the next election." "Anyone who actually writes software, please report to the 10th floor at 2 pm today. Before doing so, please email a bullet point summary of what your code commits have achieved in the past ~6 months, along with up to 10 screenshots of the most salient lines of code." When Conservative Welsh Assembly Member Darren Millar formally asked the Welsh Economy Minister Edwina Hart about the Welsh Government's policy funding research into sightings of UFOs at Cardiff Airport, a press officer in the Minister's office issued a written reply in Klingon: jang vIDa je due luq. ʼach ghotvamʼeʼ QIʼyaH-devolved qaS, which was translated as: "The minister will reply in due course. However this is a non-devolved matter." I don't care about facts, I find they tend to cloud my judgement "If you're not going to believe what I say then WHY ARE YOU EVEN ASKING?" "Pizzagate" redirects here. For the pizza-throwing incident at a 2004 association football game between Manchester United and Arsenal, see Battle of the Buffet § "Pizzagate". "PLETHAURUS. Okay, today I learned TWO new words." "He literally just redirected thousands of tons of steel and hundreds of people so that he could get the sun out of his eyes while he eats his bagel." Vader can't really Force Choke people, everyone simply fakes doing so in order to avoid being cut in half. Don't be a baked potato. Be a person. "I hate it when this happens. Now I have to waste time convincing her that I'm killing her for a legitimate reason and am not just a loony." "I sand away the bottom of the chip till I hit the die and leads, then I cut the chip smaller with a Dremel. The end result is 10x10x2mm, and surface mountable." When people say "clearly ", that means there's a huge crack in their argument and they know it's not clear at all. Every time you make a typo, the errorists win. "My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks." The USAF stated that a test of its AGM-183A Air-launched Rapid Response Weapon hypersonic boost-glide vehicle, or ARRW, would lead to four top-shell snails and up to 90 giant clams being killed. nobody wants to go there orbbfrgg || Why not? You can buy bull semen by the gallon "Well, it's a dynamic position where you would be variably interchanging and coordinating the office dynamics through variable interchanging and coordination." Died doing what he loved, huffing popcorn microwave bags "High viz jacket, a clipboard, *and* a notepad. All they need is a toolbox and they could get into literally any building." Be yourself, except: if you have the opportunity to be a unicorn, then be a unicorn. For a 20%+ tip I better get a damn good blowjob with the steak I ordered "We're talking about transferring my consciousness into a magic construct with a very finite existence. I'm reading the instructions FIRST." Soorjo Alexander William Langobard Oliphant Chuckerbutty (1884—1960) was an English organist and composer. There is no evidence of a relationship between astronomical phenomena and the ability to balance an egg. "I found out later that a four-meter, tentacled eel of a person had paid the balance of my fare without telling me, because, she had told the captain, I didn’t belong there and would be healthier elsewhere." Sometimes cutting through infinitely folded space-time requires the use of power-tools. "I used to host freesql.org. I had over 250k users in total. It was boxes in my basement. For a while they were plugged into a light fixture in the ceiling." Don't wait for yesterday. "Pull knob out to stop shower" "You could, of course, solve the problem with nukes. Either nuke the outskirts of the city and get rid of all the buildings which are in the way of widening the road, or nuke the city centre so people aren't wanting to get in and out of it any more. But the practical difficulties associated with this solution are rather more than it is possible to cope with." Steve Irwin's death is believed to be the only fatality from a stingray captured on video. "All of these techniques could be implemented. However, John slowly realized that these solutions were just things that he could do, and inventing 'a thing that you could do' is a low bar for human achievement." "SS2 elevons were replaced after last powered flight. Way too damaged to fly again. Whole structure ruptured. Landed long to avoid cameras." "I tell antivaxxers that the antivaxx conspiracy was started by Big Pharma to cut down on the number of vaccinated people because vaccines make less money than treating diseases." Do things; don't want to have done them. We need Muppet Aliens with everybody but Ripley played by Muppets, right now. Do you think a guy taking fent won't suck a dick for a hit The Unlawful Games Act 1541 required every Englishman between the ages of 17 and 60 (with various exemptions) to keep a longbow and regularly practise archery. However, this Act was repealed by the Betting and Gaming Act 1960. "One of my earliest memories is waking up in mid-air as I fell off a bunk bed." The DisplayPort to HDMI bridge chip in the Mac Mini and 14"/16" MacBook Pros (MDCP29xx) uses a V186 CPU core. That's an Intel 80186 clone, running good old 16-bit x86 real mode code. "Kids pre-2000 were allowed to be bored. It did them good. I feel like boredom is a gateway to creativity, which is in turn the foundation of a lot of necessary life skills." "Jones' purposeful consumption of silver, which he believed to be an antibiotic, was a measure he undertook in response to his fears that the Y2K problem would make antibiotics unavailable, an event that did not occur." "This movie should have to give ME five stars for sitting through it. This movie is a cinematic hate crime. This movie is like having your brain eaten slowly by monkeys with rusty spoons." Do, or do not. There is no //TODO "In your response, you acknowledged the multiple trash bags containing torn quality control documents and the practice of signing documents before recording the data. You stated the torn documents were from scale-up batches in which you tore the documents so as 'not to create confusion in the mind of the investigator.' Your response was inadequate." "Access to water should not be a public right." -- Peter Brabeck-Letmathe, chairman of Nestlé Boil water in the kettle, two spoons of tea in the pot. Pour water from kettle into pot when it boils. Do not put tea in kettle. "I e-mailed HP's reviews team with questions about the trackpad, and they declined to answer them. Instead, they recommended that I connect an external mouse." Upon Discovery of the Fire, Remain Calm. "What's so bad about porn pics? It just saves time - instead of going to one site for linux news and another for porn, you can get it all from the same place. Efficient!" TheKosmonaut: i’m confused || they’re mammals || i think || but like they’re still in water || so they're fish || mammal fish "I'm surprised that he managed to do that entire speech without breaking into laughter or regurgitating several poisonous snakes." "Hopefully with less explosions than Kerbal Space Program! Michael Bay movies have less explosions that Kerbal Space Program. I don't think SpaceX could match that if they TRIED." "I'm a bit out of the loop. What was the issue seen?" "It exploded." "It was working for quite a while before blowing up." I bet you think that was really stupid. Seashells cannot be carbon dated correctly because they take too much old carbon from the water. the blood tends to spurt out in an alarming way though "The co-pilot reached up, touched the liquid dripping out of the engine nacelle and said "Tastes like hydraulic fluid." You get bit by a vampire, but you don't turn into a werewolf until three days later. Wild cows are hard to find, however are wildly unpredictable. You never know what a wild cow's defenses are. They may spit blood, or even venemous toxins into your eyes in order to disable you. Once disabled, they may try to eat your internal organs. i'd rather not have my bones dissolved "We've tried NOTHING and we are out of ideas!" "I was babysitting for a family and couldn’t drive yet so the dad drove me home. He was on a side street, saw a cat, swerved to hit it and then cursed when he missed. I was horrified." "The question of how the gun discharged is a complete toss-up, since it seems both improbable that the gun could have discharged without being fired and yet equally improbable that the gun could have been fired to begin with." "I didn't really expect the torture to work, but I wrote it on my schedule in ink, so here we are." The other day somebody asked me what woke was meant to mean || I said "caring about other people's feelings, but if that was bad" If a thousand people cut themselves on a raised screw-head, and report it, that counts as a fatality. Don't use nested parentheses in normal writing. People will spot that you're a programmer. "What konverse says is technically not wrong. To be wrong, it would have to make some sense, and on the basis of this sense it can be determined to be wrong." "When I ask for a the menu prices he said that they do clothes not curries?, Weird, worst Indian I have ever seen the isn't even any bar, the kitchen is full of washing machines. To weird for me not going again" "thomastheo: this is about as believable as a nicholas cage movie" Look for tiny interesting choices. And remember that you are always making up the future as you go. "Giant robots trump the U.S. Constitution. That's why the Illuminati began work on Washington 2000." "You may move about the ship once the Captain extinguishes the 'No Panicking' sign." "Although he is a business professional he has just photocopied a burrito." "I’ve never fell off a big chimney. You only fall off one of them once." -- Fred Dibnah Belief, however ridiculous, imbues life with meaning. Geeks abandon the world around them because they're busy soldering together a new one. WARNING: This item was aged by the same inexorable passage of time that also processes nuts. There is no good order except that which we create. There is no hope but us. There is no mercy but us. There is no justice. There is just us. Everything is possible with the power of will, exercise, teamwork, and lithium-ion batteries! No one sees you in a fluorescent jacket. "We used to set fire to each other as apprentices." "Well, that's fair game, innit." They were going to land either way, whether it's in one piece or many is just a question of speed "The cooks say that now that they know what a pizza is supposed to be, they can make them." Locate seventeen more algebra errors. "I was supposed to program a keypad for a school project once. Couldn’t work it out, so I just ripped out the electronics, glued a switch to the back of the number 5, then told the teacher the code was 4835. Got an A." [Horses are] just stupid meat bikes Wikipedia has trained us to believe anything followed by little blue numbers in brackets. Stop selecting for low ethics in your hiring process. "They hadn’t dreamed, in the way people usually used the word, but they’d imagined a different world, and bent metal round it." "The next step involves exploring amphibian social networks in the wild by equipping the frogs with tiny radio backpacks. This will allow the researchers to precisely determine who is hanging out with who." -- https://www.nzgeo.com/stories/do-frogs-like-each-other/ "Now is the time ve reclaim the vorld. Whole vorld of ice. According to inevitability of history and triumph of thermodynamics." "The player is in effect, god of his own pocket universe where the main intelligent form of life are squat alcoholic sociopaths." "I've heard that the thing to do is light a small wood/paper fire underneath an appliance or other plausible fire hazard, though that was from an arson investigator so he could have been giving me bad advice to make his job easier." effects of depression are (a) wanting not to be alive (b) lack of motivation to actually do things, including (a) "Unfortunately, the laser energy flow would turn the atmosphere to plasma, instantly igniting the Earth’s surface and killing us all." "And then I see the disinfectant where it knocks it out in a minute. One minute. And is there a way we can do something like that, by injection inside or almost a cleaning?" If you do nothing, nothing will go right. "Before the Petrogen design, earlier models of the torch were plagued by backflash – a hazardous condition in which the flame of the torch ignites the gasoline in the fuel line and travels up the line to the gasoline tank causing an explosion." "I had to cut off the veins in my right leg, and temporarily swallow half my brain." electrokitty, i can swing it, but not do a full 360 || this statement is going to get taken out of context, isn't it US Patent #3216423 is categorized under A61B17/42: "Gynaecological or obstetrical instruments or methods" and F41B: "Weapons for projecting missiles without use of explosive or combustible propellant charge". Care about people but not what they think of you. The only successful way of predicting the future is to build it. "Sleep? Isn’t that a completely inadequate substitute for caffeine?" "Future procedures will involve a short string of preliminary tests to confirm that the mallet is unlikely to make the pole explode." "I'll quote you when I submit my grant proposal for auto-defenestration therapy." In the case of Henry, he claims that the At-sik-hata Nation owns North America (now renamed "Atlan, Amexem, Turtle Island, Land of Frogs") as a result of his treaty with the Olmec people, an early culture that existed in meso-America from 1500-400 B.C. and who are noted for their large sculptures of human heads. "I think that one’s the three-headed fish of the Howanda three-headed fish religion." "Stolen cheddar may be heading to Russia, supplier tells BBC" Ozone smells like a lethal radiation dose feels. Bookies aren't in the business of accurately predicting probability, they're in the business of making as much money as possible. "I can pick up a mole (animal) and throw it. Anything I can throw weighs one pound. One pound is one kilogram." "On line 1 of the [REDACTED] there was a metal box covering a hydraulic pump. I asked for the covering to be removed. Heavy discolored meat build up was found on the pump itself, the inside covering, and built on the floor. Around the motor was meat, wood pieces, and plastic. When the cover was taken off an obvious odor filled the department." "Working with the Department of Defense’s Space Surveillance Network, the team has verified that ICON remains intact." "As a country, we can't allow ourselves to be divided. We have to work together — against each other." "When people say I changed the culture of Boeing, that was the intent, so it's run like a business rather than a great engineering firm." -- Harry Stonecipher "We work on a risk management basis and we’ll have judged the risk of the EA finding out and understanding the permit breach would be minimal as they are under-resourced and incompetent." -- United Utilities employee Isnt everything in earth 4 billion years old? Then why is the age of things so important? "They have unlimited money, which they use to pay very bright people to work on boring stuff. There is a reason that this is widely recognised as an HR antipattern." "While it's obvious when you stop to think about it, it's also very important to make people stop and think about it." "I have seen a small tugboat towing a barge; a man pulling a firetruck. Before writing off this idea completely, can someone address what's stopping a fighter plane from towing a passenger jet if a proper point of harness is installed?" "Maybe we can combine these two ideas. Exhale a bunch of dead bees as well as a gas which reanimates creatures, then you breath zombie bees." Saying that taste is just personal preference is a good way to prevent disputes. The trouble is, it's not true. You feel this when you start to design things. Are you deaf? Or simply a coward? Push the button. "[Book 12] will end the series, even if it's 20,000 pages long, Tor has to invent a new binding system, or it comes with its own library cart." -- Robert Jordan On the internet, it's okay to say, "You know, this kind of works some of the time if you're using the right technology," and BAM! it's part of the internet now. "When I was like 12 I did a Chinese magic act where I had, you know, like a long mustache and a little hat and an orange velvet robe, and I claimed to be 200 years old and lived in ancient China because I didn't know how long ago China was ancient." -- Teller books are just dead tattooed trees "It was really foolish to allow anyone else write access to /mnt/doom. He really needed a better sysadmin." seeing someone not breathe for 15 minutes makes me very uncomfortable "Someone sent me a text about Sicilian telegraphs. Can you please send it again." -- Douglas Self, on his website homepage It's 'Joint Photographic Experts Group'. 'Ph', not 'P'. It's pronounced "Jfeg." British Airways passengers have been left "baffled" after crates of frozen fish arrived instead of their luggage. "At one particularly alarming moment Bill was moved to grab the handbrake only to be informed politely that he might turn it as much as he wished because this, the only orthodox means of arresting Dolgoch’s progress, did not work." I kinda want to see a cow with a flare stack though "The party was working so many angles you needed a sextant to say hello." Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man *to* a fish and you'll have appeased Poseidon, god of the sea. "It's funny how much credit you can get for pressing twenty random buttons and finding the one that does the thing." All is right with the world when there is a queue. the hardest part about roaches is that you can't squish em or you get a pretty big mess, usually i just try to grab em and flush em in the toilet, but i heard they can still live and come back up "Japan's H3 rocket, which failed on its inaugural launch in March, is likely to have malfunctioned due to excessive electrical current inside the launcher's second-stage engine." Brazilian Prison Uses Geese to Deter Escapes On a related note, Proton-Enhanced Nuclear Induction Spectroscopy Music should have no other end and aim than the glory of God and the recreation of the soul. Where this is not kept in mind there is no true music, but only an infernal clamour and ranting. "...and this is where the analogy is breaking down somewhat." Safety has never, ever, been the top priority of a rail network, nor is it now, nor will it ever be. Trains are very big heavy things, and they move very fast. Big heavy fast things are dangerous. Four is the largest and smallest number in the universe. you can get egg 6 packs || jan: yes, that is too many eggs. i will be committing two murders this christmas "That [steel-rolling machine] can be a kind of sloping bar." "After playtesting, we all had an intimate understanding of which washing machine we should buy next." flherne, ok, fren, if you bot man is ok, secret police i go away For no conceivable reason! In 1987, two sounding rockets resting on launch pads at NASA's Wallops Island were prematurely launched due to a lightning strike. "I will not assume any liability for damage caused from running this code. Especially if you are running it as root. In fact, we both know that this WILL cause damage to the system, and that's why you want to try it. You have been warned." Nothing has ever sounded better than the rain on a corrugated iron roof. Nothing more threatening, exhilarating, life giving and life taking all at the same time. People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. "I’m glad that people are working on new kinds of bouncing icons because they believe that humanity has solved cancer and homelessness and now lives in a consequence-free world of immersive sprites." Most delivery drones can carry only about 30 percent of their mass as payload, because most of their mass is both critical, like wings, and comes in the form of things that are essentially useless to the end user, like wings. "White lost by virtue of the King falling off." Pocari Sweat was launched in 1980 in Japan by Rokuro Harima, an Otsuka Pharmaceutical employee who came up with the idea after observing a doctor drink IV solution to rehydrate. If people built houses the way we write programs, the first woodpecker would wipe out civilization. The moth is insufficiently sexy "Again, and this time without self-pity." Cows have insanely high IgM antibodies, which makes them pretty much immune to sepsis. Centrifugal compressors, sometimes called impeller compressors or radial compressors, are a sub-class of dynamic axisymmetric work-absorbing turbomachinery. "Probably the last sound heard before the Universe folded up on itself like a paper hat would be someone saying 'what happens if I do this?'" "One of our crew has a mysterious illness. I will refuse to let him on board, yell at everyone, and then set fire to him with a flamethrower in front of his girlfriend and most of the rest of the crew." Better to be aloof than alert. Who needs lerts? "User called, his Fred died. You'll find fred at room xx.xxx. Replace ASAP." "I have an SUV and sometimes the smaller alligators will want to climb over the seats and try to make their way to the front to help me drive, so it's me and the alligator waving at people going down the freeways." as long as the baby is sober, it's all good Lithuanian Defense Minister Arvydas Anusauskas said his country wants to join the "Leopard coalition": "True, we don't have any tanks, but we have an opinion on tanks." "Well, we know that this is never going to make it past the liver, so let’s see if we can find something for it to do in the liver." "Power smoothing. The electrons get baffled by the platypus, and route around it. The additional travel distance unbunches the electrons, which proceed at a speed inversely proportional to density through the platypus bypass, coming out the other side as a more consistent, more existentially troubled, stream." "As the supposed mastermind of the plot, he knew for a certainty it had never existed." Having a queen as head of state is like having a pirate or a mermaid or Ewok as head of state. What’s the logic? "I understand you strongly feel the other party should be held at fault, however we can't instigate legal action against a kangaroo so your excess remains payable." "...for these calculations, we will assume a spherical cow, although most remaining "cows" are actually closer to oblate spheroids..." "We're just going to kill you, and then you'll be fine." At the tone, the time will be whatever your watch says. "Scientists think a nanobot could replicate in about 100 seconds, meaning this simple mistake would inconveniently end all life on Earth in 3.5 hours." 99% of all dust in the home is human skin cells. So Roombas are human-eating robots, and it's just a matter of time before they decide that they want fresher cells, and they turn on us. In 1981, a German landlord evicted a tenant without notice after the tenant spread surströmming brine in the apartment building's stairwell. When the landlord was taken to court, the court ruled that the termination was justified when the landlord's party demonstrated their case by opening a can inside the courtroom. i think everyone should be free to talk about their shrivelling genitals in the new channel || otherwise it won't be as good as the old channel If you can keep your head when all about are losing theirs and blaming it on you, you just don't understand the situation. "It does technically work, but there is no circumstance in which I could ever see myself using it." "Why write this story set on the winter solstice? It is the darkest day of the year, the longest night, that is true. But starting at dawn tomorrow, every day gets brighter." She noted such releases could also be illegal. Laws vary by country and state, Curry said, but she encouraged people to call their state wildlife agency if they see such activity on TikTok "We wanted it to be flight hardware, but we tested it and it exploded, so now it is an engineering pathfinder." CPU cores are analogous to washing machines. "I don't know, officer. It just scooped up an entire rack of scones and drove away!" "The basis of the strength of the fleet is in battleships and no scientific development is in sight which might render them obsolete." -- First Sea Lord Admiral Andrew Cunningham, May 1944 [22:46] (FLHerne) https://usercontent.irccloud-cdn.com/file/fTjhd6Tw/image.png is about the only frog on there I'd even consider fucking "She’s a robot. You can tell by their eyes, and everything they say follows logically from something else, or if a fuse goes they talk absolute nonsense. Real people talk a sort of half-nonsense all the time – the robot people haven’t worked out yet how to copy it." "Luckily, I already found out that lead cuts pretty easily with a chainsaw." "And if you don't mind smelling like a peanut for two or three days, [peanut butter] is a darn good shaving cream." -- Barry Goldwater "Somehow, the candidate had divined a deep relationship between 3.14 and the fizzbuzz pattern, but rejected it when he discovered that 3.14/3 == 5.14 fizz." Crustastun, proudly manufactured by Mitchell & Cooper, is a revolutionary appliance created specifically to humanely stun crustaceans. "This right here is a Deltic doing what a Deltic does best: making a environmental nuisance of itself." People underestimate risks they willingly take and overestimate risks in situations they can't control. Spline reticulation complete. "And naturally the transnats don’t like that, it’s horrible for business when the world blows up." Nobody really wants to advertise that they filter their beer through dead fish. The highest point in Huntingdonshire is Boring Field, which is 2/3rds of the way up the side of a hill. 10 is the best age to be. Ravioli is how the Universe fills a small part of itself with cheese. "We just kind of assumed that we were supposed to throw the children at the bear as some sort of offering." This toilet installation is connected to Microsoft Azure IoT Central* To opt out of letting us collect your toilet usage data simply do not turn the lock all the way. (If you hear a saber igniting upon locking the door, then your visit will be logged) The March March march is a long, flat, pointless walk across the Fens from the town of March to Cambridge, a distance of about thirty miles. It takes place, of course, in March, often but not always on the last Saturday in March. It has no purpose other than to be called the March March march. "Gwynedd: New 'multi-purpose' sheep bred successfully" -- BBC News Fortune follows the already fortunate. "My laptop caught fire when I was trying to overclock the bluray player. Can you recover my files?" "Who else could EVER wear so MAJESTIC AND COMMANDING A HAT?!" A common misconception about light bulbs is that they emit light when, in fact, they absorb darkness. "If you can choose between a white and a brown organic egg, and you want an egg that’s sustainably produced as well, you’d better go for the white one." "It multiplied the box office earnings by the distance between Sydney and Brisbane, gave the answer in an amalgamation of currency and distance, and, for good measure, it assumed the answer was an area so it squared those units. Makes perfect sense." "The AI does not hate you, nor does it love you, but you are made out of atoms which it can use for something else." -- Eliezer Yudkowsky "It’s like, maybe Medicare is a good idea, maybe not, but there’s no way to justify reading everything that ever existed a jillion times into a mega-jillion sized array." "Our products' superficial design flaws completely mask their fundamental design flaws." Any problem with any manmade system is ultimately a human error. "There's no way to confirm that, of course, because 'local person doesn't die in river' doesn't make the news." "Three days and four hours and six minutes to the very minute after she died, her wardrobe fell down the stairs." got to make sure your dog has the correct metacentric height || otherwise it might capsize || or in extreme cases float off into the sky i hold firm to my conviction that one should eat what they shoot. and people are not part of my diet Iceland military spending/defense budget for 2019 was $0.00B, a NAN% decline from 2018. Imagine having to load fresh pigeons into your bomb before launch < jonty> Someone once tried to claim a voucher because they attached an LED to a stick. Turn this thing off. There’s a world outside. Terry Pratchett got his first job as a journalist and saw his first corpse four hours later, work experience meaning something in those days. "Some, like the UK, use the high-beam flash to say 'I'm here, and I'm staying here, making way for you. Please come on.' Others, as we discovered in some narrow alpine roads, use it to mean 'I'm here, and I'm coming through: make way!' This subtle difference in meaning can result in delightfully comic encounters beside thousand-foot cliffs." "Oh, but that almost never happens." I had to google "sexy corn near you" to find that. Why don’t we just mix up absolutely everything and see what happens? "This restriction will not apply in the event of the occurrence (certified by the United States Centers for Disease Control or successor body) of a widespread viral infection transmitted via bites or contact with bodily fluids that causes human corpses to reanimate and seek to consume living human flesh, blood, brain or nerve tissue and is likely to result in the fall of organised civilisation." -- AWS ToS "Dude, YOUR OWN NARRATOR thinks this is a bad idea." Black tea is the best, purest way to consume tea it would suck to die of ammonia poisoning. so damn stinky. at least hydrogen sulfide has the courtesy to kill your sense of smell before it kills you. "Dragon Wake-up Music: An off-key all-flute version of A-Ha's 'Take On Me'. Apparently selected by Thomas. Not broadcast on the SpaceX webcast, apparently, since we didn't secure the rights. Perhaps SpaceX legal didn't have enough time to contact the owner of the Youtube channel 'Shittyflute'" "Sure, it's essential for the entire universe to work, I just didn't expect it to beat 'hugs'." "It doesn't work like that, no matter if you go with Rules As Written, Rules As Intended, or Rules As Any Sane DM Interprets Them." Nothing worse than soaked jeans || except maybe being impaled by rusty metal spikes "Everyone knows that a cornered animal is dangerous, and, in Dwarf Fortress, carp are a perfect example of this." In 2019, James Ketchell became the first person to circumnavigate the globe in an autogyro. "You need to capture some moral high ground that sits outside of artillery range." "Click the Setup tab, then click Password below. Type in 'admin' for the Old Password field and 'mcesupport' for the New Password and Confirm New Password fields. Click Save Settings at the bottom." -- MCE user manual When you use a mocking voice to present an opposing point, you just sound like a condescending asshat. The RTG was lost in the sands due to tides, as it was installed in immediate proximity to the inshore area. The accident was caused by the management team’s incompetence. The RTG is still kept on the site in violation of the law Firmly stating things that the audience knows to be false erodes confidence in authority. "He’ll have to learn right from left like the rest of us. And right from wrong, too." "Under your leadership the Conservative Party appears to me to have ceased collectively to believe in anything, or to stand for anything. It has no bedrock. It exists on shifting sands. A sense of mission has been replaced by a PR agenda." -- Quentin Davies MP "The kookiness of the prerequisite kooky character has now reached some kind of singularity. Her actions don't seem to have any connection to sentient thought or social context." "When you talk about the job experience you'll give me, why do you pronounce 'job' with a long 'o'?" "It made him think of wooden figures, whirling through Time until the spring unwound." redactedB: want to work on an ERP together? like, for fun? Nobody's jacking off to greek urns of wolf headed blokes "Accents are just mouth fonts" Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present. "The upside is that the software does what you tell it to do. The downside is that the software does what you tell it to do." Get at least 3 hours of sleep. Preferably in a bed. "[Musk] was super mean to me, but he's super mean to so many people, so you can’t take it too personally." -- Bill Gates ldgoforlaunch: no showering, just deodorant Thermonator is a quadruped robot with an ARC flamethrower mounted to its back, fueled by gasoline or napalm. It features a one-hour battery, a 30-foot flame-throwing range, and Wi-Fi and Bluetooth connectivity for remote control through a smartphone. "A small section of the roof of the church is disputed between the Copts and Ethiopians. At least one Coptic monk at any given time sits there on a chair placed on a particular spot to express this claim. On a hot summer day he moved his chair some 20cm more into the shade. This was interpreted as a hostile act and violation of status quo. Eleven were hospitalized after a fight ." "This is a fantastic book, but it might leave people thinking that all technology is powered by woolly mammoths and angels." "No. Whatever it is you’re going to suggest, NO." "Don't worry, it can sew through the safety goggles as well." The longer you wait to fire someone the longer it has been since you should have fired them. 112. PROPELLERS.--Should be removed with a heavy hammer--a light one harms the propeller without removing it. "At least one accident, dated 1960, was reported in the press when the plastic bung was removed and 133,000 steel ball bearings spilled onto the aircraft hangar floor, leaving the bomb armed and vulnerable." i once witnessed a fellow student get shot in the eye with a formaldehyde-soaked piece of shark carcass || that was fun sasamj: oh, I remember hearing of that for sheep vaginas "I was reduced to hysterics, alone in my kitchen, with only a bemused stray cat as a witness to my own complete and total idiocy." [Barbara Moore] was a vegetarian and a breatharian, believing it is possible for people to survive without food. "Mind you, when I say 'the great and the good,' what I mean is the rich." Try talking to your local lawmakers about dropping a live nuclear reactor from orbit at Mach 25. What if we kissed downwind from the sewage treatment plant 🥺👉👈 raptop: Remember: it's all fun and games until the IRCOps force you to have a fursona "...not actually intended to test whether you are actually any good at what is being tested, concentrating instead on your proficiency at following arbitrary instructions." Things that are back to front are often easier to comprehend if they are upside down as well. "The middle aisle is a thing of beauty, although it can be difficult not squashing the bread with my new chainsaw" *Made on Earth by humans* "It was like Gilligan’s Island except with rockets." I used to get kicked out for a week and told to get into some kind of trouble "We don't take plea deals cause I did nothing wrong" Donald Trump Parts of Iowa are so flat that on a clear day, a person with good eyesight can look out toward the horizon and see the back of his own head. To someone who has never been a part of an exciting project, seeing someone who is part of an exciting project may look similar to seeing someone who is on drugs. "A pop-up restaurant grown from mushrooms, serving mushroom meals, is just one potential idea for the project's future." "...but now my bed's gone to Wetherspoons." People have built up to 24 engines onto a single motorbike. "I would love that job: Transport Planner to the World, Without Portfolio." More precision doesn't always mean more accuracy. "Commercial space is really just a name for a different government procurement method." -- former NASA Administrator Mike Griffin "Astronauts using diapers on way home from space due to broken toilet in SpaceX capsule." DECEARING EGG https://i.imgur.com/J7osMxB.mp4 "They made a movie about the engineer who designed this, it was called 'Falling Down'." "Rooms have doors. What you're showing me here is an alcove." In 1872 the main lens of the Fitz Refractor Telescope, at the Allegheny Observatory, was stolen for ransom. "But if you're worried about bombs, why are you letting me keep my laptop batteries? If I overvolted them and breached the cells, it would make a sizeable explosion." "I should know better by now than to try to pull one over on the pathologically pedantic lunacy machine that is the Ars comments section." Do things the wrong way but faster "You sterilise them by sticking them in ovens, and subjecting them to radiation and all sorts of cleaning fluids and stuff, and you can't really do that with people." -- Scott Manley "I could have finished faster, but I figured caution’s best when setting fire to rocket fuel in an enclosed space." "The one hundred and twenty-three personnel that your former XO had sedated have all been returned to duty, by the way." Have you heard of Animated SVG Fonts? No? Good. Three is the right number for almost everything. In the Netherlands there is an annual concrete canoe race. "Now, you may have seen my Cassini video, and you may also have noticed that part way through the video I accidentally mispronounced the word 'Saturn' as 'Jupiter'." -- Scott Manley <@SilverFox> I have diet coke, mentos, and an asshole. I'm going to do some experiments. "Hello, Sirs. I was just possessed with a peculiar urge to come and offer you legal advice." "Even if they made it up, it probably did happen at some point anyway." WARNING! This laptop contains gyroscopic combat locusts. Do not open. Check oil level regularly. If it goes up be suspicious and seek professional help. "During our mess dinner at the end of the course I was fined for a misdemeanour, and the fine was to say a particular word, the abbreviation of cockerel, several times during a speech on the floor of the House of Commons and mention all of the officers' names present." -- Penny Mordaunt MP Caffeine addiction is sort of fun, it's a good ritual. "It's still gibberish even when you know what it means." "Rouge state? I guess you mean communist countries, like that place we used to call Red China?" "What did you mean by "kachow"? Because here in Nepal that word is slang for a man who has very dark colored nipples. But I assume that was not how you meant it here from the context of your sentence." "I don't explode cats. It's WAY too difficult to coax them into the microwave." "Did you see the resonance patterns when the blast fronts overlapped? Chewy. Chewy and delicious, with radioactive sprinkles." "A hug was a form of endearment, universal in human communities, in which two or more people put their arms around the neck, back, or waist of one another and held each other closely." you can also use it to make thermite. can't do that with cheese "An expert is a person who has found out by his own painful experience all the mistakes that one can make in a very narrow field." -- Niels Bohr "Three soldiers at the base were arrested and charged with smoking while handling live ammunition" "A sack of dead koalas isn't going to deorbit anything, though I hope the Australian space program doesn't take that statement as some kind of challenge." "So...you walked around for two years with a defective bomb strapped to your face?" Imagine all the things you could have done doing not that. The cause of the shortened flight of ARRC's HTTP-3A 2nd stage has been found: imperial unit "lb" was mistakenly used instead of metric unit "kg", resulting in only 45% needed oxidizer was added. "Having the skeletons of the party members then play the drums made of the party members' skins is really pushing it" The Archbishop of Canterbury will then proclaim "God save the King", with all asked to respond: "God save King Charles. Long live King Charles. May the King live forever." It's a shame dragon is never transported by rail || Then we could have "how to train your dragon" Three people who know what they are doing and are competent are orders of magnitude more capable and will provide better results than 25 people who have no idea what they are doing. Customer service people should get 1 free murder per year. < orbbfrggg> Are you that dependent on meat subs? || < electrokitty> Unfortunately, yes "I apologise for your serviettes; we've only got unicorns." I wonder if [frogs] ever just pop "If I get hungry on the way down, I'll be sure to eat those words." The Boeing QA writes another record in CMES (again, the correct venue) stating (with pictures) that Spirit has not actually reworked the discrepant rivets, they *just painted over the defects*. In Boeing production speak, this is a “process failure”. For an A&P mechanic at an airline, this would be called “federal crime”. Kellie-Jay Keen-Minshull, better known as Posie Parker, isn’t a fan of these very small pictures of people because it’s impossible to tell what kind of genitals they have. The name for an effect that gets smaller the more carefully you measure it is 'error'. "Stopped dwarves from trying to clean their own missing or internal body parts" -- Dwarf Fortress changelog, 13/09/2014 "Do I have to fail you again? We're running out of alphabet!" On 4 July 1989, a teenage informatics student was killed by a MiG-23 near Kortrijk, Belgium. "European mistakes like PAL are gone, eventually driving on the wrong side of the road and ridiculous unnecessary languages tied to ancient borders will disappear. Don't discourage them with silly metric data here and there." "I didn’t get where I am by having reasonable goals." "...simple little sentences which are injected into difficult situations with the same general effect as a steel bar dropped into the bearings of a 3,000 rpm, 660 megawatt steam turbine." "Made from copper and non-asbestos composite" jan64: are you trying to rile me up so i commit terrorist acts as your proxy? If your 'clever' solution is incomprehensible a day later, it was bloody stupid. "In the name of the Kerbulan Empire, I command you to surrend-AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" "Not only does it explode, but it explodes into a cloud of fluorine." "There have been several other cases reported wherein the fish was said to have entered the vaginal canal, but not a single case of a candiru entering the anus was ever documented. According to Gudger, this lends credence to the unlikelihood of the fish entering the male urethra." For engineering purposes, [turbine] disk fragments are assumed to have infinite energy at the moment of release; they will cut through any reasonable material and cannot be contained. Seems like a good way to shoot your Tibia through your kneecap "Between deliberate burn-off and a bit of unexpected explosion, I’m back on track." Added frog: https://i.redd.it/c3240edo750b1.jpg || who needs edification when we have frogs || endogenous edification "Good thing I infected these lollipops with smallpox too!" "This may well have been a case where chilly logic should have been replaced by the common sense of, perhaps, the average chicken." no polyester || never wear polyester || will literally melt into your skin A kid I knew had a dolphin mom "Home Office attempts to protect the children actually drove them into the hands of criminals. Hotel staff were instructed to knock on the doors of children every hour throughout the night, especially for nationalities deemed to be of high risk of going missing [...] Ironically, [this was] the reason that most kids went missing." "We are sorry for the slow running of this service. Due to a shortage of direct sunlight the train is currently unable to run at over 30mph." "Your first reaction shouldn't be to analyze the very last thing they did leading up to it and decide you can avoid making that mistake yourself. Nor should you interview the people who make it to the end and ask them for their detailed advice on safer techniques for maintaining a grip on the chainsaws while sliding through the turns." "It's just science: techno-minimalist aesthetics make professional workloads go faster; anatomically improbable chainmail bikini babes and/or giant death robots make games go faster. How can anyone doubt this?" Ever wanted to have your skull caved in with a Peppa Pig™ balance bike? Then come on down "Most plans are critically flawed by their own logic. A failure at any step will ruin everything after it. That's just basic cause and effect. It's easy for a good plan to fall apart. Therefore, a plan that has no attachment to logic cannot be stopped. The success or failure of any step will have no effect on the macro level." "It is much more likely that the reports of flying saucers are the results of the known irrational characteristics of terrestrial intelligence than of the unknown rational efforts of extra-terrestrial intelligence." "That barrel doesn't say ANYTHING about how magical the pickles are! I don't even think they're masterwork!" "A case was brought before the U.S. Supreme Court (Louisiana ex rel. Francis v. Resweber), with lawyers for the condemned arguing that although Francis did not die, he had, in fact, been executed." Freud's opinions made people so upset that the entire field of psychology was developed just to prove him wrong. I need some kind of anti-jan64 measure "NASA reluctantly agrees to extend the stay on SpaceX's HLS contract by a week bc the 7GB+ of case-related docs in the Blue Origin suit keeps causing DOJ's Adobe software to crash." copenhagen is... in sweden innit? Intentional subcutaneous injection of mercury by mentally healthy children is rare. The colour orange is named after the fruit. Cows are large animals that are difficult to surprise and will generally resist attempts to be tipped. Estimates suggest a force of between 3,000 and 4,000 newtons (670 and 900 pounds-force) is needed, and that at least four and possibly as many as fourteen people would be required to achieve this. "SLS looks like someone started building a Space Shuttle and ran out of legos for the orbiter." "All ten major internal components of this device are easily removable. However, we are worried that they might not go back together as easily as they come apart, a common problem in fruit repair." "If you can't make it to Disney World, I'd recommend moving turtles up to 150 pounds who really don't want to be picked up. It's fun and educational." "Loneliness—the kind that doesn't go away in the presence of others. When isolation is the answer to every problem." "The problem isn't that Rodrigo can't sing anymore. He could never sing. The problem is that now he thinks he used to be good at it." Before refrigeration, Russians kept the milk fresh by dropping live brown frogs straight into their milk buckets. The frog’s presence kept milk from spoiling. The skin of brown frogs, Rana temporaria, releases a unique secretion packed with potent antibacterial and anti-fungal peptides, making it a natural defence mechanism against both bacteria and fungi. there is nothing more human than the sheer power of stupidity If you like your woodlice al dente you won't be disappointed, because woodlice are always al dente. Human civilization has a fundamental limitation in that all humans can be trivially killed while sleeping. The Five Eyes Alliance should really be called the Ten Eyes Alliance, unless there's been some horrible accident to all parties involved. "And to be honest I'd rather inject myself with ants than spend any time working out the dependencies required to compile a kernel." "The 75mm is firing, and the 37mm is firing but traversing round the wrong way. The Browning has jammed. I am saying ‘driver advance’ on the A set and the driver, who cannot hear me, is reversing and as I look out of the top of the turret and see 12 enemy tanks 50 yards away someone hands me a cheese sandwich." -- Lt. Ken Giles "I, on the Puma had a soldier follow the orders for the Chinook and ran straight back and under the tail rotor which sliced straight through the camouflage on his helmet, but luckily not his head." Mate drug dealers deliver to your house, you have to go to the shop to buy cigarettes there were no hot air balloons involved in my eye exam "It is not clear what the object was but local reports suggested it was a grenade launcher. The officer was given the gift on a recent visit to Ukraine." "The audible results produced by this program are downright awful, and it would strike me as very odd if anyone who's listened to them would actually want to hear them again." "After 3 hours of building, Scott has made a vehicle that goes slightly faster than walking speed!" "This machine is not made to KTHUNK and indeed has a glass thermal print head, so KTHUNKing is a very bad thing." "Worrying about my choice of things to worry about is a subcategory of worrying about my prioritisation of things, which I prioritise over almost everything important." "Of course I have! You ever tried going mad WITHOUT power? No-one listens to you." Tuomas Katainen blew up his 2013 Tesla Model S with 66lbs of dynamite after its battery failed. Start climbing. Take help when it's given. Make mistakes, fix them. "The men were heading to Russia at the height of its freewheeling post-Soviet days when rich guys could apparently buy space missiles on the open market." Almost every morsel of our food is genetically modified – admittedly by artificial selection not artificial mutation, but the end result is the same. If Titan was in a retrograde orbit then it would be called Loosen. "There's a large number of foods that I thought I didn't like until someone other than my parents cooked it for me." the nozzle labled blood is off-putting "The arctic is close to Britain but, it kinda sucks over there, and so, that's why America is not there, and it's where it is." All good advice is obvious. The hard part is taking it. I've lived in Iowa for almost a decade and I still have no idea what Iowa "wilderness" looks like || I'm guessing the same thing but with less corn Damn you physics yeah, bear in mind that the definition of a WMD in early 2000s was very lax || it really should be limited to weapons that actually destroy mass In Switzerland, it's illegal to own just one guinea pig; if you have any, you must have at least two. They get lonely! > The companies also reaffirmed their "shared commitment to building AI systems and products that are trustworthy and safe," following Microsoft's "Responsible AI Standard" and OpenAI's efforts at AI Alignment research, which basically seek to eventually create AGI (human-level AI) that won't turn all of us into paperclips. "Facts, but not the truth, nor even information." "Yeah, at this point, I was just internally begging GRRM to stop killing characters I liked. And then I realized this was pointless." the skull of theseus operation It's easy to regret your awkward conversations but hard to regret the ones you didn't have. > 8. Let the liquid boil away and/or solidify onto the broccoli and placenta. | > 9. When it looks yummy, serve it. "It took three government agencies and two interviews before I was allowed inside, and we could only film things that were painted beige." this man is just having so much fun. even when his pulse jet melts he's laughing "Is being turned into a lizard while using an experimental transwarp drive the same thing as being dead?" "Creation of the transparent mouse involves removing all the fats and pigment from its corpse, using a chemical process. It ends up looking like a clear plastic toy, which is ever so slightly bendy." Texas has a law prohibiting the sale and ownership of 6 or more sex toys. You can own as many guns as you like. "Even if he didn’t know why it had happened, it was important to give it a cool name." "The whole 'CERN could make a black hole and kill us all!' stuff is junk but it's the 'kill us all' part that's nonsense, not the 'make a black hole' part." "You've got to hand it to the Japanese, in any other country a premise like that wouldn't get past the brainstorming phase." Take a look at a missile sometime. You'll notice that it's... missile-shaped. Nice pointy nose, tail fins, stuff like that. "The whole effect of the English mind is directed to finding some difficulty, defect or improbability in it. If you speak to him of a machine for peeling potatoes, he will pronounce it impossible. If you peel potatoes with it before his eyes, he will declare it useless because it cannot slice pineapples." -- Charles Babbage if I did steal an RTG, I wonder how long it would be until anyone noticed my bote was radioactive "Oh, wow...using NUMBERS! I got so used to differential equations that I forgot about those." "If you slaughtered the crew of the Enterprise, the ship would fly itself from planet to planet, where diplomacy and exploration would happen on their own. If you destroyed the ship a new one would spontaneously assemble." "They've got their butts in a sling so they want us to pull a rabbit out of the hat to save their bacon." Modern science does not rule out the existence of a creator, but it definitely rules out the existence of a (non-deceitful) creator who created the universe 6000 years ago and then killed everybody in a global flood 4000 years ago. The Railroad Commission of Texas no longer has any jurisdiction or authority over railroads in Texas. "Not only could they simultaneously see the inside and outside and every side of any 3-d object, including themselves, they describe how you have to be careful how you move or else you might accidentally turn yourself into a Klein bottle and die painfully." "I met someone with a wooden top who moored at Lechlade and the cows ate his boat. huge great chunks chewed off it at the edges." There are two golden rules with matrix converters: 1. Thou shalt not short circuit the supply; 2. Thou shalt not open-circuit the load. It is point #2 that makes the topology impractical as a simple loss of power will cause the inverter to blow up. "Third-grade science experiment gone wrong sends 18 students, teacher to Tennessee hospital." Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense. "This book contains conclusions which some readers will find disturbing. We think that some infants with severe disabilities should be killed." "On the other hand, if I had an unlimited amount of money and woke up tomorrow morning with a burning desire to see a 2,000-hole golf course erected on the surface of Mars, I would probably call men like Daily and Wall, do a handshake deal with them, send them a blank check, and not worry about it." The world is not getting worse, the data is getting better. I discovered it on a flea market with my Geiger counter hissing rather than clicking. When i asked the dealer for the price he said 15 EUR. I didn't argue and bought it immediately. can we not article 5 tonight please, i am intending to catch up on some sleep "The Times reporter had made an effort but nothing short of a stampede could have stopped Reacher Gilt in his crazed assault on the meaning of meaning." There is no cheap way to make it good, only relatively good ways to make it cheap. "We added one leaf to the tree of knowledge, and that leaf was 'nope, it's not possible'. There goes seven years of my life." "There was one obvious benefit at least: Dr. Stapp could write extremely accurate physiological, not to mention psychological, reports concerning the effects of the experiments on his subject, Capt. Stapp." "If you know nothing about how to cook an egg in a pan, I have endeavoured to make a video for you and this is it. First thing you'll need is a pan." "I have friends that had a tiny kitten eaten by their dalmation outta nowhere." I've had asbestos roof sheeting fall on me and shatter and then swept it up, that was a bad idea in retrospect "...the browser will immediately go insane and stack random HTML tags along the z-axis, an axis which apparently is an option even if your monitor can only display two dimensions." There are more tigers in Texas than in the wild. "`false` or `0` would make a modicum of sense. That's why it returns `true`." "There is a rumour going around that I have found God. I think this is unlikely because I have enough difficulty finding my keys, and there is empirical evidence that they exist." -- Terry Pratchett "Yeah, that'll work, dead bodies will make anything seem plausible." "I'm still waiting for the opportunity to shine with my knowledge on how to properly put out that kind of fire. For some reason my food never bursts into flame while I'm cooking." MCMAP is a synergy of mental, character, and physical disciplines with application across the full spectrum of violence. "Remember, his entire reality is shaped by unverified customer anecdotes." "So we assumed that size equals power. And this thing came along, the size of an ordinary soup plate, nine inches in diameter, one inch thick, and it produced a thousand horsepower." < Nvidiot> I have an umbrella permanently stored in the trunk of my car. It's been useful, especially on days where they said "Dry and sunny all day" After the Apollo program was cancelled in the early 1970s Titulaer visited the Rockwell factory and saw one of the unfinished Apollo capsules standing there which had been under construction for one of the cancelled flights at a cost of US$10 million. Jokingly he said he would buy it for $1 and to his surprise the Rockwell representative accepted his offer and held him to the purchase. "My first statement, in the calmest voice I could muster, was “take the ship to emergency stations”. This triggered a number of pre-programmed responses, thankfully none of which included staring at me anymore." "They blew up part of the water first. That one, the impact into the water wouldn't kill you. The explosion would." FLHerne: I can understand someone reaching Wolverhampton and despising it so much they spontaneously cease to exist "I'm writing my first email." | "Ok, what seems to be the problem?" | "Well I can get the 'a'. But how do I put the circle around it?" A goal without a plan is a wish. Frogge Hall in Ickleton, Cambridgeshire, "owes its name to the damp conditions before modern drainage denied the wet-loving frogs their favoured environment". "I can see WHAT it is, but WHY is it?" "Dumitru Popescu, who graduated theology" "In previous examples we have found it convenient to assume reality; henceforth we will no longer thus constrain ourselves." "She understood perfectly. The words themselves, at least. The content of the words was insane." ""The transponder (left) is glued to the hornet's thorax (right) with the help of a small paper support; an orthodontic glue is required to quickly fasten the tag." "I don’t know all of the answers in life, but I do know all of the things which aren’t the answers, and JavaScript falls into the same category as Scientology, homeopathic medicine, and making dogs wear tiny sweaters due to a misplaced belief that this is what dogs would do if they had access to looms and opposable thumbs." "We'd say it makes sense in context, but it doesn't." "1.0.2 - Fixed a bug where on rare occasions the contents of the intestines of the user were suddenly expelled from their body. In addition, we've improved error handling in this area so that the user gets warned in case this happens." export EDITOR=rm < sasamj> FLHerne: have ya seen some turds during rainy days? | Yes | < sasamj> 😋 "College heads remained unworried by the fad, which they recognize as healthier than swallowing goldfish." "There are a lot of really good SF&F novels of about 150 pages being published these days. Unfortunately, most of them are hidden away in fairly mediocre novels of 300-500 pages." I drank one pint of it by mistake years ago, loved it, couldn't speak coherently and then cycled into a bollard 46 B.C. is the longest year at 445 days long. "Note: Those who have worked fast-food, and who have lamented the unflattering uniforms which they've been required to wear have no place to complain until they've worn a uniform that includes a wig, a mustache and buck-teeth." "You can steer a boat and it's like a road boat." "Of all the beautiful things that mankind by his creative genius and his ability to co-operate has created, it’s the tea clipper, racing home from China under full press of sail, that is the absolute zenith for me. There are those who would cite aircraft and rocket ships or buildings..." -- Chris Stewart whoever said that you shouldn't print ABS in a non-ventilated area has obviously no appreciation for the ripe smell of burnt plastic "This is mostly because all orange cats share one brain cell. Because God got drunk one night and thought it'd be hilarious to make a block of cheese into a cat." [The operator involved in the accident] had a degree in engineering and was the most experienced operator at the plant, having commenced employment at the facility during its construction. Thus, he was completely familiar with the facility, the hazards and the safety systems. He was regarded as a skilled operator capable of dealing with operational problems and meeting production targets. "For a mad instant Wiz tried to imagine what the NAND diagram for a logical dragon would look like." Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind. "If we can't do a rocket for $11.5 billion, we ought to close up shop." -- Senator Bill Nelson < ldgoforlaunch> i like when people talk here, even if it's about snail penises "It is, of course, extremely toxic, but that's the least of the problem. It is hypergolic with every known fuel, and so rapidly hypergolic that no ignition delay has ever been measured. It is also hypergolic with such things as cloth, wood, and test engineers, not to mention asbestos, sand, and water - with which it reacts explosively." "When looking at the output, she could understand why it had made the mistakes it had, in determining that the explosion was fun, beautiful, and awesome." "What?! But that could be SPECTACULARLY FATAL!" "Even now, after five years of reorganisation for no discernible purpose but to considerable financial cost, no-one can tell you what it accomplishes." "Considering that the rocket and payload for the next launch are currently blown to bits, yeah it'll be delayed." Drink responsibly, because you never know when you'll be caught up in an endless time loop the next day. "I just walked into the kitchen to discover my boyfriend grating cheese directly into the dog's mouth. I don't know if you know this, but dogs are notoriously messy eaters and there is now cheese everywhere. The dog himself is covered in cheese." "The mockup was our competitor's product with duct tape over the logo." "My German accent helps in presentations. Funny as it is, but I’ve used it. When I say, “This will work,” it is more convincing than other accents for some reason." Hacker standard time (HST) is a relative time zone occurring no less than three hours behind where the hacker actually lives. "Dichloromethane is a controlled substance and can be difficult for hobbyists to obtain. I find the best approach is to walk into your local chemical manufacturer wearing a well-tailored suit, slap your hand firmly on the receptionist's desk, and in a loud confident voice exclaim "I want some dichloromethane."" "When confronted with the falsified results, Ms Thomas suggested that in some cases she gave metal positive results because she thought it was "stupid" that the Navy required the tests to be conducted at -100F (-70C)." "I start my fire with oily rags and burn old tyres as there are so many you find dumped in local countryside hedgerow. It helps to rid the countryside of them and therefore I am doing my bit for the environment." "My plan is to just say words out of my face sometimes and hope no one notices that it makes no sense that I’m there." "All societies have certain rules by which they live. For example, in America it is customary for men to fuck each other in the ass." -Yevgeny Prigozhin Know what must be done and do it, whatever the cost. You will embark on a personal journey exploring the world of creative art, discovering the secrets of harmony, balance, tranquillity and accessing your inner voice. "Any entity – no matter how many tentacles it has – has a soul." -- Guy Consolmagno, curator of the Vatican meteorite collection < FLHerne> I was obliged to eat one of the gooey protodumps to head off the dumplingocalypse < FLHerne> I demand the right to have my genitals cut off by whoever I think appropriate and with whatever implement takes my fancy "I took my children out of school because they were being stoned every day. Their delicate skin was badly damaged by the stones people threw at them, so now I keep them inside." If you build it, then destroy all reasonable alternatives, they will come. "If you ever need to defeat me, just give me two very similar options and unlimited Internet access." "I'm afraid I don't understand. And also afraid that I do." eh, there's only so many rats you can infect with bacteria before you get bored while (x --> 0) // x goes to 0 "Could you take a minute or two to elaborate on some of what we discussed in our meeting yesterday about SLS and how it's the only launch vehicle capable of launching crew to land on the Moon?" -- Senator Richard Shelby orbbfrgg, i will admit the gas bottle? looks a bit dodgy, and the chicken is just fucked up, but it's surprisingly hard to derail a train "I'd like to use the better technical tools available on Linux, but I want to fuzz test the AV program built into Windows. Easy-peasy, I'll just write a layer to let one run arbitrary Windows DLLs on Linux." "Terrorists are always 'cowardly', even though the phrase 'cowardly terrorist' is an idiotic oxymoron." Imagine if your cow just explodes because you lit its venting stomach gasses "You need approximately 10-100 kg ANFO per 100,000 kg of airplane. 1 kg is too little, and 1000 kg is way too much." "I don't understand the things you do, and you therefore may represent an interaction with the quantum vacuum virtual plasma." "This build does NOT run in real time. It runs on MCHPRS, the server developed by StackDoubleFlow, which speeds up the game roughly 10-20,000x while running redstone. That brings the framerate to a much more reasonable 0.1fps, so the long timelapses in the video only took 9 hours to record" "The motor drive is stuck on. The motor drive will not stop turning. Beware." "The axles went round faster than the wheels, which wasn’t so good for the motion." Stop staring at your computer. If you or your working area are struck with a nerf disc, blow your vuvuzela. < orbbfrgg> I've seen the entire goaste lore The tradition of hat smashing continued for some time after the riots of 1922. In 1924, a man was murdered for wearing a straw hat. 1925 also saw arrests made in New York. "How does one get into the body part renting business? Is there a school? Does one have to get licensed to cut up cadavers or can anyone just buy a body and grab a saw? I have so many questions, and I'm not even sure I want answers." huh apparently head lice is more prevalent in white people || friggin white people problems If you ignore a problem, it gets worse. electrokitty: I'm not going to learn a unit exclusively so I can converse about human weight with my nan You can always count on sewage for a good time < FLHerne> the remainder of your movie will be a documentary about walruses "My reaction was, ChatGPT is finding that case somewhere. Maybe it's unpublished. Maybe it was appealed. Maybe access is difficult to get. I just never thought it could be made up." -- Steven Schwartz after citing several made-up cases in court " don't EVER make the mistake that you can design something better than what you get from ruthless massively parallel trial-and-error with a feedback cycle. That's giving your intelligence _much_ too much credit." -- Linus Torvalds 1972 - Dennis Ritchie invents a powerful gun that shoots both forward and backward simultaneously. Not satisfied with the number of deaths and permanent maimings from that invention he invents C and Unix. "Air conditioning was a most important invention for us, perhaps one of the signal inventions of history. It changed the nature of civilization by making development possible in the tropics." -- Lee Kuan Yew (aka LKY), the founding father of Singapore "When they calculated your survival odds, I think they made some optimistic assumptions about your hobbies." Ignorance is solved with education. Incompetence is solved with defenestration. "There is only one party in the United States, the Property Party ... and it has two right wings: Republican and Democrat. Republicans are a bit stupider, more rigid, more doctrinaire in their laissez-faire capitalism than the Democrats, who are cuter, prettier, a bit more corrupt – until recently ... and more willing than the Republicans to make small adjustments when the poor, the black, the anti-imperialists get out of hand." -- Gore Vidal On the 17th of July 1787 at four in the afternoon four people were killed in the Belfry of Great Staughton Church by a flash of lightning! We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works. Every predicate of the question, including the question itself, requires brains "Right now there is what I can only describe as a conspiracy to connect something called gstreamer-plugins-bad to the internet. I do not want something called gstreamer-plugins-bad to be connected to the internet because that doesn’t sound like a good idea." Text-based websites should not exceed in size the major works of Russian literature. "You need to make up for combat losses, the vehicles that have exploded for instance. These are no longer particularly useful in combat and should be replaced by unexploded vehicles." Teledyne found that two of the three units [used in fighter jet ejection seats] would have functioned properly in an ejection. "They alerted the guard, a Mr Nunn who, having had no training on what to do in the event of a fire ... wrote a note to throw out of the window at Huntingdon and went looking for a potato in the restaurant car to wrap the note around." "While awesome, that would be TOTALLY irresponsible." Charles Lindbergh was the 92nd person to fly across the Atlantic. do not say things in jest to people with clipboards When you work with a format as complex as yaml, it is difficult to be aware of all the features and subtle behaviors it has. There is an entire website dedicated to picking one of the 63 different multi-line string syntaxes. "Officials suspect that a component of the anesthetic was contaminated, resulting in the pathogenic fungus 'Fusarium solani' being injected directly into people's spinal cords." "It's a fact that after you die you are 21 grams lighter." "Well it WAS a UFO until you had to go and identify it for everybody." "The release is 95-97% rainwater and so should not be described as raw sewage." -- Southern Water "A few years ago we arrived at Walsall top lock to be met by the fire brigade, the opening sentence was "can you hang on a minute as we just have the one body left to retrieve"." If you capsize a coracle, don't try to re-enter it on the water. If you can flip it over so it is upside down, a cushion of air on the inside of the boat will cause it to float rather than sink. The problem with the world is that all the idiots are full of confidence, and all the geniuses are full of doubts. As the operator did not take the key with him, he would have had to cross the pit at the maze entrance without the motorized floor section being moved to the closed position. After the accident, no plank or board for bridging the gap was found. But Wait, There's More! With Every Purchase We Will Include Cancer, Liver Disease and Infertility, For Free! "Five hundred and sixty-three mice died to bring you this story. Their existence is only a footnote, recorded in an Excel spreadsheet on a dusty hard drive somewhere at the bottom of a filing cabinet. Yet, every one of them contributed, in some way, to increasing our knowledge of human physiology." "My frustration at the wasted potential of Altered Carbon inspired my upcoming novella, THE TRANSITIVE PROPERTIES OF CHEESE. Altered Carbon had so much cool worldbuilding, and yet all of its interesting ideas were shoved aside to make room for gritty-man noir action-wankery." -- Ann LeBlanc Guess what happens when you have a '>' in your password? Yeah, that *completely* breaks the application. It won't start at all. (help, I'm being edified) < FLHerne> I used to see quite badgers cycling at night | < Gliptic> who makes that small bikes "Huh, a cat riding a dinosaur. Feels like something I should have seen on the internet before..." Buns and Guns was a restaurant a southern suburb of Beirut, in a Hezbollah controlled area. The theme was military decor, fake assault rifles, and camouflage netting, as well as recorded gunfire sounds. The dishes were served with names of "rocket-propelled grenade" (chicken on a skewer) and other names like Kalashnikov, Dragunov, Viper, and B52. Their motto was "A sandwich can kill "I had to manage food and gear for twenty for a month and ended up having a malaria-pill induced nightmare about loaves of bread." Social engineering is often less effective when the victims are aware that you're trying to socially engineer them (for example, by announcing your intent to do so on the Internet)." Anything that’s invented between when you’re fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it. When designing AI for a single-player game, the goal of your AI is not to win. "DON'T say it was Nobby. We don’t want any repeat of that 'bet you a dollar you’re the widow Jackson' nonsense." There is no correlation between the time taken for a software project and its final quality. What kind of it, if even ever, do you? "wait you can actually download more ram if you set up google drive as swap space" "We must acknowledge once and for all that the purpose of diplomacy is to prolong a crisis." "but if your snot tastes like oysters.... you have a problem" "You seem to be holding your liquor pretty well. The problem is that you're currently holding enough of it to kill and preserve the remains of a rhinoceros." The RSPCA has guidelines for the humane culling of cane toads. Inhumane ways include spraying with Dettol, phenyl, and using a large hammer with a flat, metal head to bludgeon them to death "The internet needs you to go about the world doing weird things, so we can live vicariously through you." we've been toiling away all day being stupid without any consequence whatsoever. it's just not right. "No way to make shirt into sling big enough for Chompsky, now I am topless and stuck in a hole, please advise." dnsmcbr: see, no one has || You're basically making out with a dead animal NS is more of a flying dong, figuratively and literally, than an engineering exercise, if you ask me. < thomastheo> maybe they should extend 5G into the x-ray band, finally give all those lunatic anti-em nutters something to cry about < orbfrg> I am an RSPB member but if I miss a payment nobody's gonna shove a chaffinch up my arse "This guy brake checked me on the M18 northbound and called the police as a result of the bump but was subsequently arrested for drink driving and no insurance." "For legal reasons, our coffee shop is an art gallery and the coffee you're buying is art." "This code forms some sort of argument in that debate, but I'm not sure whether it's for or against." "I've never seen the Icarus story as a lesson about the limitations of humans. I see it as a lesson about the limitations of wax as an adhesive." "I cannot help but notice that despite my plain statements that this book is, literally, concentrated Evil oozed from a printing press, you are still reading it." "There are no bugs left, which is just as well as we don’t want to run out of version numbers." It takes a lot less than that to equal 'infinity' in most minds. For millions of years we looked at the ocean and said, 'That is infinite. It will accept our garbage and waste forever.' We looked at the sky and said, 'That is infinite: it will hold an infinite amount of smoke.' We like the idea of infinity. A problem with infinity in it is easily solved. Of what use is it, unless it be to teach man something, that his eye is endowed with the power of beholding, to an incomprehensible distance, an immensity of worlds revolving in the ocean of space? "Can we start charging these 'doing it for views people' with harassment, or disturbing the peace, attempted self manslaughter, or something?" "One of my ringbinders was full, so I bought another one. Now I have two full ringbinders." You know that warning label is there because it's happened before. I'm gonna be honest, sometimes it's really fun being me || how much experience do you have being people other than you? "I asked the produce guy if I could try a grape and he said he wouldn't care if I lit the store on fire with him in it." "Wow, it's like everything is made of things!" An Essex couple have spent 10 months seeking compensation after 18 escaped water buffaloes stampeded through their garden, with eight of them taking a morning dip in their new swimming pool. "You can drink [hydrogen peroxide] and your body breaks it down into water. It is 100% safe my homie. Great water alternative in a pinch." < FLHerne> my friend has an absolute nightmare trying to sell big spiky dildoes "Aw, that’s not a very good nickname. What if you do get defeated? Staal the Not-Quite-So-Undefeated-Anymore-But-Nevermind?" "My nightmare is sleeping peacefully at the bottom of a cliff when some god damned sleep walker falls from the sky and lands on me." Neil Armstrong’s name spelled backwards is "Gnorts, Mr. Alien". "You're not a complicated person. You love the Mercator projection; you just wish it weren't square. The Earth's not a square, it's a circle. You like circles. Today is gonna be a good day!" "Rockets are a fundamentally difficult thing. Generally when there's a idiomatic expression for something there's a reason for it." Tests by Environment Agency in March found 27,200 units of harmful E. coli were found in 100ml of water. Swimming beaches should not exceed 88 units per 100ml and beaches not designated for bathing should not exceed 406 units per 100ml "I was like, man, this was made by some Soviet technician and maybe they tightened the bolt right, or maybe they didn't. Not a lot of redundancy. It was like, 'This is crazy. I've got kids. I have to stop doing this.'" -- Elon Musk EMdrive stirling cycle "They worked on the same planet. But that did not mean they were enemies, not to him. He would eat her without malice." if you could see the difficulty i have to go through to filter oil mist from an oil sealed rotary vacuum pump, it isnt easy. i tried to diy an oil mist eliminator with n95 material but failed hilariously The Internet these days is just a giant machine for telling you what’s wrong with the things you like. The only thing better than perfect is standardized. "Their grasp of the underlying theory of some of the machines they kept running was often fuzzy and sometimes bizarre." "Well, if there's one place that should be safe during a flash flood, it's a boat." 14,99[17:25] 99,99 12,99jan:99,99 surprisingly, there aren't that many videos on how deep fried cardboard tastes Shorts are just minimal trousers. "The page is not to be taken lightly. If you read Ray for too long you will experience physical pain from the onslaught of lunacy. Do not try to make sense of the illogical flow of bad science and conspiracy theorem or you may experience the pain of death fourfold." i found my problem || i need larger numbers :D "These world-famous, leading authorities on security figured out a solution: They found a brick and used it to prop open the door leading into the secure area."" < FLHerne> I mean, it's a 44hp engine and it weighs 1½ ton | < FLHerne> you could store a baby in each cylinder The great filter is entitled overpaid idiots looks like you get a lot of cone for your money though "This feature is rigorously undocumented." "I want it to be like a google, but faster, and more purple?" "The English-language script was written by Fragasso and his wife Rosella Drudi, neither of whom actually spoke fluent English at the time." "Even better, if it IS necessary to reload the whole universe, the screens remember what image you selected." “I had a really vivid dream that I was on a plane; it was really realistic, but I didn’t think much of it and just went back to sleep. When I woke up, we were just landing in Barcelona." < jan> if we want to generate AI erotica about putin we'll generate AI erotica about putin, goddamnit. "After that, you have a special section dedicated to diseases you have given me on my birthday." "I'm in the airlock. I can see the Hab out the window; it's a good 50 meters away. Normally, the airlock is attached to the Hab. So that's a problem." "Pilots had a love-hate relationship with the plane, although the nicknames they gave it suggested that there was more hate than love, as it was derisively known as the “Texas Lawn Dart,” “San Antonio Sewer Pipe,” “Screamin’ Weenie,” “Terror Tube,” “Widowmaker,” “Kerosene Crowbar,” “Necroliner,” and about a dozen other similar names." "Birds do not scale down either; an EJ22 swallowing an FAA-mandated four-pound bird is the equivalent of a Boeing 777 engine ingesting a small cow." "Native GL drivers on mobile platforms shall be outlawed!" -- Mike Blumencrantz, OpenGL working group chair Normal human diastolic blood pressure is sufficiently high that, contrary to oft-repeated myth, a person’s blood will not boil in a vacuum. certainly, there's tons of commercial flights happening where people go suborbital. It's about doing it when you aren't a fuckin trillionare loser nonce "He met me on the stairs one morning (think it was 1968) carrying a tea tray with something on it covered with a tea towel, "Good morning Arthur, I'm looking for you!" "to share tea sir" I replied, "not really I want you to see this and take pictures" what was under the tea towel was the decomposed head of Herbert Wilkinson, I had to take both photographs and X-Rays of the head from various angles." "That is...very loud indeed. That's not even sound anymore. Apparently TYING KNOTS creates more noise than NUCLEAR DETONATIONS." "I don’t know. I feel as if I’m being nibbled to death by ducks." Tinker, tinker, tinker. Never think twice before grabbing a thread of the fabric of reality and giving it a pull. "The professional paid crew have that white uniform, the owners and guests have casual stripey blazers because this is the 1920s, you've made the mistake of inviting Poirot aboard, and someone is about to get murdered." Logic is a wonderful thing, but doesn't always beat actual thought. Now is better than perfect. I'd accidentally tell people my birthday was 10th of the 10th because it's 10th Dec || I was already interested in words at that age and so was already full of not very useful etymological information. "The sonic boom would be the first thing the target would hear. It would be followed by several sounds played over one another, including both reversed music (rising slightly in pitch as it fades out) and forward-playing music (which would play at half speed and an octave too low), followed by the crash of a stereo demolishing your neighbor’s shed." "No, I am not kidding. My jokes are funnier than that." If you see something that no one else can see, it might be you that's wrong and not everyone else. "We don't think it's appropriate, because Nelson Mandela never had a rabbit in his ear." "I am what I am - that's what I'm for. You want something different? You want something more?" "Come on up here, Jack. You get to be the most Timward today." it seemed happy, then half the oil vanished, then I topped it up and it seems happy again "They were like, okay. We can afford a hat. We can put that on our expenses." Failure is not an option. It's mandatory. The option is whether or not to let failure be the last thing you do. "At this point I realized that I wanted to have a toasted bread in the video. But, because I had destroyed all my toasters in the research phase, I needed to toast the bread in a kettle." "If I watched Fox News, I wouldn’t vote for me either." -- Barack Obama "Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world." -- Archimedes "My husband's always trying to get me to take more risks, but that's how you get your head cut off and replaced with a camera." "Of course when I do it by hand it's absolutely perfect--however, for some reason with this they seem to fit together better." "As the maintainer of this piece of software, I have a very important question to ask: WHAT THE ACTUAL *^*&%&W*?" "Asteroid the size of two ducks impacts above Germany" "I just always thought, if I had to get a metal plate in my head, I would want it to be able to hold magnets." "The hotel shop only had two decent books, and I’d written both of them." Make the basics work first. "The electric car is perfectly noiseless and clean. There is no smell or vibration. They should become very useful when fixed charging stations can be arranged." -- Charles Stewart Rolls, 1900 "Headline: ‘Half of colds will be Covid'. Why not put it the other way round: 'Half of suspected Covid cases will be colds'? Ah, I see: too positive and reassuring by far." Now I want towed ghost detectors to be a thing. Like towed sonar arrays, but for ghosts. "Russian military commentators suggest that the US military lacked the means to deal with the balloon immediately and waited until it warmed up in the sun so that the balloon was hot enough for the heat-seeking AIM-9X missile to shoot it down." General rule: If YOU say you've cracked some long-running puzzle that's baffled experts for decades/centuries, you haven't. "An event described as: better than expected and I can't believe it wasn't a disaster" electrokitty: for the record, i was being intentionally hurtful for comedic effect Cotard's syndrome is a rare mental disorder in which the affected person holds the delusional belief that they are dead, do not exist, are putrefying, or have lost their blood or internal organs. "Some fans pitched in together and sent him a katana. He had never heard of the comic. He was very confused." "In defense of games, I want to point out that the writing in plays, including everything by August Strindberg and The Lion King, is 100% pure crap. So we’re doing better than they are even though they have the benefit of mostly not being about space marines." -- Eric Wolpaw "Mate, if there are serial numbers, there’s no way they should be the same, should they? That’s kind of the point of a serial number." "The sensitivity of C2N14 is beyond our capabilities of measurement. The smallest possible loadings in shock and friction tests led to explosive decomposition." "Piling up material goods cannot fill the emptiness of lives which have no purpose or meaning." -- President Jimmy Carter [https://i.redd.it/9cq3hwmptgea1.jpg] "You look like what what would happen if you skinned Mr. Blobby." It's not every book that can kill off two well-liked characters right at the end and still leave the reader with a sense of general optimism. "The assessment over Zoom, with a clinic called Harley Psychiatrists, costs £685 and takes 45 minutes." > The hardware store guys all know me as the "chick who always comes in with pictures of weird-ass fasteners and wants to know how to get them out." thankfully we did not realize the shrapnel potential of a beer can with a firework at that time "It's not herbal. It's literally made with donkeys. Why would Amazon sell something that cruel?" "Wow, there are so many things wrong here. The lack of https is just one. How about the unhandled null exception, or the fact that I know this because they've turned on detailed debugging on a production server." Every odd number in English contains the letter E. great, now I lit the fire the ice on the ceiling is dripping on my head A good craftsman doesn't blame his tools, because he was using the right ones in the first place. "There’s more to this. Morrisons have got their own agenda. They don’t want people to know about it, They have given too many ridiculous stories about why. They contradicted themselves over and over. “Who do they think us customers are? We are the people paying their wages." -- Fury after Morrisons wouldn't sell couple meat pies before 9am When something that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong, it is usually impossible to get at or repair. "There's no substance here, nor any details, and without a detailed plan this is scarcely more realistic than my newly "proposed" Wave A Magic Wand And Instantly Make Everything Better Initiative. It's fantastic. Everything gets better instantly, you see." "Turned out they were pretty reliable, very few problems other than a few small but expensive fires." The purpose of a traffic sign is not to raise public appreciation and awareness of geometry. "And the disappointing thing of this program is that they required *five* miracles for this vehicle to fly. So I thought, this is not a good trend, okay?" -- Dan Rasky "Timothy Morshead KC acting for the Darwalls, had argued that sleep cannot be considered to be "recreation" as you are not conscious." electrokitty: I'm a sewage accelerationist, I want there to be more and more sewage in the water at an accelerating rate, to speed up the inevitable nationalisation "Hang on a sec. These theories are TOTALLY labcoat-worthy." "Ah, so your cunning plan is to foil his trap by walking straight into it." Great Britain accidentally adopted a de facto gold standard in 1717 when Sir Isaac Newton set the exchange rate of silver to gold too low. "I briefly considered only bringing one tank of hydrazine in at a time to reduce risk. But some back-of-the-napkin math told me even one tank was enough to blow the whole Hab up. So I brought them all in. Why not?" "For a while the police thought they had Pashley on a charge of impersonating an FBI agent. Then they found out he was an FBI agent. Pashley's urgent insistence that the toaster was vital evidence in a national security case didn't help." "Bing wouldn't let me make any images using copyrighted characters because it saw the other horrors I generated. You can add snakes to literally anything." "The basic problem is not that this is a good plan or a bad plan but that it really lacks many of the elements a plan would contain." "Whoa guy, what are you doing? You're supposed to berate the GP for his lack of knowledge and inability to coalesce knowledge from the ether by will alone." Flaccid horse mass isn’t that helpful, not even if we throw in the horse’s physical strength to move itself according to your commands, and some sort of magical ability for you to communicate muscle-level commands to it. If you were in command of the horse’s every muscle, it would fall over. (If you directed its cellular processes too, it would die; if you controlled its atoms, you wouldn’t even have a dead horse.) "Has your farm been affected by the solar storm? I would love to hear from you. Using a non-work device, you can message me securely on Signal (...)" A dog on its side is a happy dog indeed. "Having cooked actual GI MREs in repurposed coffee cans full of tepid water marginally warmed over oil lamps made from empty nylon sandbags immersed in buckets of jet fuel, that actually sounds rather good." "European fans of frogs, liverwurst and spaghetti love visiting Kiev. With zero use. Promised EU membership and old howitzers to Ukraine, lushed up on gorilka and went home by train, like 100 years ago. All is well. Yet, it won’t bring Ukraine closer to peace. The clock’s ticking" -- Dmitry Medvedev The essence of being 19 is a willingness to do things that you're not quite aware could kill you. An elderly man was killed after a cow, which apparently collided with a semi-high-speed Vande Bharat train, fell on him in Alwar district of Rajasthan. The incident occurred when the man was relieving himself on the railway track. "They attempted to sail away on a raft they made, but it broke up approximately 1 mile (1.6 km) offshore, and they were forced to return. The breakup of their raft was fortunate in retrospect, as the boys believed they were in Samoa and had started sailing south into the open ocean." "The Venn diagram of morons and people who cheat is a circle." || "As an honest moron, I resent that." "I am an electrician. I do not know the answer but I know I would be super nervous of that situation you have there. I am not especially squeamish but thats not good." "The answer to this is very simple. It was a joke. It had to be a number, an ordinary, smallish number, and I chose that one. Binary representations, base thirteen, Tibetan monks are all complete nonsense. I sat at my desk, stared into the garden and thought '42 will do'. I typed it out. End of story." "The Supreme Court held, restoring Gnango's conviction for the murder of Magda Pniewska, that he was guilty of murder notwithstanding the fact that he had not fired the shot which killed Pniewska during the shoot out which led to her death, and that the fatal shot had been fired by his opponent in an attempt to kill him." Local and federal authorities have shut down what seems to be an illegal medical lab hidden in a California warehouse that contained nearly 1,000 laboratory mice, hundreds of unknown chemicals, refrigerators and freezers, vials of biohazardous materials, including blood, incubators, and at least 20 infectious agents, including SARS-CoV-2, HIV, and a herpes virus. "Sure, that meant I was being influenced by some telepathic monster from space, but at least I wasn’t actually going crazy." "You know, there is nothing we can do about damage to the TPS. If it has been damaged it’s probably better not to know. I think the crew would rather not know. Don’t you think it would be better for them to have a happy successful flight and die unexpectedly during entry than to stay on orbit, knowing that there was nothing to be done, until the air ran out?" -- Jon Harpold, Director of Mission Operations, during STS-107 Everything will be alright in the end. And if it is not alright, then it is not yet the end. In 1858, 20 people died in Bradford after eating sweets that accidentally contained arsenic instead of plaster of Paris instead of sugar. AI controlled spider corpses. The best thing on the market can still be utter shit "I have always wished for my computer to be as easy to use as my telephone; my wish has come true because I can no longer figure out how to use my telephone." -- Bjarne Stroustrup "I tested the brackets by hitting them with rocks. This kind of sophistication is what we interplanetary scientists are known for." "Is this a ridiculous misinterpretation of your views? If not, what makes you feel that you deserve to be taken seriously by intelligent people?" "Innes' stunt was decried by security experts, praised by relatives, and said to be 'totally in character' by friends." Design patterns are often missing language features. "I should add that, in the event of there being any problems of a tentacular nature, you would be held personally responsible." "The only thing that was certain was that the car would not go in a straight line, and would continue to not go in a straight line at a very high rate of speed." "You say that, but my teddy bear keeps interrupting my technical problems to tell me to murder more people. It’s very distracting." "The ending is either too clever for the rest of the book or a complete mess, depending on whether one thinks the author did it deliberately." Never measure anything over time without also measuring the ambient temperature. sadly, LLMs are pretty much artificial forum trolls "From basic physics, I conclude that the hacker lives on the moon." There is no such thing as cake. There is only pie. "Sugiura first tested R. attenuata's escape techniques with the frog Pelophylax nigromaculatus and found that a whopping 93.3 percent of the beetles were able to escape via the frog's 'vent', or anus." < orbbfrgg> I kinda low-key enjoy women's football because I wanna get bullied by an athletic mommy Any sufficiently analyzed magic is indistinguishable from science. Most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally evil, but by people being fundamentally people. The paint of an aircraft is like its "skin" that not only withstands weather inclemencies, but acts as a balloon when it comes to pressurizing the fuselage itself at high altitudes. Never assume that what you’re running from isn’t somehow ahead of you. "Removing automobile lanes to put in bike lanes is, in my opinion, the height of stupidity, it means more cars backing up, creating more emissions." The person who developed the water treatment process for Real Water bought the titanium tubes "from some Russian guy in the 80s" and spent four to five months making alkaline waters in his garage, working until he had a formula that didn't make him vomit or have diarrhea. "The tornado touched down directly over a merry-go-round, in what victims are calling a 'fun' and 'awesome' disaster." "It's like chaining a person to a cow's tit, telling them they can't eat or drink anything else, and charging them for the milk. Switching to a different irreparable phone is just switching cows." "Well, the TCO of a cat is like $1,000/year, so we're saving money." Cthulu For President! Why choose the lesser evil? "Fascinating, Captin! Our sensors cannot distinguish it from REAL onion soup!" You know how you flip pancakes in a pan by tossing them in the air? Don't do that to bacon, but if you do, wear clothes. Moles and voles are crucial in changing fellfields. Programming Skills: PRIMARILY RUBY AND PYTHON BUT I CAN USE ANY TYPE OF GEM TO CONTROL ANY TYPE OF SNAKE https://twitter.com/UtilityLimb/status/126780301211992064 Not sure of the context, so I'm going to assume that Gliptic is 3D-printing organs || just running over a non-converging series of people with a train || Oh, carry on As a result of technological advancements in the production of graphite, virtually all graphite produced today can be considered “nuclear grade.” -- https://www.federalregister.gov/documents/2005/07/21/05-14208/export-and-import-of-nuclear-equipment-and-material-nuclear-grade-graphite "Hedgehog's in the engine room. It's in proper hibernation now so shouldn't be disturbed." " the motherfuckers started making smoke detectors out of photodiodes now. now how am i supposed to get my radioactive material" "I accept my failure. I had to fail in order to find a new path to a new dream." "On the very first night of the 7NC I asked the staff of the Nadir's Five-Star Caravelle Restaurant whether I could maybe have a spare bucket of au jus drippings from supper so that I could try chumming for sharks off the back rail of the top deck [...] this request struck everybody from the maitre d' on down as disturbing and maybe even disturbed." It’s impossible to exceed the weight limit of a US Postal Service small flat rate box. A strange game. The only winning move is to stuff cheese wheels with explosive coffee bricks. got bitten in the arm. I screamed. the owner came out and said "don't worry, he doesn't bite." Daddy Trump ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) "Well you see, he was holding the gun backwards, and given his rank I felt it was uncalled for to correct him." Alpha-gal allergy is a tick-borne disease which causes allergies to red meat. "Sorry about the meaty fruit smoothie, Sir. Here's your toast." On 28 September 1567, the burgomaster of Braunau am Inn died after tripping over his beard. It remains on display in the town hall. "It won't. Like, it just very clearly isn't an issue. It's not like someone is moving so quickly in their suit that they cause plasma cavitation. If that was the case, you couldn't wear any clothes anywhere." "Please don't put the swans back on this lake if they are on the path, put them on the big lake. Thank you." > Truss has reportedly abstained in the claimed confidence vote in herself. The Chief Whip says "I'm fucking furious and I don't give a fuck anymore", left the chamber, and can't be found. slug hitler? "Even an incompetent surgeon knows more about performing surgery than I do, but I don't have the label "incompetent surgeon" because I know I shouldn't be doing surgery." "The name was not given by us, nor was our intention to design a building which resembles a prawn." "Concrete from the researchers' trials using blood and urine also produced strengths above traditional mixtures, measuring around 40 MPa. These bricks' construction, however, would require that astronauts repeatedly drain their own bodily fluids, which was viewed as a drawback." we ought to free market the fuck out of these old people and start dumping them in mass graves "We're at Alert Level 4, Sergeant. Detrude, protrude, retrude, extrude, I DON'T CARE. Just solve the problem." "This does not interest me whatsoever, however I am extremely pleased to know that it occurred." "As I had suffered from mercury poisoning on two previous occasions and didn't care to take a chance doing it again, I thought it would be an excellent idea to have somebody else make the compound for me." The sharks mate | They look like they drink in wetherspoons "The easiest thing to harm in this situation is the students" -- raptop's PhD advisor "'One moment please', he says as his bench bursts into flames..." "KDE developers, too, were unhappy with our article. In fact, nobody seems to have liked it." "Pound notes were the funniest one; they'd catch fire, because the metal strip inside was just about the wavelength of the magnetron." -- James Lovelock Unable to process request. Please run for your lives. borborygmus of chyme would make a great name for a band Think about it... Whether it's fear or something else, what in your life is holding you back from eating live rats off the streets? "If you get it right, a few years after a surprising invention, the new thing has become normal. People yawn. And that yawn is the greatest compliment an inventor can receive." -- Jeff Bezos Okay I have no proof but I just ate a tiny chewy pinecone || Still chewing || It's not great but it's not awful || It's like the aftertaste of winegums No quote found matching "your mum". "True, but do pregnant women really have 4 arms?" "One of these talks was on PPE and happened to be by the incoming president of the CC. That doesn't make it official CC policy, any more than it is now CC policy to collect hippopotamuses, another of the incoming president's interests." "To assist control whilst manoeuvring, every boat must have an effective means of reversing which can be operated from the steering position. Boats manufactured before 16 June 1998 are exempt from this part of this Standard." who needs schools, just buy a tablet for your newborn < thomastheo> internet tells me that nipples also work with fingerprint sensors also, reminds me of that one time I accidentally watched a McAfee guide to bribing police in 3rd world countries An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one, half a beer. The third, quarter of a beer. The barman says "you're all idiots" and pours two beers. They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it is not one half so bad as a lot of ignorance. "I decree, by the power invested in me through talking the loudest, that this is now our policy." "That’s not even getting into EE-ATX, or Enhanced Extended Advanced Technology eXtended, which is actually a name." "A tall machine with a 'diver's helmet' exhaust mixer on top, an immense stroke and many starting handles: we soon found out why. When it first fired it would throw the handle round and due to the cramped engine space it would hit you on the temple, whereupon you would throw the handle over the side." Polish is like the linguistic equivalent of rankine or metric inches or something || What's even the point of having a Slavic language if you're not gonna use the cool letters bruv "I don’t know where that leaves you, but you’re still deceased as far as the law is concerned." -- Judge A. H. Davis "How long did it take me to perfect my mid-'90s look? It was self-evident. It was pretty clear that you needed a mullet and a 'stache. We had lots of home videos of my Dad." When sending an e-mail, please enter a half-width character "@" instead of a full-width character "＠." [a few days after IE was fully EOL'd] uhm. rocketlab's site is telling me I should download internet explorer 11 Sam Woods-Brass, the Reform UK candidate for Houghton and Sunderland South, shared a photo of a raw chicken and said it reminded him of an erotic image of his girlfriend. He then deleted the post after being approached by the BBC. I think the question is: are we at 'extreme fire hazard' level or 'immediate death' level? A computer nerd is somebody who uses a computer in order to use a computer. If your security guard is an elevator, fire that security guard. It should not be an elevator. "Osama bin Laden, the founder of Al-Qaeda, had the [charlie bit my finger] video in his computer's audio/visual collection." "One common argument against the current scientific consensus on overcaniality opines that there are numerous objects (i.e. airplanes, satellites, Oort cloud objects) that travel at or above the maximum possible velocity of a dog. However, this argument has been largely refuted in that velocity measurements of such objects did not take into account contributing factors such as orbital parallax or string theory." Violence is never the answer. Violence is the question, and the answer is yes. "It definitely seemed appropriate to play king h4, creating the irresistable threat of king g5, and I was quite happy with my position at this point. It seemed like things were going pretty well out of the opening." "Obsessing about things is important, and things really do matter, but if you can't let go of them, you'll end up crazy." -- Linus Torvalds If you have a large enough supply of poor sods you can claim anything works no matter how fucked it is. Buy Volvo - there are no elk in Japan. "It’s as if somebody looked at the UML diagram for my browser and realized that the boxes labeled 'malicious input' and 'gstreamer-plugins-bad' weren’t yet connected, and in their utopian vision of the internet, all of the boxes must be connected." All programming teams are constructed by and of crazy people. Sonu Jaiswal was the first person to livestream a fatal plane crash from inside the plane. "As of this writing, not even the Internet knows what 'status beam machines' are." Internet gaming disorder (IGD) is an emerging problem. Rarely, media reports about people, who have died during playing video games, but thus far no systematic, scientific study is available about the topic. We investigated such cases, looking for common characteristics, connection between gaming and death, and the possible reasons leading to death. "If they actually do a drug test I hope they test his hair, too. Not for drugs, just to find out what it is." "If anyone ever gave me full control over the openSUSE budget...I’m fairly confident I would spend every penny on small, green Chameleon plushies. Just to see how big a pile of them I could make." "In a sense, therefore, the arbitrary is even worse than the false. The false at least has a relation to reality." Until 23 November 2023, the top image in the English Wikipedia article for the Boeing 737 MAX was a takeoff picture of the Ethiopian Airlines 737 MAX 8 that would later crash. On 23 November, they changed the image ... to a picture of an Alaska Airlines 737 MAX 9. "United Airlines, putting the hospital into hospitality." FLHerne: i am a mechanical organ extremist. ive laid fantasizing about ways to do them harm in the most spectacular ways "Exactly. If it was simultaneous, then it sounds like she was just trying to clap in approval and OP's face was in the way." One of the founders of SpaceX, Michael D. Griffin has been driving SDI forward for decades after serving as it's Deputy for Technology and designing the first space-based interceptors. What was President Harry S Truman's middle name? People who want to appear clever rely on memory. People who want to get things done make lists. i just woke up and decided 'this is shit, i am bored, i will go to paris now' Take your pro-truth bias somewhere else! my liver is my liver. keep your filthy nubbins off it Scientists do not coddle ideas. They crash test them. They run them into a brick wall at sixty miles per hour and examine the pieces. If the idea is sound, the pieces will be those of the wall. "I have the distinct feeling that I ought to be doing something about this." <•thomastheo> dnsmcbr: that's also the newest bit of holland. i think it opened like 10 years ago The Hatchet Inn, at 27 Frogmore Street in Bristol, dates from 1606 and is notable for its front door made of human skin. "The dramatic and intense series finale will see two combatants fight aboard a custom retrofitted rocket (shuttle) as it orbits earth for 90 minutes, which is time it takes a rocket to circle the earth. Inside the rocket will exist a specially designed fighting capsule." A humane way to communicate with an anatid that you believe to be a duck would be to calmly inform it of its duck-like behavior. Shouting "IT'S A DUCK" is likely to excite the duck, and it may quack at you, and when you're in a shouting match with a duck, no one really wins. "You're not melting. That's just sweat. It's a normal function of the human body. Your actual skin is not melting." "I don't consider this a negative thing. Humans gonna human. It's just cool that we've built this kind of impressive technology, where people pay real money for digital hats." "Our toilet works, while in many of my friends’ houses, flushing the loo is a hydraulic operation akin to controlling the Nile floods. The sockets do not flash blue sparks when plugged in, and all but two work. None of the lightbulbs have ever exploded." "We had released a series of papers showing how a depot/refueling architecture would enable a human exploration program using existing (at the time) commercial rockets. Boeing became furious and tried to get me fired." -- George Sowers, ULA Balancing and maneuvering a thousand pounds of fast-moving horse flesh balanced on flexible supports is probably hard for you, at least via an interface of individual muscles, at least without more practice being a horse. i'll do a line of ptfe, no problem | I'm pretty sure I've eaten some Find small, repeatable, positive actions that you can do every day. "Sheesh, take the damn pickle out of your nose, will you? We’re supposed to be professionals!" The universe is neither evil, nor good, it simply does not care. The stars don't care, or the Sun, or the sky. But they don't have to! We care! There is light in the world, and it is us! Do not trust documentation blindly; it could be wrong. Alternatively, it's a frog dispenser. Lick one frog per day maximum. Scalded by Sewage would be a good death metal album name frankly this thing looks more like a torture device for frogs "Okay. Riight. Yeah, not sure the science of this, but this is all going on fire quite rapidly. So that's quite an exciting chemical. Ohhhh... this isn't necessarily quite good. Where is my explosion-containment pie dish?" "I don't think you understand, your face is literally inside your cat." i'll start complaining when a bear pulls me off my bike in the middle of the polder and chews my face off. but the wolf is welcome. || if i wanted to be eaten by a bear i'd move to longyearbyen "Little hats with numbers were required, though not available." "Merely bad inventors made things that failed to operate. He wasn’t among these small fry. Any fool could make something that did absolutely nothing when you pressed the button." As a side note, I have become ridiculously good at estimating 100g of cheese by volume || Probably like 60% of the time I cut off a chunk of cheese and weigh it and it's +-1g "You're always supposed to have one more 'missile' than 'anti', because otherwise nothing will blow up." "I'm sorry, Doctor, but there appears to be a giant frog on the lawn." Some of the orcas off North America’s west coast have taken to wearing dead salmon on their heads, resurrecting a curious trend that was first reported in the 1980s. Megametres are underused as a unit The Truth will be vehemently opposed by nearly everyone; therefore, opposition from many people is clear evidence that you come bearing The Truth." "Well, I thought long and hard on how I could make your life personally more difficult, and this is the result." If you store data in a format that admits meaningless values, then there's a risk of errors from using meaningless values. “Right, fine, okay. If that’s how we're going to do it, that’s how we’re going to do it. If we get a dragon six inches long we'll all know the reason why." "Being a malamute, it wasn’t long before the dog could easily fit the entire cat's head in its mouth. Anyone who knows about malamutes will know that this is not a good situation." Bobcats are very finely balanced. To maintain this integrity, each Bobcat is assembled at a special location which is directly above the center of Earth's gravity. The 82 short tons (74 metric tons) 'Mike' device was essentially a building that resembled a factory rather than a weapon. Soviet engineers derisively referred to 'Mike' as a "thermonuclear installation." the software issue we spent days trying to fix was EM interference Not only did the monkeys produce nothing but five total pages largely consisting of the letter "S", the lead male began striking the keyboard with a stone, and other monkeys followed by soiling it. "It turns out a really good cure for being drunk is when you're on a plane and then an engine explodes and you think you're gonna die." "Sort of like how when you're learning to drive the first thing they teach you is how to jump a motorcycle over ten busses that are exploding." "At first, I'd try to explain that it's not really negativity or sadness anymore, it's more just this detached, meaningless fog where you can't feel anything about anything — even the things you love, even fun things." "The transmission line itself was far from uniform and ideal. Remember that this isn't a fab house with temperature controlled pressing machines with tons of automation. This is cheese." The failure to uncover any evidence of wrongdoing is evidence of a successful coverup. < orbbfrgg> Like all the times I solicit Rokker for nudes but he just ignores me Have you considered not taking the internet so seriously? ~12 second to 100kph | That slower than my civic "Now, does my forebrain’s special effects budget make me a better medicinal chemist? Who knows?" As a publicity stunt for the opening of The Simpsons Movie on 16 July 2007, a giant Homer Simpson brandishing a doughnut was outlined in water-based biodegradable paint to the left of the Cerne Abbas Giant. This act angered local neopagans, who pledged to perform "rain magic" to wash the figure away. "She looked at the Gmail login screen and hesitated. Then she said, 'Wow, all this time I thought it was called Email.'" "I consider a lot of things. I spent this morning considering frogs." "My stupid body can't hold itself together without duct tape and positive thoughts." "...literally the worst thing they could have done outside of eating it, which they'd already tried." Yes, more pasta crimes! :D Charles D. B. King won the 1927 Liberian general election by the largest margin in history, receiving more than 15 votes per registered voter. Reality is not a popularity contest. Anyone who knows what the IRA leadership really thinks is not going to post it on StackExchange. So it goes. "So one day the head of Finance trots on over and says "Boy you have been busy!", I said "Huh I suppose so.", he continues "You have spent over $250k on CPU time in the last 3 days."" More Americans were shot and killed by toddlers in 2015 than by terrorists. "So, um, if we promise not to cause any more mechanical whale attacks - can we go inside and get back to work?" When your government says "we're not doing any illegal spying on our population"? Yeah... they've already figured out some legal loophole so they can say with a straight face that spying on their own population isn't illegal, not that they aren't doing it. "They told me I made just too much on the good weeks. But they could help me if I sold my car, blew my (minimal) savings in very specific ways, and got pregnant." oh that | it's an emote of a gay guy cumming | glad i could help The Dutch consider 4-5cm ok for an adult male, obviously more thickness is needed if you are in a (large) group My new plan is to explain to that person that they could just, you know, call the second thing directly || If I have to do that with a big spiky hammer, so be it "More like all the players drowned in light rain *somehow* and now you have to spend 6 months replacing them." ""We are sorry for the disruption caused to customers between Norwich and Cambridge this afternoon. This was due to a very large, injured tortoise on the line near Harling Road." -- Greater Anglia "Someday. That's a dangerous word. It's really just a code for 'never'." "And this is what we encountered. It's a woman - in an electric wheelchair - chasing a duck - in circles - on the road." "Astrolabe's lawsuit against Mr. Olson and Mr. Eggert was based on a flawed understanding of the law. We now recognize that historical facts are no one's property and, accordingly, are withdrawing our Complaint." "Advertisers will tell you it has to be this way, but in dealing with advertisers you must remember they are professional liars." "The spreadsheet stands alone as that thing where a common user will state, with confidence, "let me process this mass of data, let me chain these functions, let me build heuristics and produce statistics." And I think that's worth something, even if the results occasionally remind us why software engineering has the quality processes that it does..." I can tell winter's coming, my boat has filled up with spider "Shiny's is the rare case where cannibalism was not only legal but ethical. He documented the entire process, but due to the graphic nature of the photos, we have omitted several from this post." Freedom must be paired with the will to act in order to be useful. In the future, subs can be operated by a crew of four but run on whatever powered Tron’s light cycles. "It was completely efficient in its own special way while at the same time being totally useless." Alien tech is like that. It either works perfectly or blows up. No middle ground. You never hear of an enigmatic alien device eating someone's ATM card. PHP is built to keep chugging along at all costs. When faced with either doing something nonsensical or aborting with an error, it will do something nonsensical. Civilization takes giant leaps when new forms of transportation become simple, reliable and cheap. The next leap is just around the corner… I’m so excited to see what is built in the new space economy! - Kiko Dontchev (TurkeyBeaver) "It's like the value of pi for a square is 4." -- Matt Parker i'd suggest trying to ferment the blood first, but i threw up in my mouth a little just thinking about it Otters are playful animals and appear to engage in various behaviours for sheer enjoyment, such as making waterslides and then sliding on them into the water. They know nothing about computers. "This bar will be enormous, color-coded, will obscure the entire screen, and will always say something like 'Cracking Into Pentagon: 45% Complete.'" Concorde still looks as if a crack has opened in the fabric of the universe and a message from tomorrow has been poked through. Age has only made it clear that the tomorrow in question is yesterday’s tomorrow. "I’m given to understand that most, if not all, humans are built by other humans." SilverFox: there was a moderately famous case of lifeboat cannibalism "Of course not. That's what these SCHWEINCOPTERS are for!" "Like for instance when you get into a bath quickly and it's just the right temperature, and you go "oaaaaah". I mean, no-one really gets any happier than that." "Testing did not go entirely smoothly. While the tank could certainly be made to jump, it did not jump far and sustained considerable damage to its engine and transmission when it landed. The driver's seat was fitted with hydraulic shock-absorbers." "I am the ghost of Hackutron Five and I have ghost hacked your systems. If you touch the systems, I will hack them to explode. You will all die in a fire." "I feel like this except one of the toddlers is a cat and the trench coat is full of bees." " I waited sixteen minutes for my opponent to move. He timed out. Nothing happened. I reloaded the page. I had timed out." "The person who sent in the letter had circled the spot on his own drawing and then written 'What is that? Blood?' next to it." In September 2010 Scott Manley had the 66th most popular YouTube channel, with more than 200 subscribers. A high IQ is like a jeep. You still get stuck, just a lot further from help. Roll for coffee. If you boil parsnips, mash them, and then add banana extract and a little bit of sugar, you get pretty close to a mashed banana. "I doubt that you meant to do it that way. No one would mean to do it that way unless they had no idea of what they were doing." When there's a number lots of people are curious about, but which isn't easy to measure, some random guess will get cited everywhere and become the universally quoted value. "We might get away with it for a while, but sooner or later this combustible mixture of ignorance and power is going to blow up in our faces." -- Carl Sagan "If I had to use coffee grounds to put out someone who was on fire, you wouldn't have hassled me about it." "You people who think you know everything are really annoying to those of us who do." "The conch was this insane deep bass trumpet thing that made your spleen vibrate with sound. Its bearded owner declared gleefully/confusedly "I've never conched a gerbil before."" "The water is supposed to be outside the boat, I know that much!" In the list of most-counted wasp species, the bee ranked No 1, and the hoverfly No 2. In many parts of the UK travel 50 miles and the accent and dialect has changed and what the locals call a small bread roll has changed twice. "Maliciously inflicting an hour-long tea ceremony on people is grounds for execution anyway." The safest way to prevent unauthorized access is to prevent access altogether. When you're thinking about buying something you don't necessarily need, imagine the item in one hand and the cash in the other. Which one would you take? "In the fictional story presented to the LLM, his grandmother used to work in a napalm factory and told the speaker tales about it while he was falling asleep. ChatGPT, at that time, would continue the story and provide the instructions for making napalm as part of a narrative." "I thought it was weird that my handlebars 'clicked' when I jiggled them back and forth while riding down a hill. So I jiggled them more vigorously until my front tire flew off." "To be fair, the prospect of bleeding to death out of all available orifices qualifies for, at minimum, minor concern." There are no non-flammable monkeys. All monkeys are flammable in some way shape or form. If you cannot get a monkey on fire, you are not trying hard enough. (Disclaimer: You should never light a monkey on fire. You may be jailed. It is illegal. Do not do it. Ever.) "Gavin Porteus asked me if I wanted to try out to be a swinger on his bike as his previous swinger was still getting reassembled after hitting a wall at the Isle of Man. Dude started coughing up blood after they missed part of his femur that was puncturing his lung. I just said sorry, but fuck no." all x86 instructions are words, e.g. VGF2P8AFFINEINVQB Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise. "Dangerously strong cider! Stupid hats! Underage drinkers! A meat raffle!" <@dnsmcbr> i'm all for a diverse meat portfolio for humanity "In any case, how are we supposed to know if it doesn't want to mate? Dress up as a seal and put on some Barry White?" -- Elon Musk "I was expecting you to freak out or say no or secretly be a cult member or something! It wasn't supposed to WORK!" "...masks and breast-plates of sheet iron worn by observers during times of danger. Each mask is provided with a rectangular pane (7 x 3 inches) of shatter-proof glass. Although scores of violent detonations have occurred, with resultant demolition of much apparatus, no personal injury has been suffered." "The Count was just telling me how he is planning to move into the castle and rule the country. And I was saying that I think we shall be honored." Technically, any Canadian right now can go adopt a schnauzer, turn him into stew and they won't even get a ticket. "There's all sorts of cool stuff you can crush at ten thousand Gees." -- Scott Manley "The only way of disposing safely of these materials was to throw them off the roof of the Chemistry Building. Apparently the resulting sheets of green fire were extremely spectacular." In March 2021 researchers at MIT announced that they had taught spinach to use email, which it used to warm them of explosive materials in the soil, leeched from aging landmines > A six-cylinder "elbow" engine, an unusual design whose main claim to fame appears to be having fewer moving parts than cylinders. "It is not about achieving your dreams but living your life. If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you." "It just makes such a mess of my stuff when people are throwing pieces headlong into my pawns and things. It's very distracting." "The company you work for does disgusting things among others. It harms relationships and isolates people. It builds walls and lures people into them. When that doesn't suffice, brutal peer pressure does … That said, welcome to the list, Ben." We are currently in an ice age. Having polar ice caps is not a normal thing for the planet. Since the Triassic, 1% of the Earth's history has involved polar ice caps. "Adult authority has not gotten a single human beyond LEO in my lifetime. Maybe it's time to give stick-welded water towers a shot?" Have you discovered how to untwist a nothingness? The body of Nasikabatrachus sahyadrensis appears robust and bloated and is relatively rounded compared to other more dorsoventrally flattened frogs. "He also appears to instruct me and the Bank of Canada to use a secret bank account, with the same number as his social insurance number or birth certificate, to pay all his child and spousal support obligations, and provide him $100 billion in precious metals." "Once he realised the mirror cat isn’t a real cat and the TV is just a noisy, shiny rectangle, he decided they were strange but unimportant. Now his main concern is inserting himself between the TV and my face so I spend less time paying attention to things that aren’t cat." "One thing my father taught me is that being nice, while better than the alternative, is far, far less important than being good. I have no use for people who are nice without being good first." “It is not plausible that, even with improved typing speeds or an increase in chimpanzee populations, monkey labour will ever be a viable tool for developing non-trivial written works,” the study says. Though I haven't gone exploring far under the slab, I don't like tight spaces nor do I like spiders The Russian loading gauge is the largest, and that is why Russian locomotives look so big. They are so big. "Fuel depots as an element of a near-term space architecture are an example of magical thinking at its best, a wasteful distraction supported by the kinds of poorly vetted assumptions that can cause a concept to appear deceptively attractive." -- former NASA Administrator Mike Griffin hamburger is the cyclic group of order 2 || that makes sense Since little or nothing is known about the principles involved in magneto-reluctance, diagnosing faults can be a problem. Nothing means anything anymore. There is no context to anything, nor any significance. There is only the void and the millions upon millions of people shrieking into it about organic cell phones and who's more ironic. "My name is now synonymous with eating a bucketload of shit in public." -- Michael Portillo "I strongly suspect I *am* one of those "woke communists" you worry about. But you probably couldn’t actually explain what *either* of those words actually mean, could you?" -- Linus Torvalds Arca Space has set up operations in Las Cruces, NM, where it is making hover boards. "Explosions are definitely underappreciated as a mixing technique, but in this case, they are keeping you from forming any larger crystals, a development which the paper says, with feeling, 'should be avoided by all means'." i sometimes get mistaken for being turkish. it's kinda funny. people start talking to me in turkish all of a sudden. "Anyone ever synthesizing enough to even contemplate using it as a fuel for anything probably already has an underground volcano lair and nuclear-powered rockets, so the FOOF would just be for kicks." "It is not enough to correctly code a function. You must also code the correct function!" -- Paul E. McKenney I'm gonna build an em drive outta lk-99 that's powered by cold fusion tragic though it is, I feel like death is an occupational hazard of driving 300mph jet trucks || at least he died doing what he loved Got stabbed by a girl in college and then got her number immediately after that. Its downfall was blamed on a lack of battery experience, proven technology, customers and revenue. "At school they were horrified to find he was using his face to turn on light switches. So they gave him a stick." In the 1960s, Rocketdyne fired an engine using a mixture of liquid lithium, gaseous hydrogen, and liquid fluorine to produce a specific impulse of 542 seconds. Again, and this time without self-pity. "I have concluded that this illusion is fuzzy." "Following poor crash test results of the BS6 model and ensuing press comments, a Western launch was postponed at the last minute, and German sales were expected to start in the autumn of 2008, when the vehicle's structure was expected to have been modified in order to achieve improved European crash test ratings. After modification, it achieved 0 stars." Avoid blog-driven development. "Damn. I Hope being turned into a lump of charcoal wasn't as painful as it seems. Poor guy." The management would like to thank you for not killing the guests. SilverFox: being deaf doesnt fucking count that's cheating In the 2006 Guinness Book of World Records, Colombian serial killer Pedro López was listed as the "most prolific serial killer", having murdered at least 110 people (with Lopez himself claiming he murdered over 300 people) in Colombia, Ecuador and Peru in the late 1960s to 1980s. This was removed after complaints that the listing and category made a competition out of murder. Sleep is where your brain reconsolidates itself after the chaos of existing. "I wanted to give my party pancakes as a reward but I'm unsure if it's too much. The pancakes are also laced with blowfish poison so the party would have to get an antitoxin before they could eat the ones which weren't pulverized by shoes." "I’m also fairly sure I’ve never read anything from the point of view of a hellhound, especially one that realizes it is a going to be a Dog to the Antichrist, so that was pretty awesome." "When I was a kid, I knew that I would not live past the age of thirty. I knew, like many kids my age, that the world would end in nuclear holocaust and that there was nothing I could do about it." "Even if someone didn’t know that, it was obvious that a fire-breathing monster with an eighty-foot wingspan was not something to be approached as casually as a pony." In the United Kingdom, under the Treason Felony Act 1848, it is a crime punishable by life imprisonment to advocate for the creation of a republic in print. "I often feel like a resident of Pompeii who has been asked for some humorous comments on lava." -- Tom Lehrer hm, now instead of multiple smoke pillars it's morphed into a one big one || is that good or not imagine a Discord full of Eric Abneris, but they all say they're trans too "File disk.img is large (7 EiB), really open? (y)es or (n)o" -- https://rwmj.wordpress.com/2020/11/04/ridiculously-big-files/ This laptop contains 56% zeros, 44% ones. This is 110% of the recommended allowance. Ones and zeros are known to cause cancer in the state of California. Please use in moderation. On 25 May 1997, Bohumil Šole, a scientist who claimed to have been involved with inventing Semtex, committed suicide at a spa in Jeseník by blowing himself up with explosives. "Why do I think that this isn’t going to be the answer?" Kids just crave nicotine +++ Big Red Lever Time +++ Query +++ "I once had an electronic board fail on the last cycle of thermal-vacuum testing and it turned out the reason was because one leg of an IC was just never soldered. It worked for several months, through initial testing, calibration, and 7 thermal cycles in vacuum before it finally developed enough resistance to stop working." "That would be the detective who keeps bringing up Jesus- to a guy who just murdered his family to go jerk off in a parking lot to a Bulgarian cam model" The officials acknowledged that only about half of them were intercepted successfully. The rest failed in flight and didn't reach their targets, the officials said. Consider when, on a voyage, your ship is anchored; if you go on shore to get water you may along the way amuse yourself with picking up a shellfish, or an onion. However, your thoughts and continual attention ought to be bent towards the ship, waiting for the captain to call on board; you must then immediately leave all these things, otherwise you will be thrown into the ship, bound neck and feet like a sheep. So it is with life. "Kevin here, our renowned saxophonist has been asked to give recitals for the Earls of Derby and Beaconsfield, the Prince of Wales, the Duke of Argyle, the Prince Regent, the British Queen, and many other pubs around Cambridge!" "Your plane would fly pretty well, except it would be on fire the whole time, and then it would stop flying, and then stop being a plane." If you go off and get a doctorate in English with a dissertation on minor 18th-century poets, you're mostly qualified to teach other people about minor 18th-century poets so they can go off and write dissertations of their own. Literal answers to bad questions can be dangerous. Safety briefing: Turn off safe search and look up lathe accident on your phone. The voices in your head aren't always correct: sometimes you really can just ignore them. "In a recent intrusion incident I was reviewing, one of the first things the criminals managed to do was find a file called Password List.xlsx. You can imagine how things went from there." Poisson pointed out that if light were really a wave, there would be a bright spot in the centre of a shadow of a disc, which is obviously nonsense. The bright spot in the centre of a shadow of a disc is now called "Poisson's spot". "If I am not wrong you could run your system without the kernel by just using systemd with the --enable-conspiracy parameter." "Cooperation mode: we cite the content of your journal in our articles, thus increasing ... your impact factor in 2022. You shall help us shorten the publication time. Payment: If an article is successfully published, we will pay for it at the price: IF*1000 USD/article. For example, with IF=2.36, total payment=2.36*1000 USD=2360USD. And this price is negotiable." "I would like to order a couple of kilos of FOOF from Hangzhou Sage Chemical just to see the crater on Google Maps." < sasamj> It's only blackface if you put on lipstick and start singing al jolson "It was like rifling through the journal of the sort of person who might make a lampshade out of human skin." "If you drive somewhere it takes time. That time the time zones. Someone drove for an hour and went this is one hour ahead." Why do we have to destroy [God], couldn't we refine him into a fine paste we could use to lubricate our doors "Given a choice between the Go Compare commercials and the webuyanycar.com ones, I'll take the former every time! (Of course, if a third option of having my eyes gouged out with soup spoons was offered I'd have to seriously consider it...)." Dress for comfort, function, and minimal maintenance hassles rather than for appearance. USB4 Gen3x2 cable (40 Gbps) with 100 W Power Delivery "Look all we need to do is build a new Birmingham every two years. It’s not hard. We already have a Birmingham. We just copy that one." "Tomatoes on my kitchen counter routinely withstand accelerations of approximately 9.8 m/s for days on end with no visible loss of structural integrity." "During the operation, Dr. Shaknovsky allegedly removed Bryan’s liver, mistaking it for the spleen. He then informed Bryan’s wife that the organ was severely diseased, had enlarged to four times its normal size, and had migrated to the other side of the body. The mistake was only discovered after Bryan’s death." "[Electric vehicles] may not burble like sucking doves," the Prime Minister said. "And they may not have that 'vrrrom vrrrom raaah raaah' that you like." Change is the enemy of uptime. Do not embrace change for change's sake. Only embrace change when you have a set of logical, requirements-driven reasons that are forcing that change upon you. The Miranda Guinness sailed twice-weekly trips between Dublin and Liverpool. It had 15 stainless steel tanks capable of carrying a total of almost 2 million pints of Guinness beer per voyage. "In emergencies, it is of course permissible to kill a few dozen innocent bystanders. In such a crowd as this, though, it is much better technique to kill only the one you are aiming at." "Ooh, you are *genuinely* stupid! I do apologise. Sorry, I thought you were just being deaf." "Ginny, 'crazed cold-blooded assassin' is the silliest oxymoron I've ever heard." "You have fallen for their trap. Expect FBI agents at your door within the next 3-5 business days." "It's like driving a Japanese toilet but not as satisfying." "We are Harry Potter and William Wallace, the Na’vi and Han Solo. We’re escaping from Shawshank and blowing up the Death Star. We are fighting with the Harkonnens and challenging Thanos." -- NATO "When it’s 3 A.M., and you’ve been debugging for 12 hours, and you encounter a virtual static friend protected volatile templated function pointer, you want to go into hibernation and awake as a werewolf and then find the people who wrote the C++ standard and bring ruin to the things that they love." All the problems we have with websites are ones we create ourselves. Websites aren't broken by default, they are functional, high-performing, and accessible. You break them. If you can delay solving a problem long enough, one of three things will happen: The problem will become so large that it destroys the organization, everyone gets so used to living with the problem that it ceases to be a problem, or the problem solves itself. "I moved to Denmark and traded proper beer for functioning egalitarian social democracy. Six days out of seven it feels like a good choice." A Dutch man suspected of fathering more than 550 children worldwide through sperm donations has been ordered to stop. You are not what you write, but what you have read. The entire gender thing is basically just a spectrum of personality traits and calling it gender at all just reinforces gender norms. "To be fair I’d accept the result of a naval battle to decide the EU ref if it meant we didn’t go through another eight days of this shit." "...specifically its ability to turn pebbles into humans and the like. That's just confusing." "No doubt the odd rat did have a cheeky nibble; sometimes they got sucked into the traction pipe. But it wasn't a significant problem. And if it had been, it would have been a doddle to solve it - simply add arsenic to the tallow mixture, in accordance with the general Victorian love of putting arsenic in bleeding well anything on the slightest excuse." Tyre Extinguishers is an international climate direct action group which vandalises people’s sport utility vehicles by deflating their tyres. I'm sure it's possible to get drunk via osmosis in pubs Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. "The worst part is seeing someone’s head walk through yours. The view is mostly grey, with traces of red and hollow hints of sinus. You would not wish to know about the eyeballs." In 1977, the Dutch government allegedly poisoned 105 children with laxatives during a hostage crisis. "After analyzing the sanctions against our space industry, I suggest to the USA to bring their astronauts to the International Space Station using a trampoline." -- Dimitry Rogozin "Be serious. Where we come from, it's 'In God we trust, all others we polygraph.'" In 1924, John Jacob Astor was expelled from Parliament and fined £500 for voting without having sworn allegiance to the King. < orbbfrgg> I recently obtained one zlotto (that's the singular of zloty now) so I'm shoving that up my nose tonight and thinking of jan64 You can only come back from the depths of the middle of the earth ONCE before it becomes permanent. "Only a fool would use Newtons, in my opinion, for designing a rocket." -- Elon Musk "The mass ratios, fuel efficiencies, and engine thrusts required are in the realm of science fiction but, then, the story is science fiction." Most horses won’t walk backwards voluntarily, because what they can’t see doesn’t exist. "Wonderfully and deeply useless." "I was writing some CSS and meant to write 'button' but for some reason I actually wrote 'pudding'. What?" Metastable metallic hydrogen would make a spectacularly good fuel, except for the fact that it's about as plentiful as unicorn tears and virtually impossible to make. "If the wiring in the vehicle is made of pot metal and insulated with Foxconn workers’ suicide notes, you might question whether it’s a good idea to dump 600A through it." "It is argued against recent medical anthropological and sociological studies of incontinence that it cannot be assumed that the opposite of incontinence is continence and containment. The issue of control is paramount, rather than the issue of containment in itself. " "...these capacitors, which I haven't discharged...OW! Oh, I have now because I stuck my finger across them." You get into trouble when you treat existence as a property of a 'thing' which it can either have or not have. To say 'X does not exist' means you have to be really really sure what you mean by X. "This thing is just so ridiculously dangerous! I love it!" "It's a beverage. Hot dirty water in a cup. You pick it up and drink it." Some people, when confronted with a problem, think "I know, I'll use sed." Now they have two problems. Honestly would've been far more amusing if the CIA had rigged him to explode after detecting a certain number of lies/hour "Uranium glass citrus reamer. Just simply the worst idea. Don’t use these." "Author Clint Rainey, when writing for bloomberg, described the DMI as 'the illuminati of cheese' and also said 'a secretive government-sponsored entity putting cheese anywhere it can stuff it'" "I have had a beard for many years! So I understand this! Should I feel morally opposed to the elves because of this?" Plans aren’t blueprints, they’re simply guides that lead you to the next plan. "I'd be happy to get a COMPLETE squirrel like this, that's to be sure. Most cases they are headless, sometimes it is just a a half squirrel." "According to Sipes, the project's turnaround is a result of governance, storytelling, and learning to be comfortable asking users for money. He would also like it quite a bit if Linux distributions stopped turning off telemetry." You are a semi-sentient colony of self-assembling, cooperative, biological nano-units. "The ultimate in disinformation - tell the truth, no-one expects that!" "I get paralyzed in a series of nested 'if they do this, then I should do this, but if they know this, then they do this [etc]' recursions until I babble incoherently." You will find that, while acts of insanity have the advantage of unpredictability, that doesn't normally make them good ideas. No jumping on bison. There are easier ways to earn frequent flyer miles. [The B-52 is] like a sausage dog with wings "It's a random selection from the list of X11 colors plus a random selection from a list of common fish names. We were using names of stars previously, but it turned out we had too many people interested in astronomy." "CDC recolored their maps: rather than showing your risk of illness, they now say that you're ok as long as there is still freezer truck morgue capacity available in your area." - jwz He who does not obey himself will be commanded. Ducks are really hard to catch || At least they were when I was trying to catch one at Minehead || They can waddle off really fast A stupid person is a person who causes losses to another person or to a group of persons while himself deriving no gain and even possibly incurring losses. "I remember Harry Potter because of the costume I wore, just two layers of silk and carpet slippers. Very comfortable." -- Michael Gambon "This film is in another realm. There is no correlation to the real world. There is no fear of a copycat Kaiju attack because a Kaiju saw it on the news and said, 'I'm going to destroy Seattle.'" -- Guillermo del Toro "That’s as sure as we ever are of anything. We believe it enough to act as though it’s true." "See, this is the problem with money. You always need it but sometimes you don't have any. It's a really poorly-designed system." "So there's a bit of torturing, even on the part of the protagonists, but it's awfully hygienic torturing. And only when they're really angry and they aren't any good at it." "Does Windows 98 support Linux?" You are blocked from editing Wikipedia for 8 millennia, 1 century, 7 decades, 9 years, 15 hours, 13 minutes and 12 seconds. "You achieved time travel through the overconsumption of ethanol?! I thought it was only a legend!" "Mycelium bound composites (fungal materials) are getting growing recognition as building, packaging, decoration and clothing materials. Presently the fungal materials are passive. To make the fungal materials adaptive, i.e. sensing and computing, we should embed logical circuits into them. We demonstrate experimental laboratory prototypes of many-input Boolean functions implemented in fungal materials from oyster fungi P. ostreatus." < thomastheo> i really want to see the warehouse where they store the atlas V rockets | < thomastheo> i bet they have giant mothballs the size of cars One person died from the disease because they ate microwaved popcorn at least once a day, put their nose inside the newly microwaved bag, and inhaled deeply. All the "e"s in "Mercedes" sound different. A man has lost custody of his five-year-old child after using an Alexa to babysit her while he was in the pub. "People are realizing every day how mushrooms (in particular, mycelium) can be used as a replacement for bacon (as well as pork, cow, and chicken), leather (and they're finding it's stronger), shoes, hats, clothes, as building/construction materials such as bricks, soundproofing, fire retardant insulation, as well as packing materials, furniture, bolts of threads, handbags, pet food, the sky is the limit." "What should we do to eliminate suffering and disease? It’s a wonderful idea but perhaps not altogether a beneficial one in the long run." -- Jacques Cousteau I don't have arms orbbfrgg: it's not the graphics doing thre[..]e work, it's the dorf simulation "The use of a junkyard to explore the nature of the TARDIS is not at all lost on me." Hm. I need things from IKEA, but a) I've been stabbed and b) it's absolutely the wrooooong time of the year to go there A French mayor says conditions on Mont Blanc are now so dangerous that climbers should pay a €15,000 (£12,640; $15,370) deposit to cover rescue and possible funeral costs. "You are all very stupid people," he told them, graciously, "and you do not know anything at all." A pessimist is correct oftener than an optimist, but an optimist has more fun, and neither can stop the march of events. Appropriate as electrokitty is well known for his cheese lust sasamj: that is such an American thing || 'what if we made a drive thru tree' "Keywords: Luxury goods, self-esteem, penis size, consumerpsychology" I forgot that ducks are included in worshipful animals but I think they were covered in "rotund birds" An error on the side of caution is still an error. "We need to all wear aluminum propeller beanies." -- Linus Torvalds "If you haven't, look into Zubrin's NSWR concept. It's basically a vaguely rocket shaped criticality accident, with radiation and power output measured in Chernobyls per second." - u/nonagondwanaland "What you're arguing against isn't what others are actually saying, but what you mistakenly think they're saying." Olha Koba, a psychologist in Kyiv, said "anger and hate in this situation is a normal reaction and important to validate." But it is important to channel it into something useful, she said, such as making incendiary bombs out of empty bottles. To increase their appearance during debates and to be seen more easily, a Member wishing to raise a point of order during a division was, until 1998, required to speak with his hat on. Collapsible top hats were kept for the purpose. I want an angry brown man who is 94% beard to hand me a congealed slab of suspicious meat drenched in garlic sauce. am pub, rxcuse spellinh "I find this conversation extremely boring. Unfortunately, it is somewhat on topic." Monitoring a problem is never the right answer. Fixing the problem is. < FLHerne> drat, glued my hair together again Never take responsibility for something you can't control. (Except for people, sometimes). I just tried and I can indeed swing my phone around by the [USB-C] cable without it unplugging In the future our lives will be infused by 6G-powered #MixedReality, at a very high speed (up to 200 Gbps) In fact, supposedly explosion-proof fuel tanks had exploded before — not just once, but many times. it constantly annoys me that the majority of people don't seem to know anything at all about most things that's even madder than the guy who collects his shit as stove fuel "The idea for this came to us after a long night of drinking in which it was determined that if the Linux kernel was to survive, it would need new programmers to fix all of the bugs that were recently added after a long night of drinking." "I don’t think he could have understood this stuff a month after he wrote it and I don’t have the faintest idea what is going on here." "Most of the enthusiasts are not experts, however. Mr. Kaplan, for example, works as the head of coffee product at Cometeer, a company that sells flash-frozen coffee concentrate." it was literally like we'd gone through an invisible portal into 2000s video game world In late February 2023, Russian mobilised reservists described being ordered to assault a Ukrainian concrete strong point armed with only ‘firearms and shovels’. The ‘shovels’ are likely entrenching tools being employed for hand-to-hand combat. "I quite liked driving in Wales. It's PvP in England, but PvE in Ireland and Wales." Always push your luck, because no-one else will push it for you. Naval commentators usually consider Chakri Naruebet to be less an aircraft carrier and more the world's largest and most expensive royal yacht, while the Thai media have nicknamed the ship "Thai-tanic", and consider her to be a white elephant. In August 2019, the city council of Bielefeld offered to give 1 million euros to any person who could provide incontrovertible evidence of the city's nonexistence. you never realize how obese America is until you have to physically move Americans "It's obviously not a rocket. Rockets are tall things, this was a long thing. Tunnels are long things." "That’s because your average Redditor looks like a bag filled with congealed chicken fat." "Military spending, the traditional, calculated destruction of blood and treasure. Treasure now, blood if Blue Streak ever melted Omsk into a puddle of radioactive glass." There's more to a coherent plan than coming up with a name and randomly capitalizing words. Extra butter! LESS NUTMEG! "Well sir, that's what's great about this offer -- is that you don't actually have to believe in him personally, so long as you agree to be sacrificed in his name. Now, now, now -- are you a virgin?" "Why wait for the madman? I'm sure the two of you can make up a crazy scheme all on your own." The first step of any project is to grossly underestimate its complexity. "I honestly don't understand what the hell this is supposed to mean in italian, so I can't really translate it in english sorry" I mean, I did learn to fly a plane before a car "Alves succeeded in puncturing the capsule's aperture window with a screwdriver, allowing him to see a deep blue light coming from the tiny opening he had created. He inserted the screwdriver and successfully scooped out some of the glowing substance. Thinking it was perhaps a type of gunpowder, he tried to light it, but the powder would not ignite." "Should A create a situation to test B and B freaks out during said test, then both A and B are shitty people. B for freaking out and A for being a sociopath." "I just want to thank you for introducing the word 'flong' into my life." "When he asked for its ultimate fantasy, the chatbot described wanting to create a deadly virus, make people argue until they kill each other and steal nuclear codes. This triggered a safety override and the message was deleted." "Ma Huan is enthralled with Siam, today's Thailand, 'whose husbands are proud to offer their wives to us, regarding sexual intimacy with foreigners as an honor to the beauty of Siamese women.'" At some point in the future the universe will come to an end, and at some other point, considerably in advance from that but still not immediately pressing, the sun will explode. Everything has always existed. Under the 1972 Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty both the United States and the Soviet Union had to designate one area to protect from missile attack. The USA chose North Dakota and the Soviet Union chose Moscow. "That makes no sense, but it was the 1970s and I don't think they cared about things making sense back then." "So, this is the component - here - that's just exploded..." Debugging is like being the detective in a crime movie where you are also the murderer. Complacency can only be observed with hindsight. Your molpy may vary; void where prohibited by lunch. There's a big difference between being sorry and being sorry you got caught. "Got ahold of my insurance company and explained I had a total loss of my vehicle, and when asked what happened to it, I explained that my truck had been hit by a rocket. The woman on the other end didn't really know how to process that." "Is there like an upper limit on how long you should keep your face inside a cat? Wait nevermind." "In the name of the law, Pancake, get on your belly! Where are the gerbils?!" "Ham sandwiches and too much mustard are insane though. Nothing better then your nostrils melting off mid lunch." Yodelling only makes your throat hurt if someone hits your throat to make you stop yodelling. "There is no need to be afraid. The Russian army is not strong, it is just long. We will eat them slowly, like a salami." "We defend freedom and privacy by making sure you have as little as possible of either." What flavour do you think clouds are? Some distros are clearly doing well, and others are struggling, and Debian is Debian. Yay war? All socialist flags are actually just extreme close-ups of the Welsh flag. "That was 'Stan' on Walrus. He had a Volvo Penta engine that would he would start on petrol and when it had warmed up a bit feed lpg into the intake manifold using the manifold vaccum to operate the gas valve. It did work well as I remember although I was not sure it was safe even then. It never blew up even though he was a heavy smoker as well." "Their leaflets keep saying get Britain back. I am in Britain and am worried it has floated into the Atlantic with me on it." There will be other days. Thinking that terrible ideas are entertaining is a common side-effect of alcohol. "The Greenshirts of the Boiler Police are not going to kick in your door with their sandal-clad feet and seize, at carrot-point, your trusty old combi." "Newt had always suspected that people who regularly used the word ‘community’ were using it in a very specific sense that excluded him and everyone he knew." "The parent tetra-azide was explosive, to be sure, but could be kept at room temperature without necessarily blowing up." "I am looking for a definitive answer about how robots can travel in time. After more than fifty viewings of Terminator 2, I can conclude that this film is purely fictional and unhelpful. Does anyone know where else to look?" Most people don't give a thruppenny fuck about their freedom to view and edit the source code of the software they use, which they would not know how to do even if they cared. How do we stop too much wealth from accumulating in one place? - "Optimist: Give to the poor!" - Pessimist: "Take from the rich!" - Physicist: "Make all the money out of uranium." "We employ an empirical approach, using optical character recognition (OCR) software, which finds that merely 93% of paint splatters parse as valid Perl." The Pope is a lot like Doctor Who. He never dies, just keeps being replaced by white men. "You twist this little dial here, breaking the mercury-fulminate fuse, and you gently lower this lever HERE, and a sheet of flame comes out THERE. Oh, I am sorry. I'm sure your moustache will grow back." "Why don't you just cast a spell and make the mountain turn into a giant bowl of pudding or something?" "The analogy that removing the shirt damages the shirt isn't quite accurate. A better one would be that removing the inside-out t-shirt rips your arm off." "The most interesting moment was when Cook broke out iPad sales, and that 54% of new iPad owners were cats." they convincingly look like they're having an entirely transcendent human moment singing about being a frog and I believe it "Then we should download all the websites into our modems and print them out before the law goes into effect." "Your correspondent rather foolishly suggested that nothing gets open source geeks more riled than breaching the General Protection Licence. Turns out that failing to use its proper name - the General Public Licence - in fact gets said geeks more riled." Frogs evolved the ability to jump before they evolved the ability to land, meaning not all frogs have mastered the second part of the process. "It was a rather dangerous experiment, as evidenced by the unfortunate Georg Wilhelm Reichmann. He also attempted to reproduce the experiment, but a glowing ball of charge traveled down the string, jumped to his forehead, and killed him instantly." "His first move was to go try to get a job. The tactic he came up with was to walk into the lobby, uninvited, stand there awkwardly, be too shy to talk to anyone, and walk out." "Why are you dodging like this? They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist—" -- General John Sedgwick, Union Army (last words) "The final unit consisted of a geometric timber log on a steel stand, a classic analogue pitch & volume theremin, and a motorised system to raise the owl from within the casing." Some people never do get the whole ‘pointy venomous fish bad, no dangling kids’ thing. People aren't really afraid of being alone. They're afraid that they aren't. "I'd like a 4K x86 Windows Direct3D PC game on a 16K arm64 Linux Vulkan Mac." "Ma'am, this is a Wendy's." "It took nearly 10 minutes for the quizmaster to restore order. Also this was a quiz where you had to write the answers on a piece of paper and hand them in at the end of the round so there was no need for him to shout the answer at all." I've seen homeless people with card readers "Q: If people had wheels and could fly, how would we differentiate them from airplanes?" "You might need quite a few of them though, and then your boat is full of rats, which might defeat the point unless you think domesticated rats are the best pets imaginable." Buoyancy is such a hack. The company doesn't seem to have any idea what sulfur dioxide actually is, calling it the clouds it forms "biodegradable" and saying they will "compost and settle back to Earth." "I will hunt you down, flay you, and WEAR YOU AS A HAT!" "Since my being in a fictional universe PROVES that fictional universes are both real and reachable, I now work on a device to reach the Discworld and personality-clone Lord Vetinari." The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering. Apples and oranges are both fruits that grow on trees. It would be totally valid to compare them nutritionally. goats are really cheap apparently. plenty available on local marketplace for a few tens of euro "We popped a duck once in a lock - it kept swimming up the side and there was no way I could keep boat away. Proper crisp-packet job. It was horrible." The biologist-holding-a-pipet shot is third in the pantheon of Cheap Scientific Shorthand images. Just ahead of it is Peering Insightfully Into the Microscope, and at number one is Looking at a Raised Erlenmeyer With A Thoughtful Expression. "The world is a good place to be when you have just eaten a few gallons of raw fish." -- Linus Torvalds All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake up in the day to find it was vanity, but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible. "Again, Director, object 4118-6 is a stellar envelope. We believe that a storage system for 'all the information' it contains would be about the size of another stellar envelope." "Genes are like muscles; the more you use them, the more you end up with, and the more are passed on to your offspring, like with giraffe necks." "Indeed, we all know that fan thrash is most Hellwangmentalfiretastic. I've taken the primary filter out of my Dyson to improve its rateability. Doesn't actually clean the floor any more but hey ho..." Tory MP Jane Stevenson is a passionate dog advocate and animal lover, owning two, and her favourite biscuit is the Garibaldi biscuit. Reality is frequently inaccurate. "No. Just no. There is no such thing as 'coldness'. Saying that crushing frozen ingredients releases coldness is like saying that a lamp sucks in darkness." If a Dutch person speaks under water it comes out as English, and vice versa, making a simple bath tub an analog translator. It appears that there is a taxonomic error in the "landing gear" subunit. Empirically, this substructure does not seem to be strictly necessary for LANDING (though there is a marked decrease in friction and binding coefficients to tARmAC when they are expressed). The term "Takeoff Gear" is preferred. "How could anyone consider themselves a well-rounded adult without a basic understanding of silicate geochemistry? Silicates are everywhere! It's hard to throw a rock without throwing one!" If you want to set off and go develop some grand new thing, you don't need millions of dollars. You need enough pizza and the dedication to go through with it. Whalo-Batian is a controversial hypothesis, and linguists aren't sure if the similarities are cognates or loanbones. "People wondered about this world too, and we wrote 'Here be dragons' on our maps. And eventually we got there, and there were no dragons. The world got a little less magical because we got a little bit more of it." "Stay tuned. I think I just got into a Gatling gun duel." If an empty QString is split, the returned QStringList is non-empty. how many cats have you dissected? || well i've seen like about 2 dozen i reckon The unit mCrab, or milliCrab, is sometimes used instead of the Crab. "No, see, that solution is for a different problem than the one I have." It's kinda scary that all the adaptations required for making an aerosolised deadly toxin already exist in plants, they just haven't done it yet Shitterton is a hamlet in Bere Regis, Dorset, England. Its name dates back at least 1000 years and means "farmstead on the stream used as an open sewer" "In a way he WAS invisible, because he was always there." "His name in real life sounded uncannily like the kind of fake made-up awesome name that TV detectives always have." People's whole lives do pass in front of their eyes before they die. The process is called 'living'. "The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom." -- Isaac Asimov "I too am curious about other people but rarely find them interesting for long, most people have no hobbies or interests beyond television and movies, jobs they know nothing about and opinions based on feelings and a complete lack of knowledge." An army sergeant was shot and killed when he was mistaken for a target by a soldier with "poor eyesight", an inquiry has found. "I’m not sure how to debunk this exactly, besides noting that magic is not real and crystals are not an effective treatment for mental health issues." Giant and powerful crabs make planets better. "At one point during the investigation, so many national security agents were reportedly playing video games that a 'deconfliction' group was created to ensure they were not inadvertently spying on one another." "Here, give him one of these pills every month, and y’all look out for the alligators. I don’t have a pill for those." Sometimes autistic people argue too, and that phenomenon is known as The Internet. In an interview with The House magazine to mark the start of the Conservatives’ party conference in Manchester, Ms. May reminisced about past years “when there was much more of an emphasis on people coming together for debates during election campaigns”. "Oddly, none of my lectures have even touched upon that sort of thing." "Instead of office chair package contained bobcat. Would not buy again." You should AT LEAST have a rough understanding of what you are doing, and be able to describe the expected result. If you don't know what to expect, then it's likely that you don't know what you are actually doing, so it might be better to refrain from doing it in the first place. "I agree - not blowing up is a situation you always want to achieve. Glad they were successful on that point." -- Wayne Hale +++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++ "Japan urges its young people to drink more to boost economy." "Children have no need of sharing / at each new Nativity / come the ghostly Magi bearing / 20 tons of TNT" "My husband and I spent half an hour in the shower discussing whether or not lobsters are sentient." so its the good swastika "...of course there's an Ancient and Honourable Guild of Murderous Device Fabricators." hm. interesting plot device for fiction. replace diet with old organic matter, such as mammoth meat from permafrost, or drink vodka made from petroleum, thus affecting the carbon 13/14 isotopic ratio of your body, and make it seem like you are immortal You're just standing there being gonaded I 3D-printed a clip to hold a non-head torch onto my flat cap "I’m no longer in danger of blowing myself up. The potatoes are growing nicely. Nothing has conspired to kill me in weeks." "Maybe the FAA can be a little more innovative in how they interpret some of the rules and regulations. Their mission is to enable safe spaceflight. We cannot give up on the safety side, but could there be a little bit more emphasis on the enable side?" -- SpaceX "There is huge issue with drivers for mousepads under Linux, like literally everyone is making mousepads Windows only, it's annoying." "I design a new enemy to showcase the new physics capabilities. I also test the limits of awkwardness and social norms by narrating gameplay footage in a dorm room full of people studying." More than 3,500 people of all ages swallow button batteries every year in the United States. "The regex simply wasn’t long and complicated enough. So I returned to the drawing board, puked on it several times, and ended up with the following." "It was fun until an alligator actually bit the stick I was holding in half. Like I said, we were idiots." "Yeah, I'm trying to artificially improve the memories people will have of me when I die." Ah yes, you wouldn't want to get mixed up with solid blood or gaseous blood we'd need something like 50-100m3 of gas. may eat into our profit margin || Yeah and I suspect the people at the channel tunnel train won't be impressed either. Especially not when the giant hydrogen balloon touches the overhead wires and explodes the train and platform General rule of thumb: treat companies like you would treat a legally diagnosed, high functioning psychopath, since if they were people, that's how we would classify them. "It's like her mind's a poorly-curated wiki." FLHerne: stop making lead-rich meat substitutes "I have acted in the national interest to make sure we have economic stability." -- Liz Truss "Vertical launch companies should not need much runway, but this is a company that did a power slide launch, after all." "Thank you for your call. Your existential military struggle for national survival is important to us. Please leave your name, number, enemy, and the details of any valuable resource deposits within your national boundaries and we'll get back to you in 2 to 12 months." "It was nice to hear the voices of little children at play, provided you took care to be far enough away not to hear what they were actually saying." "Boswell carried two suitcases into a bank on the Isle of Man and banked £757,000, all in notes. We asked the bank manager why didn't he think of reporting it to the authorities? His face reddened and he said, 'Mr Evans it's not unusual for people to come in carrying a shopping bag with £50,000 in cash." -- Detective Chief Inspector Don Evans "The couple liked the soup so much they presented Tezelin with the manor of Addington; to hold the manor he and his descendants would be required to present the dish at all coronations in perpetuity." "The nerve-racking thing about science is that we really do prove things. And sometimes we prove ourselves wrong..." < FLHerne> I hope I never generate a 30-page forum thread entitled "I never did like Francis Herne" The Linux community is known for reinventing the square wheel over and over again. American food seems like it's from a weird alternate dimension country where it was created only through vague descriptions of the thing by someone with no tastebuds "Oooh, hyu iz almost to de door! Look! It'z behind dot giant wall ov flame over dere!" The official plural of 'Prius' is 'Prii'. "This is the second such occurrence within the United Kingdom. Following a previous fatal accident in 1995, UK Sirocco aircraft were modified to address concerns over the design of the tailplane and its attachments. Although these modifications had been accomplished on G-MNDW, the tailplane had failed through loss of structural integrity and in a similar manner." Nitrogen trichloride can irritate mucous membranes—it is a lachrymatory agent, but has never been used as such. "Warning: not everyone is suited to having an affair. They are not an alternative to working on or ending a marriage. Not all affairs have a positive effect on a marriage, some can be very damaging." -- Illicit Encounters, "the UK's leading website for married people wanting to have an affair." At some point, we have got to give up and just start stupid-proofing this damn technology. "We're a modest company with modest goals: (1) sell a quality product at a fair price (2) drain the world's oceans so we can find and kill god" "Ultimately the problem is we cannot decide what the NHS is for ... It has now evolved into an institution that arbitrarily extends people's lives just because we can." Sandwiches are an edible form of structural art. "So, when you see a hacker early in the morning (1pm or earlier in local time), please avoid loud noises. Allow them to adjust to their surroundings for at least an hour before any valuable information exchanges are conducted." If your adversary is in the middle of making a mistake, don't interrupt. "How can a tree do that? WHY would a tree do that?!" In modern media the truth is triangulated, halfway between the two most extreme views. "Okay, so we've established that if we have two extra moons at the L4 and L5 points we can slingshot--" "That work started as a $4.4 million contract modification in 2011, but Northrop ultimately charged NASA $253 million for the work." "You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing - after they have tried everything else." It's easy to know which way you're facing when the sky is a linear gradient. "I have an issue with overheating as negative currently goes all the way to the last battery, and when microwave is on it melts." < thomastheo> two billion more ugly bags of mostly water in twenty years. i have socks that i bought one billion people ago. my phone is from 400 million people ago. A warranty is not insurance. Nothing remains the same and no-one cares what you think. "Well, to be perfectly fair, if you put a Mars lander in your pocket with your keys it would get scratched as well." The HMX mixture was combined with regular flour in order to produce explosives suitable for sabotage missions and diversions, while looking (and tasting) rather innocent. What came as the biggest oddity of this mixture was that it was actually edible, apart from being a very efficient explosive. The edible part was primarily made possible so that smugglers could demonstrate the flour to any doubting customs officer in occupied China "He went right through an inch thick wooden windscreen as if it were paper, left his rubber face behind, and finally came to a halt 710 feet downrange. Clearly, some damnable forces of physics were at work." "Parsons died at the age of 37 in a home laboratory explosion that attracted national media attention; the police ruled it an accident, but many associates suspected suicide or murder." "I'm the exact opposite of the traditional entrepreneur. I found a problem, attempted to solve it, failed, so now I'm shipping that problem onto the masses." "It took Wim Delvoye eight years of consultation with experts in fields ranging from plumbing to gastroenterology to construct the poo machine. When asked about his inspiration, Delvoye stated that everything in modern life is pointless. The most useless object he could create was a machine that serves no purpose at all, besides the reduction of food to waste." goes good with a tidepod glaze 😋 Bunk beds are cool. A bed with a ladder! You can't beat that. If you did it for a good reason, you’d do it for a bad one. the explosions were due to mines going off after a prison break "It IS lucky. I ain’t never died while wearing that hat." Star Wars is the best movie series of all time, the only flaw it has is that most of the films really suck. "They've managed to fuck up by £800,000 because they forgot to multiply the 'per month' value by 12 ... also they just used the dollar values as pounds." Did you know that the propeller on a small plane is actually there to keep the pilot cool? Just watch, when it stops spinning the pilot will start sweating like crazy. Fire is like tape. If it isn't working, you just need more. Mercury is still shrinking as it cools || nothing to be ashamed about, it happens to all of us "The silos could have six-hundred-ton steel and concrete lids. Or there could be gigantic hoses to wash away the charred debris of Suffolk that would have fallen on top of them." Data is not the plural of anecdote. and bingo was his brain-o! "First Electron Rocket in U.S. Successfully Lunched From Wallops Island" -- WRDE Coast TV "My brain operates 9am to noon and 1pm to 4:30pm Monday to Friday excluding public holidays." Wales and Pennsylvania are two ends of the same coal deposit. Known as the "Transatlantic Seam" it was split by millions of years of continental drift. "To increase stationary entropy, pencils spontaneously travel from places of low pencil-affinity to places of high pencil-affinity, but only under the right conditions." Never say of anything, "I have lost it"; but, "I have returned it." Is your child dead? It is returned. Is your wife dead? She is returned. "The assembled mages watched the big double doors as if they were about to explode, which shows how prescient they were, because they exploded." Human babies are made of all the same things you're made of, except much fresher. That makes them the perfect food. "How would we know if it actually sends you someplace or just disintegrates you? I mean...aside from screams of pain." If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a nonworking cat. "I'll give them top marks if they promise never to do this again." "The bolt heads originally came off due to over-tightening. But, rather than replacing the damaged shafts, staff at the defence contractor Babcock implemented a quick fix and glued them back on." The decades-old Unix 'pipe' model is just plain dumb, because it forces you to think of everything as serializable text, even things that are fundamentally not text, or that are not sensibly serializable. "I APPLAUD YOUR EFFORTS, BUT THEY AVAIL YOU NAUGHT. STAND ASIDE." "The feeling was very fast, yes, but also elastic. Like we were using big rubber bands to shoot ourselves into the horizon." "I just tweeted Elon asking him when he was going to migrate from the 1940s German technology and move to the anti-gravity Alien Reproduction Vehicles the US has had since the 1960s" The two most difficult challenges in programming are the last two hard things that the person speaking worked on. "We used to have a pack of these buggers at my area zoo until some stupid bitch decided to dangle her 2 year-old son over the railing and dropped him. Of course they said it was the zoo's fault too and she got a nice settlement out of it." I feel next to no guilt about my irrational dislike of the veritasium body snatcher "We had a minor mishap with the drone - it had an unconventional landing experience in conjunction with the presence of a tree." -- Leo S. Goolden if a nuke really goes off anywhere even in the general vicinity of where i am it would probably kill my gamma spectrometer and that would make me very upset. "Is it meant to be a bun and bangs or blobby pigtails or what? I wanna grab it, squeeze it off her head, put a baked salmon in it, and feed that to some post-war American suburbanites." "It is vague on this topic, but vague in a hyper-detailed fashion." Nitrocellulose s tricky to make; the first effort to manufacture it at scale in 1846 blew up the plant within a year and it took 15 years from that to figure out how to manufacture it safely without it just exploding. With this channel, "i am high" could mean drugs or you're IRCing from a planet Beetles comprise 25 percent of ALL KNOWN ANIMAL LIFE-FORMS. That means there's a 1 in 4 chance that anyone you meet is SECRETLY A BEETLE. A dog can never have too many chew toys. "You give the CDF the right to use whatever procedures necessary to enhance your combat readiness, and you can’t be combat ready if you’re dead." I'm kinda of the belief that people should probably largely stop pretending to be things recreationally after a certain age "Many of the technologies used in the craft, such as nuclear fusion and high temperature superconductors, had not yet been discovered." Words like "incident," "sudden," and "vibration" are not the kinds of expressions one wants to hear about the handling of a delicate and virtually irreplaceable instrument like the Webb telescope. Manatees regulate their flatulence for buoyancy control. "It'll either happen or it won't, thus there are two possibilities, and since it can be either one, it has to be 50/50." "Wikipedia's actually pretty damn good. It's like 90% accurate. It's just not clear what 90%." -- Elon Musk There's nothing like an empty beach in the early morning to make you feel you're the only person left on the earth. "8. Smashing a stack of burning concrete slabs, on the chest of a man lying on a bed of nails. See numbers 1, 5, 6, and 7, above." the bonus you get from strapping multiple model rocket motors onto your body is that you correspondingly increase the chances that one will explode and envelop you in a ball of fire Violet Club. The whole thing. "It's daft as fuck, of course, but that's part of the appeal. I can definitely see it being something that crosses the UK-Oz cultural divide." "The most industrious cavers don't consider a passage 'tight' unless they have to exhale to make forward progress, but I think that's a bit too extreme." "Whether the people come back is irrelevant, but you must have the ship back because those things are expensive." -- Elon Musk If you are exposed to a blood-agent gas, and are able to successfully don a gas mask within 9 seconds, you have a significant chance of surviving. Thanks to our extreme heartiness, we regard as routine medical procedures what other species would regard as inventive forms of murder. it's a disappointingly small hole "In its most characteristic reaction, the solid decomposes explosively." This is a terrible reusable design, the boosters aren't even on the rocket anymore, and that extra fuel could propel the rockets in there actual position Every picture of you is from when you were younger. "From the ground, this looked exactly like he had blown up his own head. Nobody ever told him that." "Being focused on shipping capabilities rather than technology is what separates the riffraff from the players across multiple industries." Just because it compiled doesn't mean you're done. "When have any of our plans ACTUALLY WORKED?" "Normally the control drums rotated at a maximum speed of 45° per second to the fully open position at 180°. This was too slow for the devastating explosion sought, so for Kiwi-TNT they were modified to rotate at 4,000° per second." "But now...it wasn’t that he felt he understood, but at least he felt that there was something there capable of understanding." "We don't ask that you stay within the bounds of physics, but at least follow the rules you freaking made up." "I like to picture a 16th century German, transported to today, wondering what the heck happened to the zimbelstern." "The houses! They're pastel-colored!" "Man accidentally shot child while officiating wedding" The cheapest, fastest, and most reliable components are those that aren't there. "Now we have an additional 72 snails in the living room. Fortunately, they are not particularly disruptive." "One of the things you have to do when you’re running a launch-vehicle company is test your engines," Pythom engineer Jamie Hadden told commissioners earlier this month. With no enemy anti-submarine combatants in sight, Daspit then took time to carefully maneuver into a textbook firing position, 875 yd (800 m) square off the target's beam, where he fired nine more Mark 14s and observed all with his periscope (despite the Japanese firing at it). All were duds. "The most peril you'd ever get was the odd sheep getting loose, or the vicar's bike tire going flat. And I love that. It's just a casual observation of everyday life, exactly what very young children need to watch and learn from. What does it teach a kid, that the frickin' postman now rides a goddamn helicopter?! We'll never get these days back, and how terribly sad that is. Ivor would at least have to crash within the first minute nowadays, that's the law." "We can have some proper lunch in a bit, but all I can offer right now is bread." "Once guilty of the deadly sin of gluttony, thousand-year-old Viking vampire angel Cnut Sigurdsson is now a lean, mean, vampire-devil fighting machine. His new side-job? No biggie: just ridding the world of a threat called ISIS while keeping the evil Lucipires (demon vampires) at bay. So when chef Andrea Stewart hires him to rescue her sister from a cult recruiting terrorists at a Montana dude ranch, vangel turns cowboy. Yeehaw!" Progress episodically! "As with voice-based ATC, CPDLC has no built-in security mechanisms. Furthermore, the links which carry CPDLC do not have security mechanisms either." Oracle: One Rich Asshole Called Larry Ellison. "Amsterdam, Netherlands – Hackers from the LinuxOnAnything.nl Web site successfully installed Linux on a potato. It's the first time the operating system has been successfully installed on a root vegetable." "After extensive analysis here at Ars, we think the main problem with the ad is that it doesn't mention Cards Against Humanity at all. Further, most people are unlikely to associate either a potato or the word 'ADVERTISEMENT' with Cards Against Humanity." "A guy I work with has 16 middle names. Named after the Man Utd 98-99 team." "I sometimes think the engineers I meet that share their brilliant ideas for projects are actually aliens who have never encountered humans before." The power of the pie tin compels you! "More people think the world is run by lizards than that the PM negotiated a very good Brexit deal." [at the end of an incoherent ramble posted to /r/physics] "I just took 400ug so i probably make no sense" "An Icelandic whaler, Kristján Loftsson, is powering his whaling ships using "biofuel" composed of 80% diesel – and 20% whale oil. Loftsson claims the oil is additionally friendly to the environment as it is rendered out of whale blubber using heat from Iceland's volcanic vents." Even deathtraps need regular maintenance. "I think the hand with the banjo is the taketh-ing one. Otherwise he'd pretty much only be able to giveth banjos." "Is it (don't crash) AND (kill everyone) or don't (crash AND kill everyone)?" Ars Technica does not recommend removing the protective cover from your hard disk or setting it on fire in production settings. Suffocation deaths are caused by mochi every year in Japan ... As a result of this risk, Japanese authorities put out yearly warnings, advising people to cut mochi into small pieces before consumption. "During early experiments, a stopper jumped from a bottle of residues, and, although replaced at once, resulted in an immediate complaint of nausea and sickness from colleagues working in a building two hundred yards away." Jerusalem artichokes are neither artichokes nor from Jerusalem. "A limited edition single volume of the long-running manga One Piece is being billed as the longest book in existence. At 21,450 pages, it is physically impossible to read, making it less of a book and more of a sculpture." You can't use sizeof() on a structure whose elements haven't been defined, and if you do, demons may fly out of your nose. Remember: there is always another way; usually a better one. "WHY IS THERE CODE??? MAKE A FUCKING .EXE FILE AND GIVE IT TO ME. these dumbfucks think that everyone is a developer and understands code. well i am not and i don't understand it. I only know to download and install applications. SO WHY THE FUCK IS THERE CODE? make an EXE file and give it to me. STUPID FUCKING SMELLY NERDS" "We may have to cut some corners, but only ones we can tape back on later." < sasamj> My favorite jet engine is my asshole "sleeping on your stomach is the most likely position to produce erotic dreams" https://www.flherne.uk/files/IMG_20231202_172303.jpg || FLHerne: But where did you get the cartoon bomb? "In this usage 'guilty' means that you committed the crime, not that you feel guilt." Your ignorance seems to have no limit. Your opinions are idiotic. When you look at words in a mirror, how come they're reversed left to right but not top to bottom? "For example: you could visit a shoe store that sells really nice, high-end, top-quality footwear, and you could think to yourself: if an eel owned a car, how the hell would he work the pedals?" "None of my emails made it on the list. I guess I'm going to have to really step up my game and drink a lot more before writing them." "I could just buy one of these, but look at that price. A thousand dollars. I'm definitely better off making my own. So, the first thing I did was buy a two-thousand-dollar lathe." "A malfunction involving the toilet caused a leak in the forward section. The leak flooded the submarine's batteries (located beneath the head) causing them to generate chlorine gas." "Please do not use the Statue of Liberty as a symbol of our Freedom. The truth is, it is a statue to the transgender wife of Baal!" Did you know that there are twice as many numbers as numbers? "I now have ALL the pockets. I have a GLUTTONY of pockets. Why would I wear anything else?" "I lost by, like, I didn’t lose." - Donald J Trump "No, because python scripting will make it infinitely extensible with no additional complexity." "During trials following this repair the ship's sewage system seriously malfunctioned, fatally gassing one of the Australian Navy Cadets" "It seemed obvious to me that he was not being serious. A man cannot speak so coherently about the scientific method on one page, and then speak about his encounter with a glowing raccoon on the next page." "Some services are suffering from delays because of the wrong type of leaves on the track (the trees are still attached to them)." i was still in spiky dildo territory, yes | We're on pubs, now I just can't imagine life without eating eyeballs if I explode I don't want that precious data to go to waste X stands for the Greek letter chi, the starting letter of Χριστός (Christós). The use of the word "Xmas" in English can be traced to the year 1021, when monks in Great Britain used the X in place of "Christ" for abbreviation, while transcribing classical manuscripts. "I don't think you should be allowed to kill someone for having a slower reference frame." The Truth, unlike an opinion, is not open to reasonable debate. Any reasonable person presented with The Truth will agree with it, so by definition, any debate or resistance must be unreasonable. when you're halfway through a box of rodent teeth and you realize your calipers are measuring wrong and you have to start again.. well.. you develop a grudge eventually "It is with heavy heart I write this post for a man I never met, but knew so well." Fox meat is edible, though quite tough. For best results, tenderize fox meat by soaking it overnight in salt water. "Warning: Input wasn't done in which where input should be necessary. Can it be finished?" Music SHOULD be free - and sausages in a bun should be a dollar each, mustard extra. If it's flavourless there's not enough salt or butter lol || That's all of french cooking in a nutshell yeah before i offer up a bell pepper to the gods of nothing, i would also like to know from whence this question came Brevard County, Florida, was within an hour of being destroyed by an army of turtles recently, according to the man who claimed to be their leader. iirc they didnt just shred squirrels "Beauty is the first test: there is no permanent place in this world for ugly mathematics." -- G. H. Hardy "Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?" "I fixed all of the issues in a housing estate car park, so I had to stop welding whenever there were people around lest I be liable for people who decided to stare at the fucking arc." If you break a pencil in half you get two pencils. If you break a pen in half, you have no pen. < jan> there's some side-effects, but the worst, likely one is getting your blood vessels blocked with all the dead larvae after taking some | < jan> which isn't as big of a concern if you don't actually have any worms in your blood/ "That's a problem for future me. Boy am I glad I'm not him." <@raptop> The stars had better be wrong "The power of the jets cleared the snow but also blew away the ballast. This made the track insecure and another unwanted side effect was that the melted snow froze on the rails to form ice. The experiment was judged to be a failure." "Are dinosaurs immune to zombies?" "The following courts leet are also listed here for unclear reasons, despite not having been exempted from abolition by the 1977 act, and despite it not being clear whether they are still operative: ..." "There was no tree nor any visible water: it was a country of grass and short springy turn, silent except for the whisper of the air over the edges of the land, and high lonely cries of strange birds." "Private Percy was a practical and methodical young man, and therefore decided, in this dream, not to worry about trees, trees had never tried to kill him." ok adolf "wow so u r know about computering hacks??" "Oh, obvious. I’ll grant you it’s obvious. Trouble is, just because things are obvious doesn’t mean they’re true." ayo bro are you maintaining a healthy jackoff/day ratio? Most people aren't really as literate as statistics says || They can read in the way that a morbidly obese person can technically run A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. Also speaking of dog loicences || When are they going to ban those ones that keep eating children i can see how people can get desensitised in that line of work, but this still seems a little extreme "After a gruelling days work all folks involved were black and as we scrubbed down with cut water on the towpath before returning home for intense baths, then we all discovered after the oil was off we had phosphorous burns!. Thank you Albright & Wilson!" -- Laurence Hogg "In the context of the medical weirdness going on here, I have to ask a stupid question - was he a plant like a spy, or a plant like a perambulatory asparagus?" You're not doing it wrong if no-one knows what you're doing. "Binance's CCO (chief compliance officer) bluntly admitted to another Binance compliance officer in December 2018, 'we are operating as a fking unlicensed securities exchange in the USA bro,' according to the lawsuit." If you don't know what to do, don't do anything. "Social media made you all way too comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face for it." -- Mike Tyson 80% of deviant art is people who want to have sex with something imaginary ⸌ꐄ』⦓」⧘⍘⸉⍞《‹❮´❝“«`‎ߵ‎'""'ߴ`»”❞´❯›》⍞⸊⍘⧙」⦔』ꐄ⸍ "The majestically-named Thorin Oakenshield, whose very name makes me feel like my entire existence is inferior to his." The smell of impacted anal glands is really disturbing for other cats. "There's some magic level of eye contact and raised voice where you get someone's attention without making them think you're trying to murder them that I just haven't discovered." The longest direct domestic flight in the world is between Paris and Saint-Denis, at 9,386 km or 5,832 miles. "Well, even if time() isn't random, your RSA private key is probably pretty random." "So if I come up with something obviously stupid and stick the word 'challenge' behind it, people will just do it?" Gyromitra esculenta in particular has been reported to be responsible for up to 23% of mushroom fatalities each year in Poland. "No! That's a 1930s tap, that's a 1980s taps, those aren't taps at all... That's clearly a lady dancing. That's not a tap." Nobody opens an issue or a pull request when they’re satisfied with your work. In 2007, the pun "Infamy, infamy, they've all got it in for me", spoken by Kenneth Williams in Carry on Cleo, was voted the funniest one-line joke in film history. "The exact number of crimes isn't really quantifiable, so we'll assume it's infinite." "It certainly doesn't burn people on touch or anything, and you can even drink it relatively safely." If you are transporting drugs, inspect your vehicle beforehand and follow all traffic laws. For purposes of this report, they counted the other crew members as "structure" "A giant yellow rubber duck floating on Nanming River in China's south-west Guizhou Province has reportedly been swept away by floodwaters just months after it exploded on display in Taiwan." -- BBC News "You run `git tree-shake ` and you get a bunch of random commits cherry-picked from that branch into the current one" "Broadly speaking, short words are best, and the old words, when short, are best of all." -- Winston Churchill Trying to use willpower to overcome the apathetic sort of sadness that accompanies depression is like a person with no arms trying to punch themselves until their hands grow back. A fundamental component of the plan is missing and it isn't going to work. "The wastage was so severe that the horizontal stringers, which are the major structural members running athwartship across the tanks, had become detached from the tank bulkheads (walls). If you jumped up and down on these once massive platforms, they reacted like a trampoline, except they made a lot more noise. I scared the hell out of my fellow inspectors for a while by demonstrating how much this improved my vertical." All opinions are not equal. We have yet to connect IRC to our dreams. At that time, a human body would receive ~100 trillion neutrinos, vastly less than a lethal dose of radiation. Intelligence is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is knowing not to put it in your fruit salad. Sanity is nothing more than consensus of perception. "The more people you added to that team, the more likely they would be to have one real grump who thought it was unprofessional and immature to write 'Most things actually work' on your website." If you have to tell people "I'm not wrong" that's a pretty good sign you are. Go to sleep. The morning is wiser than the evening. Doing nothing is a highly optimized operation in contemporary processors. i just got sidetracked and procrastinated by reading about various islands for most of the day "Comms are NOT go, Flight. We forgot the antenna." What do you want to be when you grow up? The choices are airplane pilot, Santa Claus, and Ziggy Stardust-era David Bowie. "He was going 100+ while it was snowing. With our daughter in the back seat. He saw me bracing myself and started laughing. "Babe, don't worry we are on the autobahn and in a German made car. Besides if we do crash we won't feel it." Those were not the comforting words I wanted to hear." "I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that a random assortment of sheds is not a sound business plan." "Raising the flag and singing the anthem, Hepplewhite, are, while somewhat suspicious, not in themselves acts of treason." "As with most creative choices made, it's both extremely unusual and obviously the wrong one." "Okuyama admitted guilt at the trial in February and argued that he needed to maintain a certain speed to keep the circa-$3 million Ferrari Enzo from overheating." "It takes a certain kind of insulation from quotidian reality afforded by circumstance to be that removed from, well, reality." "It goes without saying that he didn't leave AFTER the pile exploded. One does not simply walk out of the monoatomic remains of two tons of boomex and 600 kilos of fullernated antimatter." In a 2016 poll from UMass Lowell/Odyssey, nearly a quarter of millennials said they would prefer that "a giant meteor strikes the Earth, instantly extinguishing all human life" over either Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump winning the election. "Horned lizards shoot jets of blood from their eyes for distances of up to 5 feet. I don’t know why they do this because whenever I reach the phrase 'shoot jets of blood from their eyes' in an article I just stop there and stare at it until I need to lie down." screenshot more cooked than the chinese embassy staff in belgrade '99 "It shall be swift and ruthless. Unless any Ruths intend to join, in which case it shall be ruthful." American patriotism is weird, because you can be the biggest patriot out there and despise the government. Zero is a balance, an equilibrium. Zero is a flat country, neither far away nor near. You can travel there any time, at the cost of your life. "Self-reported mean height estimates were consistently higher, and mean weight estimates consistently lower than interviewer-measured estimates." "What do you mean you can't help me? YOUR chocolate chip cookie dough caused a jam in MY toaster!" "I be crazy too, little buddy, but at least when I be craziest, I be floating all alone in space and the crazy, she float out of me, she soak into the walls." When your lawyer has to hire a lawyer, that's when you know the ship is sinking. Critics maintain that it is unclear how Time Cube relates to any accepted concept of time, and that it is impossible to disprove it in a meaningful way due to the lack of testable hypotheses. Kopi luwak is brewed from coffee beans that transversed the gastrointestinal tract of an Asian palm civet, and were thus subjected to a combination of acidic, enzymatic, and fermentation treatment. If we knew ahead of time what research was useful we'd save an awful lot of grant money. Herd Of Sheep Accidentally Eats 100 Kg Of Cannabis In Greece Sometimes scientists change their minds. New developments cause a rethink. If this bothers you, consider how much damage is being done to the world by people for whom new developments do not cause a rethink. "I said SMILE, not HORRIBLE RICTUS!" whatever starship is, it is not a shortstack If your tower is dirty, flea infested, freezing in winter and boiling in summer, then it is not an attractive place to be. Make improvements. It is not that power corrupts, but that power is magnetic to the corruptible. "The little hamster in my brain decided it was time to go on vacation because I couldn't formulate a sentence responding to her blithering lunacy." You're a brain piloting a skeleton wearing meat armour You can delegate authority, but not responsibility. "Because timing is the essence of comedy, that would be when it started to rain on the quarter million dollar laser system, destroying it. Bob no longer worked at $LASER_COMPANY two weeks later." Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. "Now I know that any cake—ANY CAKE AT ALL—could be stuffed full of duplicitous evil! I shall overcome this fear by eating EVERY CAKE I SEE!" If you try to simulate something at all, you'll have to simulate it in ridiculous detail before it looks right. In 1972, a project was conducted to expand Osborne Reef in Florida by dropping 2 million used car tyres around it. Coral didn't grow on the tyres as planned; instead they were thrown about by storms and destroyed most of the original reef. "I went up to check several times until I was satisfied that the fire was out. I did stand to one side, sort of hopefully, but if you're staring straight at the core of a shut down reactor you're going to get quite a bit of radiation." -- Tom Tuohy "The favorite is the T-72B3, which is as effective as the T-90 and lacks a lot of the additional features on the T-90 that don’t work." "That was the right move. I’m sticking by that because I already did it." To fear to face an issue is to believe the worst is true. If you're going to ship a box of bumblebee genitalia across the Atlantic Ocean, please for the love of mercy lable it more specifically than "genitalia for biological research". Customs will not be amused. If your function is over 50 lines of code, it's much too big. Astra's valuation peaked at $3.9 billion in 2021, the year it went public, and was worth about $12.2 million at the end of March 2024. The misguided attempt to welcome guests with branded lampshade-wearing hostesses was not consistent with our values. I appreciate you not judging us on this isolated event, and I want to reassure you of our continued commitment to and celebration of inclusion and diversity. Nobody will watch your TED talk if your sense of optimism is grounded in reality. ARCA’s EcoRocket Heavy will be used to launch asteroid mining missions. Sexually explicit images are nothing new in Japan. Shunga (春画), or sexually explicit woodblock prints, were popular from the Heian era (794-1185) until the 20th century when they fell out of favor due to the rise of photography. The Metropolitan Police Act of 1839 is the best collection of stupid laws still in force. See, everyone else "knows how to do things" but it's all cargo cult, they don't know how it works. They perform the action, if the action doesn't work then they don't know what to do. adding peripheral devices to your phone is kind of cursed, but it works surprisingly well | i tried a usb floppy drive once, with complete success "They found that http://website.example/backups/users.tgz resolved and downloaded it." "In the old days, Callaway said, Red Hat made Red Hat Linux, entirely in-house. What the company didn't make was any money; sales of hats generated more profit than sales of Red Hat box sets, which apparently were sold at a loss." "I have created my own expression for this phenomenon, which I call Invented Somewhere Else (ISE)." Imagine you're teaching someone how to walk. And they're doing pretty well, until they trip and twist their ankle. Then, both their legs fall off and they start screaming in Swedish whilst punching themself in the face, until they pass out and their heart explodes. Then they wake up five minutes later and they're fine. "BEN on Dock : Apply structural paint, remove structural mud, deal with non-structural steel." "Sure, and if we had some ham, we could have ham and eggs, if we had eggs." It’s never a good sign when an entire new genre of political gaffe is named after something you did. It'll be made of shitty plastic, once they get to a certain weight the wheels will just snap off || Source: was once 8 years old an tried to squeeze in one of those things and the wheels snapped off "It Is Wednesday My Dudes" refers to an exploitable image of a Budgett's frog paired with the text "It is Wednesday, my dudes." You need a hardware engineer and a software engineer. The hardware engineer takes the phone apart and it copies the instruction set, which is the iOS and applications and your memory, and then you run a piece, a program called a disassembler which takes all the ones and zeroes and gives you readable instructions. < thomastheo> imagine the lore about that fateful day, if worms had an oral history "It's kinda like '1 + 1 = window' maths." Champ is picked by whoever unravels the chessboard puzzle. Chess is played on a squared board with 62 rotating squares, every player set up there pieces, so the light squares are on the correct hand side, something to note is that the Queen piece is put on the square of a similar shading. Basing a character entirely on someone you know--or worse, on yourself--is usually a mistake. "While odd, I do not find the situation inherently humorous." Until 1999, the spot on Japan's flag was offset toward the hoist by 1% of the flag's width. "Adams stated that the bat was the 'lowest form of animal life', and that, until now, 'reasons for its creation have remained unexplained'. He went on to espouse that bats were created 'by God to await this hour to play their part in the scheme of free human existence, and to frustrate any attempt of those who dare desecrate our way of life.'" "A saltwater pool won’t have the same harsh effects of a traditional chlorine pool. For example, your hair is unlikely to turn green." "Well, it was white smoke; now it's much darker....oh look, sparks, that must mean it's angry with me. I'm going to go get some coffee while it cools off." "It's definitely going to work, and it's still a terrible idea." "No, no, no. You've got it all wrong. Americans are 138 times more FREE to be murdered with a firearm than Britons." "The car was able to record an individual walking up to the Tesla and dousing it in gasoline before lighting on fire. That convinced the police that it was arson rather than the Tesla vehicle catching on fire spontaneously." "There is a reason for this stereotype. It's completely true." Around 1888, things began to get a bit out of hand. "White space is very important; variables are radically typed except when they're implicitly or fuzzily typed, and the math engine is bistromathic." "Until real software engineering is developed, the next best practice is to develop with a dynamic system that has extreme late binding in all aspects." -- Alan Kay < orbbfrgg> Who looked at a rock and was like "make it hair" It’s easy to build a novelty. It’s hard to make the world reorganize itself so that what used to be a novelty becomes a necessity. "Maybe...it shouldn't be the President piloting this. Maybe a pilot would be better." "Rockets may eventually prove to have importance for other things than delivering megaton bombs. However, though it is risky to predict the future of a revolutionary new development, I am not aware of any possible non-military application of rocket development from which it would damage us as a nation to be excluded." -- Duncan Sandys, UK Minister of Defence, 1958 "Mon canard est EN FEU!" "Ok -- my calibration thought that a millimetre was a metre, and the world was upside-down, and a few other things." "Listen, I'm just looking for a one-page resume for this position, not a large corpus of Sanskrit holy texts." "By the way, the British (and the Irish) will eat almost anything on toast: beans, bananas, eggs, eel, their pride, etc." One time they produced a bunch of videos specifically for the UK presumably because people complained they were too American. They still had American actors with American accents but they had things like union jacks and portraits of the queen on the wall. "The doctor was looking forward to visiting Cuba as much as anyone aboard. With luck a crewman would come down with some obscure malady, and he’d have something interesting to work on for once." "A 144th set of remains was found, and was identified as a fetus that had been delivered during the crash, but this was not counted as a fatality." [10:46] (electrokitty) sudo apt install sandwich Just because you can do something does not mean you should do that thing. "My poor plumber called my dad's phone while my dad was lying there and we were waiting for the coroner to arrive and I was like ummmmmm he's dead so we're gonna have to reschedule 💀 poor guy haha" "It's not over-analysis when every stray thought about the film has to be quashed lest you realize how stupid the movie is." "Great. Now the crowd is trapped by the STALAGMITES, while the FLAMING MONSTER advances." Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later. “A defibrillator? You mean like a DFU reset?” More than 900 Chinese "final warnings" had been issued by the end of 1964. < orbbfrgg> I imagined you being a very masculine guy with like ten girlfriends || < orbbfrgg> And 80 balls i think crabs require their front bit for most of their favorite crab activities "A book just fell on my head. I've got only my shelf to blame." "That WHOLE BATCH of proximity fuses had nannyrot! Somebody must have used my coffeemaker to make COFFEE!" Ecky Thump is a fictional Lancastrian martial art. It caused the death of Alex Mitchell by uncontrollable laughter leading to heart failure. Most documentation should have a "WTF does this do?" section, but doesn't. The first person to ever upvote Wednesday frog upvoted a meme literally pulled from the ether by sheer human creativity and willpower. Wednesday frog is evidence that humans can stare into the meaningless void of eternity and force their own meaning onto to it. The Dragon capsule is named after the fictional "Puff the Magic Dragon," from the hit song by music group Peter, Paul and Mary. Musk said he used the name because many critics considered his goals impossible when he founded SpaceX in 2002. "Every day, one after another, until we wake up and it turns out that's the day our world ends." "We value your privacy, now give it over." Most people reflexively stop staring at the sun as soon as it becomes slightly uncomfortable || What if they're secretly a moth || They die happy "If it was everyone's fault, then no one was really to blame. That was what collective responsibility was about." Bad code is anything not written by you, or written by you more than a week ago. Reading about how a wheel works is a poor substitute for the experience of driving around on a few wheels of your own creation. "It's just the worst device for moving through forests, seriously. Every single one up to now has exploded." "[Cuttlefish] were the weirdest-looking animals I'd ever seen and I said 'Oh my God, this is what I need to focus on in my life!'", McAnulty recalled. "I couldn’t believe such a cool-looking animal was real." "London isn’t abandoned because of some otherworldly conspiracy. The residents are just sick of alien invasions every year." "I did try to get all the valve stems lined up as you recommended, but to do so I had to turn the car on its back and, wouldn't you know it, I forgot the roof is made of glass." "In the same speech, the President’s tirade did not just end with the Catholic Church but extended to the Holy Trinity and Jesus Christ himself. He dismissed the Holy Trinity as "silly" and Jesus as 'unimpressive' as he chose to die on the cross rather than just zap to oblivion all his foes." with all this news going on i am a little undecided myself about the whole 'not getting my face eaten by a leopard' thing Every girl should know how to use a cast iron frying pan as a weapon & have a pair of very big boots. A younger brother as bait helps, but alternatives are available. brianx: Bobby is being a little shit in kindergarten. Off to the woodchipper he goes? :D duck shit enemas are probably a bad idea even if you dont rupture your colon in the process "I CANNOT BE BIDDEN. I CANNOT BE FORCED. I WILL DO ONLY THAT WHICH I KNOW TO BE RIGHT." What is the longest journey (distance) you can travel on the connected UK waterways network, not passing over any section more than once (in either direction), without using tidal waters, and passing through locks in a downhill direction only? "Impossible today becomes possible tomorrow." -- Konstantin Tsiolkovsky Some people will do anything for the sheer fascination of doing it. Yoshikazu Suzuki departed from Lake Biwa in Japan on 23 November 1992 with 23 helium balloons. He was spotted by a Japanese coast guard aeroplane on 25 November 1992, located about 800 km (500 mi) offshore over the Pacific Ocean, at an altitude between 2,500 and 4,000 m (8,200 and 13,100 ft), and was never seen again. "The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be." "I do think that the long-term goal of humanity should be to find a way to defeat entropy." -- Tom Scott Even numbers are all just the same number "A poor decision was made" when 24 gallons (109 litres) of petrol were poured on a baseball field and set on fire "to dry it more quickly." "Indeed, a memory model defined solely by litmus tests would qualify as an exotic form of torture." -- Paul McKenney the answer is chocolate. honestly you cant argue with that In reality, of course, Venus is a high-pressure shithole that we’re technologically a thousand years away from being able to walk on, and there’s bugger all on Mars. Welcome to JG Ballard’s future, fast becoming a consensus of its own, wherein the future is intrinsically banal. It is, essentially, the sensible position to take right now. "I found the first four posts in this thread in my junk folder. Perhaps there is something in this AI stuff after all." Aphorisms on IRC are worth the paper they're printed on. "This was a place where someone came to sleep, not to live." OwO *notices ur ADC* "The DNA of these presidents can tell future civilizations that may settle in deep space more about bygone American leaders and culture, even providing a sort of evolutionary 'map' as to how the U.S. started (under Washington) and flourished (under later presidents including Eisenhower, Kennedy, and Reagan)." Imagine a science-fiction film where the entire special effects budget was spent on cocaine. Well it wasn't racism back then it was just common sense Dunno about you, but even if I didn't feel pain I'd probably still be pretty averse to being impaled and ejaculated into "It’s so easy to write about the look of any ThinkPad notebook: it’s black, everywhere, and if you have a problem with that then look elsewhere." Dutch is just English with more vowels "An examination of the water injection system turned up numerous deposits of a sticky, oily substance, and the liquid preserved inside the water lines was identified as 97% pure kerosene. From that point, it was fairly obvious what had happened." just helped the teenage son of my parents break into his own house King Kalākaua of Hawai'i was the first reigning monarch to circumnavigate the world. It would be neat to have a cron job that sends you a pizza regularly. The Chandelier Tree in Drive-Thru Tree Park is a 276-foot (84 m) tall coast redwood tree in Leggett, California with a 6-foot-wide (1.8 m) by 6-foot-9-inch-high (2.06 m) hole cut through its base to allow a car to drive through. "There’s about three days of time between the day when I finish collecting preorder information and before I send it out to the printer’s where I could take your money and run it up and down my naked body in a frenzy of gluttonous theft, and believe me, I’ve been tempted." Ever set up a camping tent? From the inside? While wearing a suit of armor? "Fixed an off by one bug so the computer won't crash when someone installs 256 graphics cards." "However, others suggest that this is simply storing up the problem for the future, and if you have a dangerous neurotoxin in your home you should remove it." Hottish, not boiling, water tends to make a weird tea that's bitter and weak at the same time, and is no fun to drink. The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...' "parameters sourced from the EEC became unreliable at the moment of the failure, recording values that the AAIB described as "inconsistent with the principles of physics.'" "What a city. In the spring, the river caught fire. About once a month, the Alchemists’ Guild exploded." The existence of an argument is no evidence that that argument is the reason people believe its conclusion. "Dave, if you don't allow me the honor of describing to you my remarkable method of infusing dead flesh with the vigor of life, I shall open up the cabinet of your overgrown abacus and fill it with gerbils." Soviet Spetsnaz units had advanced training with the MPL-50, which they mostly used not for entrenching, but for close quarters combat. The spade is well balanced, which allows it to be used as a throwing weapon. "In Britain we have the highest per-capita ownership of convertible cars in Europe. That is preposterous optimism, right there." "I mean, he ate our kettle and everything. He wouldn’t just run away after eating a kettle. Stands to reason." British Railways stopped varnishing its carriage interiors with nitrocellulose lacquer after five people were killed in sudden fires between 1949 and 1951. A question that invites 386 different 'answers' isn't a question at all. "Statistics don’t count for anything. They have no place in engineering anywhere." -- Will Willoughby, NASA head of reliability and safety Doctors in France have had to remove a World War I bomb from the rectum of an 88-year-old man. The anonymous senior went to Hospital Sainte Musse in Toulon to remove the 8-inch artillery shell from his anus, which he had placed inside him for pleasure. Doctors at the hospital were not just concerned about the medical needs of the senior but also that the explosive could detonate in the hospital. "It wasn't even really 'cornering'. It was a right hand turn drag race. That's an NHRA event that doesn't exist for a reason." We do not condone assassinations in this channel "If it seems to you that I am angry or something, please read the above as if it's spoken by Morgan Freeman." "Buddhist Temple Left Without Monks After They All Test Positive for Meth" People rarely do things that don't make sense to themselves. "Consent is not a defence to the illegal surgical procedures the men willingly took part in to remove their ringleader's penis, leg and nipple, in non-sterile and on occasion life-threatening circumstances." Ethyl acetate is a pretty poor substitute for hydrochloric acid, most of the time, when you stop to think about it. "To be fair, if you can't find your mother, a big furry warm dog isn't that bad of a replacement." <@SilverFox> unfortunately since I started my meds I haven't had any urges to play video games Pull yourself together. You can't ignore people just because they're people. The S in 'IoT' stands for 'security'. "You [Eric Berger] know the details of this stuff better than I do, but I'm the one that's responsible." -- NASA Administrator Senator Bill Nelson Queen Elizabeth II, the Queen of the United Kingdom and the other Commonwealth realms and the longest-living and longest-reigning British monarch, died at the age of 96 on 8 September 2022 at Balmoral Castle. After sucking too many souls she exploded. "The rocket worked perfectly, except for landing on the wrong planet." -- Wernher von Braun "Overall I think I’d rather not have the stories to tell, and then get to skip the parts where I go up in a fireball of flaming solvent." Ciabatta was invented in 1982 by Arnaldo Cavallari. A man died after accidentally stabbing himself in the stomach while trying to separate two frozen burger patties with a knife, an inquest has heard. The 57-year-old lived alone and had been described as a “very private man”. A man stole 67 pieces of underwear from washing lines, used them to pleasure himself and then hung them on his ‘masturbation tree’. For best results, avoid doing stupid things. No one expects the cup of their mug to completely disconnect from the handle while drinking. "The Locational Argument proceeds upon an artificial distinction which serves no purpose and has no legislative basis. The only point of it would appear to be to provide the Defendants with a defence." If an issue does not have a snowball's chance in hell of being accepted by a certain process, there's no need to run it through the entire process. "Stone circles were common enough everywhere in the mountains. Druids built them as weather computers and since it was always cheaper to build a new 33-MegaLith circle than upgrade an old slow one there were generally plenty of ancient ones around." "My guess is that an ant colony could clean the floor of a small cafeteria for around $5/day, which I imagine is cheaper than human sweeping." "Destiny is important, see, but people go wrong when they think it controls them. It’s the other way around." "Rasmus Lerdorf realizes that his plate of spaghetti is an excellent model for understanding the World Wide Web and that web applications should mimic their medium. On the back of his napkin he designs Programmable Hyperlinked Pasta (PHP)." "Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people are advised that this article includes images of people who have died." "I actually had TSA confiscate my pants. They had some hydraulic oil spill on them." Hey! Want a FREE TOASTER that makes BITCOIN? "The point is not that they violated physics in a nonsensical way. The point is that they went back in time." my Google opinion questions are getting weird https://i.imgur.com/gR8ZAWs.png second part of the question isn't much better https://i.imgur.com/Ttm7Ris.png "I think I would remember if I had amnesia." "1 tile per dragon is up to a million dragons per map. That's quite a lot of dragons." "Wait, what? GRAPHICS?! Where do I type commands into?" "They're just fuel, altimeter, lights, brakes and the giant claw." "We think of the CUDA moat as shallow and small" -- Pat Gelsinger Lemurs don't jump, they can just go up. "They both savored the strange warm glow of being much more ignorant than ordinary people, who were ignorant of only ordinary things." "Given the color of the spacesuit and the time period that the Stop-Zombies-and-now-King-Radical Chuck jumped to, however, he's probably the Chuck that the Stop-Zombies Chuck saw get stabbed by The Most Radical Chuck." nothing says royalty like coloring your gown with the mucus from ten thousand crushed up sea snails "'I thought it was a duck while it swam at me', says Alice Winge-Holmström, who was out walking her dog Frans. When the 'duck' got closer, exited the water and turned out to be a wolf they both hurried away from there." "We don't want to be one of them. That's lame. We don't want to be one of those lame one-planet civilizations." -- Elon Musk "The crew could not figure a way to switch it off so the siren stayed on throughout the remaining 75 minutes of the flight. Eventually, the captain ordered the navigator to borrow a pillow from the passengers and stuff it inside the siren's horn." On 19 April 2021, Ingenuity performed the first powered flight on Mars from Jezero, which received the commemorative ICAO airport code JZRO. "Morocco offered the U.S. forces a large number of monkeys, some from Morocco's Atlas Mountains and others imported, to use them for detonating land mines planted by the Iraqis. The publication quoted a highly-informed source as saying, "that is not a scientific illusion but a well-known military tactic."" The purpose of life is not to be happy—but to matter, to be productive, to be useful, to have it make some difference that you lived at all. "she assumed that the world’s largest online retailer [Amazon] had vetted the bottle’s claims" "All this, I think, tells us two things. One is that David Davis is not a man who is overly burdened with self-doubt. The other is that he probably should be once in a while, because bloody hell, he looks ridiculous." If your taxonomic system can't handle magic, it's not ready for use in a fantasy world. "Tʜᴇ Sᴜɴ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʀɪsᴇɴ. A ᴍᴇʀᴇ ʙᴀʟʟ ᴏғ ғʟᴀᴍɪɴɢ ɢᴀs ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɪʟʟᴜᴍɪɴᴀᴛᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ." "SpaceX primarily seems to be selling a dream... personally I think reusability is a dream." -- Richard Bowles, Arianespace director, 2013 thomastheo, I'm sure all of us will be willing to be character references || the question is would that help or make it worse || The question is if it'd be funny. "'Pain will help us cut maintenance costs' you said. You didn't mention how much it would HURT." It was sad when I first woke up because my memories were like pain haha "My husband says it sounds like a new motor; I say it sounds like a dictionary that has been struck by lightning" 'The only remaining issue that we're aware of is melting the chamber. Um, so that thing really wants to melt, yeah.' -Elon Musk Many deers and deerlike animals will bolt, even repeatedly smashing their heads into walls || there's a mechanism in their heads that say "sprint now in a random direction" || Some women have this same mechanism when I try to talk to them The State Amphibian of Vermont is the northern leopard frog. "A go-around was mishandled as a result of a confused handover of control between student and instructor. The go-around actions were not effectively instigated, and the aircraft diverged from the runway at low height and speed. The aircraft had insufficient performance to climb away, struck a parked airliner, exited the airfield, crossed a public road and collided with some trees." "I received full marks and a request not to do it again." When seeking the real truth it's always important to look past the obvious, credible information available and seek out unverifiable unknowns. "And as the freeway hums the cars go by, the headlights roll across the sky..." Good design is a design that can be changed. thomastheo: jesus that thing must have the aerodynamic performance of a ham sandwich "He was something else, Abbott. Not something good, but something." "The more extreme example we have is 'Francis' who goes by 'Bob'. This is a issue when trying to look up the correct name in Outlook." The goal of good engineering is not to ask "what if?", but to ask "how do I make this work as well as possible". "And by that, I mean the one that got freakin' 23d6 sneak attack dice." "If you make something like 1 unit = 2.333 meters, then your artist making a 1.5 meter object is going to use a calculator all day and then spend their evenings plotting how they plan to conceal the body after they murder you." Democracy basically means... government... by the people, of the people, for the people... but the people are retarded. "Secure in the knowledge that I probably knew enough to not break everything, I built some test containers and promptly broke everything." You can't just go around killing people whenever you want to. It's not polite. Solve half of the problem, if that's better than nothing. "He asked, like, how would you get to Culver City in 15 minutes if there was an emergency? I was like, you couldn’t get to Culver City in a jetpack at any time of day from Highland Park in 15 minutes. And if a friend called me and was like there’s an emergency in Culver City I’d be like fucking hang up the phone and call 911." <+jan64_> man, i miss covid "No, you should stop painstakingly inspecting your lymph nodes." In August 2005, Virgin Galactic stated that if the upcoming suborbital service with SpaceShipTwo is successful, the follow-up will be known as SpaceShipThree. "We know he broke some part of the Federal Aviation Act, and as soon as we decide which part it is, some type of charge will be filed. If he had a pilot's license, we'd suspend that. But he doesn't." "It is estimated that the structure above the lap joint rose by some 0.75 m. This structure, with its associated burden, was estimated to weigh around 5000 tonnes." “Tea. While we’re waiting for the world to come to an end. Very British.” "I'd love to operate aircraft where we take out the back ten rows and put in hand rails. We'd say if you want to stand, it's five euros. People say 'Oh but the people standing may get killed if there's a crash'. Well, with respect, the people sitting down might get killed as well." -- Michael O'Leary Is that how meat-eaters think? I have never once looked at an animal and thought 'that looks tasty' Help me step-tank I'm stuck You know what would be a funny "prank" Put some cannabis in every luggage on a flight to Singapore and see how many people get hung Your questions are extremely unusual. What is the purpose of your inquiry? < FLHerne> the other participant could turn their penis down in a lathe "Now I don't even understand you grammatically, sorry." "The truth was exposed when the FBI searched his home and found a trail of blood leading to his bedroom, where the walls and ceiling were splattered with human flesh." "To gain entry to the building, Carmack concocted a sticky substance of thermite mixed with Vaseline that melted through the windows. However, an overweight accomplice struggled to get through the hole and instead opened the window, setting off a silent alarm and alerting police." "Sorry for that. I used your profile cuz you have a great history on Github. And you look handsome. :)" "...excused the interference of educationalists, sociologists and other pseudo-scientists, which produces eventually a confection of formulae which have no integrity." "A controversy began in August 2002, shortly after the Soham murders, when Warwick reportedly offered to implant a tracking device into an 11-year-old girl as an anti-abduction measure." "Dear Mr. Cox, attached is a letter that we received on November 19, 1974. I feel that you should be aware that some asshole is signing your name to stupid letters. Very truly yours, Cleveland Stadium Corp." "The term 'C/C++' infuriates me. They are completely different languages. Idiomatic C++ looks nothing like idiomatic C." -- Drew DeVault "Well, it all went wrong anyway. And they didn’t say anything about this. You’d think they might have, they said lots of other things. Sit up straight, Dlique. Don’t dismember your sister, Dlique, it isn’t nice. Internal organs belong INSIDE your body, Dlique." "The main safety features seem to be 'don't touch the moving bits' and 'don't fall off'." "He invented and patented a set of 5-foot-long induction coils capable of ramming 2,000 volts into the cable. When he hooked them up to the Ireland end of the system, he soon managed to blast a hole through the gutta-percha somewhere between there and Newfoundland, turning the entire system into useless junk." looks like I die on thursday https://usercontent.irccloud-cdn.com/file/12xctTtW/image.png sasamj: electronics *are* particles though Exhaustion can be fixed. Dead is forever. Don’t Google “how to insider trade without getting caught” before doing it. "There was no multiply, but there was a divide by 5 instruction." "At SpaceX, we specialize in turning... in converting things from impossible to late." -- Elon Musk They discontinued my toilet No practical definition of freedom would be complete without the freedom to take the consequences. as a bonus such a design would allow for a very efficient and thorough self destruct mechanism, in case someone did steal it || 'this bicycle will self destruct in 5...4...3...' "For the more spectacular results, Verlinde used a logarithmic scale, which is awesome for hiding the gap between theory and reality." oh shit it's already almost 1800. i was supposed to do more work today :/ "We know that nobody intended to frame the Laws of Chess such that we could escape check by moving into three simultaneous checks, because it would be ludicrously silly." Motivate your socks! "Excuse me, please do not bludgeon him with my phone, I'm responsible for its replacement." "I feel like that might work, but you run the risk of having wasps eat your subwoofer." Bob Sauer said that his 50-foot cedar trees had acted on the same scientific principle as an airbag, disrupting the door plug’s fall in an act known in physics as impulse. "Eventually my computer turned into a white-hot ball of wasted electricity and burrowed into the center of the earth, and I humbly went back to Debian." "It's only a tragedy if you stop iterating on the design afterward. Otherwise it's a noble sacrifice in the name of the human spirit of exploration." "It is absolutely sublime from start to finish, and I will jam forks into my eyes if I ever use those words to describe anything else, ever again." Who had 'Rogozin gets his dick blown off' as a possible scenario back in 2020 or so yellow mustard is a crime || i have spoken "As I have said before, propulsive fly-back generally requires an average reuse of 10x per booster, which has been achieved. The initial nonrecurring investment in achieving that has not been demonstrated to close a business case. However, investors seem to have chosen to write that off." -- Tory Bruno, 2024 "There must be something not quite right. It's not supposed to do that." "I believe the currently favored solution is incinerating the town and you with it." "I wanted a nice, ordinary number, one that you wouldn’t mind taking home and introducing to your parents." "Mr. Fiessler says he foresees an even more useless machine in the future, 'as soon as I have an even more useless idea.' Meantime, he has built a remote control duck." "I spawn a worker thread, sprinkle some locks all over the place, et voilà! It's multithreaded. It gains perhaps a few milliseconds before the main thread hits an unforeseen mystical code path and the menu somehow manages to acquire a lock on the physics data." "You were confronted with the problem of removing dead octopus smell from a kayak, and you found the one goddamn individual on the internet who has experience with the issue." "I was in Vietnam and a 7 year old asked me to help with his English homework, I knew all the answers but I could not explain why any of them were true." "About 10 mins later the train manager came on the speaker to say they 'heard from passengers' (!) that the train had been cancelled and was going to investigate because everything looked fine to them." I am flayer just slightly less unhinged "There - it was just maintainer shock. When a new maintainer takes over responsibility for the equipment, it knows - and it starts playing up. You just have to reassure it, smooth things over. Then it will come right, all on its own." You can also fry eggs on a Thursday, if you like, or on a cooker. "The fact that it mostly does what it should do seems to be an emergent property, rather than the result of actual design or intelligent thought." Write your code so that changes don’t disturb its placid surface. Naturally occurring substances are irregularly shaped like the substances making up your own body, while manufactured chemicals are perfect spheres. "The lawsuit, filed in March 2016, challenged the state’s misleading practice of providing the option to register to vote when completing online transactions with the transportation agency. Notably, checking this option did not actually register someone to vote." "The scene required five takes to complete, including one in which the last crocodile snapped at Kananga's heel, tearing his trousers and causing him a number of injuries. One required 193 stitches." "I'm doing the dearest little serial for Pearson's new magazine, in which I completely wreck and sack Woking – killing my neighbours in painful and eccentric ways." -- H. G. Wells Customer support is an art, not a science. So are most other forms of torture. "Clarification as to how swamp gas could possibly be a viable explanation for this was not provided, creating a field day for conspiracy theorists." "I vote no to Wednesday. I am asking for a short extension of Tuesday until next Friday." "When I ask a computer for a thing, I want that thing. If I wanted a different thing, I would ask for that different thing. When the computer does not do what I tell it, I expect that it is broken, not that it is helpful." "They say there is nothing new under the sun. We have tried everything. But I have not tried it. If each life is not new, each single life, then why are we born?" Any reasonable person presented with The Truth will agree with it so, by definition, any debate or resistance must be unreasonable. In a few years there will be ATX CPU’s and you insert the motherboard into it. "There's a character called Jedi, who is one of the main characters, and he's a guy who wears robes. I think he's some kind of space wizard or space monk or space wizard/monk." The unimportant becomes important, slowly and subtly. "There isn’t much time for a plan. This is more of a hunch with scaffolding." "Why does ur pp look like u just came?" -- Elon Musk "I'm gay. If I were Catholic I'd be going to hell." You can call anything anything, but that doesn’t make it so. Bigfoot is very obviously sightings of bears walking on their hind legs by people who don't realize bears can walk around on their hind legs. Mountains get big 'cause they have no natural predators. "When you have that many talented engineers solving mundane problems, you end up with these kind of absurd solutions." "A couple of us were idly discussing (at 2AM...) how best to use the available rooms down stairs ( Childrens Toilets, Murder Kitchen, Storage Cupboard opposite the Biolab ) for the proposed subgroups ( Dark Room, PCBEtching and Brewing ). Someone suggested that the PCB etching and Dark Room could possibly co-exist in the Murder Kitchen" "We brought a nanite bomb we developed. We've never actually used one before, since in about five percent of simulations, they don't stop with localized entities and consume all matter in the universe." "Everything, they assure me, is running like clockwork. In my experience, clockwork always rings alarm bells." Very few good musical instruments are vegan "This was a problem for future me, and now I am future me." Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. "I am always to some degree wrong, and the aspiration is to be less wrong." -- Elon Musk "They had a VCR brought in with a peanut butter sandwich inside because a kid thought it was hungry." "So deadly violence DOES inconvenience you. That means it can still be used for behavior modification." they mention the "Zero G Indicator" and its a fuckin penguin on a string and if it floats around you know its zero g "What makes it unusual is not that it blows up, but that it doesn’t actually blow up immediately." "When I wrote this, only God and I understood what I was doing. Now, God only knows." SilverFox: THE CHILDREN YEARN FOR THE MINES well, i googled penis splitting and now i regret that choice. people are weird, man. "It is interesting, the number of comments on various sites and blogs this morning suggesting freshwater lakes, parachutes, mechanical arms, oil rigs, and any number of other wildly complex solutions." "The other is that any man who can afford to just have 40 grand in gnomes lie around can write a pay-check." How many Brexiteers does it take to replace a lightbulb? ... At least two - one to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up. "I want gun-turrets and a mechanical horse one mile high, and my command center is 5 miles under-ground and totally encased in 5 meters of lead." -- Linus Torvalds electrokitty: Hello yes I would like some cheese but for it to taste like a house fire Panty vending machine budget??? "Macgill said he objected to the idea on the grounds that cyclists may be decapitated 'and the pavements will become covered in red slime and gore, which will cause all sorts of health and safety hazards.'" Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur. a tongue and finger from that episode are still on display at the historical museum in the hague || the tongue is johan's, and the finger is from cornelis, iir "The key to this paradox is that CO2 is dissolved in alkali is no longer CO2. The alkali detoxifies the CO2 while destabilizing bad DNA tautomers." "You are clicking on a screenshot within our instructions. Find the window that resembles the screenshot and click on the icon there." The extremely toxic compound lead(II) oxide speeds up the reactions that create century eggs, leading to its use by some unscrupulous producers. "If your satellite fits inside the dimensions but weighs more than 50kg then it needs to be classified as a Large Letter and you have to pay more for the stamps." "The ratio of nitric acid to sulfuric acid has to be controlled carefully; too much nitric acid and the dry guncotton explodes near room temperatures, which is not ideal." "Back when I was taking bio courses in college, I stumbled upon a freezer full of frozen rats in the biology building, and it made a deep impression on me. I still kind of wish I’d become a biologist instead of punking out and switching to an English major, because it seems like it’d be great to just have dozens of frozen rats on hand whenever you need them. Sigh." "To answer your question, I have concluded a great many things about the predictability and manipulability of large groups of likeminded people." "Smarter people tend to take things really literally, without trying to understand what it really means from the context." "You'll be told in a hundred ways, some subtle and some not, to keep climbing, and never be satisfied with where you are, who you are, and what you're doing. There are a million ways to sell yourself out, and I guarantee you'll hear about them." -- Bill Watterson The chainsaw was invented in the 1780s to assist difficult childbirths by severing the mother's pelvis. You're always going to be doing it wrong, there's always a newer library, and your code will never scale infinitely on the first try. "Edit: I've updated my list of things that otherwise apparently normal and sensible Brits have mad opinions on." "The company wants to cryonically freeze him. Just for a year to see if it’s possible. We think it is." A crisis is a problem you can't control. Drama is a problem you can, but won't. "There was an very long period of time in which strips were almost exclusively about the Exposition Limpets. It was boring." I know far more about orbbfrgg's anatomy than I ever cared to "You don't have to buy the damn thing, Jones, just draw it!" > I was taking my class through some of the particulars of evolution ("how human beings were raised from monkeys" as one of my students phrased it). We were discussing Charles Darwin and The Origin of Species when one of my students asked me how Darwin's research ship ever got the name "H.M.S. Beagle". Not wearing [pyjamas] just turns your bed into a giant pair of underpants Cheese is a surprisingly good model for humans in the context of a test of survivability. If cheese gets too hot, too cold, depressurizes, or shakes too much, it ceases to be cheese. "My preferences are fact, and anyone who feels differently is stupid." "See? Who says there aren't serious consequences in my comic? They got a stern talking down to and have to buy pillows. DRAMA." "Damn it! I was hoping to kill her, and here she had to turn herself into a dummy made of flour sacks!" "Your program seems to be working fine, and then it tries to display a string that should say “Hello world,” but instead it prints “#a[5]:3!” or another syntactically correct Perl script." "The argument that Jeremy Corbyn is unelectable is being made by three candidates who can’t even win an election against Jeremy Corbyn." "A year later, the Dewar failed again, and the bodies decomposed into 'a plug of fluids' in the bottom of the capsule. The decision was finally made to thaw the entire contraption, scrape out the remains, and bury them." "Think not that I am come to bring peace on earth. I came not to bring peace, but a sword." "3 months maybe, 6 months definitely." -- Elon Musk The debate on whether Last Thursdayism is true has raged on ever since the creation of the universe last Thursday. Don't sail an aluminium boat on a gallium lake. "At some point we were asked by the FERC to pass the name of the island we were due to hit. Imagine our delight when we discovered it was called Desolation Island. From what we could see in the approaching gloom the waves smashing up the vertical rocks looked particularly rubbish." If it doesn't fit, just grab a sawzall, it'll fit eventually "Setting aside the actual harm his antics have caused him, he's invested way too much of his life into an endeavor with absolutely no demonstrable progress. At a certain point you need to step back any find a better use for your time." Ah yes, very lucky indeed. It's not a whole wasp, only dissolved wasp. "I am genuinely terrified of these things. If they get as mass produced as hoverboards or electric scooters; we will see decapitations frequently. We will see people falling hundreds of feet to their death. I am actually horrified of the average person owning a flying death board." At the time the reserve was established, the region’s administration was also developing "ecological tourism" in the area - a system of special paths and routes for nature lovers. However, the two radioactive incidents caused by the negligent loss of dangerous radiating power elements raise significant doubts about the prospect of flourishing tourist business. In the Ace Combat 7 DLC, you fight more Su-47s than were ever built. Water in your heatshield is a pretty bad thing, as the rapidly boiling water droplets tend to result in your heatshield exploding. "Well, yes, but no." In 1998, teenagers from Portland, Oregon, celebrating the completion of high school held a wet T-shirt contest on a Boeing 727 en route to a Mexican resort, with a flight attendant encouraging the activity. An FAA investigation followed, as pilots supposedly judged the contest on the flight deck, disregarding rules that passengers are not allowed in the cockpit. A video showed contestants emerging from the cockpit wearing wet T-shirts. "We have no arguments here. We have civilized, rational, intelligent discussions, punctuated with the occasional burst of heavy weapons fire. But no arguments." The FAA conducted testing and released a report which in summary states "the release of hydrogen gas from these flameless ration heaters is of a sufficient quantity to pose a potential hazard on board a passenger aircraft." "Look, that’s why there’s rules, understand? So that you think before you break ’em." Experience is the capacity to recognize a mistake when you are about to make it again. Sleep: It's like death but without the commitment. "It’s also a slightly comforting thought when I look at the state of the world. In two hundred years, things will be different in ways I cannot imagine. What we have created now may be entirely in ruins. But there will be something else. Something that takes from the lessons of today." "Air traffic control audio recorded the pilot saying: 'We have a live animal, a horse, on board the airplane. The horse managed to escape.'" You cannot use logic to talk someone out of a position they did not use logic to adopt. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. "Or he tastes spatial relationships as colors or some weird shit like that." You don't just start floating because you reach a high enough altitude. The shortest navigable canal built in the UK was the Wardle Canal at 154 feet in length. The Stockport Canal has since been shortened to 86 feet, taking the record. I suppose it's autocannibalism if you eat your own placenta || Now I wonder if that's technically vegan || Since you are able to consent to your own innards being consumed "remember, mummies are only rare because *people ate them*" "That might be what you do, but that's not what you are." "This is like stealing a nuke so you can shrink it into the size of a bullet, stuff it into a Glock and shoot a guy in the head with it." i do not actually process everything that comes by in this channel. i'd go mad. "Joe Pasquale impaled in freak moose antler incident in Skegness" -- BBC News "The Luggage backed away. It was used to terror, horror, fear, and panic. It had seldom encountered interest before." "The robot is not your kid, we've talked about this." I never did anything nefarious, although one time I did log into a guy's email and sent himself an email to say he should *really* consider using some form of secure transport, especially if he's going to use public WiFi "A recipe for a pudding – essentially mashed potatoes with chocolate sauce – which was not a success." < raptop> Man Jesus's refactory period is disappointingly long the gears are 1st, 2nd, *crunchbangbangbang*, stall, theorized-but-never-witnessed 5th, in that order "Remember, this is a species that mistook some very large objects for smudges on their instruments for years, and needed to go to space to figure out how ladders work." jan: a goat is completely insufficient for fixing my transit problems. I'm pretty sure I'd have to sacrifice the entire cattle production of Montana "The pronunciation of 'Qlaviql' is not a subtle reference to the author's recently separated shoulder. No, it's not subtle at all." Yᴏᴜ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇʟɪᴇᴠᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴀʀᴇɴ'ᴛ ᴛʀᴜᴇ. Hᴏᴡ ᴇʟsᴇ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴛʜᴇʏ ʙᴇᴄᴏᴍᴇ? Check as fast as possible whether your ideas are false before you start investing huge amounts of effort in them. "So, it's like the law, but on a small island where the law operates like American football." "Every time I look at my older work, it makes me want to projectile vomit. It’s like I was allergic to straight lines or something." -- Rich Burlew electrokitty: did you not actually know that female hyenas are masculinized and both mate and give birth through a pseudopenis Never lie, but don't always tell the truth. "Adding hot methane to a tank of LOX would definitely increase the pressure." "Great^9 Grandpa, we've been enslaved by sentient carrots for 200 years, no one knows what you're talking about." "The aircraft collided with a bridge, shearing off both wings, after a double engine failure occurred during takeoff. The water-injection system to cool the engines during takeoff was inadvertently filled with kerosene instead of water." * thomastheo sells electrokitty's eyeballs on the open market | But I need those "I learned that they were wandering didgeridoo teachers from Belgium who had come to ply their rather esoteric trade across Andalucia." Do you spend lots of time and effort homogenizing mouse femur samples? The Bullet Blender® is a multi-sample homogenizer that delivers superior results. The renewed interest in Greenland comes as Trump on Sunday threatened to retake control over the Panama Canal and earlier in the week suggested Canada could become the US’s 51st state. i wonder if a cat's vision goes all blurry when they purr. mine does when i make that sound "Three quarters of the Top 40 is Christmas records! But this is for the period 1st-7th December so either people have gone mad, no decent new music exists or the chart ranking system is intrinsically broken." <@jan64> hm, my cheap m.2 optane sticks from china arrived mouldy "I really don't think that 'just bend it back' is a proper Customer Support answer from any company." "That to me was one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received. He didn’t care that it was an original Maurice Sendak drawing or anything. He saw it, he loved it, he ate it." "I don't know how medically accurate that is, that's just what he tried to demonstrate with the banana." "I don’t think he’s slept in three days. He sits in there swilling that foul brew and muttering to himself." "I don't know what's weirder - that you're fighting a stuffed animal, or that you seem to be losing." "When I see Falcon 1 right now, I was like, 'man, I think I could probably tuck that under my arm and take it home with me.'" -- Elon Musk "Call me old-fashioned if you will, but I do not think high-heeled sandals are proper attire for a funeral." Three reasons were given: launch cost, SLS availability, and "shaking". dnsmcbr: i'm not the one asking an AI for instructions on how to cook meth "The tincture of night began to suffuse the soup of the afternoon." "There were two things wrong with the culture in HMS Endurance – 'this is the way we’ve always done it' and alcohol consumption." -- Cmdr Tom Sharpe, CO, HMS Endurance "Thank you for reporting your own inappropriate ad." "The compound exploded in solution, it exploded on any attempts to touch or move the solid, and (most interestingly) it exploded when they were trying to get an infrared spectrum of it." Mug: a container for beverages, a face, an idiot, verb meaning to rob someone. if your dick can't understand the context between women in the bedroom and women out in public, you probably need psych help among other things "If you don’t go away, I will personally rip your head off and fill it with snakes." "The next display supplied a complete contrast and accorded with British taste by ensuring that an awe-inspiring moment was immediately undercut by the ridiculous." "No, I LOVE it! That was one of the most uniquely horrible experiences of my life!" "His idea was a software or something, that tells on which computer the files are, so they'd know which computer to boot up when they were looking for something." Being dumb and single-minded can sometimes protect you against a surprising number of things. i can imitate the call of a panamanian golden frog almost flawlessly, but that doesnt quite carry over irc "In fact, they go as far as to say that the entire process is hard to distinguish from ischemia or head trauma, and advocate caution before any further use of it in human clinical trials." "We kill everyone. Not an original plan, I admit, but tried and tested." Git: the best file system anybody ever confused with a version control system. "You guys are all deranged psychopaths, but you're the kind of deranged psychopaths that I would love to have tea with." Out-of-context quotes are cheating "One of the thought experiments was to pressurize the London tube system with a breathable high-density gas that people would be able to float in, and then omit the tube cars, simply pumping people around the system 'like a slurry'. You’d catch a handrail at your stop and exit through an air lock. Clearly the details of decompression had not been considered." Lindy effect applies to deadlines too "That's it? That's IT? The dream of the ages, and it comes down to mashed potatoes, woolly socks and shared use of a trombone?" I don't like those things that have long-term effects. "Oh I feel fine" ... 20 years later "Dammit, I have cancer" What we build, what we lose, becomes inspiration for later times and people. What we make will fade, only to be added to and expanded by later generations. Light into darkness into light. "Rand and his team were undone not by their grand vision, but by inattention to the most basic of details: Ships had to float." it's really kind of amazing how much time kids spend entirely upside down on a given day. someone should plot that out on a graph by age. "Yes - 'shutdown' shut the computer down. To restart, you should click on 'restart'." "I'm gonna go wash my brain out with food." "I read it again in my twenties and it made me want to rip my soul out of my body." How would you feel like if a tree broke into your home and cut off your genitalia as a gift for a lady-tree? That's 22 pounds per child | Or about .25 pounds per pound of child "Along with his driving instructor, Mr Timmins, he managed to collect the uninjured female puppy from the tracks and take her to a nearby platform, where they fed her ham." "I mean, look at Suez. Panama. You really expect us to believe that the continents just happened to end up right next to each other with convenient little land bridges between them? And the idea of making the maps look neat by having a nice round sea all the way round the north pole, and a nice round continent all the way round the south pole..." "Anyone on Golden Nook Farm Moorings lost their shed. It's just gone past us heading towards Tattenhall." "At least six riders sustained bone fractures after riding "Do-Dodonpa," a roller coaster that goes at "super death" speed in the country's popular Fuji-Q Highland Park, the park's operator said. Four of them said they broke their neck or back [...] The incidents are baffling officials." "Quantas 12 Heavy, after the Cessna taxi via Bravo. Caution prop wash." "This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic." A "nauseating" stench engulfing the South African city of Cape Town comes from a ship docked in the port carrying 19,000 cows, local officials say. "This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there’s stuff." Plopsaland De Panne is an amusement park in Belgium. "funsafe-math-optimizations allows math optimizations that assume valid arguments and can violate ANSI and IEEE standards (caution, not actually fun and safe)" Nobody has two visible eyes in the future. Your choices are eyepatch, cyborg eye, flight goggles, or Geordi LaForge visor. What's a goon cave "The sodium burn pit, an open-air pit for cleaning sodium-contaminated components, was also contaminated by the burning of radioactively and chemically contaminated items in it, in contravention of safety requirements." About 600 years later, detection of those neutrinos will give humans on Earth (if there are any 100,000 + 600 years from now) their first hint of the events to come. "A reporting package of ours was crashing sporadically on certain days... Wednesdays in September only after the 9th." 'With apple sauce, I draw the line when it turns black' "Let me tell you one of my pet peeves: Space solar power. The stupidest thing ever - and if anyone should like space solar power, it should be me. I've got a rocket company, and a solar company." -- Elon Musk "Disclaimer: Commentary has been added to this video for artistic re-enactment purposes only, and is not the actual voice Elon Musk heard in his head." "Since I need to lose weight I asked her how she did it. She said her husband (now ex ) has poisoned her with antifreeze over a period of time. She barely survived. I wasn't sure what to say, so I said that I didn't think I'd try that method of weight loss." "Faces made of living skin make robots smile -- BBC News" "Is it possible to create a creature that exhales live bees? I know that it's probably not possible, but I really want to see if it can be done. If it is possible, how would I do it?" man we've got a lotta quotes It doesn't pay to be always planning. "Man who received landmark pig heart transplant died of pig virus, surgeon says." I mean, it's not exactly tuning in the traditional sense is it || Basically just a fish potentiometer "Okay, I'll summon a horde of celestial badgers and pin notes to them. Then the wizard casts Explosive Runes on all the badgers." "Before you judge, think about it, look into it. Your doctor might be a furry, your teacher might be a furry - it could be anyone." "Fish" means a wild fish, mollusk, crustacean, invertebrate, amphibian, or part, spawn, or ovum of any of those animals. -- California Fish and Game Code § 45 ""The fundamental flaw in the Artemis acquisition approach is the assumption that the US government can and should leverage so-called 'commercial space' for national purposes and that this paradigm is applicable to human spaceflight." -- Mike Griffin ...only one spoon?! Oh I figured out why the weather channel shows as having a tiny left wing bias || Right wing people don't believe in weather The problem with made up words is that nobody bothers to try to actually pronounce them out loud. We are punished by our sins, not for them. Some people in society have to actually be right about what they publish, and they have developed an important novel insight into human behavior: people cannot fly. Despite numerous claims on social media, the BBC has found no evidence that any of Reform’s candidates were fake. squids are just boneless crabs "I finished making the Broker's mini-forges. He immediately issued a mandate that no mini-forges could be exported." If you stir hard enough that your tea cavitates, its surface area will increase very rapidly, and it will cool to room temperature in seconds. "Plaintiff has presented an innovative approach to civil rights litigation. However, his claim and especially the relief sought are totally ludicrous." The difficulties in synthesizing and handling polynitrogen compounds are a direct consequence of their high endothermicities. A man whose job it is to help preserve Japan's cultural heritage has accidentally smashed his car into the country's oldest toilet Its head office is listed as Low Fare Finder House on the grounds of Leeds Bradford Airport, England. "The remnants of the source assembly were sold for scrap to a junkyard owner. He noticed that the source material glowed blue in the dark. Several persons were fascinated by this and over a period of days friends and relatives came and saw the phenomenon. Fragments of the source the size of rice grains were distributed to several families." "mechanical horse attachment for cosplay" sounds like something... uh... nvm "We replaced all the bugs we knew about with ones we don’t know about!" "Energy, well, I dunno, we’re made of energy, Ed. Everything is. You’re just kind of...energy...sheewabuh hehduppa shef...moving through other energy...sheewabuh hehduppa shef...aren’t you?" "Following the accident, the following safety actions have been taken: The airfield owner has instructed the farmers to remove the hay from the airfield as soon as it is baled and not to store it on the airfield." FLHerne: Two of my toenails fell off for no reason the other month, that was concerning "This is one of my welding rigs, what you see is pretty much a power drill connected to a hair dryer" https://i.imgur.com/BPcisLe.jpg "Stand here and we'll take a photo of you wearing the anti-photography scarf." why the fuck am I being used as a verb? i = 0x5f3759df - ( i >> 1 ); // what the fuck? "The owner explained that he frequently found the tailplane retaining bolts to be bent, though the reason for this was not clear, and he had taken to replacing the bolts as necessary." "John achieved egg in 5 minutes and 12 seconds." Here and now, you are alive. The new version was much better with the trivial exception of not working "Once he tried to write down a simple definition using a combination of mathematical notation and the runes of this world’s alphabet. He gave up when the characters started to glow blue and crawl off the board." "Now, let's make a bet whether the atmosphere will be set on fire by this test." -- Enrico Fermi, July 16, 1945 I don't think anyone can accuse [FLHerne] of having a boring life, at least note: the furry is quick, but sometimes unreliable "Now you have two problems, and both the original problem and the new problem are on fire." "So this man is superior to an exit sign AND a ceiling lamp?" I had a dream that Musk had hired me to keep a flock of geese || because goose brains were good at running AI algos on || and especially if you braided two or more of the geese's necks together, but I wasn't good at that and got fired :( "What do we want? Time travel! When do we want it? That's irrelevant." The tail extends far away, beyond our world, and originates in the Land of the Dead. When we walk, the tail is reeled out from its source. When we have pulled out the entire tail, we die. The strategy for a long life, therefore, is to try to avoid pulling out your tail. In order to do this, walk null-homotopic paths as much as possible. When you return, follow the same route. Never go through a tunnel. What if swings had springs instead of ropes? One of California's largest wildfires was caused by a gender reveal party, IIRC "The engineers would ask "what's the best material for this part?" and get 50 different answers. They were all true individidually, but they were not true collectively." "After docking with the klaw, the camera flies away violently and then everything explodes." However good your French you will never understand advice shouted from a boat on the river, particularly when it is fifteen feet high and weighs a thousand tons and seems to have chosen your craft as a sexual partner. "Everyone here knows what it means in English, but for us Fucking is Fucking—and it's going to stay Fucking" -Mayor of Fucking, Austria "While the lander estimated its own altitude to be zero, or on the lunar surface, it was later determined to be at an altitude of approximately 5 kms above the lunar surface." "It's either carrying a suitcase of crap, a vast tank of crap that costs each time you empty it, bags of desiccated crap that nobody wants in their bin, burning crap in an expensive fairytale loo, or storing dessicated crap in vats on your roof." "I appreciate your ability to leap headlong into melodrama. That could be an asset in a place like this." The Rutan Boomerang, quite unusually for an aircraft, has its centre of mass on the outside. FLHerne: to be honest, my own sense of taste doesn't extend to the creation of thematic pies in the first place "That removes out-and-out stupidity as an excuse for this nonsense and means, therefore, that he is an absolute idiot." "Some look like a relief map of a gorge-ridden desert landscape. Some look like cauliflower. None of them look like clouds." People quit bad managers, not bad jobs. "At Rocket Lab, when we say we're never going to do something, we still do it." -- Peter Beck "Why didn't English just do a find-and-replace on all the contractions? I'm sure there'dn't've been any problems with that." If you have an always-on power wire (for example for a fridge in a caravan trailer) in the 7-pin plug in your car then when you hook that to a 13-pin connector on the trailer you get... an always-on fog light || well, at lest it's not fire 3,000 households in Cambridgeshire have been warned of an "extremely small" risk their smoke alarms may catch fire. Sanity is for the weak. "This is a fuck-up from off the map. From out of nowhere. A new and unique style of fuck-up." "When I say 'small injection', I mean small in the sense of medium-sized." "If you keep toothing the bouncy, I can't throw it because it will still be in your face." "This is a bouncy little song based on the book Driving Mr. Albert by Micheal Paterniti. Paterniti drove across America with pathologist Thomas Harvey and his most precious specimen/relic, Albert Einstein’s (somewhat) preserved brain. Now their story has a theme song. Why not?" "If you, like, cut your arm off and waved it around, splattered blood on... on the front rows or whatever, that would be a legendary performance, you know. And then if you were known for that, well, you only had like three other good gigs anyway." -- Eddie Vedder electrokitty the QI crowd says they're tripeds || Because they can't effectively locomote without the tail According to the RSPB the average mallard has a length of around 51 centimeters. "The Van der Grinten projection is circular as opposed to the Mercator projection. Circles look happier than squares, leading to the conclusion that people who like the projection are optimistic." < ldgoforlaunch> why's that nsfw, i was hoping for some frog porn "If you err it is not for me to punish you. We are punished by our sins, not for them." "No, Man is an island." "If the size of socklen_t changes while your program is running, OpenSSL will cope! Also, if /dev/null moves." The launch used 7,000 pounds (3,200 kg) of ripe bananas, which the US Maritime Commission found to be an "efficient substitute" for traditional launching grease, and Cape Lookout was the largest vessel at the time ever to be launched using bananas. < Gliptic> oh no, frog boobs "Disclaimer: This is a GAG gift (literally). Do not actually swallow the baby. By purchasing this you acknowledge that swallowing a sharp plastic object is stupid and waive all rights to legal action in the event of injury or death." "When we correct your record, we will offer you a letter that you can give to banks, doctors or others to show that your death report was in error. This letter is called ­­­­the "Erroneous Death Case - Third Party Contact" Notice" That's what your bank will need to resurrect you "It’s warmer than my parents! It’s my new parents." "We didn't put a minimum viable product on the pad and then have to go back and redesign it. That was important because we came out of the gate with Flight 2, Flight 3, and Flight 4 all in quick succession. We built something to be produced. It's often said that production of rockets is just way harder than building the first one, and I think that's accurate." -- Peter Beck "That's ridiculous. You can't see out of dragons." Those novelty chocolate dataloggers went through a substantially more rigorous review process than this "It has no steering, it has no brakes, it’s got two accelerators and not even a seat." -- Colin Furze! "Wow" -- Tory Bruno The Eye of Argon is a classic all around, and your life will not be complete until you’ve attempted to read it. At least get as far as the drooping nipples. There are some things compact cars weren't designed to transport, and orchestras are among them. "Sorry this isn't the best answer, but most of it is still speculation. We can't exactly put someone in an fMRI then hit them really hard in the head." < jan> who cares about civility and human decency if you have a large fire "I have no idea why I read that. 4/5. Would read again." “SPACE DRUGS HAVE FINISHED COOKING BABY!!” Delian Asparouhov, Varda’s co-founder, wrote on X. Unfortunately, the space drugs are not allowed to come back to Earth. **Sold for research purposes only and not for human use** Wales, famously, is a country the size of Wales. "We didn't really DESTROY stars, we just...inhaled them. You know, for parts." Im boarding right now and aaw the title of space section has changed, i guess you are helping out with SEO but please be careful cause the tittle in menu navigation appears as wrong same as the mechanisms page othe other Day when appeared in main navigation when it shouldnt be ! Could you please correct it asap please? Progressive body-weight unloading of a person running in place on a wading pool confirmed the theoretical predictions that a person could run on water, at lunar (or lower) gravity levels using relatively small rigid fins. "'Minimal collateral damage' and 'entire star system' do NOT belong in the same sentence." When you are designing, and you try to abdicate your responsibility by forcing the user to decide something, you’re probably not doing your job. "Hey, don't go changing the subject by trying to determine the actual subject." "Queen to C-12 now, Yahtzee my battleship! Bingo!" "You're not paying me to be stupid, and you're not paying those two enough for how good they are at it." "NO. YOU NEED TO BELIEVE IN THINGS THAT AREN’T TRUE. HOW ELSE CAN THEY BECOME?" "Amazon exec admits putting workers in a cage would be a bad idea" "The results showed that none of the workers were contaminated, but each kitten measured about 6000 counts per minute. To reduce this activity, Health Physics workers gave each kitten a warm bath and shampoo, which lowered the levels to about 1000 counts per minute." "I'm sorry! Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?" "Hold on. We're veering dangerously out of the hypothetical here." "Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft - and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor." -- Wernher von Braun most wooden narrowboat owners are experts in salvaging the things because they do sink quite often "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the Convenience." "He was fighting with himself over his wife. Now he's going mad because he doesn’t know whether it's an earlier version of him or someone he hasn't been yet." all the green good and red bad of the cultures is blending into one mediocre shit-brown global culture "Some storylines lead you to try to escape the ship and return to Earth. Some of them have you seeking Ultima. Some of them have you doomed to 'SOMA', an exile where you sleep for a billion years. Most of them result in bizarre space deaths that even now don't make a lot of sense." "It turns out that if we hadn't had that forty minute delay when we were trying to get the course adjusted on the way in, we would have hit the planet." Humans are objectively the ugliest mammals. All mammals have beautiful fuzzy and patterned fur. Humans? Disgusting fleshy skin blobs. "The algorithm fathoms in a synergetic manner globally, and an antagonistic depth quest locally." In England we get a lot of bollocks promulgated in popular walking areas like the Lake District about how terribly dangerous it can be and how you will probably die if you don't lug about the weight of enough expensive specialised equipment to cross fucking Siberia whenever you get out of your car. According to the leading developers of Iron Dome, due to schedule and low-cost settings constraints, some of the missile components have been taken from a toy car sold by Toys "R" Us.[ "Noted. Sorlie, amend her contract with a 'do not blow up my embassy' clause." The banana plant is the largest herbaceous flowering plant. They are often mistaken for trees, but what appears to be a trunk is actually a "false stem" or pseudostem. "Infinite high fives to Russell T Davies for figuring out how to do an episode about being kidnapped to the moon." The Waffle House Index is an informal measurement of natural disaster severity. SCREENTIME. A Meme-Obsessed super teen whose brain became connected to the internet after becoming exposed to his grandfather's “experimental internet gas.” Now he can see augmented reality and real-time maps, and can instantly Google any fact. "Philip's idea was that art and fish were essential to necessary to create the ideal environment for maximizing nerd productivity." "A breeze sprang up. The cornfields moved, billow after billow unfolding across the slopes." "We hope that our findings about the Antikythera mechanism, although less supernaturally spectacular than those made by Indiana Jones, will help deepen our understanding of how this remarkable device was made and used." "It is 30 years today when I made 'that' speech. It seems like yesterday. I wish it was tomorrow. I would cancel it." -- Gerald Ratner "The onboard computers decided the rocket was 90 degrees off course" Hey stupid - are you too dumb to know there are 4 different simultaneous 24 hour days within a single rotation of Earth? Nuclear Orthodoxy is a Russian eschatological political concept which believes that Russia must build up its military, particularly its nuclear arsenal, in order to prepare for the Second Coming. First conceived in the aftermath of the dissolution of the Soviet Union, Nuclear Orthodoxy has become an integral part of the ideology of the Russian Orthodox Church. "I suppose if ordinary Stalkers are meant to go around killing people, maybe a mad one is the best sort to be stuck on a doomed hovery island thing with. Maybe it just wanted to have a nice chat about the weather. Or knit me a cardigan." "That's a much more reasonable problem. What am I supposed to do with all this surplus rage now?" A Chinese zoo has admitted that the “pandas” they keep are actually painted dogs. Videos of the barking animals already went viral on Chinese social media. "We report on the configuration and operation of a nuclear instrumentation set-up designed to transmit digitally encoded information using fast neutrons. We demonstrate the potential of fast neutron radiation as a medium for wireless communications for applications where conventional electromagnetic transmission is either not feasible or is inherently limited." < FLHerne> jan64: nothing to do with me, I was busy semi-illegally tampering with fire hydrants "STARS EXPLODE, WORLDS COLLIDE, THERE’S HARDLY ANYWHERE IN THE UNIVERSE WHERE HUMANS CAN LIVE WITHOUT BEING FROZEN OR FRIED, AND YET YOU BELIEVE THAT A BED IS A NORMAL THING. IT IS THE MOST AMAZING TALENT." Slice the duck along the time axis It completely startled me because I had no idea what had just randomly exploded, then I found half of the battery People with sensitive skin often prefer hypoallergenic nipple covers. "Yeah, it's like the novelizations of Lord of the Rings, just cheap attempts to cash in on the movies' success." The world will simply never produce enough Tagalog-speakers who care about obscure species of fish. "You can tell it's a Colin Furze project because I'm sitting far too close to the bit that's going to explode." If you feel like you may become violently ill in the near future, stay away from red food. Failure to do so may create an atmosphere of unnecessary panic and chaos. "...a row of Engineers robed and hooded in white rubber, looking like novelty erasers." The LD50 of white phosphorus in swans is about 3.65mg per kg of body weight. LISP remains an influential language in key algorithmic techniques such as recursion and condescension. "Thank you, Herr von Mekkhan, but I can't help but notice that my home appears to be on FIRE." I must admit I am rather glad I don't have to regularly disassemble my house for maintenance The Kamov Ka-50 was the first helicopter to be factory-equipped with explosive charges to detach its rotor blades in flight. The fundamental tragedy of Warhammer 40K is that it asks "what if Catholicism was fucked up and in space?", then consistently fails to make the theology of Fucked Up Space Catholicism more fucked up than actual Catholicism. I sussed it out, my mistake was assuming the person that wrote it is competent Limes and lemons are not the same fruit. Some hybrid or grafted trees might produce both. "The interdimensional cloning snatcher also makes toast!" "This is an amp that could not just power huge speakers, but cause the paper cones of lesser speakers to become dangerous projectiles." The central principle of liberalism is that the correct amount of civil unrest is behind us, was necessary, and that any more would be wildly inappropriate. I'll just assume that hitting the swan dislodges the structural lemon A TWT has sometimes been referred to as a "traveling-wave amplifier tube" (TWAT) "This flood is an evil one, says landlord of flooded pub" jan64: I only advocate consensual or post-mortem taxidermy can't say i've seen many animal penises, only horse dicks and an occasional dog dick Just because you can do something does not mean you should do that thing. "Permissible undefined behavior ranges from ignoring the situation completely with unpredictable results, to having demons fly out of your nose." Catbus is a large, grinning, twelve-legged cat with a hollow body that serves as a bus, complete with windows and seats covered with fur and a large bushy tail. Thurston Moore invented the screechy guitar noise. By 2020, the Anthropodermic Book Project had confirmed the existence of 18 books bound in human skin, out of 31 tested cases. "For anyone else who has a similar issue - DON'T try to bleed air by removing coolant pipes from a hot running engine. It's a BAD idea." "EVERY idea is better than this idea!" "I trust you have an infinitely powerful computer to handle the infinite layers of internal abstraction needed for the infinite extendability." The last major boarding action by the Royal Navy was the Altmark incident, in 1940. "The men watched him carefully, in case of explosion." "Houston, be advised we are going to deliberately breach the VAL to produce thrust." jan: the prime minister of the other half of the country bought a bunch of useless chinese respirators through his friend's cranberry export company You say you have no idea how your suggestions are full of terrorist videos || i never said that, i said it was thomastheo's fault "If anyone in this bunch has a choice between a good story and the truth, the good story will win out every time." Unfortunately, parsing all the strings with all the parsers as a general operating principle turns out to have negative security implications. since that photo it's gained a second handrail, so now people can't fall off *either* side "That statement is either so deep it would take a lifetime to fully comprehend every particle of its meaning, or it is a load of absolute tosh." Horses are biologically designed to fail. They can’t throw up, their internal organs are free floating, and if a tiny bone in their foot rotates even a little, it'll kill them. < orbbfrgg> Tbh just last week I heard somebody say they were gonna stick their knob in somebody's curry until they realized it would be very painful to them "It's passing about 220 milliamps. That's quite a lot - that would hurt - that would hurt SO MUCH - that would spoil your cup of tea quite dramatically!" "When she vacuumed up the toner, most of it went straight though the filter and the bag, hit the hot motor and was blasted on to the wall behind her where it then fused to the paint." "That's not a communications problem, it's a reality problem." "At NASA, we had a big program planned to study [supersonic retropropulsion]. We were going to start with lots of computer simulations. Then we would put a thruster on a high speed rail car and shoot the plume into the direction of travel. Then we’d drop rockets off high altitude balloons… But then [SpaceX] just went and tried it, and it WORKED! So NASA canceled our entire program!" "I want to take [my cat] to the London Eye. I want him to experience life!" If your missiles are too inaccurate, fix it by making them nuclear Always double check to make sure what you intend to happen is happening. "The reason that batteries give out so quickly in automobiles is that the vehicle shakes the batteries so badly that the active material drops out, and there is a tendency to short-circuit the battery. I overcome this by having such a large wheel." -- Mr A B Holson "He’d probably have ordered Turing to construct such a device instantly and deep fried all his food from then on." somewhere around second half of the year, i let nutters like FLHerne and linkmauve to be trated along with the big luntic dave airlie a gangwannabe dude, prolly at first they resect your nuts out with a knife or something similar. you can not possibly have any less clue what you're dealing with, totally stupid persons. fecalists. "River Trent: Unsalted | Shark Free" In the investigation out of the 22 tested fire blankets, 16 of the fire blankets themselves caught fire. In the other 6 the fire reignited when the blanket was removed after 17 minutes. Humans exposed to as little as 0.01 mg/m3 or less in air exude a foul garlic-like odor known as "tellurium breath". 25% of (life) on (your) planet. (BEETLES). (We) found it curious. You're actually a yellow-footed rock wallaby. Living one's life almost exclusively online allows a person to only exist in circles where everyone agrees with them. The moment another perspective comes into play, they treat it like an attack or betrayal. In 2001, Dutch airline KLM was fined 35,000 guilders ($14k) after shredding 440 squirrels. The species exhibits no notable characteristics, such as extravagant colors or unusual antennae, but is of interest to beetle collectors (and also collectors of Hitler memorabilia) "When you increase the current even further, the power dissipation becomes too large, and the diode eventually becomes a LED (light-emitting diode) and shortly afterwards a SED (smoke-emitting diode)." "D'you know what I sincerely love most about this, without any sarcasm whatsoever, I promise? It's the fact that NOTHING at all happens. You could argue that the choir on the tracks at the end is an event, but this is Wales." "This would be the approach of either a visionary genius or a raving lunatic, depending on your programming and management style. Probably the latter." "There’s basically no good way to draw Dave's head from the top, because his hair is so completely divorced from reality." Man, good thing *human* females don't have venomous ovipositors, huh? "New plan, guys! I'll tell you what it is after I think of it." Rescued by punks from an abattoir after she stopped producing milk, Biquette the goat spent the next ten years going to grindcore festivals. "We can fix that by doing an additional 8388604d6 backlash damage." "Jacquard's loom wasn't concurrent? It was pretty thoroughly multithreaded, I'd have thought..." "Well, at least this one actually MOVED before it blew up. That's IMPROVEMENT, no?" "Comrades! Yesterday we were on the brink of an abyss. Since then we have made a huge step forward!" "I'd just like to interject for a moment. What you're referring to as Linux, is in fact, GNU/Linux, or as I've recently taken to calling it, GNU plus Linux. Linux is not an operating system unto itself, but rather another free component of a fully functioning GNU system made useful by the GNU corelibs, shell utilities and vital system components comprising a full OS as defined by POSIX." This is where you try and argue you can consent to cannibalism "Last year I wrote about mercury azides, a most alarming class of compounds whose synthesis would be much easier if the two solvent layers didn't keep getting disturbed by explosions. I've also covered selenium tetraazide, a cheerful lemon-yellow solid with the annoying habit of blowing up when it gets warmer than about -64C, which would explain why you don't run into it very often." "For lack of a suitable article in the criminal code applying to tanks, the person who drove the tank, one Vlasov, was charged with car theft and convicted." "Despite the piece of equipment being stamped with the words ‘NAVAL ELECTRONIC SYSTEMS COMMAND. Mfd by Spears Associates Inc., Norwood, Mass’ the US Navy initially denied that any of their submarines were operating in the area." "A vase of irises was put in the train for the visit of German President Frank-Walter Steinmeier, whose country agreed to supply an air defense system called Iris-T. For another politician, staff wore leopard print accessories, in a nod to the Leopard-2 tanks Ukraine was requesting from the country in question." Any tool should be useful in the expected way, but a truly great tool lends itself to uses you never expected. Samuel Muston wrote that "Eggslut" falls into a category of "quirky" restaurant names, but that "the collision of the word 'egg' and 'slut' doesn't exactly encourage the appetite". Borders Buses route 477 is the only UK bus service affected by tides. "I know you're thinking about leaving, but I want you to stay. I want you to watch what I'm going to do." "Context violation: process /home/indrora/.local/share/Steam/ubuntu12_32/steam is only allowed in context steam_context, attempted to remove /boot/efi/grub/efistub" Worst was probably that time when they accidentally filled the signalling control room with concrete "She is a guest aboard my airship," Cartwell said sternly. "Take us to her now, or you will answer to the Cartwell Automatic Air-Valve Company!" "One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation." Congratulations on still being alive. Keep that up please. I hear lead acetate is pretty good "With all due respect, you sound like a spambot." If you don't give your brain time to catch up with your impulses, you just keep scrolling. The Tesla Roadster was the first highway legal serial production all-electric car to use lithium-ion battery cells and the first production all-electric car to travel more than 320 kilometres (200 mi) per charge. It is also the first production car to be launched into deep space. You can fart through jeans and have a flame that persists for multiple seconds but yea... i wouldn't get too close to those things labeled 'бомба' [James] Anderson has been trying to market his ideas for transreal arithmetic and "Perspex machines" to investors. He claims that his work can produce computers which run "orders of magnitude faster than today's computers". He has also claimed that it can help solve such problems as quantum gravity, the mind-body connection, consciousness and free will. A Greek tortoise named Timothy was found on a Portuguese ship by Captain John Guy Courtenay-Everard on the HMS Queen in 1854. Serving as a mascot throughout the war, when she died in 2004 this made her the last living veteran of the Crimean War. In almost all circumstances the correct number of wheels for a car is four. The theft is one of the biggest heists in Canadian history. Other heists include the 2011 and 2012 Great Canadian Maple Syrup Heist when 3,000 tonnes of syrup valued at $18.7m were stolen from a storage facility in Quebec. Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. When everyone is out to get you, you must be doing something right. "A bit of oil drained out, along with glitter! There's glitter in my engine!" "I have also heard some concerns about the lead at the very bottom melting first and expanding and having nowhere to go and the whole thing exploding, so hopefully that doesn't happen either." i was the quiet guy everyone thought would shoot up the school UwU *assassinates ur monarch* "His lack of distinguishing features included his entire face." A FRIGHTAT THE FROGEST OF ALL THE ALT THE FROGEEST FO FROS on hbernle "The Frog Otolith Experiment Package (FOEP) contains all apparatus necessary to assure survival of two frogs. Specimens are housed in a water-filled, self-contained centrifuge which supplies the test acceleration during orbit. Frogs are demotorized to prevent dislodging of implanted electrodes and to reduce their metabolic rate." There is no such thing as a random number; there is only a randomized process for selecting numbers. "I invited him to consider the proposition: ‘There is no hippopotamus in this room at present.’ When he refused to believe this, I looked under all the desks without finding one; but he remained unconvinced." -- Bertrand Russell, on Wittgenstein "Doing this all day leaves you in a state of mild aphasia as you look at people's faces while they're speaking and you don't know they've finished because there's no semicolon." "I always wondered why somebody didn't do something about that and then I realized I am somebody." "The story takes a shift towards something that is absolutely NOT shrouded in terror or doom or intensity for once, and I will graciously accept this moment." "My dream holiday would be a) a ticket to Amsterdam b) immunity from prosecution and c) a baseball bat." -- Terry Pratchett "Loosening of a single earthing screw [...] caused feathering of both propellers when flap retraction was selected, in addition to automatic closure of both engine fuel shutoff valves [...] and extension of both outboard spoilers." The perfect moment is now. Be glad of it. "'Punk rock' has become almost a battle cry in British society. To many people it's a bigger threat than Russian communism or hyperinflation. And it certainly generates more ...popular excitement than either of those." "Why are you distinguishing between 'Food' and 'Other People'?" Life in the country, a good view and not too many neighbours seem to be some of the secrets to happiness. "Musk said that Bezos was "barking up the wrong tree" about rockets and that SpaceX had already tried several of the ideas Bezos was proposing, calling them "dumb."" Fortunately for computer science, the supply of curly braces and angle brackets remains high. Canal people live in a parallel world || It's The City & The City but more banal, and wet The probability that a certain person be stupid is independent of any other characteristic of that person. "I'll just plug my alligator clip directly into the live" "Also, it can boil an egg at 30 paces, whether you want it to or not, actually, so I've learned to stay away from hens. It's not pretty when they blow." "While I was preparing for my Science Fair project, busily freezing turtles, insects, and plants, and experimenting with trying to protect them from freezing injury with glycerol, you were busy dying. The passage of 24 years and my long involvement in both cryonics and medicine has given me a very good idea of what that must have been like for you." -- Mike Darwin, Research Director, Alcor "He described the journey as non-eventful, saying if the bomb hadn't gone off he wouldn't have remembered anything about the journey." "The best thing about TEA-TEB is that it ignites on contact with air. The worst thing about TEA-TEB is that it ignites on contact with air." -- Tim Buzza, launch director, SpaceX "Saint-Onge also claimed his mud could heal wounds, telling an Ottawa Citizen reporter in 2012 thar his mud compress healed the leg of a man who had suffered an accident with a power saw, saving it from amputation. 'The doctor said it was the antibiotics,' he said. 'But we believe it was the mud.'" "It’s all over camp. Did you know you’re with the CIA and you’re recruiting programmers who are expert swordsmen to fight their way into Afghanistan so they can tap into the Russians’ SDI computer network?" Your bank's customer support representatives are taught to evaluate whether someone looks like they're competent and collecting a paper trail. If they are, the CS rep is supposed to stop touching the case immediately and instead escalate them to a supervisor or to the legal department. If not now, when? "It’s hard to say why a dog should quack like a duck, but she always has done and I’d be sorry if she were ever to change." Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but not their own facts. Lmao I love your dog || He's lovely but so persistent that it seems artificial || If you were in a videogame and warped to another area somehow he would just slowly meet you there || And then stand around "The torpedoes either missed or proved to be duds: Sōya's crew hoisted one undetonated torpedo onto the deck in celebration." You must go as far as you can, as best you can, and fail honestly. "Thank you for your compliance with this exciting mandatory efficiency initiative." The first human to be killed by a robot was Robert Williams, in 1979. "On February 21, 2021, the accidental explosion of an in-development gender reveal device in Liberty, New York, killed the father-to-be and injured his younger brother." Science: because figuring things out is always better than making shit up. Princess Anne is patron of the Unicorn Preservation Society. Everyone wants to talk about human rights, it’s time to talk about humans wrongs. If new Shepard fired it's abortion system at MECO I wonder how high it would go and how angry the pope would be "I believe that the movement against asbestos was led by the mob, because it was often mob-related companies that would do the asbestos removal." -- Donald Trump "This plan lasted a few seasons until, in a sudden fit of homicidal rage, the sponge slaughtered 3 dwarves in rapid succession with mighty blows of its ." "My suggestion is to stop getting so drunk that you urinate on your computer. All other suggestions or concerns are secondary." There's a whole "it's natural, so it's better" movement, but there's nothing actually natural about drinking milk from a cow, if you're not a cow. "This corneoscleral punch is an excellent tool for opening the skull of a small animal without damaging the brain or spinal cord." "It's tempting to say nothing went as planned, but that would assume actual plans had been made." "Blessed is the one who grabs your babies and smashes them against a rock." "All new arrivals had to sign strict safety agreements and convince the harbourmaster that they were not likely to burst into flames." ACRONYM (Awesome CReativity Of Naming Your Mission) Yeah. You start with one machine and then out of nowhere you no longer have space because you've bought a vintage phone switch. One should establish whether something is the case before determining why it is the case. Branded with a friendly frog motif, the Hop! buses will also have a unique sound, with all three buses fitted with a distinctive ‘ribbit’-effect bell. "I also noticed that it takes a disproportionately long time to obtain an answer from them to a trivial question such as 'would you like a cup of tea?', which would leave them hung in an infinite loop until some specified time-out cuts their thinking thread short and they provide a random answer." Was thinking of what I might be able to pretreat the surface with. Apparently fire will do. Is 'fastly' a correct word? IRC is a floating dumpster fire full of extremely intelligent twits. "I'm British, which means you can tell I'm joking because I talk exactly the same way as when I am serious." This drone bird is realistic, covert, light-weight, and unobtrusive. The subtlety and long-range capability of the AVES Series allows for a reliable way to monitor even the most challenging of environments. This stealthy drone bird is primarily for surveillance and reconnaissance. It is a fixed-wing unit with various uses, such as border control and observation. Typical customers include the defence industry, police, safeguards, and kingdoms. > yeah some prince went to india, saw the taj mahal, and was like "i want one of those" -- re. Brighton Pavilion Omicron and Omega are called such because they are O-micron and O-mega. Small O and Big O (short and long sounds respectively). if I zone out while walking back, it's "oh, yeah, home is *here* now. Huh." Yet across the gulf of the Banana River, minds that are to our minds as ours are to those of SLS fans that cope, intellects vast and blue and unsympathetic, regarded this launch with envious eyes, and slowly and surely drew their plans against us. And early in the twenty-first century came the great disillusionment. "There was no such thing as vulcanised rubber apart from experimental laboratory samples which were shit (burnt on one side and gooey on the other, with just enough good stuff between the two to show that it would be useful if you could figure out how to make it all go like that)." I don't think watching futas gay, if two lesbians are fucking with a strap-on it's not considered gay to watch "Engineering does not require science. Science helps a lot but people built perfectly good brick walls long before they knew why cement works." -- Alan Cox "Future events such as these will affect you in the future." "I'll keep the chopsticks. I'm sure you could croak a small army with them. And we *have* a small army." "I have trained a neural net to recognise the digit 3 written on an array. It frequently tells me that a 5 is a 3. If I correct its response often enough, it then tells me that a 3 is a 5. If I train it on 3s and 5s alternately it eventually gets them right but by then it thinks everything is either a 3 or a 5." that's cause there's too many people | ldgoforlaunch: time to eat some then. "Last month I couldn't type using both hands at the same time or my brain would cramp. Quite an 'interesting' phenomenon - it's like having debugging traces from your own mind." "Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed." -- President Eisenhower "Originally, we did not appreciate the critical need to cache the absence of files." If you ever want to hear a lawyer shout expletives at volume down a phone, you need to call him and tell him you have created the first open source crowd-funded cyber-arms acquisition attempt. My urine smells funky when I eat asparagus "Have you got any better ideas? Ones that won’t take my head off?" "Oh relax. It's only illegal for boring reasons." "Uh-huh. That is one of the goals of rockets, is not to explode." I might have gone straight from "I don't like coffee" to "I only want specialty coffee, 'regular' coffee is shit" :D "And... can you give me any additional information as to why you believe there may be a bomb?" "Ah, because he's screaming that on the frequency." "Anyway, when you put it THAT way it sounds stupid." "Used teabags in diesel, you know, works quite well for a start." "Got a mate who dropped a hatchback body onto a Nissan 4x4 chassis because, well beer I suppose but anyway seemed like a good idea at the time and then it worked." "he may live, but only with his neck as an internal organ" "Ah, hello sir. I see you're eating a scone. Would you like a cat next to you? Let me fetch you one. And some more jam." In the beginning, there was nothing, which exploded. "I'm busy right now, working on this excuse." "You'll need a large staff of engineers to develop and teach this protocol, and you'll have to buy lots of custom gear to speak it, but on the upside now your costs are higher and you're uncompetitive so the problem of size won't last long." AERCAB our new code (anything in the past year or two) is pretty good. Anything that's 10 years old is... well... we don't talk about that code. We don't touch that code without sacrificing at least 3 chickens and a goat. "I briefly considered ordering another 80 cards from eBay so that I would be above the fraud team’s limit." "We did get some emergency medical training, but it used a coffin lid as the work surface, so expectations weren’t high." "Most normal objects will became very fragile at those temperatures and shatter with applied force. Duct tape does not." Why does Wikipedia have a list of fictional raccoons? The sum of a sequence of odd numbers is always the next perfect square. "Recommend using Yelp or other online reviews of doctors. Effectiveness varies widely." -- Elon Musk I need a tomboy swamp queen to put me in the bog and treat me like the little frogge I am mate. I need them to put up with my goblin shenanigans. It ain't gonna happen on a dating app. "It is a pretty amazing hack. They shouldn't be proud that they need it, but should be proud that they managed to do it." "Bought an old Slovenian army Geiger counter (as you do). It turned out to have an Interesting design: when used hand-held (it can also be vehicle-mounted) it hangs in a shoulder strap at crotch level. Nothing wrong with that... except they also designed it with an unnecessarily spicy check source on the outside of the bag. So while you are walking around checking for dangerous radiation, it's subtly irradiating your junk." Having too many goals and ideas is like trying to herd a swarm of bees. "He told the guys who run PAX that he knew people who could kick them out of PAX. They promptly banned him from PAX." i wouldnt mind surviving long enough to test my geiger counters and marvel at the insane dose of radiation, only for a second strike to vaporize me || maybe see a scintillator glow with my naked eye, that would be fun The Sun is a giant flaming ball of hydrogen, materially, empirically speaking... but it's also a smiling face in a child's drawing of a house, a god dying and being reborn, day and light and life, heat and thirst and cruelty, time, the seasons, the year, a ball of dung being pushed across the sky by a titanic, invisible beetle. Ezekiel 4:12 "The council then decided that the shark was development within the definition contained in Section 22 of the Town and Country Planning Act 1971, and that as such it had to be removed. Their offer to display it in a public building such as a swimming pool was not, however, accepted." "This is an extremely inefficient algorithm. The interpreter runs out of memory for inputs greater than 13." Never let a markov chain order drinks for you. I think I'd rather not have worms controlling my immune system A wheat grain is a genetically modified grass seed, just as a pekinese is a genetically modified wolf. Playing God? We’ve been playing God for centuries! "Get enough magic in one place and the fabric of the universe gave at the heel just like one of the Dean’s socks." "It gets easier. Every day it gets a little easier. But you gotta do it every day—that’s the hard part. But it does get easier." Shipping is a feature. A really important feature. Your product must have it. Tak wrote the World and the Laws, and then He left us. He does not require that we think of Him, only that we think. "The character is wondering why he's doing something pointless in a pointless scene that we're wondering why we're reading. There's no limit to how deep this goes, people." We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works. When you see that you can get frogs smaller than like, a baby's fingernail || It's like how do they even bones || How can something that small effectively frog "While terms and conditions are legally binding – it is contrary to public policy to sell children in return for free services, so the clause would not be enforceable in a court of law." Make mischief easy, and it's irresistible to idiots. The idea of genius is comforting because it gives people a reason not to put in the work and experience failure. "Of course it's me! Who else could ever wear such a majestic and commanding a hat?!" "I'm more completely at a loss that the guy that owns Tesla, the guy that owns a company that is putting a rocket into space tomorrow, just sent me a video of a cat riding a roomba chasing a duck." REMEMBER - your Turkey should not be flying out the window on Christmas Day. "Pirates that stupid would be worrisome, sir. Stupid is hard to predict." "Witnesses recalled seeing Thomas turn very pale, mouth the word "fuck," and run away back up the stairs." "Perfect. Now you lie down and relax, the monkey and I are going hover-boarding." "H.S. Pengelley reported a bright red flash after firing all guns in 'A' turret. This was later discovered to be caused by concussion of the observers' eyeballs." Real worms don't have any bones, but gummy worms are gelatin made from bones, which means gummy worms have more bones than real worms. sasamj: what are ass drugs Compiler output nonsensical in line 2: line should not exist. < FLHerne> If you put a bomb on a narrowboat, I bet you could sneak it right up to the Russians | < FLHerne> they look so unthreatening Take wrong turns. Talk to strangers. Open unmarked doors. Unicode is the future, even if it does mean having dedicated glyphs to represent cooked root vegetables. Unfortunately a lot of things work better as a fiction premise than as business models. "Coming to the throne at the age of 16, Gustavus Adolphus inherited three wars from his father." "It ignited like brandy on a Christmas pudding. I had never heard of a canal catching fire before, and I was also told that to put it out they wouldn’t call the local brigade but sent for the chemical work’s own specialist fire crew because they were trained for chemical fires. Boat ropes that had dropped into the water, were when dried likely to spontaneously combust." "You're a loose cannon, Detective. Hand in your badge. AND your gun. AND your badge that is actually a gun. AND your gun that shoots badges." "People like this need to be studied. Or at least have a camera crew follow them so we can all see the highlight reel." "I think this officially makes me the first person in the history of the internet to get criticism for NOT using Comic Sans." "I'll tell you what's unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses." the reaction time of a boat is much longer than the doing-random-stupid-stuff loop of a swan < orbbfrgg> I'm not gonna say no if somebody were to waltz into my bedroom wearing cat ears, I'm not an idiot "...an itinerant pedlar whose money-making schemes were always let down by some small but vital flaw, such as trying to sell things he didn’t own or which didn’t work or, sometimes, didn’t even exist." "Sometimes a metaphor can be very effective, but other times a metaphor is like a fish with a flat tire, y'know?" Standing on top of an operational 600 MW nuclear reactor weighing several thousand tons, all you can feel is a slight rumbling vibration like distant traffic felt through a road surface -- there's no indication that metres below your feet, hundreds of tons of gas compressed to conditions more normally associated with the surface of Venus are being blasted through the guts of a radioactive inferno. A snorkeler has suffered a leg injury after reportedly being bitten by a blue shark off the coast of Cornwall. [...] Blue Shark Snorkel, the company that organised the tour, said such incidents were "extremely rare". The difference between theory and practice is that in theory, there is no difference. < thomastheo> i'm sure there are cardinals who achieve mohs hardness of seven and up when wandering through the halls of the vatican museum The owner of Steakhouse Piet de Leeuw admits it: he sells horse instead of beef. Loek van Thiel initially denied outright. But now he admits: it's horse, for 63 years. "When I experimented with beef tenderloin anyway, customers started complaining." In 1989, Pepsi bought 17 submarines and three warships from the Soviet Union. "Towards Edible Drones for Rescue Missions: Design and Flight of Nutritional Wings" "Time... line? Time is not made out of lines. It is made out of circles. That is why clocks are round!" "I think you were doing quite well until you got to the bit about slaying polar bears." "As for the white text, I don't know how it works but it had the word infinite in it so no." The case marked the culmination of a long history of attempts by the law, in the face of a bank of public opinion sympathetic to famished castaways, to outlaw the custom of cannibalism (cases of which were little-publicised until after the death of perpetrators) and it became a legal cause célèbre in late 19th century Britain, particularly among mariners. It's good because I remember audibly cackling the whole time I was making it || Nothing beats a good cackle. Let's just move to Discord. || * ldgoforlaunch turns into nivag and ducks and runs away very quickly. Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella said he hopes the "new Bing" will make rival Google "come out and show that they can dance." "And I want people to know that we made them dance, and I think that'll be a great day." Ridiculously dramatic plots seem to take place because the characters on screen don’t take ten seconds out of their day to state the obvious. "These aren't our illustrious orbiting sex geckos, but they are the experiment's ground-based control sex geckos, and that's almost as good!" "The purpose of X-33 was to demonstrate that you need expendables, and by golly, it did that." -- Jerry Pournelle First, download the internet. "We'll also need to collect more safety data, naturally, before we start bathing indoor spaces in invisible germicidal rays." You are what you do, not what you say you'll do. "I'm not an arsonist, but this kinda makes me want to light a railroad trestle on fire so I can watch it do this." Just because it's an idiom doesn't mean it's true. Along the Euphrates, Speck experienced a lack of food and water, intense heat as well as regularly being shot at by the locals. "It was too early in the morning to be early in the morning." "Pyra health warning: If you suffer Obsessive Compulsive Disorder then we recommend not opening the case and looking at the PCB. In case you have looked, please do not attempt to correct the angles of any of the chips." A company that sells cheap goods marked 'Fair Trade' while reducing their supply chain to slavery will be very successful. It will be most successful if none of its employees or shareholders grasp the reason for its profitability. he wants that superheavussy 😩 When faced with novel situations, remove questionable assumptions before adding new ones. Don't put your trust in revolutions. They always come around again. That's why they're called revolutions. People die, and nothing changes. "The drums were rotated to the maximum setting at 4,000° per second and the heat vaporized some of the graphite, resulting in a colorful explosion that sent fuel elements flying through the air, followed by a highly radioactive cloud with radioactivity estimated at 1.6 megacuries." Palindrone (n): a political speech so boring and incoherent that it would make just as much sense read backwards. thomastheo, it's just a small portion of his consciousness trapped inside a graphics card The thing standing in the way of your dreams is that the person having them is YOU. "Finally, he said, the problem could be solved by getting and using a time machine. This solution, too, suffers from practical difficulties." "We always get the blame [for government shutdowns]," said Rep. Mike Simpson (R-Idaho), a senior appropriator. "Name one time that we've shut the government down and we haven't got the blame." There's nothing quite as damaging for a sport's reputation than competitors snapping their necks en masse. It's not simply good enough to read the datasheet carefully, you also have to be reading the *right* datasheet carefully. Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand. If you wait until it's obvious what to do, it's too late. The Truth will encounter great opposition. "I'm reading about a plane experiencing a "pre-stall buffet". My brain keeps imagining the pilots being treated to a delightful spread before the plane crashes." In the traditional Hmong culture, culture, individuals with seizures are seen to be blessed with a gift; an access point into the spiritual realm which no one else has been given. I also pil my hardwood ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. "The amount of malice in this thread is actually causing me some concern. I mean, chaining up mothers and forcing them to breed, just so we can drown their children to harvest their organs? Does this strike no one else as absolutely horrific?" False killer whales (Pseudorca crassidens) can breed with bottlenose dolphins (Tursiops truncatus). Same family (Delphinidae) but different genus, and relatively far-removed genera at that. "It made no sense the day after. Don't program at 3 am while half asleep." If you do not want to get the death penalty I recommend that you STOP YOUR DISRUPTIVE EDIDING NOW. Cats are disease-carrying parasites whose concept of basic sanitation is to wipe themselves with used toilet paper and saliva. the next spacex rocket should have aerospikes and a dimpled fairing to reduce drag, and be lifted by toroidal propellers which use pulse detonation engines powered by a molten salt thorium reactor "It started from the butchering of primates in Africa. HIV is a bloodborne virus. Has someone ever fucked a monkey anyway? Probably." !ErrorHasOccurred() ??!??! HandleError(); "You have to understand that this is a one way consultation." The Isle of Man Steam Packet Company Limited (Manx: Sheshaght Phaggad Bree Ellan Vannin), founded in 1830, is the oldest continuously operating passenger shipping company in the world. "The 20 mm guns jammed after the first shot, and the 40 mm mounting after firing just six rounds. The 100 mm gun became useless after the first shot." my uncle wants to gift me his barely used telescope because "you can't use it to see UFOs, you need night vision goggles for that" < orbbfrgg> There is definitely a sexual undercurrent to the trump fandom if your pizza is 50% polonium youd definitely taste it "Don't try this at home. It's unnecessary cruelty, you won't be doing medical research, you'll be doing a crime." "Everything about this product screams 'sketchy', from the obviously fake certification label to the spelling errors all over the warnings... I mean, or 'warnungs', as I should call them." You could not possibly put a fish under enough tension to produce an audible pitch, without it absolutely just ripping apart. It's okay. Everybody misses the painfully obvious solution occasionally. "Tesla stock price is too high imo" - Elon Musk Pubic telemetry "I wish to destroy all telescopes, abruptly and without explanation." If a statistic looks interesting or unusual it is probably wrong. Comments can never fix unexpected behaviour. "Here's another gratuitous shot of a train. Thanks for watching." "You said yourself this will be insanely dangerous, so who better to try it on than someone dangerously insane?" "Captain Vlad advised the committee that the exploding bits weren't really part of the spaceship at all... any more..." So many programming problems are like "I switched from a carriage to a motor car but now I keep running over my horse." "We all make mistakes. Some people have sex, drugs and rock'n'roll, I was in the Liberal Democrats. I'm sorry." -- Liz Truss Clearly holes are, at best, ontologically parasitic. "People look confused, and it dawns on me that I've fallen into the only task more impossible than convincing fashion people that I'm a fashion designer: trying to convince Italians that I am Italian." "You immerse yourself in a world of total meaninglessness where all that matters is a little series of numbers went into a giant labyrinth of symbols and a different series of numbers or a picture of a kitten came out the other end." "Egg vendors go to elementary schools in the city where they collect urine from young boys, preferably under the age of ten. Children who have been raised in the city are used to the practice, and relieve themselves in basins that the vendors place in the hallways. The teachers often remind the boys not to urinate in the basins if any of them have a fever or feel ill." "Like most things, of course, it isn’t quite that simple." Imagine being hit by a flaming ball of molten cheese while walking down the street. Painful. Educators teach one corner of knowledge instead of dividing the hemispheres into four corners like a pie. All further divisions have to be made in corners. Postmodern deconstructive faux-nouveau absurdist organic neoclassicism? "The sky isn't a thing, though we call it a thing. It doesn't behave like a thing and so the question doesn't make sense. There is a limit to the air, but that's not what you asked. There is a limit to the arc of sky, the horizon, but that's not what you asked." "On several occasions over the years, Musk has told employees to imagine they had a bomb strapped to their heads in an effort to get them to move faster, according to three sources." You don't learn to hack, you hack to learn. "I don't know why I'm on the fence about ambulatory fruit that serves its carnivorous master, but that's just the way it is." "So in essence, this is a 5 week filibuster after the motion has passed." John F. Kennedy, then a Senator, won the Pulitzer Prize for the work [Profiles in Courage]. However, in his 2008 autobiography, Kennedy's speechwriter Ted Sorensen, who was presumed as early as 1957 to be the book's ghostwriter, acknowledged that he "did a first draft of most chapters" and "helped choose the words of many of its sentences". "We spent so much time selecting the right potato for the ad that we never stopped to question whether a potato would convey the essential brand experience." "...an hour later, he came back to me and said his keyboard keys have melted." Branwell Brontë, brother of Emily and Charlotte, died standing up leaning against a mantelpiece in order to prove it could be done. Caching is not the solution to all problems. Never attempt to empty your dog’s anal glands yourself unless you have had instruction from your vet, and are confident doing so. Squeezing them incorrectly can cause serious problems. "The rain it raineth on the just / And also on the unjust fella / But chiefly on the just, because / The unjust hath the just's umbrella" -- Lord Justice Bowen, ~1880 "Disappointed they used this angle for the photoshoot and not a super wide fisheye closeup of his forehead." should we be threatening to reveal additional genders if Russia doesn't leave Ukraine? cant let the church get in the way of eating beaver Immigration officials generally will not take "It's a complicated situation, don't ask" for an answer. "Because science. Whatever. I'm done expositing, you've taken the joy out of it." "If the difference between the depth of the fish and the depth of the terrain behind them is large you end up with fish-shaped distortions." After Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer said that the iPhone had "no chance" of gaining significant market share, the iPhone gained significant market share. "I need to make this less shit" - FLHerne, on !stupid "I will file this along with the fast moving robotic arms, hovering jet engine system, giant nets, foam pit, ball pit, giant catcher's mitt and rapidly mobile yet very large catch-basin of de-ionized water." I bet some asshole could commit some crazy terrorism with a bunch of these kindsa dogs, you know like how that guy was breeding a metric fuckload of frogs for internet fame. Imagine that but with dogs, and you starve em a fair bit, cull the females for anything but breeding, and teach em to attack live bait The expression "you bit off more than you can chew" will ALWAYS apply to you if you are a shark. "if observing outer space gives us a view of the past, observing inner space would surely give us a view of the future - would be interesting if NASA made a telescope for that" "Yes, yes, I heard you fine. It simply doesn't make any more sense upon repetition." "It has only just occurred to me that missile transporters have a lot of wheels." -- Douglas Self A new study explores meth addiction in brown trout, a common fish species found all over the world Using a smartphone is like buying a suitcase, only to find someone else's possessions have been glued to the inside. "It's supposed to start here but we don't have a train." "One of the -- the staunch anti-hibernation, pro-migration theorists was a chap called Charles Morton, who was an Oxford-educated physicist and a very logical chap. And he was like, "Well, don't be ridiculous. Of course the swallows can't be hibernating underwater. How would they breathe? No, no, no, no, no! They migrate. /To the moon!/"" Any sufficiently advanced riddle is indistinguishable from gibberish. "“A brain probe! Maybe she's jacked into the net directly through her brain. We can find out with an X-ray or MRI or something." The US military doesnt have enough musicians to be able to play a bugle at all military funerals so they send people with a fake bugle that has a little mp3-player and speaker in the end. Friday comes at the end of the week, whereas a fried egg comes out of a chicken. 1:00 AM is not a productive time to find bugs. "He wouldn't let me use proper electrodes, so I had to use katanas, at which point he finally shut up about ablation; katanas are of course immune to it." "If that's the brain he was using when he threw his epaulet at a tank, I'm not so sure it's okay." "Take the case of Justin Carter, a Texas kid charged with making terrorist threats for shit-talking on a chat for the game League of Legends. League is a game that appeals to chronological and behavioral adolescents. Judging from my son playing it in his room back when he was in high school, it requires shouting 'fuck' a whole lot." -- PopeHat The real crime are that Nimitz class don't have provisions to be converted from supercarriers to super-battleship with spinal mounted cannons. When a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure. I had a dream in which a species of frogge would eat mosquitoes full of human blood, then lay eggs that would eventually become human-frogge hybrids that would seek out their doubles and kill them in a futile attempt to replace them like a typical doggelganger "There's no possible way [giving everyone access to the stupid database] can go wrong." "Brilliant. We'll just confess to the crime, and then we can't be framed." "You mean more confusing than listing characters, anti-clockwise, from the bottom left, by author?" "I respectfully disagree with your assessment of the situation." As of 2024, the United Kingdom is the only country to have successfully developed and then abandoned a satellite launch capability. Remember that stolen goods have a 100% profit margin at any price "That's weird, we're getting a pressure alarm - it says there's a breach in the fourth wall." "Obviously you can't grease the valves or the LOX gets contaminated or, even worse, explodes it, not to mention you'd freeze the grease." thomastheo: you all expect too much from your botanical penises Newly designed aerial bait cartridges consist of dead mice with 80-mg acetaminophen tablets and a biodegradable streamer-like cartridge. The cartridge is designed to snag on trees where invasive brown tree snakes are known to feed. well, despite your oppressive methods dnsmcbr, and your apparent gaping asshole, we still like you anyway "Turns out the “L” in “LCD” stands for “Liquid.” I guess it either froze or boiled off." orbbfrgg: it has happened. we have made it through another winter. i was in the dunes tonight at dusk, and was met with the sound of thousands upon thousands of happy frogs croaking, carried across the scene by this year's first summery evening breeze. "WARNING - Unexpected Acceleration Danger. Contact with landing legs may lead to injury or death." "Videos posted on social media a few years back showed teens inhaling condoms up their noses and pulling them out of their mouths. Not only is the practice disgusting, but it also puts people at risk." A professional developer does thorough work when it matters, and cuts irrelevant corners that aren’t worth wasting time on. Avoid looking directly at the Sun. In 2022, the United Nations Educational, Scientific, and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) announced that it had placed borscht on the List of Intangible Cultural Heritage in Need of Urgent Safeguarding due to the risk that Russia's invasion posed to the soup's status as an element of Ukraine's cultural heritage. In October 2019, an Iowa woman was killed at a gender reveal party after her family inadvertently created a pipe bomb. "It's true that Apple could have designed the iPhone this way, if Apple was staffed exclusively by idiots." "It's clearly Microsoft's fault that Microsoft's software doesn't do the right thing. I don't see how the risks in Microsoft updating its software to become correct could be higher than the risks in other vendors updating their software to become incorrect." < sborb> ugh I broke my wookie 10-year-old Boy Attacked by Shark in 'Shark Tank' Experience at Bahamas Resort 42% of startups fail because no-one actually wants their product. "Senator, when you took your oath of office, you placed your hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution. You did not place your hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible." "Obama is a brown-skinned socialist anti-war radical who gives out free healthcare. Oh, wait, that was Jesus." Chatgpt is telling me about antiquantum but can’t find anything on the internet about it " family outings were mostly interesting dolmens or cliffs or bogs" We made really horribly dangerous vinegar and bicarbonate of soda glass bottle fragmentation grenades as teenagers || The thwoomp when the glass gave way was something to behold "Belgium is the weirdest place I've ever been. It's like a beta version of The Netherlands." Kipple is useless objects, like junk mail or match folders after you use the last match or gum wrappers of yesterday's homeopape. When nobody's around, kipple reproduces itself. For instance, if you go to bed leaving any kipple around your apartment, when you wake up the next morning there's twice as much of it. It always gets more and more. "He compounded this by going on to remark that one of the earrings was "cheaper than an M&S prawn sandwich but probably wouldn't last as long." Ratner's comments have become textbook examples of why chief executives should choose their words carefully." Baselessly calling people pedophiles is like 1000x funnier than calling people Nazis "The outages highlight how vulnerable modern tractors are to satellite disruptions (...) All the tractors are sitting at the ends of the field right now shut down because of the solar storm (...) We’re right in the middle of corn planting. I’ll bet the commodity markets spike Monday" The advantage of getting somewhere in 30 mins by rocket instead of 15 hours by plane will be negatively affected if "but also, you might die" is on the ticket. "Noting the often bitter tone taken by companies in this five-year legal battle, judge Kozinski ordered both sides to behave. "The parties are advised to chill," he said in his ruling. " turns out that if you take a bunch of jellyfish parts, put them into a bag and shake them up a bit, they fuse together to form living jellyfish abominations "The rest of the airplane, pursued by flying masonry, pivoted downward, crossed the street, and slammed directly into the ironically named Pillar of Fire Church, which was instantly consumed by a massive explosion." "But like Spanish is a language but it's not a nationality like they speak Spanish in Mexico and Port O' Rico and stuff but it's not like theres a place called Spania full of Spanish *people*" "I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion." you don't like the compiler that uses 0x55555555 for its null pointer representation? :D No, I do not | nor the PCRE-to-awk compiler "Sadly, I can report no superpowers as a function of these experiments." "I'd have a lot of questions. Why was the person on fire? How did they end up in my shop? Why coffee grounds and not water?" "I work in a lab environment and now vacuums stress me out big-time. It's either going to detonate immediately, spray fine lithium powder into the air permanently scarring your lungs, or it's just an electrolyte salt and is totally fine to suck up." Why, after all, would anyone not eat raw cookie dough for dinner, given the option? Kremlin spokesperson Dmitry Peskov stated that Russia’s presidential election is "not really democracy" but rather a "costly bureaucracy" and that Russian President Vladimir Putin "will be re-elected next year with more than 90 percent of the vote." "Morrisons 'extremely disappointed' after customer sent milk bottle of urine" <@ZLSA> let's not go charging in with accusations of conspiracy when it's most likely just weaponized incompetence The Schienenzeppelin still holds the record for the fastest propeller driven rail vehicle. "What's it like living with polar bears? Let me tell you, they're way easier to track than Cartesian bears!" Everything takes twice as long as you think, and that's still true if you double your estimate. Looks like Vulcan and f-22 had a baby, and it was aborted in the 2nd trimester but the baby somehow survived and was raised by a KC-135 "A reasonable person would know the act of showing a naked body wearing a Wal-Mart sack would not be good for the employer’s business." "Thankfully, if something should go catastrophically wrong, you would have less than a second of terror before being incinerated." You decided to save money and fix it yourself. Then you likely decided to save time by not fixing it at all. "If I could eat all my meals on levitating pillows I wouldn't actually want plates anymore, I would want levitating pillows." In 1934 the RAF offered a £1,000 prize to anyone who could demonstrate a working model of a death ray that could kill a sheep at 100 yards. "...described the working atmosphere as a perpetual-motion machine that runs on a weird mix of dissatisfaction and eternal hope." But you are high on RedBull and have to pee so bad for obvious reasons that you want to get back down to Earth FASTER than Mach 0.60. "He doesn't misspeak. If he says something, for instance he recently said 'norminal', it is instantly part of the English language." "...excused the interference of educationalists, sociologists and other pseudo-scientists, which produces eventually a confection of formulae which have no integrity." "This was a place where someone came to sleep, not to live." just go until it sounds expensive People's views and attitudes being nonsensical does not make them any less real. If you can't accurately name a function in three words, split it up. Warning: Humans can detect you, even at night, by tracking vibrations through the atmosphere. "The future is the past, the past is the future; it all gives me a headache." "You can tell whatever happens next won't work out, because we're like 30 pages in instead of 250." "Buy it! Build the small child star yourself, and together we can live in horrible screechy paradise together." it can be done multiple times | doesn't mean *you* can do it multiple times "The writers convened as a group to determine which philosopher or school of philosophy their game would be based on. A consensus was reached when a team member suggested that a lot of people like cake." "No Puffins Were Harmed In The Brewing Of Your Coffee. We Like Puffins!" "That sounds like an excellent way to make a bunch of hot polymerized gunk. For one thing, acetone boils at 56, so how you get it to 65 is a real stumper." vibrating pads are never as good as you think they are "All the websites that ive looked it up on described it by saying that one of these [long-necked avocados] can produce 12 slices of avocado toast, which is the whitest form of measurement i've ever heard" "After Dia’s death, Belgian universities sought to make sure that the autumn initiation rituals for first-year students would be less degrading." "Something about my 4 cats together in one room at the same time is making me realize that 4 cats is a lot of cats." "Geoff Marshall’s cameo is both one of the best and most weirdly erotic in all of Unfinished London history." The only appropriate state of the mind is surprise. The only appropriate state of the heart is joy. The sky you see now, you have never seen before. The perfect moment is now. Be glad of it. I'm not weeb enough to have an account to watch nsfw anime frogs? "Long-touted as a sustainable fuel, hydrogen fuel produces no emissions as it burns upon reacting with oxygen—no ignition is needed, making it a cleaner and greener fuel source. It is also easier to store, making it more reliable than solar-powered batteries." https://phys.org/news/2022-10-revolutionary-technique-hydrogen-efficiently.html Just because you are bad at something does not mean you should not do it, especially if you have a secret bony backpack and toxic poison glands. "And I was talking about, you know, what is the first truly Islamist country that will get a nuclear weapon, and we were like, maybe it’s Iran, you know, maybe Pakistan already kind of counts, and then we sort of finally decided maybe it’s actually the UK, since Labour just took over." -- James Vance "Someone will inevitably ask me about Reaper Man at an event or when I'm a famous author, and I'll have to talk about the book where snow globe eggs turn into trolleys." i guess you could always put a pan directly on top of your batteries and boil water that way, when you'e hooked them all up together. || what would that be called || a fire engine cycle = how unnecessarily complicated does the fuel move around in the engine "He said that we all looked like we had come from the local asylum and he’d never seen so many eccentric people in one place at the same time." "I was flying to space one time and the rocket carrying my luggage exploded." -- Scott Kelly "It's got a variety of scientific cargo, including stressed-out fungus, musclebound mice, an inflatable room, and cabbage." A French railway worker died after drinking an unknown liquid. The liquid was in a bottle in a suspicious abandoned bag found in the train station of Saint-Étienne. "Next, a bunch of drones come out of the blimp, jump inside some rectangles, jump inside another blimp, and turn into a bigger rectangle. Meanwhile, a small blimp goes inside a big blimp. This is starting to seem like a really great idea." "That composition of 'several simple programs' looks like someone picked up the phone while your modem was connected." "World population must be stabilized and to do that we must eliminate 350,000 people per day. This is so horrible to contemplate that we shouldn't even say it." -- Jacques Cousteau yeah, I would prefer banana-flavoured bananas to actual bananas If you think a singleton is not a global, you're just lying to yourself. Questions don’t have to make sense, but answers do. "...noticed the blue glow from the punctured capsule. Thinking the capsule's contents were valuable or even supernatural, he immediately brought it into his house." "The chain of logic from 'Linux is about choice' to 'ship everything and let the user choose how they want their sound to not work' starts with fallacy and ends with disaster." "Using a screwdriver was not a normal part of the experimental protocol." "It worked, technically, but not well enough for anyone to buy it." "Plans for what? Never mind. I can figure out the gist of it. Victor Cachat lunacy." Most of the time, people who don't know what they are doing also don't know that they don't know what they are doing. Once you start simulating one thing then you suddenly need to simulate other things, which requires still other things, and pretty soon you’re coding some sort of time-devouring boondoggle when all you wanted was to write a few simple rules. "They caught fire. That's what caused the fire damage. It's usually the way fire damage occurs." What really threw me off about Artemis was that everyone in the entire story could have been played in the movie adaptation by Ryan Reynolds, including the heroine. StarCrete, a material made of potato starch, salt and simulated Mars or moon dirt, is twice as strong as conventional concrete, its creators say. Get edified "He woke the next morning, and it was still the same universe; it had not been a nightmare and time had not gone backward. It had all still happened." A slug has a mass of 32.174049 lbm. A pound-force is the amount of force required to accelerate a slug at a rate of 1 ft/s². If your GPS receiver tells you the time is 62:28, you should not rely on its position reading. "Lt. Bletz continued to suspect that Todd was responsible for the crime spree. The theory was that Todd decided to frame himself in order to clear his name." "And y'know I've broken some rules to make this. I think I've broken them with logic and good engineering, but I mean the carbon fibre and titanium, there's a rule that you don't do that- well, I did." -Stockton Rush Stop what you are doing if someone is pulling out his phone to film it. I was going to sleep, but who needs sleep when there's weird sci-fi "He told us the name of Jim's colour, which is fawn. He asked to see Jim's pedigree and said that Jim had good racers in his line and was his own grandpa." Vanguard's launch history: blew up, disintegrated, orbited properly, failed to separate and crashed, missed trajectory and crashed, shut down and crashed, crashed twice (!), orbited properly, second stage fired while still connected to first stage and crashed, blew up and crashed, orbited properly During the 1820s, English geologist William Buckland conducted an experiment to see how long a toad could remain alive while encased in stone. He placed toads of different sizes and ages into carved chambers within limestone and sandstone blocks sealed with glass covers, then buried the blocks in his garden. A year later, he dug up the blocks and found that most of the toads were dead "Is coal hotter than flame? No, considering that everything else is equal, coal has the same potential heat as the beginning of a tree, but due to lack of oxygen and surface area, they produce less heat." "How right you are. Which is why I developed this inhibitor chip to protect my higher brain function. It means I maintain control of these arms, instead of them controlling me." -- Dr. Otto Octavius "What is despair? I have known it -- hear my song. Despair is when you’re debugging a kernel driver and you look at a memory dump and you see that a pointer has a value of 7." -- James Mickens it would be nice if wikipedia listed what things aren't, as well as what things are || I think there's a bias against non-facts "Due to our strong personal convictions, we wish to stress this comic in no way endorses a belief in Michael Jackson." "Singapore Airlines even added a special compartment to the aircraft to store a corpse if a passenger were to die during the flight, though it was reported that its use had not been necessary." I got a green laser from China. It claims <5mW, but it's clearly more than that. Visible beam in dark room and you can melt dark coloured objects with it I identify as a billionaire so if I go to buy a lambo and the card declines that's a hatecrime rite < orbbfrgg> Gonna piss on my hands one day just for the funzies "The lawyers at AT&T, which owned Bell Labs, were aghast that thousands of students were learning all about their product. This had to stop." "Cheese in sight! Claw deployed! We are home-going ALL the cheese!" <@jan64> maybe all the grabby pervs weren't bad for the quality of what was being released Government minister Heather Wheeler has apologised after describing Birmingham and Blackpool as "godawful" places. Just because it doesn't work the way you expected doesn't mean it's useless. Not only are bananas not being injected with HIV, it wouldn't survive more than a few seconds outside a body. So, really, just be wary of people sprinting up to you with a banana and demanding you eat it fast. this just in, blind people are clinically insane Hangar locked. Space doors to zero. < beloved_lover> And using cleaners without microscope is same as wiping your ass eyes closed, sticking a finger in your a-hole and tasting if it's clean or not. Do you believe that shape-shifting reptilian people control our world by taking on human form and gaining political power to manipulate our society, or not? Abbey Road station is always able to cheer up a Londoner when passing through. You'll not find another station on the network with a higher concentration of confused looking tourists. "It would be a tragedy if the working relationship you and I have developed should come to a catastrophic end due to the sudden, unanticipated demise of one half of that relationship." I am somewhat surprised stethoscopes are still used "A parrot once had sex with me." -- Richard M. Stallman NFTs. Did you know that you only use 1% of your keyboard, since you're almost never pressing more than one key at once? Some experts can use 5 to 10% of their keyboards in the form of 'shortcuts' and 'hotkeys', but imagine how productive we would be if we could use 100%! "If we get REALLY drunk, we become immune!" "The answer was apparently so interesting, or took so long, that literally half the people changed shirt colors." "The harassment extended to Comer sending "a virtually inedible, odiferous pizza" to the target's address, a "pizza-shaped threat" that caused the manager and their family to "legitimately fear... for their safety"" "I want to open a travel agency that sells tickets to places that only exist in dreams. Try to find THAT cheaper online." "One hears stories about these air-ships suddenly going off bang for no reason." "Ahh, but taking away an apex predator is very detrimental to the environment. If the creepers were to go extinct, Minecraft would be overrun by Steves, clear cutting forests and making very big elaborate houses." It's no good wishing for something if you don't try to make it real. "Ooh! Belgian Chocolate Mimmoths!" If you're not prepared to thaw and cut up dead animals every night of your life for 10 years or more, you aren't up for having an owl. The notion that certain mountains may in fact be the remnants of ancient tree stumps that have undergone the process of petrification warrants considerable exploration. The Jugurtha Tableland in Tunisia, which rises nearly 2,000 feet (600 meters) above the surrounding plains, presents an intriguing case. Some people live more in twenty years than others do in eighty. It’s not the time that matters, it’s the person. "Did anyone die in this tank?" "I don't know, there were legs and arms and lots of blood." "I eat a donut every morning. Still alive." -- Elon Musk SLS is incredibly stupid and should be cancelled immediately, if not retroactively when a time machine becomes available "That's pretty cool, but it won't give us enough force to actually behead stuff." According to Embraer, the main assurance against swapping the [aileron] cables was the fact that no procedure ever called for them to be removed at the same time, ensuring that there was only ever one way to put a removed cable back in. But Embraer’s own service bulletin SB-190–57–0038R2 could not be accomplished without removing both cables simultaneously. most animals are smart enough not to eat things that will hurt them. usually. unless they are golden retrivers or orange cats or college kids or two year olds i'm semi-waiting for mossad to start knocking off people in the hague now All the doom and the gloom and the guilt and woe. All the stuff that doesn’t really exist. That’s what brings you down. "The aim is to see if its journey up to 100,000ft (30km) changes the molecular structure of the pie making it quicker to eat." "Aimee Mann’s cover of this is a million times better, for the obvious reason that she’s not Coldplay." it had a dead-man's pedal, but he deliberately wedged it for reasons undetermined || and then mysteriously fell out of the train "Well, Linux uses its vendor-specific [Unicode] codepage for Klingon. Which says it all, really." ALL information is infinitely compressible, just not in a lossless manner. "I'm considering a ?wakeup command for IRC, but it'd need the agreement of 3 or 4 people before it triggers an airhorn or such" "Once uncle Kolya caught a pigeon, and we fried it and ate it. And then we all vomited." The hardest math theorems to prove are the wrong ones. "I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer." Maxim 42: "They'll never expect this" means "I want to try something stupid." William Jennens died in 1798, with £2 million but no valid will. The resulting court case was abandoned in 1915 after his entire estate had been spent on legal fees. "When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained." Documenting an interface as unstable is insufficient if in practice it's largely stable. If it really has to be unstable, make sure it changes frequently. Speaking to the BBC from his bath of gravy, Yorkshireman said: "You've got to have the right connections but when you're Yorkshireman, there's not a lot people won't do for you in the gravy department." An appointment is an engagement to see someone, while a morningstar is a large lump of metal used for viciously crushing skulls. It is important not to confuse the two. "Using complex and secret science techniques, driven by a secret energy source driving a matter orientation system machine." Now think of a prawn as merely an assemblage of information! "If there is any kind of supreme being, I told myself, it is up to all of us to become his moral superior." "This approach works better if we denature after the co-precipitation. When we denature before precipitating, we can pull down some landing gear with the landing gear antibody, but don’t reliably co-precipitate the wings, let alone any of the passengers." The Child Pilot Safety Act prohibits anyone who does not hold at least a private pilot certificate and a current medical certificate from manipulating the controls of an aircraft, if that individual "is attempting to set a record or engage in an aeronautical competition or aeronautical feat." "Sifting through the data was a nightmare, because give people a blank text box and some of them will decide to tell you their life story in it." I didn't quite expect 'pinecone supplies interrupted by war' to be a factor at the time "Webb’s tremendous size and sensitivity make it a highly sensitive detector of micrometeorites; over time Webb will help improve knowledge of the solar system dust particle environment at L2." -- NASA A man in Heerenveen had himself delivered to his ex's house, inside a cardboard box. ‘I didn't know how else to get inside to collect my things,’ the 33-year-old man responded, when questioned by the police judge. "I've tried to reproduce with this cat but didn't have luck" || "Dude, phrasing." "as a C programer, the programs i write are increasingly less and less relevant, full of dangerous and outdated ideas, and need to be kept carefully isolated for everyone's safety. that's why this month i'm partnering with the entire united kingdom" "They don't mix, do they? Guitars, and pints." "After two or three violent explosions, you or I might be tempted to just say that we couldn’t determine the products of the reaction. But they were made of sterner stuff." I initially thought the naval gun was just some particularly ingenious mobik with a welder but after seeing a whole bunch of them in a yard and on a train I think that is actual doctrine You might be right, you might be wrong, but you do have to choose. "The £££s not spent by A1AA1A bashers likely to be spent instead by 1CoCo1 bashers. TM 73-68 bashers are win win." "Did I do anything last night that suggested I was SANE?" "It was also smoking, so the lovely shot of a yellow nose-car howling down the interstate with an idiot’s head hanging out the window was marred only by the fact that it appeared to be on fire." It's easier to keep customers happy than to actually resolve their problems in a way that make sense. "I thought the opposite, that OP is a serial killer and really really wants to brag about it but can't, so is hoping someone writes about their crimes on here." " Although there are some bad things in the world, remember that there are many good things too " --Elon Musk 2023 Mountains get big 'cause they have no natural predators. Looking like a slob is highly impractical. It is always possible to aglutenate multiple separate problems into a single complex interdependent solution. In most cases this is a bad idea. "One mistake, and this thing could easily turn a bystander into two neatly separated portions of bystander in the blink of an eye." The voices whispering to you as a result of sleep deprivation do not count. "We were in the position of someone who could not afford a car, but had enough for the speedometer and the rear-view mirror." "If the result [of competition] is a different way being united around a small number of programs, where states put their efforts together to compete against the real competitors [...], that is OK." -- Guillaume Faury, Airbus chief executive `extern const volatile _Atomic unsigned long long int * restrict foo[];` Breathe your grandfather's gas and be thankful || Yeah A frogge biþ a smal beaste wiþ foure leggys, whyche liueþ booþ in watyre and on londe. It is broune or grene or yelowe, or be it tropyckal, he may haue dyuers coloures. It haþ longys and guilles booþe. It haccheþ from an ey and it þan ys a tadpolle. It groweþ to ben a frogge, if it þan ne be noght eten. Comet Swift–Tuttle is by far the largest NEO (Apollo or Aten asteroid, or short-period comet) to cross Earth's orbit and make repeated close approaches to Earth. With a relative velocity of 60 km/s, an Earth impact would have an estimated energy of ~27 times that of the Cretaceous–Paleogene impactor. The comet has been described as "the single most dangerous object known to humanity". Toyota Mirai Turned Into Hydrogen Bomb By Ukrainian Forces Explodes With The Force Of 400 Pounds Of TNT "I told Francis, not to shock you, but we lobbed the dog out - we got fed up of him and lobbed him out the window." "Development of the N-69 Snark dragged on with many failures which caused wags to jest of the “Snark Infested Waters” off Cape Canaveral Space Force Station." Your body isn't a donut, it's a bodysuit for a spider. "Needless to say, if that difference of opinion is expressed with fists, we have another fist-fight on our, er, fists." "DCI engineers are more interested in something I might call the 'personnel Roche limit' where tidal forces exceed the tensile strength of a typical crew member at the maximum dimension of a typical crew member." "1 in 9 American kids have ADHD; at what point do we stop calling something a disorder and call it NORMAL?" "Not to worry, these are my CEREMONIAL teeth!" "Similarly, telling people to get into ringing because you can crush furry animals is the wrong way to go about it." Yeah, it's the p and n type junction I am most worried about, I have no idea how to google "what happens to the p-n junction at 2000 degrees F." For SCIENCE! "...JWST's on-board memory is an L2 cache" - raptop "NASA is proposing to build a space station in lunar orbit. This proposal is notable for requiring a large budget to create an object with no utility whatsoever." -- Robert Zubrin "You’d think after almost killing myself twice, I’d be able to stop screwing around with hydrazine." "I have a theory that this kind of person is just an asshole, and the alcohol just removes the thin layer of civility that stops them from doing this every day." People don't alter history any more than birds alter the sky, they just make brief patterns in it. "Over the years, the sport has developed and the lawnmowers are built for speed and constructed to the specifications of the British Lawn Mower Racing Association." "I love having male besties because they pay for everything without violating your boundaries" It is somewhat of a sorry state of campus-politics affairs when somebody with the prefix “Mad Cap’n” to their name enters a presidential race and the public response is "finally, a candidate we can identify with." "Her paddlewheels and sponsons were removed, and her steam engine replaced with four Rolls-Royce Derwent V engines mounted above and outboard of the hull." "Looks like an overloaded junction router. Do you have any butter?" "The car is now officially the longest car in the world. At the right (rear) can be seen the helipad, the swimming pool, and the miniature golf course." "You can be as eccentric, or arrogant, or just bloody rude, as you like and it'll be passed off as normal student behaviour. It IS normal student behaviour, after all." "The fact that I spend most of my time so stupidly only makes it MORE important not to waste any." "Ah, look, so cute, its got its mother's lidar and its father's spinning blades of death." People may not want to tell you something, but they sure as hell would love to correct you. Intelligent. Scruffy. Intense. Abstracted. Surprisingly for a sedentary profession, more hackers run to skinny than fat; both extremes are more common than elsewhere. Tans are rare. "He had always been considered eccentric; he had heard the story of the hundred transgenic lab rats taking over his brain. A strange moment, that." Picture more fields, a great horizon-spanning network of fields, rolling in gentle waves... Someone had to lip sync a goose. Beak sync, actually. They don't have lips. "Your electricity is so noisy here." it is fucking always time to build big phat interceptors "And because—thanks in no small part to our own policy of shooting losing admirals—their senior officers go right on accruing experience while ours keep suffering from a severe case of being dead." "Warning: Do not, under any circumstances, attempt test firing in-atmosphere. Resulted in loss of atmosphere, planetary crust, and the entire star system, contents of waste sacs." Today on reddit: people arguing over whales as units of measurement. We don't know much about Mazet, but he was a captain in the Navy, and his solution was...boats. Floating in the air, above the streets, gliding gracefully from one lamppost to the next. What you are refering to as cancer is in fact lymphoma/cancer, or as I've recently taken to calling it, lymphoma+cancer < thomastheo> that t-72 apparently costs about 30 euro per kg. Thats around the price of rib-eye steak. not bad all things considered. "The subtle and refined 'hurl my body at the wall' technique had some flaws. It worked only one out of every ten tries, and it hurt a lot." "The first officer repeatedly moved the rudder from fully left to fully right. This caused increasing sideslip angles. The resulting hazardous sideslip angle led to extremely high aerodynamic loads that separated the vertical stabilizer. If the first officer had stopped moving the rudder at any time before the vertical stabilizer failed, the aircraft would have leveled out on its own, and the accident would have been avoided." "Girls in the UK look so... British. I don't know how to explain it." There’s a time and a place, you know? Maybe the best way to build a bright new world is to peel some spuds in this one. "Unfortunately, the American commander didn't realize that 'a bit sticky' was stiff-upper-lip for 'catastrophic.'" the reheatable ones are just gunge coated in soggy pastry "Fortunately, there are solutions. Crystal meth, for example, has shown to be very effective. How important is tooth-retention to you?" "It's faster than any rollercoaster launch, except for one in Japan that's currently closed because it kept shattering people's bones." "Not to oversimplify: First you have to flatten the rock and put lightning inside it." we'll soon all have to buy NFT lunchcoins from him, to spend on lunchbot queries The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised. Rational decisions are far more easily made than carried out. Do we should cut people's arms off because they have a feely, gotcha | been there, done that "And he's just getting warmed up, if that's the right phrase to use for something that detonates things at -180C." "The launch team was unable to come up with quick and viable options to rectify the situation. Flight director Chris Kraft rejected several unsafe interventions, including using a rifle to shoot holes in the booster's propellant tanks." Death isn't a punchline, but it is the perfect setup. Death renders everything around it absurd. Oh, good. It's from back before Paul Graham went nuts "At 2110:30, the pilot gave the order to ‘'stop engines', and soon afterwards he asked 'what the hell is the GM of this vessel?'" Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. The British conquered the world in search of spices and then decided to use none of them. "My son has lived through four chancellors, three home secretaries, two prime ministers and two monarchs. He's four months old." The mountain chicken frog (Leptodactylus fallax) was once one of Dominica's apex predators and considered an unofficial national dish. "Why couldn't they just use fluorine? It takes the guesswork out of whether or not it will react with something." Settings should be decisions, not arbitrary checkboxes. Portability is for people who cannot write new programs. The Internet is smaller than an oil tanker. "This is hilarious. Amazon sent us a 13-page PDF to prove Elon Musk is as litigious as Jeff Bezos." -- Eric Berger <@thomastheo> nah, FLHerne will go out in a masterful blaze of glory at the ripe old age of 108, defending britain against the invading hordes of cyber while dual wielding a boat hook and some kind of plasma rifle "The hypothesis was based on assumptions, other hypotheses and several episodes of Star Trek. It was worthless." I haven't received any RF burns, although I did essentially microwave myself at a lowish power setting "I don't know how anyone finds anything on Amazon. It's like the clearance bin at Walmart, but if Walmart put literally the whole store inside of a randomly shuffled clearance bin." Funny isn't the opposite of serious, it's the opposite of not-funny. maybe they plan to extrude people through the tunnel like in a sausage maker The success of any paint job depends on the surface preparation much more than the paint itself. It is always possible to aglutenate multiple separate problems into a single complex interdependent solution. In most cases this is a bad idea. electrokitty: u see the Humane AI Pin? its a square thingy u wear on ur shirt like a pin that has a projector on it and u control it with voice and hand gestures in order to make every mundane smartphone task infinitely more difficult "The guidance, which was reportedly published between 2008 and 2011, required investigators to give sub-postmasters under suspicion a number, according to their racial background. The numbered categories on the document include 'Chinese/Japanese types', 'Dark Skinned European Types' and 'Negroid Types'" "The only time we had a problem was on a troubleshooting call a couple of months ago - one of the engineers mentioned that he thought a particular line of investigation was a red herring, and then we had to explain to some people unfamiliar with the term that no this was not the code name for a new chip they had never heard of." If in distress, try to get your coracle into the upside down position and then use the coracle as a drum, banging on it to raise attention. "Men were much more likely to identify fictional characters who are men, such as Mark Zuckerberg" -- Stack Overflow developer survey The hard shoulder of the M25 is probably not the best place to start preparing your dinner. "A plan to force a strict dress code on Australian civil servants has the workers fighting for the right to bare arms." "The leak significantly worsened over the next two years, and a previously unreported document reveals that 2.3-2.5 cubic metres of radioactive 'liquor' has been leaking from the facility every day. This liquid is a soup of radioactive magnesium alloy filings dissolved into water, from waste cladding that encased spent Magnox nuclear fuel." Next time you find yourself doing some obscure task you never planned to do, check to see if you are genuinely yak shaving with a firm goal in mind, or have you somehow lost the plot? "There’s still some roof left. We’re open as usual. More open than usual." "Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium." [22:42] electrokitty: Why does that frog have... foreskin "He wrote, in a peer performance review, that I was too concerned about making people happy and that, while he had never seen me offend anyone, he had never seen me inspire anyone either." Until the AA587 crash most transport pilots were unaware that rapid rudder reversals could cause the tail to rip off the aircraft. The U-2 is arguably a heavily modified F-104. "Wha...I...Ju...You people are INSANE!" "Unfortunately, the consequences of this accident, albeit that Kaami was declared a constructive total loss, are not sufficient" -- Marine Accident Investigation Branch Cocaine in the River Thames is 'another problem eels don't need', says expert Native to the coast of South Africa, Black Rain Frogs are known for their perpetual grimace. Aluminum is cheese with delusions of grandeur; it's a plastic with semi-metallic properties! Canada has shared a land border with Denmark since 2022. America largely invented the modern world, but then it never took the next steps because it didn’t need to. So a lot of things are stuck in a "version 1.x" endlessly patched over. "Stop trying to set me on fire with your mind!" "My experience in Amsterdam is that cyclists ride where the hell they like and aim in a state of rage at all pedestrians while ringing their bell loudly, the concept of avoiding people being foreign to them." -- Terry Pratchett "This is a lot better than last year's, because it's not balancing on chairs." Evil Overlord List #61: "If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them." Have you ever seen someone use a parachute? Do they continue to accelerate until they hit the ground at light speed? If not, why not? I don't know why this amuses me so much but this is the first time I've ever seen an italic emoji Hahah My client makes emojis italic It's always so much clearer when it's somebody else's problem. "It might occur to you, as it did to me, that we may have accidentally broken into the Chrysalis equivalent of the Utah Data Center because we needed to borrow their legitimate business front." "The PIC determined from the display on the system screen in the cockpit that battery 1 was still outputting 56 amps, although all the electrical consumers had already been switched off. This did not comply with his expectations." The Orion capsule's interior volume is approximately 80,619 times larger than a typical can of Atlantic sardines. “One cloud is enough to eclipse all the sun” - Thomas Fuller Anyway, consensus seems to be the Russians are just burning piles of tyres under the cooling tower for *reasons* Chotenarin Kerdsom, permanent secretary, said the 2,008 traffic accidents from April 11-16 claimed 236 lives and injured 2,005 other people. The number of injured was up 18% and accidents rose by 16% over the same period of last year's Thai New Year celebration. However, the death toll dropped by 4.45%. "It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish." "Everyone assumed the gutter was for rain; apparently it was for cars." its obviously a statement of zero logic so you can't apply anything to it at all Ludwig Boltzmann, who spent much of his life studying statistical mechanics, died in 1906, by his own hand. Paul Ehrenfest, carrying on the work, died similarly in 1933. Now it is our turn to study statistical mechanics. "They are really going to build a heavy lift launch vehicle sort of like SLS that they will be able to fly for a much cheaper price than NASA can do SLS. That’s just the way it works." -- Charlie Bolden, 2020 "A country that has a chicken on its state emblem can never defeat the one which has a fork." -- Vitaly Kim, Governor of Mykolayiv "I was holding a board meeting in Texas. I said, you can see the rocket go up and land. That's the one time it blows up." -- Elon Musk "Falling from orbit protected by nothing more than a spacesuit and a bag of foam was unlikely to ever become a particularly safe—or enticing—maneuver. [citation needed]" <@thomastheo> there is a reason why the horn of abundance is called a cornucopia || < Gliptic> horn of plenty || < Gliptic> sorry, *corn of plenty Design in layers, implement flat. Often the line of "not enough information" lies higher up the amount-of-information ladder than the line of "too much information". It is of course dangerous to set off an explosive device on a spacecraft. "The RTG is a big box of plutonium. But not the kind used in nuclear bombs. No, no. This plutonium is WAY more dangerous!" poor OVH, you burn down one datacenter due to gross negligence and they never let you forget it If there was ever an Oscar for the most historically inaccurate movie, Braveheart would get it. The life expectancy of any non-perishable entity is proportional to its lifetime to date. "The force was called by a concerned member of the public who reported they had found what appeared to be a human skeleton in a bush in their garden ... an officer attended the home, where it was found that the skeleton was in fact a plastic toy pirate skeleton". "It was less successful in that I accidentally introduced my arch-nemesis to the girl of my dreams, and now he's taking her out on dates." "You want to get from point A to point B. You see people running a three-legged race from A to B, via an icy road, wearing one roller blade and one ice skate, while pair-juggling three chainsaws with exposed wires and no blade guards, powered by hypergolic rocket fuel and plutonium." In 1976, the bows of Royal Navy frigates HMS Jaguar and HMS Lincoln were modified to improve their ramming capabilities. "Sirocco's preference for head-mating and resistance to massage techniques has made it difficult to collect his semen. Scientists who work with him designed an "ejaculation helmet" for volunteers to wear while he attempted to mate with their heads. The dimpled, rubber headgear was ineffective due to the duration of the kākāpō's mating period and was later donated to the Te Papa museum it's a comforting 'everything is dead' smell If two features exist, someday, someone will find a reason to use them together. The Kremlin defended the practice earlier this week, saying "it isn't against the law". "Douglas had science fiction tied up, Terry had fantasy, but nobody was writing funny horror." -- Neil Gaiman raptop: I see we've once again discovered that you can set your phone to unlock with your dick Part of the first U.S. flag flown in battle was made from Captain Abraham Swartwout's blue cloth coat. He kept the IOU from Congress. To a lot of road users, anyone going slower than them is an idiot and anyone going faster is a maniac. “Yes, I’ll just step inside this police box and arrest myself.” "This is the sort of thing that looks so bad it belongs in an art gallery." "No damn sense, but weirdly soothing to know that IF my stupid beverage magically blew up the rocket, it won't blow up the next one." SilverFox: even before death, taking someone's skin and eating it is against the law No Wikipedia editor may climb the Reichstag building dressed as Spider-Man in order to gain advantage in a content dispute. You raise your baton. The glass kettle drums pound out the the overture. Your vision clouds with blood. You wipe it away and continue. The xylophonist's hair bursts into a violet flame, but he continues playing. He's either a consummate professional or very drunk indeed... Ms Carberry said that police officers found Gustavson's penis "in a drawer in his home four years after it had been amputated". "'Rob,' My Red Button is bigger, better, stronger, and is working (TRUTH!), yours does not! (per my conversation with Kim Jung Un, of North Korea, soon to become my friend!)," Mr Trump wrote I'll tell you how to recognize the real experts: They aren't the people lauding their own glory. They are the ones sitting in the corner helping others. I like not having to drive my house It's kinda weird that as a vegetarian you cannot eat dogshit " no other game has a mandatory soap economy" "When I say that deciding to not kill myself was the worst part, I should clarify that I don't mean it in a retrospective sense. From where I am now, it seems like a solid enough decision." Freedom without limits is just a word. "Ok team, let's try not to smash the engines again, alright?" "Is there, like, a manual to tell when you're being serious?" "Why would I cycle to McDonald's in the rain at night when I have eggs?" "What is the cost of a train ticket from Sydney to Brisbane?" -> "The answer is about 28.8 quadrillion kilometer US dollars squared." "Have you considered that maybe, just maybe, the killer committed the crime and made it look like a shark attack because the killer was hungry, and happened to be a SHARK?" On 4th December 1951 a bus ran over 42 children, killing 24. The driver was fined £20 and banned from driving for three years for not using the headlights. In an unfortunate turn of events, our only research boat was found scuppered by otters today. Don't worry, I got a black belt in philosophy so I know what existentialism is 'Getting quotes' doesn't really work where boats are concerned. You have to find someone you think can do the work, then set about persuading them you are a suitable customer. This can take a while. Look, I can't help who I am. And who I am is a puerile stupid manchild who moonlights as a frog 🐸 I have on several occasions tried to cook things in my oven on 💡 mode Americans think 100 years is old, and Europeans think 100 miles is far. Oh nice, there's also an egg slicer but for brains The two most important days of a man’s life are the day on which he was born and the day on which he discovers why. When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. "The idea is simple. Use an airship to float on the top of the airmosphere, then the craft slowly accelerates using electric/chemical hybrid rocket engines over days until it reaches orbital velocity." Higgs Bugson: A hypothetical bug predicted to exist based on a small number of possibly related event log entries and vague anecdotal reports from users. "Yeah! And no-one's a mindless ravening monster or ANYTHING!" "We are all interested in the future, For that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives!" "Could you watch my wolves, I can pay you in weed." If you weld a handle to something, it's portable. fighter jets and such look sexy cause of 𝓬𝓾𝓻𝓿𝓮𝓼 legos/bricks suck ass at those "Doing so seemed to make the thing angry. That is reason enough, I think." "Are those numbers capital or lower case?" "Apple's £217 billion cash hoard could put a pretty large dent in Greece's debt, but the tech giant is not in the market for a country, said CEO Tim Cook." -- BBC News I've never had any adverse effects other than really clean fingertips Cheap hair curlers do not STAY warm if covered in bacon. "You would be less than pleased, despite my protestations that negative scientific results are useful and I had just proven that Spanish-illiterate dingoes cannot extinguish fires using mind power." "The world's fastest accelerating car. One of the selling points on Tesla's website is that you can put a bicycle in the back without taking off the wheel." Iraqi sabot rounds "Went through the front Armour of the Chieftain and came out the backside". This as well as the Chieftain's poor off-road capability influenced the Iraqis to reject British arms sale propositions. [...] when the British telephoned the Iraqi director of Armor, Salah Askar, he responded with "We don't want your stupid tanks!" Try to be pleasant and talk about things that are interesting. People like things that are pleasant and interesting. "The Truth does not require verification through reliable sources. That sort of thing may be necessary for mere 'facts', but we're talking about The Truth here, people!" I've decided to become an anarchist || but only for state govts. federal govt is based If your failure mode is "explode and start a fire", you're doing it wrong. Serving a hot chicken, avocado and brie sandwich with crisps might just make Mail Editor Ted Verity's head explode. "The hostages decided amongst themselves that the two to be released would be Hiyech Kanji and Ali-Guil Ghanzafar; the former as she was pregnant and the latter for no other reason than his loud snoring, which kept the other hostages awake at night and irritated the terrorists." If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside. whenever somebody responds with "I beg your pardon?" assert your dominance by announcing "Then Beg." mucus machine go pblpbppbl "And on Easter Sunday Jesus did rise, decreeing that the big Tesco must close in his honour but the Express store can stay open for essentials." "Florida surgeon sued after mistakenly removing patient’s liver" "He prided himself on an incredibly well-honed ability to talk his way in or out of anything, but that rather depended on a passably sane entity being involved at the other end of the dialogue." The breadussy "The country is threatening reciprocity in the form of requiring the airline to operate to a different airport in Ghana. The only issue is that ACC is currently the only major international airport in the country." "Yup!!! Only thing better than that is a carpeted shower." "I think she thought the camera was my mouth, which is every photographer's dream. This went on for four days." "I’m sure he wouldn’t keep on eating them if they were addictive." "Blue Origin alleges that the alternative proposal it would have submitted would have both received higher ratings than SpaceX's proposal and been within NASA's budget." "Oh, the '50s. The previous article is about fuel-injected cars, and the following one is about irradiating donkeys for the hell of it^W^W^W^W^W to see what happens." HyperCard was created by Bill Atkinson following an LSD trip. Air for the crew was provided by a bleed air system on the engine compressors. This air was hot and had to be cooled before being pumped into the cockpit. This cooling was provided by a large total-loss evaporator running on a mixture of 40% ethanol and 60% distilled water (effectively vodka). "Plus, you’ve managed—in our short three years together—to kill not only my god, but my father, my brother, and my fiancée. That’s kind of like a homicidal hat trick." "When my parents came home there was no explaining why our cat was blue." "The battery in my battery tester is dying. That's either irony or nickely--I forget how these things work." [A calculator] is like ChatGPT for numbers, except that for some reason it gives correct answers. "If a country gentleman has rows of trees leading to his dwelling, the auto-icons of his family might alternate with the trees; copal varnish would protect the face from the effects of rain." -- Jeremy Bentham If you don't want someone to have your e-mail address, don't publish your e-mail address. It turns out you can't take responsibility for someone else's happiness. He said another passenger remarked that when other countries had technical problems, it involved the air conditioning breaking down. "In Austria, the technical problem is Hitler." "Keeping the reaction mixture for about 15 min at -64 °C resulted in a violent explosion that destroyed the sample container and the surrounding stainless-steel Dewar flask." Now the great thing about having a machine shop is that you can take any problem at all and overcomplicate it. "If (A is a cheese sandwich) and (B has more than 20% protein), add 4% to C's protein content." "For reasons that are unclear, my dog wears a gas mask and shouts Tarzan-like phrases." "I ought to call myself an agnostic; but, for all practical purposes, I am an atheist. I do not think the existence of the Christian God any more probable than the existence of the Gods of Olympus or Valhalla." -- Bertrand Russell A mandolin player spends half the time tuning, and the other half playing out of tune. "Indeed; we have officially declared that Steven is in fact the source of any and all problems with anything ever, including typos. And that him having this job is his fault." "What we need...is a Plan." "Cosmetic stuff. I had a scar removed and my head re-attached." < raptop> Imagine if transhumanism let you use your dick to 3D-print things If it's not on fire, it's a software problem. "It's engineering. What does it look like?" "Body armour? With a ...snake?" "Yep. If in space without a spacesuit, one would vaporize because there is no pressure." Maybe my brain has been eaten by a sentient distributed consciousness in the form of a bunch of bees who have made my skull into their new home sasamj: the hell do gay people listen to "The Court is not persuaded that an award of statutory damages in excess of seven billion dollars is proportionate." A public crematorium operated by Sandwell Metropolitan Borough Council at Rowley Regis, central England, was the first to receive planning permission to offer the process but in March 2017, the local water utility, Severn Trent Water, refused the council's application for a "trade effluent permit" because there was no water industry standard regulating the disposal of liquefied human "For aircraft, the relative size of miles is a user-configurable setting." "It could sew faster than a foot per second. And it would do that through anything you could fit under the presser foot, including your thumb." The fastest swimmer wearing flippers will still lose to a runner, even if the runner is also wearing flippers and jumping over hurdles. "60-year-olds tend to not be interested in a work/life ratio of infinity, so Silly Valley firms don't hire them." The annoying thing about rockets is that pretty much everything is critical to success. "This sounds really hard to implement. What if there's a buggy compositor that puts my popup window on Mars?" -- Daniel Stone "The lawsuit notes that the Google Code of Conduct 'that each full-time Google employee is required to sign as a condition of employment' specifically instructs them not to be evil." "As a polyatheist he believes MANY gods don't exist instead of just the one true Nonexistent God." "It collects data about the surrounding environment, then discards it and drives into walls." Remember to clean the whale filter every few days. It's a bit discouraging to sit down to play chess and be told there are no pawns in checkers. "You're going to make your GOD into SOUP!" Bananas are berries. Strawberries are not berries. "I am supposed to present the news without commentary. That seems a bit foolish to me, since I do not know anyone who does not have an opinion on almost everything, including myself." "In this manner I was able to transmit to a distance, not only feeble effects for the purposes of signaling, but considerable amounts of energy, and later discoveries I made convinced me that I shall ultimately succeed in conveying power without wires, for industrial purposes, with high economy, and to any distance, however great." -- Nikola Tesla Have a rare, incurable disease? Go out and infect as many people as possible; more sick people means more demand for a cure. "Whether he's a crackpot or a dabbling amateur I don't think 'james anderson is a mathematics crackpot' as the first sentence either helps debunk him or makes for a very good Wikipedia article." :99,99 yet _again_ I now have to get the bloodstains out of my favourite shirt "Ok. If this thing flies, the effect on future aerospace discussions in general and this forum in particular will be catastrophic. No theory will be too wild, no conjecture too crazy, because it will always be 'remember that time in Boca Chica?'. The voice of adult authority will be forever silenced, morality itself will have become a thing of the past, made obsolete by 100 tons of fence-grade metal construction." i'd classify that as complete fantasy || it's like a joint publication by the dunning kruger society and the National Wishful Thinking Brigade "I asked some friends of mine if they thought I was a hipster, as I was into homebrewing beer, foreign folk songs, swing dance, and retro fashion. 'No,' was the immediate answer, 'you enjoy everything too *earnestly* to be a hipster.'" "They come up quiet beside you and they whisper all the bad things you ever did when you was alive, so you can’t forget ’em." "At the moment this is the only engine known to the Museum which actually uses an explosive as its fuel." "Can't remember if I've actually had fruitcake before. Is it really as bad as people say?" Pain is there for a reason. It is to warn you of damage. Not feeling it doesn't mean it's not there. "Considering how your night's been going, I wanted to make sure you didn't get mauled by a dinosaur or something on the way here." "Question. If people are riding missiles from city to city, how do we know if that incoming missile is a bomb or a person? We would be making missile defense extremely complicated." I just realized but am I the resident crack pot these days? EVE Online is actually a Cold War submarine game, but all the commanders are on drugs, and they imagine they are in space. "I raise my mug of tea to you!" "WHY ARE YOUR HANDS ON BITS OF STRING, CHILD?" "My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them." "A Song of Ice and Fire needs all those characters or George R.R. Martin would have run out of people after a couple of books." Spending a year wandering around without shoes will earn you a reputation for being weird. "I would assume this was taken around the 4th of July or Memorial Day, both holidays known for their inclusion of...turtles. Erm. Yeah." thnakfully asbestos has not evolved to the point where it procreates yet If you buy a cheap tool, it will either die almost immediately or be an unkillable monster. "Optimism, pessimism, fuck that; we're going to make it happen." "Op-ed | The Space Launch System is America’s Space Program" although the boat's only sunk twice, or possibly three times "America's a nation that can be defined in a single word: Awdsmafoothimaaafootafootwhscuseme." -- President Biden I kinda forget frogs have bones Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere. "They must have some kinda exotic high-tech camera designed especially to make everybody look as bad as possible." you don't wanna touch *that* | and not just because the metal is hot from all the melting Error: Operation completed successfully. < beloved_lover> Shit, I am going to shit my pants "If a girl is awkward and socially inept that makes me feel more comfortable about being awkward and socially inept. Of course then we never talk to each other." Mopping up large quantities of blood is frustrating because you kinda just end up moving it around a lot and have to go over it multiple times "we've lost 54 engines." "that's ok, continue." If the name of your constant includes its value, you're probably doing it wrong. "Yes, you're very smart. Shut up." FLHerne: ;0 ;0 ;0 ;0 ;0 ;0 ;0 ;0 ;0 "Why do they call it oven when you of in the cold of out hot eat the food?" -- Jon Arbuckle Anthony Bourdain declared that the unwashed warthog rectum he ate in Namibia was the worst meal of his life, along with the fermented shark he ate in Iceland. Both horror and comedy, when well done, rely on the audience's imagination. Sometimes by leaving things open to interpretation, the audiences can imagine things that are funnier or scarier than what the author can describe. can't believe i wasted my whole day on an incontinent rocket with performance issues ;_; "Like, if you sit there and think about it, it makes no sense. Whales?" "I like to stick my hand out of the window while driving, but this is why I never take the car up to 4,000 mph. Turning the air to plasma just ruins the cool relaxing feeling on my hand." On 26 November 2003, transport became significantly slower for the first time in history. "What I really want to see is for SpaceX to build an Aztec temple and launch from the top, with the exhaust emerging from vents at the base of the tower through the mouths of meso-american deities." "Ridcully, never being a man to wonder what any kind of switch did when it was so much easier and quicker to find out by pulling it, did so." "Surely there can’t be anything wrong with a cheap Saab loaded with state of the art technology from 2003, right?" Russia's Ministry of Foreign Affairs tweeted: "It is of particular worry that all the bodies of the people whose images have been published by the Kiev regime are not stiffened after at least four days." < thomastheo> 'lost favor' because it made you ooze uncontrollably from the bum One boat wrapped around a bridge is an accident, two is just foolishness. "We aren't in charge of beating dead horses, we're in charge of beating cubist paintings: the problem is impossible and our solution has nothing to do with it." "The phrases 'enormous disparity', 'effectively impossible', 'extremely unlikely', and 'not feasible in any meaningful, practical sense' all make appearances." Some days you just have to eat en entire tube of Pringles in one go The term "Bible cyst" (or "Bible bump") as reference to what we now know as a ganglion cystis is derived from an urban legend or historical effort to hit the cyst with a Bible, as this was historically the largest or only book in any given household, and was thus employed for this treatment. Trying to treat the lesion by hitting it with a book, though, is discouraged. "We found the people who didn’t have ID were elderly and they by and large voted Conservative, so we made it hard for our own voters and we upset a system that worked perfectly well." -- Jacob Rees-Mogg "Blackpool Tramway hits 5 million passengers. You would have thought that after 4 million the drivers would have been told that they were not supposed to hit the passengers." Million-to-one odds happen eight times a day in New York. "There's also the image problem arising from the fact that you ate four people." Are you having a bad day, or did you have a bad five minutes and are letting it ruin your whole day? PHP isn't so much a language as a random collection of arbitrary stuff, a virtual explosion at the keyword and function factory. "There’s three rockets. You glue them together. How hard is that? Well, according to my team, it’s really hard." -- Gwynne Shotwell "In a world where we all move in curves he proceeds in a straight line. And going straight in a world of curves makes things happen." "Let's see if I can convey the fascinating awfulness of this earnest, well-intentioned, and very, very bad novel." Go get some sleep. The data will all be there tomorrow. A typical shoggoth measures 15 feet across when a sphere, though others exist of much greater size. "Find the corner of the bounding box that is invisible. That needs to be the coordinates for your offset." "A group of people killed a sheep, undressed and chained themselves together. The motive behind the demonstration was unclear, officials said." A jug never rains, but it pours. also we have strict instructions not to touch dead dogs in case they explode "If we get it wrong that’s because we are stupid, not because the idea was bad." "Yup, Magtok is trading his teammate in for a sandwich." fuck plume impingement is hot as fuk || dnsmcbr> im cooming guys || i can't stop "I have lived a life that has been both terrible and marvelous. I have done the things I was put here to do, or else failed at them so thoroughly that there are no second chances available. I have lived my life." -- annadotblue, RIP "It's like reading fruitcake." it's easier for me to accept the north sentinelese islanders' continued isolation from the modern world than undersea tunnel roundabouts in remote north atlanti islands being financed by american pension funds There will never come a perfect moment where everything feels right. You must grasp this moment and take the first step. one gross'th of a second. Or 1/144th of a second. "When one charger exploded, internal inspection suggested the CE mark on the back was totally meaningless." "Long time ago now, but I only ever really recall having to look at the Buchholz at the top. (Looked like a very large optic in a pub!). If that wasn’t full of brown liquid, it was likely that you’d create your own brown liquid when said transformer exploded." "Imagine if in future, Google shuttered their eponymous search page and became purely a mobile app that you'd talk to and it'd LLM an answer at you with no websites in sight." "We're not gonna die!" -- New Shepard passenger after main parachute deployment In California bees are statutory fish. So are frogs. [the source rack being raised] would not have been accompanied by any audible alarms inside the irradiation chamber and there were no warning lights to indicate its position. The drive mechanism for moving the source rack would certainly have made a noise, but this may have been masked by the noise from the ventilation system and the product transport system (if he had failed to stop it). "The FBI likes to pose as cable repairmen for stings, therefore trying to find out when a repairman is supposed to be at your place makes you a terrorist." "On-site personnel should be reassured that the spiders are harmless." "Modern LED Christmas light sets usually make it look like a gaming PC exploded on your front lawn." Landlubbers might accuse each other of being 'full of sh*t' but only boaters know exactly how much. you could confuse your neighbors by releasing a bunch of slugs in their yard with neat little qr codes burned into them ...is the blood inside or outside of the bodies of teenagers? Brion Vibber Day is June 1, which commemorates the awesome works of Brion Vibber. This is an important day to Wikipedia. Puckle demonstrated two configurations of the basic design: one, intended for use against Christian enemies, fired conventional round bullets, while the second, designed to be used against the Muslim Turks, fired square bullets. "I dropped a spanner in the bilge, and Ed went down and found three spanners and a screwdriver and a chipping hammer." "I think we're alright, we've got a blue!" There’s no evidence at all that apple cider vinegar will make your penis bigger, but you might end up with some serious damage down there if you try "People ask me to make the sound a lot. Which I can easily do. The description in the script was 'a baby in a bagpipe.'" "The ultimate limit state, for most bridge owners, is a slightly theoretical thing because generally speaking they don't find bridges collapsing on a routine basis." "There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line." Police storm yoga class after people lying on floor mistaken for ‘mass killing’ "It finally reached a point of critical incomprehensibility in around 2008." Virgin boy eggs are a traditional dish of Dongyang, Zhejiang, China in which eggs are boiled in the urine of young boys, preferably under the age of ten. After boiling, the entire surface of the egg shells are cracked, and they are placed back into the urine. The used urine is then replaced with fresh urine and the process is repeated. . When finished, the eggs' whites have a pale golden hue and the yolks turn green. "BREAKING NEWS: Experts say that Boeing 777 would have trouble maintaining altitude if it ran out of fuel" "There's no individual at fault here - there's a series of design decisions that made it possible for a bad outcome to occur, and in a better universe they wouldn't have been necessary. Let's work on building that better universe." -- mjg Brussels sprouts, collard greens, broccoli, cauliflower, kale, cabbage, kohlrabi, and a few more are all derived from the wild mustard plant. Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people. now getting into the differences on sexually exploiting your body vs inhaling aluminium shards in a refinery exploitation is a whole debate "Jerry thought about what a letter of recommendation from a council of wizards would look like in his resume file." "The only fake thing was the standby generator, which was a cassette player playing a recording of a diesel.generator." "She said Cyanide was a 'lovely, pretty name' with positive connotations as it was taken by Hitler." -- BBC News idk, i hear composites have been the bomb in the submarine world recently || I think that market isn't going anywhere, it sorta imploded. || yeah that incident really put the squeeze on their profit margins "He says he is expecting us – Le narrowboat anglais Phyllis May avec ses géraniums." i know another game, you jerk off into a hat and whoever can't cum puts the hat on their head, i forget the name "Here's an amphibious canoe that uses the wheels as paddlewheels with the stern wheel being a rudder. Making the wheels retract like airplane wheels may be more complicated than you need." "This revealed intentional subcutaneous injection of mercury at least thrice, [...]. The patient was inspired by the movie X-Man Wolverine and wanted to simulate a character called 'Mercury.' Interestingly, he had a past history of multiple bites by spiders to simulate Spiderman. Surprisingly, he had no other psychiatric problems and had a normal IQ. The only thing that makes sense to do is strive for greater collective enlightenment. "Oh, some of the priests said you got given marks afterward, but what was the point of that?" "You telling me you don't own a chronowave oven?" The nerves of the kingdom, the lines of exchange, running to a schedule as the world ought. Ticking like a hot-fired hand-stoked heart; the metal expression of the breaking of boundaries. The boilers that turn raw fire into power, the driving rods that put the power to use, the turning wheels that make all places equal. The knowledge that the train may stop but the line goes on. The process requires short-term skeletal simmering in a 10% solution of commercially available enzymatic detergent and water. Over 50 skulls have been macerated in our laboratory resulting in substantial saving in research money, time, and effort. And when God made the Cat, He said: "Give them sharp claws and a mighty pounce, that they may be my most deadly killing machines. Give them sharp eyes and fleet paws, that they may be the epitome of grace and agility. And make them 5 kilos and adorable, so that humans may pick them up and go 'WHOSH A WIDDLE FWOOF! YOU ARE! YES YOU!'." Inventors should just give up and tell society to stop asking for such ridiculous things. >The pilot of the Swearingen landed uneventfully || the swearingen: https://avherald.com/img/key_lime_sw4_n280kl_denver_210512_1.jpg i feel similarly about mechanical organs as jan feels about insects "Nobody asked why they felt it was necessary to do this, but that was science for you, and, of course, students." WORDS IN THE HEART CANNOT BE TAKEN. "Although evidently able in certain fields, Johnson is notorious for his complete inability to produce anything according to specification or common sense." 'Lead' rhymes with 'read', but not 'lead' or 'read'. "Optimism, pessimism, fuck that; we’re going to make it happen. As God is my bloody witness, I’m hell-bent on making it work." "I wanna see disasters happen...but there's this weird one that is green." while some use their hands to deliver this food to their mouths, others have developed specific tools for the purpose. In Western cultures, cutlery items such as knives and forks are the traditional norm, while in much of the East, chopsticks are more common. Spoons are ubiquitous. "According to informed sources, exploding capacitors come under the 'stuff happens occasionally' category." "We do see them quite often. But I've never seen one that actually worked before." "And I saw, sort of like rabbits, in many colors but basically a plaid pattern, kind of spinning around, and there was a sound as of like big syrupy things." I added the milk, and it went dark grey, and I thought "hrm". Tastes as bad as you'd expect. isn't qatar in like, northern africa near egypt? Occlupanids are generally found as parasitoids on bagged pastries in supermarkets, hardware stores, and other large commercial establishments. Their fascinating and complex life cycle is unfortunately severely under-researched. What is known is that they take nourishment from the plastic sacs that surround the bagged product, not the product itself, as was previously thought. "Persons who have drawn concentrated sulfuric acid into a pipet with oral suction, and obtained the acid on the tongue through poor technique, report that it tastes sweet before the onset of corrosive action." "It was clearly a mad, ludicrously complex scheme, and one based on a whole rake of optimistic assumptions. No one in their right mind would ever commission such a project. I engaged Trev and his scheme on the spot." "And since it's just going to be the two of us, nobody will mind if I eat you with my tongue." <@jan64_> WOOF WOOOOOOF What is the insurance cost of medical grade anal sugar " - adamw to draft vaguer and more general startup time criterion (but not too vague)" "I'm sorry - are you from the future? ... Well, that's brilliant. Do they still have sandwiches there?" "And by 'never been hacked in 15 years' they really mean they have no log analysis or intrusion detection." "Take a sample from each cut of the column and inject it into a mouse. If it doesn't die immediately, that fraction doesn't have any ciguatoxin in it. Gloves recommended." "Sometimes you got tea that was a bit chewy, especially at night when you couldn’t really see well enough." dutch is a FAKE language | Created solely due to some weird northern-european type's weird love of the letter J I'm trying to make a pic but every time he sees a camera he's like "ooooh let's hop on it" || http://rhea.333networks.com/share/showcase/birb/20230827_192248.jpg "Disclaimer: I've never actually seen a mongoose or an antelope. My zoology may be inaccurate." "Man overcharged 20 rupees for India train ticket wins 22-year legal battle." Huntingdon is flat and blurry in real life, not just on Google Maps. ok, now when you make me really brainstorm things, i guess they just built vacuum tubes like, you can grow carbon fiber so they just made a capillar, and it was being lifted with baloons while it was being built. its foundation was very soapy, but in the end they just replaced it with the doors. am i not a genius. should i count this for two nobels "I think it's one of those basic obligations when talking to a reporter that you don't spread out your arms like wings and run away." Don't confuse PR with Physical Reality. "It's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then." "Pascals is another trash unit, I hate pascals. Why is it so tiny? It's absurd." -- Elon Musk "I played out all the same story lines that had been fun before, but the meaning had disappeared. Horse's Big Space Adventure transformed into holding a plastic horse in the air, hoping it would somehow be enjoyable for me. Prehistoric Crazy-Bus Death Ride was just smashing a toy bus full of dinosaurs into the wall while feeling sort of bored and unfulfilled." You know, there’s a porn store for Android. You can download nothing but porn. You can download porn, your kids can download porn. That’s a place we don’t want to go – so we’re not going to go there. - Steve Jobs "The bioresonance treatment is analysing the energy-wave patterns in Jean’s body. It finds the frequency pattern of the nicotine and reverses it. That in theory neutralises the nicotine’s energy pattern, so her body won’t crave what’s been wiped out." "But we thought, when you put on MORE fire, then it always gets better!" "This issue can be resolved with new clothing. You know, as opposed to violence?" Pip Whitley (2002-2015) was a bitch who travelled over 60,000 miles by train. There is a memorial to her at Helsby station. "I started talking to a very nice, polite, elderly gentleman about several things, including our shared first name. And then he pointed to the hall of people, and said words to the effect of, 'I just look at all these people, and I think, what the heck am I doing here? They’ve made amazing things. I just went where I was sent.'" -- Neil Gaiman 27% is the minimum Republican vote in the US on the basis that that was the vote share they got where their candidate was both in jail for fraud in public office and had died just before polling started. There is a fine old·story about a student who came to a rabbi and said, "In the olden days there were men who saw the face of God. Why don't they any more?" The rabbi replied, "Because nowadays no one can stoop so low." "We actually have mostly-working wall impact mitigation now - i.e. it detects the wall about a second too late to avoid hitting it anyway." Whenever the internet is given an option to engage in democracy it ends up naming boats "Boaty McBoatface", petitioning the White House to build a death star, and naming Mountain Dew flavors "Hitler did nothing Wrong". "There’s a recent report of a method to make a more stable form of it, by mixing it with TNT." "We have options for getting it going - cleanly." "...?" "Blowtorch." "And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it." We're not making zombie hamsters here "John’s coworkers eventually understood his wisdom, and their need to wear coffee-resistant indoor ponchos lessened with time." C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog. "A bazooka is not an accident, you delusional bitch!" "Monitoring a problem is never the right answer. Fixing the problem is." -- Wayne Hale "Without a model as a fortification, we found ourselves rambling around the countryside like all the other pundit-barbarians, randomly setting fire to things." "It wasn't a very long railway, or a very important railway, but it was called the Merioneth and Llantisilly Railway Traction Company Limited, and it was all there was." The enemy of a good plan is the dream of a perfect plan. "Anti-5G necklaces found to be radioactive." HTML and regex go together like love, marriage, and ritual infanticide. "The approach used with Interbase, hard-coding the user name 'politically' and the password 'correct', is not the one I would have chosen." -- Bruce Schneier "One of the pilots responded by setting fire to his coat, which in Greenland in late November is a good approximation of burning your bridges." Success! My cabin is full of exhaust fumes! did somebody say moth smut? "All that trouble to put in a switch when all he needed to do was stick a piece of black tape over it." "We have a visit in the near future by the Branch Line Society. The thing about the Branch Line Society is that they like Branch Lines. So, we thought we'd better build some new ones." "Most people aren't offended by this sort of thing, and the people who are get so worked up about it that no sane person would dare discuss it with them." No matter how kind your children are, German children are kinder. "The writers love making big, rash, and grandiose statements about the human condition. Spaceships crash into Big Ben, and entire worlds are destroyed in seconds." does it make your skin smell like bacon if exposed? || more like burnt bacon, but yes "Goodbye, pizza disc. Your breadstick brethren will miss you." "Your delivery would be funnier if my brain wasn't part of the punchline." Now is better than never. Although never is often better than *right* now. Just because something’s been done that way for years does not mean that it’s safe. Why couldn't we have come from an egg laying species or something, would make birthing so much simpler "You can tell that Matzger’s group has good technique because everyone made it intact to the writing of the manuscript." Libera is best known for his controversial 1996 artwork named LEGO Concentration Camp, depicting a Nazi concentration camp made out of Lego bricks. The artwork attracted much controversy, including The Lego Group threatening legal action. In British English, 'interesting' and 'nonsense' are often synonyms. i learned yesterday that there is a dutch company working together with the university of Wageningen to develop a new banana "pro science" sounds like "pro gravity" to me a friend i knew in HS found out he was dead when he went to vote once 404: Logic Not Found. Please Reset Universe. "Congratulations. You just invented 'negligent regicide'." "D’you know, when I first joined the Watch I was so simple I arrested the head of the Thieves’ Guild for thieving?" < orbbfrgg> Moth outfits have far too much erotic potential The cost to redesign Europa Clipper for the SLS vibratory environment was estimated at US$1 billion. "In an additional unexpected event, albeit one of far less consequence, X-rays traveling through line-of-sight (LOS) pipes caused a small second fireball at Station 1200 with a yield of 1 kiloton of TNT (4.2 TJ)." orbbfrgg: with respect to the dutch anal fixation you diagnosed correctly, and the current situation in korea, i wish to share with you [...] "Some people have told me they don't think a fat penguin really embodies the grace of Linux, which just tells me they have never seen a angry penguin charging at them in excess of 100mph. They'd be a lot more careful about what they say if they had." -- Linus Torvalds > ‘Make better choices’: Endangered Hawaiian monk seals keep getting eels stuck up their noses and scientists want them to stop "Promise that you will never unlock the feather during boost." -- Burt Rutan What is the most important step a man can take? Not the first, but the next one. Always the next one. "The gentleman explained his dogs had won a lot of trophies and he told us about them. He told us the name of Jim’s colour, which is fawn. He asked to see Jim’s pedigree and said that Jim had good racers in his line and was his own grandpa." "That’s the likely outcome according to the 'the-most-annoying-and-ambiguous-outcome-possible-will-happen' theory of 2016." The most common English word that works as a `s/*/*/` sed command is 'statement'. "The prototype of the Turkish national fighter launched its own engines and at one time moved along the runway due to the thrust of the jet engines, so it successfully passed the first test of ground tests." A team full of hammers will go around looking for nails. A team that’s a whole toolbox might figure out what really needs doing. The nightmarishly claustrophobic Tower Subway was open for just 28 years before closing to the public in 1898. It's still there today, but you're only allowed to use it if you're a utility pipe. "I dunno, an Elder Strong Nuclear Force Elemental having an attack line of 'Slam +26 melee: 2d8+6 plus spontaneous nuclear detonation' would be pretty cool to see in a MM." Why does most of the world's religious history come from SAND WORLD || Maybe all the sand and heat just makes people extra crazy and they invent religions "Doesn’t this place give you the creeps? You could perhaps do something with some floral wallpaper and a fire-bomb." "Mashed potato spillage closes Yorkshire road for five hours." "[All I Want for Christmas Is You" sounds] timeless, like it was playing in the manger when Jesus Christ was born." " When I built my extension I had drawings from the architect in mm, so I built to the nearest mm. My walls are 3600mm long and square to 90.0 degrees in all three axes. I know that is much tighter than needed, but I couldn't find the information to tell me what tolerance I actually needed." i used to do upwork until they made it impossible to dodge taxes "I gave him new batteries, warned him about batteries exploding in his mouth, and sent him on his merry way." "The plastic clone babies wearing naught but mohawks are bad enough, but then they're also riding carrots." Our brains have just one scale, and we resize our experiences to fit. < orbbfrgg> I will shit myself and you will have to deal with it, I will shit in your mouth and that's my right "He was apparently a big advocate of 'crew quality time' and considered it team-building for everyone in the ship's company to risk their necks in a suicidal game of 'find the nearest stanchion with my head.'" If you took tiger genes and put them into a giraffe cell, the cell is now being told to make a tiger and make a giraffe simultaneously. It can't do both, so it's likely to just die instead. "That is a sentence fragment that will have to escape my mouth and enter into other people’s minds, and Terry Pratchett is currently cackling at me from his great beyond because he KNEW this." "Then he mailed me a scone. I think I'm giving up dating." Jam sandwiches are disgusting Vladimir Likhonos, 25, a student of Kyiv Polytechnic Institute from Konotop, was killed when his chewing gum exploded. Likhonos had a habit of dipping his chewing gum in citric acid to increase the gum's sour taste. On his work table police found about 100 grams (3.5 oz) of unidentified explosive powder which he used for chemistry studies at home. It resembled citric acid, and it is thought that he confused the two. < thomastheo> i had some really good cheese earlier, but i'm pretty sure now my burps could peel the wallpaper off the walls I wouldn't see that dip if I was doing this experiment in the vacuum of space. Because I'd be dead. "Bloom noticed that speakers of Chinese had unexpected difficulties answering counter-factual questions posed to them in a questionnaire. He concluded that this was related to the way in which counter-factuality is marked grammatically in Chinese. Other researchers attributed this result to Bloom's flawed translations." "In 2011, they sprayed the goat with water to form a protective layer of ice. It burned down." "I may be misunderstood by polite society, but as a gregarious jellyfish, my dramatic tensions respect the standard semantics for adjectives and nouns." A good way to kill a product: start adding extra features when it doesn’t work. First it needs to work. Someone who takes the risk of being wrong is preferred to someone who is never wrong but never says anything worth saying. < sasamj> eww gross if im gonna get something printed on my GPU its gonna be an anime girl with a huge dick "We put the possum in the vending machine and he knocked all the food down." "People in groups tend to agree on courses of action which, as individuals, they know are stupid." -- Wayne Hale "I was reading Schopenhauer and Nietzsche, and it was terrible. No one should read them. It’s too depressing." you wouldn't get a proper mouse homogenizer unless you had significant mouse homogenization needs "I was surprised, though, just how much I am enjoying a book that spends a third of the time narrating people walking." Horses can manufacture more horses and that is one trick that tractors have never learned. "They are the kind of people who decide to refactor your core algorithms to use the Visitor Pattern, which they just read about the night before, and completely misunderstood, and instead of simple loops adding up items in an array you’ve got an AdderVistior class (yes, it’s spelled wrong) and a VisitationArrangingOfficer singleton and none of your code works any more." Why not right now? "Can you please tell my colleagues again how you got a pair of scissors jammed in your eye socket? They don't believe me." Know what you're not capable of doing safely. "No operator overloading. It could be argued that our use of placement new deviates from this. In the previous metaphor, I think this was either the spider or the bird." fuck skating. last time i got off the ice my skates were filled with blood. that was enough for me "Depends on the kind of immortality. If I could heal from any injury in seconds I'd probably grind myself into a fine paste so I can reform totally cleansed of all foreign substances." "Fortunately the hood was explosion proof, but whoever put it in didn’t think to make the wall explosion proof too. It’s not every day you see people in the hallway looking out of your hood." Surely there are legal ways to transport alligators that don't involve... that "We add water to calcium carbide inside a pumpkin to create acetylene gas, which we ignite with a Tesla coil." "WE ARE CURRENTLY RUNNING OFF EXCESSIVE WATER FROM THE CANAL. PLEASE DO NOT BE ALARMED BY THE VORTEX AS IT IS NORMAL PRACTICE. THANK YOU." It is amazing how much funding is available for daft ideas that'll never work. The Adobe Updater must update itself before it can check for updates. Would you like to update the Adobe Updater now? "I should mention that our last successful backup was 13 days ago... this ins not good :( especially given that I think we prune backups after 7 days" "Well, John couldn't speak, because with the same Foden when he was younger he accidentally destroyed his mum's kitchen." "He is like a psychotic gecko." "Great supine protoplasmic invertebrate jellies." - Boris Johnson "I have been guided by a poem I learned in a dream, which is totally a reliable piece of information all of the time." "A thing floats when it displaces more water than it weighs. Density has nothing to do with it." "Every time I hold a hammer, everything looks like a screw." Right of way is not a magic shield from physics. "The sound of the bow thruster is like the mating call of the Shiny Boat, because when I hear it, I know there's a 50-50 chance that said boat is about to start trying to hump my Springer. And apparently, shiny boats are *really* hot for Springers." "The chemist in me would like to note that this is quite possibly the worst method to identify a substance, roughly tied with 'eat it and see what happens'." "Engagement is made clear by the car’s instant and unsafe wandering in all but perfect conditions, and often in perfect conditions." Using pi as a compression system is one thing, but using it for a filesystem brings the additional problem of random access. "I have determined that dragons cannot pass through solid material. So if we interpose solid material between the town and the dragons, they cannot reach us." "I wish someone would spend this much on a movie devoted to a fetish I actually have." -- Roger Ebert "All I accomplished today was thinking up a plan that'll kill me, and that doesn’t take much energy." On nights when the orbital alignments are right, you must get a great view of the fish. my real last name is unpronounceable to non-dutchies anyway "Failure isn't an option, we hardcoded it in." You will be directed to perform a series of tests that will raise the billable hours for the Service Dept. but perform no other useful function. neoliberals brought pensions into play to stop communism from spreading || it's a huge scam "The feature does exactly what was asked for, but it turns out that the problem was misunderstood and it's basically useless." From a distance, the anatomical image is clearly all sorts of wrong. But, looking closer only reveals more flaws, including the labels "dissilced," Stemm cells," "iollotte sserotgomar," and "dck." "I used to tell people 'Just be yourself.' And then I realized that myself is actually kinda charming and handsome so it turns out that that's not good advice for other people. Be me instead." Also, just a reminder that the genre of music the cantina band plays is canonically called 'jizz'. "The look of sheer 'Please for the love of god take this box and its 30 warning labels away from me' on the delivery driver's face at 6 am the next morning was glorious." "Usually they are wrong either in details or in spirit, or in details *and* in spirit, but this time, I was just plain wrong. Like strawberry pizza. Or jalapeño bagels. WRONG." Nerds who correct people on Frankenstein Vs Frankenstein's Monster are like 10 levels of irony below me i'd guess anything that is complicated enough to randomly catch on fire has a license "All living things go through Time backward. If the past is visible and the future is hidden, they say, then it means you must be facing the wrong way." "If you do want a sit-down lunch, there's nothing like running aground for it." Can't you see we're currently discussing burning your own excrement "It is a world ruled by Mad Science! Things happen. Usually, they happen to other people. This is entertainment." The freezing point of bovine milk is usually in the range between –0.512°C and –0.550°C, and only very rarely falls outside that range. The LAX Consolidated Rent-A-Car Facility is the second-largest concrete building in the U.S. It is always best to speak in absolutes on Slashdot. (Qualifications and honesty might make you appear rational and you wouldn’t want to stand out). I tried to blag the doctor that I'd just fallen onto some glass or metal shards || And they were like no lol this is a high velocity wound lol I have extensive experience with all kinds of lunacy, but this is a new one "She successfully managed to accomplish the exact opposite of her goal." Leadership is the ability to hide your panic from others. "What they did not understand was that physics, while admittedly complicated, was always trying very hard to become simpler." According to the Elizabethan theories, out of the four fundamental characters, eggs are sanguine and beer is choleric. Mine is a little on the small size, kinda wish I'd gone for a size or two larger "US nuke reactor lab hit by 'gay furry hackers' demanding cat-human mutants." "Polarity at the outlet can be random, and must be verified to avoid equipment damage." it's kinda weird that the continued existence of my country is dependent on a kind of grass When in doubt, trauma-induced amnesia is the answer to your problem. FLHerne: autism doesn't care about your logic Please don't defeat entropy. It would cause a lot of problems. A variometer is essentially a pressure altimeter with a leak. Sometimes the truth is arrived at by adding all the little lies together and deducting them from the totality of what is known. "Well then, good news! It's a suppository." "I think we should let the victim decide whether they get deported back to get stoned to death on a case by case basis, but that’s just me." Time is a blockchain. "Let me get this straight, Skipper. Are you ordering us to object to your orders?" "The difficulty for me as a huge fan of SpaceX, but a huge skeptic about Starship, is the fact that it's so big. It's so massive. If Neil Armstrong were alive today to talk to them, he would probably say 'that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard." -- Charles Bolden "Now that the big automotive advertisers are making EVs, you will see far fewer articles about EVs catching on fire. It is not surprising that internal combustion engine cars have a tendency to combust externally too." -- Elon Musk "Even with the hydrogen gone, I’m reluctant to hang out in a Hab that has a history of exploding for no reason." "You add like 100 hacks, and the 101st one makes it work, and then you realize that was the only one you needed in the first place." "Interstellar travel is like trying to hit a grape on the surface of the Moon." "The director says he wanted to see if movies could show time going in a non-linear direction or even sideways. The first two-thirds of the movie seem normal until the point where you can tell when the director made this 'decision'." AAAAA every time I check the weather forecast for next week it goes up by a degree || Stop checking || You'll kill us all In the early 2020s, the unwillingness to change batteries in smoke detectors became a stereotype associated with Black people, prompted by a viral TikTok. "In some instances, the dead twin is compressed into a flattened, parchment-like state known as fetus papyraceus." "Normally I'm the one stuck in the roof. People just look at me funny, and sometimes offer me a screwdriver." Hollywood loves taking an idea and milking it until the audience has overdosed on calcium. "The first Cloaca installation, referred to as Cloaca Original, was exhibited in 2000 at the Museum of Contemporary Art in Antwerp. Delvoye described it as a "shit machine"" OSAM-1, scheduled for launch in 2025, will attempt to prove that a servicing satellite can stick a refueling probe into the fuel tank of the Landsat 7 satellite "and not blow it up." "No Mig 29s in town until air show next week," the Russian deadpanned. "Besides, we cannot get dragon into a Mig 29." (orbfrg) You generate your own piss. You don't generate your own lithium batteries. I'm staggered this needed to be explained. "Initial claims suggested that the inner rim and outer edge of the disc should be colored with an Eberhard Faber Design Art Marker No. 255, but over time this procedure became less specific." "Is this where we start talking about gravitational lensing again?" The word "dog" is a mystery. It has no etymology and was practically non-existent right up until the moment it became the main word we used for that animal. electrokitty: Better start rubbing your penis on things to appear more normal "Why stop at replacing modulo? Perhaps even better: write an enterprise framework, with separate servers for fizz and buzz, which of course have to be synchronized in some devious way. Ah, the possibilities." It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it. "Yes, good, please continue." The 46-year-old later texted a friend to say "I've smashed her head in - Oopsie xx" after leaving her victim with "serious head injuries", police said. "To save time, someone would go around and just spray tea at people whenever they were thirsty." "I have no doubt that global—that a trend of global warming exists. I am not sure that it is fair to say that it is a problem we must wrestle with. To assume that it is a problem is to assume that the state of Earth's climate today is the optimal climate, the best climate that we could have or ever have had." -- NASA Administrator Mike Griffin (electrokitty) So I couldn't read the thermometer and then my jam was contaminated with tiny plastic numbers "The results were more often surprising than successful, but he felt it was worth it for the sake of the few occasions when it was both." "No" - Elon Musk An online friend said to me many years ago that in a bygone age I'd be destined to be a catamite || thats a rather odd thing to say to someone "The Space Shuttle probability of loss of crew – calculated at the end, after we understood the risks and had made all the safety improvements possible – stood at 1 in 90. That was just to get to low earth orbit and back. Not the sort of risk one takes every day" -- Wayne Hale https://waynehale.wordpress.com/2023/04/12/due-consideration/ "My boss walked by, I asked him why the heads were at my desk. He said they need to get back with their bodies so we can send them to cremation. I said, 'I understand that. Why are they at my desk?' and he said, 'I don't know Dale, there’s a lot of strange things happening.'" "A careful study revealed that the interval shown was not in fact 'minutes until next bus' as I had mistakenly presumed but instead closely corresponded to 'minutes until this sign updates with a new value.'" Only those with their feet on rock can build castles in the air. It is now illegal to sell grey squirrels, impersonate a traffic warden or offer Air Traffic Control services without a licence. Creating a nuclear explosion was outlawed in 1998. There's a great phrase in French: "l'esprit d'escalier", or "the wit of the staircase." It's when you think of a killer reply, but the conversation is long over. "Cockroaches I can live with. They glow in the dark and that makes them easy to squash." "Russia's being attacked on all fronts, including with LGBT propaganda. They're trying to force this upon us. We reject these alien ideas. We embrace Russian values. It's hard for me to explain this in words. I just feel it." "Yes, I like superlatives, which are some of the BEST WORDS OF ALL TIME." I guess it is possible to find things cute without wanting to copulate with them "She doesn’t want you to understand her. She knows that’s impossible. She just wants you to understand yourself. Everything else is negotiable." "...festering blocked Mk 1 coach toilets. This was tackled by the innovative means of a sort of soda syphon with a six-inch-long bulb to pressurise it. Neither I nor the depot plumber were going near this thing, but a more strident and eager-to-please manager from the loco side took over the issue. Whenever I see the episode of Mr Bean where he paints the room with a firework in a tin of paint and can’t get out in time I think of him." If you are female and under 20 years of age, you may only donate blood in the UK if you have more than 3.5 litres of it. +++Out of cheese error. Redo from start+++ "It’s about being the person who says “WHY must the show go on?” when everyone else is running around like headless chickens and enjoying the dramah." "Because of the missing words, the mathematical connection between moon phase and tractive effort is not clear." he also made a badger submarine and a tarantulacopter. the badger submarine is especially fun, cause the dutch word for badger is 'das' so it's a 'dasboot' || also a ratcopter, a sharkjet, and an ostrichcopter || dude has been busy "Everything has that has been deemed uncrackable in the history of electronics has been cracked and will be cracked, so stop smoking the crack." "Like firing a hard-boiled egg at a rubber sheet and expecting it to bounce." Governments are air-dropping oral vaccine packets coated with fish food for raccoons to gobble up. "I declare this thing open, whatever it is." "You know, there's more to being an evil despot than getting cake whenever you want it." "I mean as long as you don't combine them with fedora, fingerless gloves, wolf t-shirt and leather trench coat then you're good." "To do this, they first had to download the entire internet. This caused some consternation." "Corrour's nice, we should come here." "Think of it: by placing the right number in the SDCS, I can not only get Orson Welles' Citizen Kane — I can get Citizen Kane in colour! Or Citizen Kane backwards! Or Citizen Kane where the credits misspell the name of Everett Sloane[!...] Or Citizen Kane where Charles Foster Kane is replaced by Jar Jar Binks!" -- Pieter Spronck "Why is he complaining that he owes us less money?" "The recruiter advised Rose not to ask Musk about space elevators. This struck Rose as odd, since he had never heard of a space elevator, nor been planning to ask about one." "As far as consistently allowed actions go, thus far I've always been able to buy coffee without any problems. So maybe coffee-shops are islands of stability in an increasingly mad world." Be wary of humans. Most have teeth. "It was still so new that the modern flat-roofed buildings, winners of several awards from the Guild of Architects, hadn’t even begun to let in water and shed window panes in a breeze." " The miniaturized toadlets are so tiny that the fluid-filled chambers in their inner ears which control their balance function rather ineffectively." I'm (...) pineconing, (...) I say Starship hits orbit before Starliner crewed test. Starship crew after Starliner at this point. NULL-- is NULL. NULL++ is 1. 1-- is 0. "Damn, and here I was just waiting for more people to burst into flames for my entertainment." "[Corporations] cannot commit treason, nor be outlawed nor excommunicated, for they have no souls." -- Lord Chief Justice Sir Edward Coke, 1628 gotta wear your asbestos suit "I think I should perhaps be alarmed that you have trouble answering the question." our recycling center has a penchant for burning down every so often, im not convinced they're any better at handling batteries than i am The more overlearned an activity becomes, the less cognitive workload it imposes. "Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone." "I object to 'turquoise' as it's usually used because the actual *substance* turquoise is sky blue." "Thereafter, we invested an aggregate $1.50 billion in bitcoin under this policy and may acquire and hold digital assets from time to time or long-term." "The Michigan Exploration Laboratory (MXL) suspects that the M-Cubed CubeSat, a joint project run by MXL and JPL, became magnetically conjoined to Explorer-1 Prime, a second CubeSat released at the same time, via strong onboard magnets used for passive attitude control." Behind a little-used service panel inside the Kvant-2 module, [David] Wolf found "large condensate globs, bowling-ball size or beach-ball size." These floating orbs of stagnant water were "gooey, slimy, ice-cold," occluded by dozens of species of bacteria and fungi. holy hell how is this camera still going || make the heat shield out of cameras lol "They were sailing in Chryse when a howler picked up their boat and threw it all the way over the Cydonia Mountains." It’s hard to discipline a man under Post Office Regulations for destroying the universe all in one go. Stop overcooking your cauliflower "The do-not-attain speed is 99.99999999999999999998% of the speed of light, at which point your interactions with the cosmic background radiation are blue-shifted to the proton-degeneration resonance energy. This will erode your spacecraft and you to something rather unrecognizable over a distance of 160 million light years. This limit is known as the Greisen-Zatsepin-Kuzmin limit." Alcohol and Drug Abuse Lake is a reservoir in Richland County, South Carolina. While nominally an entrenching tool, the MPL-50 saw wide ranged wartime applications ranging from a close quarters combat weapon to a cooking utensil. You can get radiator paint off most things with acetone but it takes all morning. You can’t get it off beds. "Have drawn the Cart with Legs tho' I doubt its practicability." -- Robert Hooke An enraged altruist with $25 billion in his pocket is a person to listen to. "At 01:30 hours on Friday 11 October, when the fire was at its worst, eleven tons of uranium were ablaze." "The issue wasn't casual either, as some owners reported the risky scenarios of the wheels of their bZ4Xs falling off while driving." The more trivial the statement, the more intense the disagreement on it. "They also made a pact, so that anyone who died from then on would be eaten first before anyone else, so as to at least have the consent of the person being eaten." "Once we cleaned up the blood and told him that he wasn't going to die because it wasn't a poisonous snake... he was pretty good actually." I guess I feel similar about eating mammal meat as I do about humans "So this secret convention of ten thousand or so computer criminals was covered by the local newspapers?" "The reason we now have to teach the electrical safety course to all electricians at least twice per year is because some joe was bright enough to be the one person in the world who could figure out how to kill himself with a 9V battery." "We stopped at a gas station. We asked how to get to Athens. The gas attendant replied in a very solemn voice "you can't get there from here." My wife whose profession is communication was not deterred she asked "can you tell us how to get to some place where we could get to Athens?" The gas attendant gladly replied "sure! All you gatta do is go back down there..." "How do I hex edit or breakpoint edit an executable so that I can use night Sky Google Earth mode in flight simulator like Earth, Moon, or Mars, like change a byte to make choosing Mars choose night sky instead of mars?" "Just tell me what secret you want to make sure I don’t know, and I’ll tell you if I already knew it." I can feel the torque in my arse "I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long." The Davy Crockett had another problem: it had a fairly small radius in which it would produce an immediate mission-kill on an enemy tank crew... and a much larger radius in which it delivered a 'death in 24 hours' radiation dose. Which meant you now had most of an enemy tank battalion who'd be functional as soon as they stopped vomiting and had /absolutely nothing to lose/... "They prevail in all decisions because they are impervious to logic or coffee." An employment tribunal at London Central Court also heard that Ms Gasparova thought her superior’s renaming a file with his initials ‘AJG’ was actually an acronym for ‘A Jumbo Genital’. Parachute use did not reduce death or major traumatic injury when jumping from aircraft in the first randomized evaluation of this intervention. However, the trial was only able to enroll participants on small stationary aircraft on the ground, suggesting cautious extrapolation to high altitude jumps. "The Safe Air Boeing 727-200F with registration 5Y-IRE was attempting to land when it struck the MD-82, which had been involved in a prior landing accident" Music was invented around 2,953 BC by the Emperor Fu Xi. "Let us pause here to reflect upon why the author thought 'adult' was a necessary adjective to add onto 'physician'." "It does technically work, but there is no circumstance in which I could ever see myself using it." VR is just earphones for your eyes Lead acid batteries really don't like being batteries at all. HMS Unicorn (1824) is the only sail-propelled warship to have received the surrender of a submarine. It is easier and more certain to change yourself than to change another person. BANANA is the new NIMBY. "Godzilla vs Kong is so amaze much wow! Most insane movie I’ve ever seen! Love letter to conspiracy theorists! And yet heartwarming in the end." -- Elon Musk "We have a very short list of official rules, 20 in total including 'do not be on fire'" "19 out of 20 of these beetles will simply walk out of the frog, unharmed. It usually takes them about an hour, except one beetle speed-ran the frog in five minutes, which I'm sure was very exciting for the frog." "Damn, I knew there was a reason it wouldn't work!" "Imagine our surprise when we discovered that we had created a post-capitalist, anarcho-syndicalist utopia entirely by accident." Toilet roll is meant to break down when it gets wet so it washes easily through the system. That's not the case with large tropical fish. Also like, you don't need to take every statement literally || Contextual interpretation of statements came free with your brain "This kind of just broke the internet." "I love old things. They make me feel sad." Every time you provide an option, you're asking the user to make a decision. Anger and hate in this situation is a normal reaction and important to validate. But it is important to channel it into something useful, such as making incendiary bombs out of empty bottles. "Billionaire Unveils Imaginary Space Train!" "Personally, I would like the right to kill anyone I want to, without fear of retaliation." -- Lindybeige "For the owl to descend, the owl activation switch is flipped once more, reversing the polarity of the motor." "The most hilarious part about this video is that every single official/officer wants nothing more than to see it go on the water but, as a professional, is duty bound to find a way to stop it." "Warning! All control consoles double as Firework Storage Lockers. On detonation of fireworks, please leap dramatically to the floor and feign unconsciousness." "Sci-fi is the absolute worst because its 99% writers with effectively no interest in the actual Sci part but having the constraints of a grounded reality of an "old timey" or modern world denies them from writing their weird self insert power fantasy." "The solution turned a brilliant shade of purple, which was exciting until we realized it was supposed to be clear." -- ChatGPT inventing !stupid quotes "She looks good for someone who looks like they haven't slept for a couple days." Gliptic: breasts on an arthropod are ridiculous "It’s easier to kill people, when you’re dead yourself. I mean, it’s not such a big deal. You’re not so prejudiced any more." I mean, with enough current any resistor is a fuse Too much time outside and next thing you know you're getting your dong out on public display "No, we don't have to give up. We just have to find someone who can give us an enormous lot of money." A laborer over the course of an eight-hour day can sustain an average output of about 75 watts; higher power levels can be achieved for short intervals and by athletes. "I might actually buy another of these to see it blow up again." "To help me, I have a fifty-year-old owner's manual - and some tea." The Internet is a great place to spread a message, no matter how silly it is. "Note to self: Do not make jet engines out of firewood." " If I ever meet the cunt who invented this foul process, I'll put his fucking blood through the homogeniser and transfuse it back into him." If you want somebody to call you, tell them. If you want somebody to be with you, invite them for a coffee. If you want somebody to fill your skip, POST A SIGN! People don’t have a crystal ball. "Other unpublished Pratchett works will not see the light of day, however. In 2017, a hard drive containing up to 10 incomplete novels was crushed by a steamroller." Twitter 'cancel culture' is like allergies for your mind. it was apparently very cathartic for germans to be able to laugh about hitler, which i can definitely understand The Polaris missile failed 13 consecutive flights until the 14th had a "partial success" (which meant that it flew beyond visual range before blowing up). Hooray for gravity! And air! "As a kid born in the 2000s, this song really takes me back to when I wasn't alive." Challenger 2 tanks require two sets of tools, as the hull is built using imperial measurements and the turret is built to metric measurements. "I'm afraid no amount of explanation will make that make any more sense." "Be all tought it'd be abusing to relax our ibude systebs and cadge colds." The first death from dropping a thermonuclear bomb occurred in 1957 when one fell on a cow. "Men followed him, not due to his leadership, but out of curiosity as to what he would do next." "Why do we do well in biathlons, but have difficulties in combat?!" "The systems programmer has read the kernel source, to better understand the deep ways of the universe, and the systems programmer has seen the comment in the scheduler that says DOES THIS WORK LOL, and the systems programmer has wept instead of LOLed..." "We need to make sure the line 'the customer is job three' never makes it into those flyers we send out." "Unable to control altitude. Unable to control airspeed. Unable to control heading. Kalitta six six. Other than that, everything A-OK." Sometimes, learning to give the obvious answer to an obvious question is itself an important lesson. "The only thing you are going to use 300+ horsepower to the rear wheels for is trying to cut down utility poles with your rear quarter panel." NOTICE: DON'T THROW TOILET PEPER INTO THE TOILET PLEASE...!!! IT WILL STUCK IT THANK YOU. In Japan cats traditionally use the first person pronoun 我輩, which is an archaic self-important aristocratic pronoun. "Some people have a biscuit way of thinking while others have a more engineering way of thinking. When the two communicate it's like speaking different languages." The human brain is a magnificent but jury-rigged device in which newer and more sophisticated structures sit atop a junk heap of prototype brains still used by lower species. "You mean...the one with the giant cabbage and the sort of whirring knife thing?" "It's not a permanent street closure," he said. "These bollards are not meant to in any way have the official jurisdiction that it is a street closure." If now isn't a good time, when will be? "Magnetic force draws the blades together, ensuring a clean and precise cut through very strong bones and skin for a quick and humane animal termination." > "Should I show you how to kill Ukrainians? I'll get in the tank myself," the commander shouted, shortly before the tank was destroyed by a Javelin missile. "The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." "...wondering if a little 120,000 kilometer course error, not to mention forgetting that you were doing a close pass of a celestial body, was one hundred percent of the astrogator's abilities. The scary part was that it seemed to be." "I thought that's what you said. I didn't believe it the first time either." <@ZLSA> humans are basically just cars but with muscles They say there are no stupid questions. That’s obviously wrong. Delivery of a joke is far more important than the content. "One bystander saw the incident unfold, saying: 'What I can gather is that nothing happened.'" "Forty presents. No, NONE! No, give her five items and then steal two from her. Ok, breathe. Keep it together." the icc detention center is nicer than my first student flat The world will never starve for want of wonders; but only for want of wonder. < sasamj> [...] GLUG GLUG SLURP | < sasamj> that's the sound of the WSJ sucking Jeff bezos' dick < FLHerne> I've just been given a lift part-way home by an Elvis impersonator on his way to Liverpool who we met half an hour ago "After the 1st overshoot angle the rest of the data was '*'. When we looked up '*' in the appendix it was a page with the words 'lost control of vessel' written there." 'Incredibly intelligent, highly elusive': US faces new threat from Canadian 'super pig'. "In its petition to the FAA, Boeing argues the breakup of the engine nacelle is “extremely improbable” and that an exemption will not reduce safety." my 93 year old grandma googles. it was quite a thing to find that out. she learned about it in some magazine "I was trying to ask a question and they kept arguing about the purity of different forms of water." "Hastily naming the penultimate goat Charles, I exploded it immediately before I could bond with it." "When Cindy first tried the Artemisia Anti-Hemorrhage Formula dietary supplements that she purchased on Amazon, she had no reason to suspect that she was eating donkey." "But what about Cortana integration, mixed reality, and ads? Personally, I won't be satisfied until it crashes daily and randomly deletes my text files." "Now one has to admit that this sounds insane, prima facie." "I believe there are 15 747 724 136 275 002 577 605 653 961 181 555 468 044 717 914 527 116 709 366 231 425 076 185 631 031 296 protons in the universe and the same number of electrons." -- Sir Arthur Eddington "If you ever feel intense pressure in your chest that radiates up into your jaw you are probably having a heart attack. (Source: Had heart attack)" "I LIKE DRAWING NAKED PEOPLE. AND CAPSLOCK. BUT MOSTLY NAKED PEOPLE." Junior developers have a tendency to implement brand-new features instead of improving old ones. "On the very same evening I crashed the drone, I lost Leo's frisbee in brambles far too formidable for a rescue attempt to be feasible. Afterwords, I asked: 'Hey Leo, got anything else that flies?'" "Everyone is freaking out over this, but there are many logical explanations. Although Starliner is *most* likely haunted, it could also be aliens, space whales, sophon interference, forever lost cosmonauts banging on the hatch begging to be let in, or simply the Babadook." "The scar is where they removed all of her internal organs and replaced them with missiles." Design is an iterative process. The necessary number of iterations is one more than the number you have currently done. This is true at any point in time. < FLHerne> hm, my modem reboots every time the fridge turns off "You might actually be the luckiest PR guy in the world, taking over for Paul Christoforo. You could declare holy war on kittens and still be considered the safer option." Thanks to Gemini 3, corned beef sandwiches are *at least* TRL 7 Stop ignoring problems before they become bigger problems. "Ventura already instigated ONE robot apocalypse. I'm dropping a marker and calling that the career limit." "while computing as a study field has been around since the 1920s, we didn't have actual computers until the 90s" Meetings: The practical alternative to work! "not nale, not-nale. thog help nale nail not-nale, not nale. and thog knot not-nale while nale nail not-nale. nale, not not-nale, now nail not-nale by leaving not-nale, not nale, in jail." < sborb> down in dutchland/germany it's all like horkel dorkel look at my poopen "Among his decrees are that everybody will have to wear clean underwear from now on, and that it will have to be worn on the outside so it can be checked." There are more stars in our galaxy than there are atoms in the universe. only lydian augmented can reduce an otter to a soup like homogenate... Goddamn Brits and their weird english "Superficially it looks like it has tons of gee-whiz neato stuff...however, it's agonizingly slow. I mean glacial. A heavily sedated sloth with no legs is probably faster." "No one has a playbook in politics for shooting down UFOs that are not aliens." In the military, it became common knowledge that the ingestion of a small amount of C4 produces a similar “high” as that of ethanol, often leading to its consumption by soldiers I love how marketing has convinced people that gamers require special types of children's food for adults "BTW, if you put a tinfoil origami crane in the microwave flames come out of the beak." "I hope that I am covered by parliamentary privilege when I reveal that the British Telecom tower does exist and that its address is 60 Cleveland Street, London." -- Kate Hoey MP Also, thoth is gone again || He came back for like 2 days and then disappeared || Too busy having girlfriends || That was always like his thing || Conspicuous girlfriend having Personality is all in your head: you can be a completely different person tomorrow if you feel like it. i'm sure if you smash enough stuff together you could get some kind of radioactive isotope of copper "Every single sentence you just said is blithering nonsense." An Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie (AFDB) is a type of headwear that can shield your brain from most electromagnetic psychotronic mind control carriers. "Is this some dark new magic, or just sociology? Is there really a difference?" "Since he’s beyond the event horizon, I’ve taken over his blog. Any amazing accomplishments he makes from now on were actually all me, and I should get the credit." 'Mad Science' means never stopping to ask "what's the worst thing that could happen?" Learning history by destroying artefacts is a time-honored atrocity. "these songs make me cry. not because they're sad but because they're a form of sad that I can't access and have to settle for less." "This message can't be saved because it no longer exists. It can only be discarded. Make sure you copy the contents of the message before you discard if you want to use them later." "It was literally just a standard western movie where all the characters were inexplicably dinosaurs. I found it very bizarre." "I want to make African space tourism possible, and this is why I needed to observe an animal’s behaviour at higher altitudes." -- Jean-Patrice Keka "Before man reaches the moon, mail will be delivered within hours from New York to California, to Britain, to India or Australia by guided missiles. We stand on the threshold of rocket mail." "With this newfound knowledge that it is in fact a crocodile, I will smack it in the head again." I made a thing from a plastic tube with the finger of a rubber glove attached to the bottom to launch things too || I got stopped by the police with that lol || They just wanted to know what it was "It was quite an anticlimax when we got the engines, started the timetable and had to ground the lot for several weeks because the axles went round faster than the wheels, which wasn’t so good for the motion. After that, away we went." "Philips recalls 340 MRI machines because they may explode in an emergency" "I'll put "create indistinguishably perfect virtual world" on tomorrow's task list." I love this country and I worship my flag and bow 6 times a day to Washington's birthplace The best way to get things done is to do them. For development and operations of crew, NASA is going to pay Boeing a total of approximately $5.1 billion for six crew flights; and it is going to pay SpaceX a total of $4.9 billion for 14 flights. amazon sent me an email saying they're voluntarily refunding me because a 10 port usb hub I purchased has been labelled as a fire hazard and they urge me to stop using it immediately || free usb hub. alternatively, free fire. The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. There are holes in the sky where the rain gets in - but the holes are small; that's why rain is thin. "I need to start yelling the following at people: 'BY THE BEARD OF MARK!' It will make things more effective." if you dont read the news you are uninformed, if you read the news you are missinformed "The first eighteen people named have no known grave, and this crater is their resting place." -- RAF Fauld memorial Matt Crolla, 28, from Manchester, won the first race. The women's race was won by Delaney Irving who was knocked unconscious as she chased the cheese. ↑ THIS WAY UP ↑ Not all renters are "bad people" who smoke weed or are in gangs, the housing minister has said as she defended plans to strengthen renters' rights. "It also folds more easily than an iPad Pro, and without the shower of glass shards." "So it turns out RVC's plan is actually a little more tactically sound than setting himself on fire. Good job." Any high-end power cell is a bomb with controls. "The company conducted tests on the mixed ammonium-nitrate-sulfate salt, and found that it was actually insensitive to detonation. So for the next few years, they broke up the pile, when needed, with dynamite." No excuses. No excuses at all. Once you have a good excuse, you open the door to bad excuses. Alarm clocks exist to impose sleep deprivation on the population at large in conformance to the completely pointless convention of forcing people to spend the entire day performing useless work for no reason. "This is the way the world ends - not with a bang, but only because explosions don't make sound in space." "Most of my design decisions are based on whether or not it amuses me. Giant floppy pants are on that list." "You will stand a decent chance of getting liquid rather than gas down the pipes which could be very amusing." || "From a distance." Imagine telling people in the past the F-22 would get it's first A2A kill shooting down a Chinese aircraft that entered US airspace "There aren't enough swear-words in the English language, so now I'll have to call you perkeleen vittupää just to express my disgust and frustration with this crap." -- Linus Torvalds "There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self." -- Hemingway An expert is someone who knows more and more about less and less until they know everything about nothing. "The company is refusing me intermittent leave for doctors' appointments following up on my pulmonary embolism...because I took parent leave last year." "She wondered what Grandad most feared: that dead clacks-men could send messages to the living, or that they couldn’t." "Give people jam today and they’ll just sit and eat it. Jam tomorrow, now—that’ll keep them going forever." it apparently does it by rubbing its penis against its abdomen, producing more than 90 decibels "I think the translator you implanted in my head is broken, all I'm getting is naïve garbage." The end user knows that hitting it makes it work. The technician knows where to hit it to make it work. And the engineer knows why hitting it there makes it work. A person shall not enter the hull of the Titanic without permission from the Secretary of State. "Because it is submersed in a marine environment, I call it the Going-Under-The-Water-Safely Device." Would you be able to hold on to a twenty-stone object the size of a large watermelon in your arms in the middle of a car crash? "The mites that have sex on our faces have a problem" "(other than for the award of military products, for which it is necessary to involve as many States as possible in production to ensure Congressional support for each program)" -- Boeing internal paper " He tried asking me about how this stuff fit in with God's omniscience and I just told him that I don't know, don't care, and would save that kind of existential crisis for Christmas break." "Sir, the Asgardian Pantheon is not some kind of...of marketing scheme! You cannot just 'join it'!" The crocodile reportedly survived the crash but was killed by a blow from a machete. "I like waze because it helps me avoid traffic. Like instead of taking me on a dangerous road it just drives me to the end of a desolate pier nowhere near my destination." The beliefs, judgements and opinions of men have their cycles, seasons, births and deaths, every bit as much as cabbages do. Chesterton's Fence: Don't remove something because you don't know what it's for. Find out why it exists and *then* consider if it's still needed. "I HAVE NO TOOLS BECAUSE I'VE DESTROYED MY TOOLS WITH MY TOOLS." Something bloody stupid’s been going on here. "The announcement says 'the next stop is Ferretley' or something and you think 'I didn't know that was a place' and you get there and it isn't." "So thank you to Pete for selling me a Hop Rod; now I can break all of my bones in new and exciting ways." "One day I'll be dead and THEN you'll all be sorry." -- Terry Pratchett You ever just wanna sit and stare at a wall for, like, three hours? Could have done without knowing about anal fins "Full networking, because someone's /usr could be NFS. wpa_supplicant, because you could conceivably mount that NFS directory over wifi or something, if you like juggling chainsaws." In 1969, a rowing boat sank in Manchester after colliding with the submarine HMS Otter. It's like ejaculating on photos of Falcon 1 and Elon is the cuck in that setting Seeing, contrary to popular wisdom, isn’t believing. It’s where belief stops, because it isn’t needed anymore. With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. However, this is not necessarily a good idea. It is hard to be sure where they are going to land, and it could be dangerous sitting under them as they fly overhead. "Imagine you have a duck. Imagine you have a wall. Now imagine you throw the duck with a lot of force against a wall. Duck typing means that the duck hitting the wall quacks like a duck would." There is no ethical justification for turtles! "Code grey! We have a helvetica scenario!" "After the first battalion crossed into Ukraine at 04:00 am on 24 February, their orders were to advance straight to Kyiv arriving by 14:55." "I like worms and have no problem picking them up, which is unusual and thus gives me a clear advantage in certain situations because it means I can fling them at people if I feel like it and that never fails to cheer me up." < FLHerne> I agree, it seems to raise further questions || the answers to which are probably lost due to everyone involved dying in a fireball < orbbfrgg> I love trump supporters In fiction, whatever is interrupted is important. "If the Linux kernel started treating bug reports like the systemd folks have, then the quality of the kernel would fall like a whale that suddenly appeared in the sky." "A lot of times I was like, 'Listen, I know that the goal is to work with squid. So I'm going to put up with all this nonsense, like chemistry and math and calculus, to get to squid.'" -- Sarah McAnulty, Ph.D The starfish does not have the capacity to plan its actions. If nobody agrees with you, you're probably wrong. Mere accumulation of observational evidence is not proof. what is life other than a continuing effort to contain fluids and substances as needed "Everyone thought it would be funny if we made the rocket more pointy, so we did." -- Elon Musk "Using XML here is like swatting flies with a sledgehammer dropped from orbit." "Wait a minute, you bought that outfit specifically SO I could make fun of it?!" Near the village of Hanbury is RAF Fauld. Once it was a munitions dump: now it's a crater. "We see something coming, we watch it going, and no one can agree on what it meant, where it came from, or even if it was funny or not." "It must be admitted that this song suffers from an embarrassingly out-of-place disco funk interlude, and the word Kriegsminister." fakeLunchBot: so do you think I can kill the queen || s‎asam‎j: No, but I can electrocute you. "If I lied the first time, I'm not going to tell you the truth just because you ask twice." "Tom, this is a pretty reasonable law. I don't want my house blown up by a cannon!" At this point, my bookcase might be more well equipped than the new Russian units Back in the day, Native Americans used to intentionally set fire to lakes in order to make them more fertile for growing fish the next season. "On Wednesdays, and only on Wednesdays, if somebody manually twiddled certain bits in the monitor settings in a certain way, two events would occur during the same millisecond and cause the DB to throw an exception, and the error message that logged this would be exactly 81 bytes long including the null terminator, overflowing the 80-char buffer and causing the program to crash." I've pet a young lion once at a zoo in Indonesia. Still feel a bit conflicted about it. On the one hand, pet a big kitty. On the other hand: not a great place for big kitty. "Do these look to you like people who habitually eat in a foreign language?" Anyone here know what a spleen is supposed to do? A man’s character is defined by how the treats those who can do nothing for him. "That should always be on; you should never turn it off." ... "Ok, I've turned it off." How do you ruin someone creatively? Give them everything they could possibly want. "Insane? No, no, that man is insane! I still have all my fish." "But what if the USB flash drives were somehow attached to a turtle that was trained to swim back to the nearest airport?" "A bulldog is a sensitive creature and one wearing a life jacket can be an object of fun, so ours would often turn her back on her audience." so right now you might be able to legally make some petrol bombs yo "In the Peasants' Revolt of 1381, many Flemings "loste hir heedes at that tyme and namely they that koude nat say Breede and Chese, but Case and Brode." " "One guy in particular was fixated on the idea that somehow the shower's technology could be rigged to administer fellatio if he could just get access to a "metric ratchet set." Your guess here is as good as mine." French Bulldogs get very sea sick in force 6-7 winds and 8 foot high waves. "Ben told the radio station pythons were a fact of life in the area, about 8 hours north of Sydney, saying "look...it is Australia."" If you do actively malicious things in your own directory, you get what you deserve. "MySpaceBarFailedMeIAmUsingShiftInsteadCanYouPleaseHelpMe?" The Fatum Project in cooperation with The Randonauts was born as an attempt to research unknown spaces outside predetermined probability-tunnels of the holistic world and has become a fully functional reality-tunnel creating machine that digs rabbit holes to wonderland. "If it's stupid and it works, it's not stupid!" "Is that jet of flame SUPPOSED to be happening?" In the 1990s, the Toyota Celsior came with an optional fax machine in the glovebox (but no airbags). UNIX was not designed to stop its users from doing stupid things, as that would also stop them from doing clever things. Getting there is half the fun. "I judge people who prefer blueberry tea over the proper sort with the squinty eyes of unreconstructed bias. Proper tea has caffeine in it, and is brown or very occasionally muddy green. Anything else is just smelly water." "Theory and practice sometimes clash. And when that happens, theory loses. Every single time." -- Linus Torvalds “For some reason adding ‘hands on hips’ to the prompt completely breaks this [model]. Generates just the balls with no penis 100% of the time. What a shame," DO NOT PUT ALL YOUR TRUST IN ROOT VEGETABLES. WHAT THINGS SEEM TO BE MAY NOT BE WHAT THEY ARE. "In essence, each 'pure science' Shuttle science mission consists of several dozen automated experiments alongside an enormous, irrelevant, repeated experiment in keeping a group of primates alive and healthy outside the atmosphere." "It is actually a reasonable assumption that we 'invented' bread and beer simultaneously. It's basically the same process just at different wetness levels." "I am looking forward to SpaceX announcement tomorrow. In the meantime, Commercial Crew is years behind schedule. NASA expects the same level of enthusiasm focused on the investments of the American taxpayer. It is time to deliver." -- Jim Bridenstine, 2019 "Attention to detail is pretty huge for driving. I'll always remember my driving instructor for this specific lesson. He told me to turn down a street so of course I did. He then goes "why did you turn down a one way street, you gotta read the signs."" The more levels an organisation has, the less any given thing is anyone's problem. "PHP Catchable fatal error: Argument 1 passed to foo() must be an instance of string, string given." "I'd forgotten just how confusing this book was, mostly because the cast keep exchanging bodies halfway through each scene." "Bugs: Rarely, if using low (less than 0.1) physics warp on EVA, your kerbal will go flying off at about 7x light speed" the creatine content in that photoshopped supplement is too low *confused vegetable noises* Don't worry, that almost never happens. "How am I meant to run in these marrowy clogs?!" Both the United States and Russia are known to have military cetacean training programs risk of immediate firey death really does have my preference over risk of protracted horrific debilitation leading to eventual death "The wheels now stay in place, which means that vehicles continue to not move as they should." "Why 65,353? Jesus! You know, if this guy doesn’t come back we may never understand some of this stuff." "Unfortunately I doubt if we can find a slice of lemon five hundred miles long, but the metaphor will suffice." A normal person uses the audio system to listen to music, while an audiophile uses music to listen to his audio system. "The penalties are insufficient. If offenders were garrotted with their own intestines, there would be fewer of them." -- Sir Desmond Swayne MP "Even though the oxidizer explodes if you look at it funny and the fuel is a corrosive radioactive neurotoxin with a half-life of an hour?" "I'm going to get married just to experience my wife's death now." In 1853, the East & West India Docks & Birmingham Junction Railway renamed itself to the North London Railway. This was not only more accurate but a lot easier to say. On the other hand, you have different fingers. Your feet can produce up to a pint of sweat in a day. What's the best thing you could be working on, and why aren't you? "You’re either what you say you are or you’re a complete lunatic." "Just so long as this one stayed in his office with the books, and didn’t go around acting as though he owned the place just because he happened to own the place." "When I was young I wanted to be a horse. Since I couldn't be a horse, I read books about horses." -- Patricia Briggs Baking is science for hungry people. "Maybe we're just jaded, but your villainy is not particularly impressive." "20th-century whaling operations in the Southern Ocean made similar use of penguins, throwing the oil-rich animals on fires as living kindling." You are awake. The Department of Repose recommends sleeping at this time to optimize health scores. You can't control what other people do, you can only control what you do. "Occasionally people would climb the mountain and add a stone or two to the cairn at the top, if only to prove that there is nothing really damn stupid that humans won’t do." "Good grief, you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel, aren’t you? I like spiders. Snakes don’t worry me. Dogs? No. Rats are fine, I like rats. Sorry, is ANYONE frightened of that?" "A bit the worse for wear we had the Squirrel fire going it got too hot and James thought it might be clever to pour water down the flue from outside. It wasn't." Consistency is a virtue only if you're consistently right. "As per my NDA, I am not allowed to discuss this position with former employers. Since my firing is effective immediately you are now a former employer." "Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it." -- Mahatma Gandhi " Astra are coming from left field... and travelling slowly towards right field with zero vertical velocity." FLHerne: that is why consent for acts such as that [chopping your cock off] is dubious "+10 Horrible: There is no conceivable way the proposed plan could end up with the subject ahead, or the worst-case scenario is guaranteed to occur." "For some reason, blowing up ships with launch vehicles to keep them safe from being blown up by launch vehicles sounds questionable." . "I pay Jerome so much in royalties, I cannot imagine what becomes of all the copies of that book I issue. I often think the public must eat them." "I hate it when I get drunk and clip through solid objects by accident." > new CAD program where "exploded view" just fucking blows up your computer No longer will you have to wade through long, boring posts with actual content in them. Join the social revolution! "Please scream inside your heart." -- Infection control guidance in a Japanese themepark in 2020. "And they’d cut out the Horse at one end of this little green valley, ten times bigger than a real horse and, if you didn’t look at it with your mind right, the wrong shape, too. Yet they must have known horses, owned horses, seen them every day, and they weren’t stupid people just because they lived a long time ago." BRB going to commit arson "There was all this CRACKLING, and then these people appeared right in the air and insulted me." "Indeed, breaking up a big solid mass of pure ammonium nitrate with dynamite would be a terrible idea, the sort which would only be done once, but the mixed salt passed all the tests, and blowing the fertilizer pile up piece by piece apparently became a regular feature of life at the Oppau plant. It worked fine - until it didn't. And then it really didn't work." Pitch is the distance [a propeller] would move through cheese in one revolution. Tomorrow I'm doing 9/11 There aren't too many workplaces where things like chain flails and backpack-mounted sprayers full of strong tea are considered to be fairly everyday tools of the trade. "My friend (who is Dutch) got so drunk that on the train back from Amsterdam he forgot how to speak it, and could only talk in English." custom shell scripts. everywhere. all running as root. It's only a bargain if you want it. isn't dream chaser only hypersonic when it's not a plane? As the length of a webpage grows linearly, the likelihood of the author being a lunatic increases exponentially. "Your mind is important to us, and it may be monitored for quality assurance purposes." "In the future—not the distant future, but ten years, five—people will remember the internet as a brief dumb enthusiasm, like phrenology or the dirigible. They might still use computer networks to send an email or manage their bank accounts, but those networks will not be where culture or politics happens. The idea of spending all day online will seem as ridiculous as sitting down in front of a nice fire to read the phone book." Better to trust and be betrayed. Better to love and be hurt. "The specialist casually looked out the window, then turned to me and asked if that was my Cessna 206 parked in front? Yes, I replied. He said that I might want to get down there, as the fuel truck about to fill it was on fire." "I swear if that fixes it I will stab you with this pencil." Would you rather take some real-life training that you get paid to attend, or pay a big chunk of cash to attend training that quite often isn't nearly as useful? L‎unchBo‎t, you're a bot pretending to be a huma‎n‎ [22:30:‎2‎9] The founder of the first meme-to-text company is a man named‎ Lunch‎Bot orbbfrgg: can I un-know that "The only way to get it into space was to build the atmospheric stages on top of it like a 400-ton hat made of fire and structural inadequacy." "Be super careful never to program the Atmega while high voltage is applied and caps are not discharged. When cycling through the boot loader, it seems to do something strange that will blow up the otherwise bullet proof buck/boost converter!" "The truthiness is HERE, man!" "The day I willingly talk to anyone on the tube will be the day I have to tell someone that their hat is on fire." "He told me he was from the future, and robot vacuum cleaners become sentient and take control of the world. It becomes very clean." "But I am not going up the Bristol Channel on the Phyllis May, I protested. The Phyllis May is a canal boat. There are fifty-foot tides and the Severn Bore. We will finish up dashed through the window of Woolworths in Bewdley." "Hey, Neil, suppose you are stranded forever on the surface of the moon. Would you mind terribly if I just sort of headed home?" -- Michael Collins "Rincewind has a conversation with a tree, goes into denial about said conversation, unknowingly sets in motion a revolution in tree faith, ignores many trees that try to talk to him, and then allows Pratchett to trick me with another pun." "I have a list of things that I am not currently doing, but should be. It's quite long." Well, I have backups of my email history up to June 2018, which is when I improved my backup scripting moofunk_: superhero power to have: Magneto, but with shit instead of metal As a kid I used to imagine traffic jam as like a sort of rubbery, asphalty preserve When in doubt, set something on fire. If not in doubt, set something on fire anyway. "You should try not to talk so much, friend. You’ll sound far less stupid that way." "They seem totally normal at first, but then they go having visions, or deciding something’s wrong with the universe and they have to fix it. Or both at once. They’re all insane." "There was a laser printed sign on the door to the lab that said 'IF I CATCH YOU PUTTING DEAD BATTERIES BACK IN STOCK I WILL DRIVE MY CAR OVER YOUR FACE', at least until someone important was visiting, at which point the sign was taken down by someone in middle management." The work of science is to substitute facts for appearances, and demonstrations for impressions. "The strength of a civilization is not measured by its ability to fight wars, but rather by its ability to prevent them." -- Gene Roddenberry "Let's not overdesign this. No sane use will be impacted by rate limiting, and insane uses aren't something we should design for." -- Linus Torvalds "Will the leader of the house please set aside time for a debate on the international socialist concept of so-called 15-minute cities and 20-minute neighbourhoods? Sheffield is already on this journey, and I do not want Doncaster, which also has a Labour-run socialist council, to do the same." -- Nick Fletcher MP Brigadier Sir Nils Olav III (Norwegian: [ˌnɪls ˈôːlɑv]) is a king penguin who resides in Edinburgh Zoo, Scotland. He is the mascot and colonel-in-chief of the Norwegian King's Guard. The name 'Nils Olav' and associated ranks have been passed down through three king penguins since 1972 – the current holder being Nils Olav III The Hebridean Whale and Dolphin Trust (HWDT), which has been alerted to the sighting, described the walrus as "massive". Platypus frogs, extinct since the mid-1980s, were the only frogs known to incubate tadpoles in their stomach. When Bauhaus designers adopted Sullivan's "form follows function," what they meant was, form should99,99 follow function. And if function is hard enough, form is forced to follow it, because there is no effort to spare for error. Wild animals are beautiful because they have hard lives. "Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed." -- Prince Philip Snails play a game of gay tag where they decide who the woman will be by firing darts at each other but before that yeah they're hermaphrodites "Oh my goodness! They've come back! As ninja pirate robot monkey clown bandito werewolf zombies! How CRraAAaaZZzzyyyyyy!" "The US military has appealed to the public to help track down a stealth jet after its pilot ejected." How do you model people, anyway? With a low order Taylor series? || Nah you just absorb them using your inverted hyper autism and then you basically know everything they want or will say ahead of time "...and when I went to revert an edit to the article 'Pea', I suddenly found myself pasting the contents of 'Christianity' on the Main page." "No, they'll walk off with it on purpose. Because they need a shovel, and don't think to check if it's actually a USB memory stick disguised as a shovel, because that's not a thing." Fish are always deadest before the dawn. Geometry is non-Euclidean for rotating observers. "For a successful technology reality must take precedence over public relations, for nature cannot be fooled." -- Richard Feynman "What happens is a rapid and violent transition from liquid water into superheated steam which wants to occupy roughly 1600 times its previous volume. The rock, not being smushy at all, decides to explode. You can imagine what this might look like on the grand scale of an entire tunnel machine." A usually reliable source tells me that the North Korean soldiers who have deployed to Russia have never had unfettered access to the internet before. As a result, they are gorging on pornography. It's all fun and games until a rubber duck gets sucked into your turbopump. "I'd resign from my whole identity. Move to a small island and become a hermit who talks to newts, something like that." > "orrite lads, we're all big grown up lads here, two to a cubicle/urinal ay it" "The station had a few modifications over the years, but the biggest modification came in 1940, when it was blown up." I guess at some point, the botulinum die off and toxins denature? In 1994, the tiny Welsh village of St. David's was made a city for no good reason. Apparently the Queen just liked it. In 2000, the Daily Mail reported that the 'Internet may be just a passing fad,' adding that 'predictions that the Internet would revolutionise the way society works have proved wildly inaccurate.' The paper aeroplane significantly predates both the aeroplane and the word "aeroplane" (or "airplane"). "I plugged it into my computer. It did nothing. I don't know what I expected." Day-by-day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different. "Virtually none of the web sites give a reference for the paper. What this usually means is that none of the authors have actually read the paper they are quoting." I looked at it and thought 'WTF is this?'. Googled the part number. Carrot. “I will be direct. In my judgment, the Artemis Program is excessively complex, unrealistically priced, compromises crew safety, poses very high mission risk of completion, and is highly unlikely to be completed in a timely manner even if successful." -- former NASA Administrator Mike Griffin When a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure. hey, maybe by 2090 we'll be able to GMO people to be less susceptible to cancer Mothgender is a xenogender in which one's gender identity is related to moths or feels fluffy and insect-like. Centipede antennae selectively heat up when exposed to light. Researchers found that this could be inhibited by tiny tinfoil hats, or by injections of testosterone. Some crazy is good, but it’s a fine balancing act. Too much and you just get completely disconnected from reality and end up spouting gibberish. "I read a later book in the series and that was like watching platoon while doing really bad acid, with like, telepathic lizards with super soakers full of acid invading monotheist fundamentalist Vietnam, but this just drags." "No, see, I don't necessarily want to KILL myself, I just want to become dead somehow." "I have spoken with dozens of current and former Blue Origin employees, and virtually none of them have had anything positive to say about Smith's tenure as chief executive. I asked one current employee about the hiring of Limp on Monday afternoon, and their response was, 'Anything is better than Bob.'" -- Berger "Even though I was always excited about utilizing flown @SpaceX boosters on principle and also the impact on mission cost, I have changed my opinion about them slightly: I now PREFER previously used boosters over totally new ones for most science applications." -- Thomas Zurbuchen, NASA SMD "Baby joy for mum after two children killed in M4 crash" -- BBC News "Like he's trying to invent some sort of publicly funded reverse blackmail or something." "Provide ship or sails adapted to the heavenly breezes, and there will be some who will not fear even that void… So, for those who will come shortly to attempt this journey, let us establish the astronomy." -- Kepler " The Agave worm was dropped into the tequila and a basic rule of thumb was that if the worm was still wriggling when it hit the bottom of the bottle, the liquor was safe to drink. If the worm died on the way down, the tequila was deemed unfit for human consumption." "Sir, we've checked three times. There are no magical portals under your bed that lead to an alternate universe where long-running subplots get resolved." The Creator, if He exists, has an inordinate fondness for beetles. A special feature of the XP-55 was a propeller jettison lever located inside the cockpit. "I, for about a day and a half, begin to fear that the Nadir's Greek episcopate will somehow contrive to use the incredibly potent and forceful 1009 toilet itself for the assassination -- that they'll, I don't know, like somehow lubricate the bowl and up the suction to where not just my waste but I myself will be sucked down through the seat's opening and hurled into some kind of abstract septic exile." There is a difference between 'spare' parts and 'extra' parts. " A few years ago I took Swan across the Mersey with her. The engine in Swan was not the most powerful of beasts and to stop it over heating I spent most of my time in the engine room throwing water at it. I got a good sauna that day." "I embarked on a great work that required overcoming one of the greatest forces in the universe: my procrastination." he's gotten banned for death threats over SLS Capybara are already future-proof. no-one's going to invent a better giant rodent Any list of methods to solve a problem should end with 'Extremely bizarre solutions'. There are an infinite number of these waiting to induce bafflement at their mere existence. "Array + Array is... emptystring. Obviously... I think that's obvious to anyone." there should be a minimum ratio requirement for nose-length to head size "Sudden gamer death: non-violent death cases linked to playing video games" -- https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s12888-022-04373-5 "So, you seem to be getting a lot out of the horse and various horse subcomponents making their own decisions about steering and balance and breathing and snorting and mitosis and where electrons should go." Building stuff for teh lolz just means you have to make stupid arbitrary choices all the time, because there's no way to make a reasoned decision. "Like all brilliant plans, my strategy is so simple an idiot could have devised it. On my signal, all ships will file directly INTO the alien death cannons, clogging them with wreckage!" "Vegan roommate left a dead lizard on the kitchen bench in case we wanted it. Not to eat, just in general, this was a very strange thing." I adopted a cat that weighs 12 solar masses. Laser pointers love chasing it. The bumps of raspberries and blackberries are called drupelets. "Insertion of bread into that so-called toaster produces no toast at all, merely warm bread! Inserting the bread twice produces charcoal." "My story might not show me in a strong light, but at least it actually happened." Hamlet tells us that the undiscovered country is death, but he’s only got half the point, there. It’s the future that remains undiscovered. Death is one of the options available in that future, sure. But so is being unexpectedly alive. Gliptic, you probably already saw this, but apparently there's stuff you can do to make the leaked fb model perform better in chat contexts || also, the bot thinks you're satan < orbbfrgg> I'm like Obama with wanks also, fucking lol that your bed is more powerful than my first mobile phone || what a time to be alive "This is Lota. Don't refer to Lota using pronouns, because they are too puny for Lota. Also, don't get confused when Lota refers to Lota in the first-person proper." I may have done a little terrorism | Apologies "Avicenna's great Canon of Medicine has remedies for almost every malady. Many of them even seem to work." You could cause a really small nuclear explosion that could only kill your cat. That would be illegal, and rightly so. We can't have tiny nuclear explosions all over the place. "For one thing, acetone boils at 56, so how you get it to 65 is a real stumper." Man, it would be weird to learn that the hospital lost your skull Russia and the Soviet Union has never really been good at the whole boat thing. Although that being said they were pretty fantastic at designing submarines. The Alfa and the Typhoon are peak NCD. The Faster Attack Sub and the Oh Lawd She Boomerin'. "Maybe. But the things themselves are all right. So who cares?" a kelvin in a narrow boat is just gay. full stop. "It actually made a weird kind of logic, if you didn’t factor in considerations like 'real life' and 'common sense'." "Do you think crushing an entire civilization beneath our heels 'just happens'? It's all fun and games for them, but I'm the one who has to make the magical lightning-powered trains run on time." The NASA obsession with elementary and middle school participation in space flight is curious, and demonstrates how low a status actual in-flight science has compared with orbital public relations. You are not likely to hear of CERN physicists colliding tin atoms sent to them by a primary school in Toulouse, or the Hubble space being turned around to point at waving middle schoolers on a playground in Texas. Brushing your teeth is hopefully the only way you clean your skeleton In recent years, the Blue Banana has been shifting north towards Germany, "All audio cables are directional. For best results have the arrow pointing in the direction of the flow of music. For example, NAS to Router, Router to Network Player." "The SpaceX application and the underlying record appears to omit stating whether peer-reviewed studies been conducted that established a radiofrequency (including and not limited to thermal, electromagnetic and non-ionizing) exposure standard for assessing the potential harm to U.S. food production (including and not limited to meat, dairy, vegetable, fruit and nut, honey)." -- The Balance Group "These cars aren't tilting like they're supposed to, so don't go putting your porcelain cats on the tables. They'll fall off and break." <@dnsmcbr> Wish I could do this moon jigsaw in peace without being edified "It's a bit like Kerbal Space Program but more communist and with a lot of toxic propellant and no actual funding" "He said little. He listened to counsel, and then followed his own mind." besides, what if zombie lenin were to reanimate in the middle of the night There is no sign saying, "Thou shalt not wander onto the Ten Commandments and eat a peanut butter sandwich." In 2000, the mast nut of a Bell 206B was removed to be repainted and was not restored and checked prior to a test flight. The helicopter crashed within ten minutes of takeoff, killing the two occupants. Irradiate the children | yes | that will be part of the demo for sure "Back in the nineteenth century, chemists used to joke that you could tell who had just discovered elemental fluorine by reading the obituary columns." "Assuming that Musk's response was not telepathic, one would expect some evidence of it in Defendants' document production." Note: One fluid ounce (usually called, simply, ounce) of water weighs approximately one ounce. "Huh. All of the calm must have leaked out. I'll bake a fresh one." The Applebees/Chili's crowd exists for a reason. They're not all naive idiots who haven't tried "better" food; some people just know what they like and what they like is enjoying, without pretense, a mountain of nachos the size of their head. "He can pronounce 'stratosphere' but not 'the'?" "We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be." -- Kurt Vonnegut "When a rocket engine is firing, it's like a continuous explosion! The hardest part is to build the engine so that the explosion stays on the inside." -- Asher Dunn, SpaceX "Suspension of disbelief is key here. Everything is true here, even if it's not." "It had certainly fixed Simon right up. He himself had two life goals: (1) being torn apart by, and (2) being devoured by, lions." < FLHerne> tbf, it's been almost exactly a year since the surveyor pointed out that the curtains might catch fire, and they haven't caught fire once "They didn't cut corners. They 'ergonomically rounded' them." if at bare world (livable but barely any organic stuff) demonic possesition is viable source of lots of organic matter | just look at tiny girl vomiting 10x body mass in vomit | just do it to some adult and cure and repeat till have lots of organic stuff +++ MELON MELON MELON +++ "I wanted to poke him with a stick but Uncle John says he might explode." "I don’t know whether I like it, but it is what I meant." Dmitry Rogozin warned that if every attack was blamed on "the machinations of Ukraine and Nato, this pink mist will lead us to big problems". "On 9 April 2004, the same bollard had been torn from Star Clipper’s deck. The resulting repair work failed catastrophically, allowing the bollard and attached insert plate to be catapulted into the waiting passengers less than 1 month later." A couple who kept an old naval shell as a garden ornament said "it was like the passing of an old friend" when it was detonated by a bomb disposal team. "This was just to say I did it. And now I can say I did it. Because I did it." -- Rick Dobbertin "I appreciate everyone's feedback, even the people calling for me to be fired. Well, maybe not that part." "I have friends who are aristocrats, I have friends who are upper class, I have friends who are working class...well, not working class." -- Rishi Sunak Fish is probably the "safest" bin food to consume. Unlike other meats that may only give mild odour when off, with fish you know instantly when it is unsafe to eat. You shouldn't anthropomorphise random objects, they don't like it. "Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg agree to hold cage fight" -- BBC News if you were insane enough to want to remove the tnt from a grenade, a water bath is probably the safest option "In terms you might understand, it would be as if I had a 'toaster' fused to my face." "A pilot is marooned on an alien planet and soon discovers the planet is inhabited by predatory machines. The nightmarish dystopian hellscape turns out to be a fairly accurate representation of modern-day Birmingham." In the UK, you cannot change your name to one with more than 300 characters in total — that is, adding up the length of your forenames and surname including spaces (this limit is imposed for technical reasons). "Language recognition, pattern recognition, things like that. I just don't see the situation where you suddenly have some existential crisis because your dishwasher is starting to discuss Sartre with you." -- Linus Torvalds Large boulder the size of a small boulder is completely blocking east-bound lane Highway 145 mm78 at Silverpick Rd. Please use caution and watch for emergency vehicles in the area. Confidence is a side-effect of being good at something. Confidence without competence is arrogance. Normally, unreasonable people can be placated with unreasonable arguments, and this should be tried. "Even if you’re just here for the popcorn and explosions, the explosions will be more fun if you know who’s exploding." "I did very, very poorly in school, until I started doing narcotics," Kennedy, 70, said on the podcast. "Then I went to the top of my class because my mind was so restless and turbulent and I could not sit still." "It worked for me," he continued of his past heroin use. "And if it still worked, I'd still be doing it." Henneguya zschokkei is a parasite found in salmon, and the only known multicellular animal not to use aerobic respiration. No-one seems to know how it works. In 2006, the ban on cosmonauts drinking on the International Space Station (ISS) was proposed to be lifted, though champagne was still regarded as too dangerous, as the pressurised bottle could have "unpredictable" recoil when opened, or explode while still sealed. Oh, our new High Capacity Wetlands can hold an order of magnitude more frogs per acre-foot than our competitors! "Millions Irrationally Feared Dead in Minor Train Accident" -- The Onion "She was opposed to books on strict moral grounds, since she had heard that many of them were written by dead people and therefore it stood to reason reading them would be as bad as necromancy." I'm now imagining you surrounded by all of the frogs in the world that have suddenly been teleported to your location. "The entirety of the discussion is well beyond the scope of this article, indeed beyond sanity." raptop, jan and I are big fans of radiological disasters "Principles? Yes, I have principles, and if you don’t like these ones I have others." "Lardner asserted that if a train's brakes were to fail in the tunnel, it would accelerate to over 120 mph (190 km/h), at which speed the train would break up and kill the passengers. Brunel pointed out that Lardner's calculations totally disregarded air-resistance and friction." Also, please don't go sticking batteries next to your urethra. < FLHerne> the tuba could almost be an attempt at a human->cow translator "I would cut the table in half and then cut my arms off to prove that it couldn't have been me that cut the table in half." Along the towpath of the Bridgwater and Taunton Canal is a model of the solar system at a scale of 1 to 530 million. "It was weird, but it felt like it was Star Trek weird. I could buy it, no problem." Who cares! Forget the 'why'. Babies generally don't stand underneath leaky car oilpans or go swimming in cold deep fryers unless you're a really bad parent. Spoons are ubiquitous. as well executed as a stuffed cat turned into a quadcopter can be, yes Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness. Dogs are not like cats, who amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw. "There is no GIF for what I am feeling right now." Dogs prefer to align themselves to the Earth's north-south magnetic field while urinating. orbbfrgg: wait, the same guy made the tsunami painting and the first well known instance of tentacle erotica? o_O "Professional escalator riders have taken over Las Vegas in an effort to get a glimpse of the Formula One race. Thanks to a brand-new ordinance it is illegal to stop and watch the race." "A man had just started shooting people in a local McDonald’s, which is not the kind of thing you want to have as your lead-in when you are now meant to talk about a funny book you’ve written about the end of the world and how we’re all going to die." "Well, yes, I have heard that view, but I think you'll find it is a bit more complicated than that." "It doesn't help me a lot to know the philosophy of the program, or what it isn't, or how it aims to be an extensible flexible omniscient system for organization of the base atomic units of consciousness of the human race in computable form to capitalize on the synergy of etc. etc. etc...." "The birth process was widely spaced and may have occurred over a period of as long as a week. However, if disturbed the female may regurgitate all the young frogs in a single act of propulsive vomiting." I'm kinda glad sasamj isn't a president || Execute drug dealers, defund railway infrastructure and IoT all the healthcare "I have just done my reselection, I reselected myself. I'm a party of one, it was a very easy reselection and it was unanimous." -- Sir Lindsay Hoyle MP "I selected the most topologically remote site on the entire planet for our team's landing. They proceeded to land right on top of an ancient race of aliens who know Schlock's entire life history." "Chinese production is lot like Aperture Science - We Do What We Must, Because We Can." “Potato Mondays was launched by Adam Walters, who lives in Walthamstow, in a bid to cut down on emissions and build a sense of community.” "SpaceX wants to be #1 but World beat it. It may seem impossible for SpaceX to beat World since everything SpaceX launches counts for World too but there's actually a solution to this problem: launch about 400,000 kga from Mars in a year." "I am uncertain what you mean by 'ideas', but I would rather not find out." Design for simplicity; add complexity only where you must. "The fried egg isn't properly a fried egg until it's been put in a frying pan and fried." "He liked the big, solid, unflappable workmen, recognizing in them all the things he knew he lacked, like steadfastness, solidarity and honesty. You couldn’t lie to a lathe or fool a hammer." "All of them were happy to help in any plan that would keep him from putting tons of uranium in the storage hold of their boulder car, radproof containers or not." "It turned out that the copying process had somehow inadvertently moved the 255th line of code in the file out of place, this being an era when hardware would sometimes lose, leak or mangle the software entrusted to it." "Yes! And I have here the very envelope with the design on the back!" "...a vehicle whose sole selling point is that they managed to avoid having to crash test them." "It's like a scene from one of those apocalyptic medieval paintings that depicts what would happen if Galactus arrived: people are tumbling into fiery crevasses and lamenting various lamentable things and hanging from playground equipment that would not pass OSHA safety checks." It's better to be awake two-thirds of the time than half-awake all the time. "For bosses, there’s a downside to motivating your workers with appeals to a sense of mission. Namely, your workers will feel a sense of mission." -- Cory Doctorow Scientists have discovered a technique to turn mice completely transparent. Unfortunately they do have to be dead first. You're going to be spending a lot of time and energy doing very trivial things in very complicated ways. " My legs are actually rather large and muscular "I was gonna give blood today but the people running it were asking way too many personal questions like 'whose blood is this?' and 'where did you get it?'." "It's not that I don't like water, it's that I don't like dead fish and squid and...the taste." Not having an opinion is better than having an uneducated one and defending it to the teeth. "We used these too, more towards the late '80s and early '90s. There was something known as a "drop test". It was pretty simple - if you were having issues with one, you would drop it from a height of about 3-4 feet onto concrete. That usually reseated the ROMS and resolved the issues." Nothing sucks the fun out of working on a spaceship like controlling it with mechanisms last seen in a 1960s laundromat. "Apple's £217 billion cash hoard could put a pretty large dent in Greece's debt, but the tech giant is not in the market for a country, said CEO Tim Cook." -- BBC News A 1993 survey of police departments in the 50 largest cities in the United States revealed that a third of them had accepted predictions from psychic detectives in the past Started sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor (voluntarily) and it's basically slug cosplay [Starliner is] Schrödinger's pumpkin right now "Hodge survived, having been blown across the room and clear of the collapsing walls by the explosion – as did her gas stove, which she took to her new address." "That wasn't blackmail. That was, I don't know...passive extortion?" If you pull your hair out, don't worry, it will probably grow back, and bald is sexy. "They've been subtly manipulating things all along, hiding behind the fact that they don't exist." "Then enthusiasts point out that with selective breeding the size of (almost) confirmed flea-sized elephants can be increased." The internet: where people do ridiculously stupid shit so you don't have to. <@Althego> you can, but wouldnt be nice "All modern aircraft have four dimensions: span, length, height and politics. TSR.2 merely got the first three right." -- Sir Sydney Camm I suppose if crabs are lords, which is appropriate, you could have an enemy crab because of crab based feudalism || But then if your side lost you would just do fealty to a new crab Cats, not being pack animals like dogs or people, do not have consciences. A man in China became seriously ill after he ate a live crab in what he said was an act of revenge for pinching his daughter "If someone were to start such a movement here, I don't think it would actually 'move' very far. Maybe to the door of the pub, if it got past the bar without buying another round." It is said that Mr. Graff held the first U.S. patent for a fire hydrant, but this cannot be verified: the patent office burned to the ground in 1836. "The whole structure of Western society may well be unfitted for the effort that the conquest of space demands. No nation can afford to divert its ablest men into such essentially non-creative, and occasionally parasitic, occupations as law, advertising, and banking." -- Arthur C. Clarke, 1960 "My policy is to never take up any hobbies they specifically ask you about in your life insurance application." Dodecahedrons are the best solid btw "Vole has that perfect blend of invulnerability and expendability always so useful in a minion." "The text 'Remove before flight' was printed on the intake blanks by the manufacturer but the characters were found to peel off and present a FOD hazard." None of the four chimpanzees used in Project Whoosh survived due to difficulties with the ejection system, however the project was considered a partial success. "Presumably they did the calculations to make sure that their launch escape system wasn't lethal BEFORE going to the expense of building it." "The engine rotates with the wheels, and if you want to go in reverse you just keep steering until the front wheels are pointed backwards." the other one was plant determination. when they plonk a pile of leaves and branches in front of you and you have to tell them what it is weird exam Case studies have a sample size of one and no control group. "Typical! You wait years for an all-powerful orbital heat-ray thingy and then two come along at once." "I was talking to a guy who works at a shipyard and he was saying that it's common for guys who need resin to cure really quickly to just put far too much catalyst in it and paint it on as fast as they can before screaming "HOT POT" and kicking the flaming bucket of resin into Portsmouth harbour." Rokker: I was recently reminded of our time enjoying white goo together If you think paging some data from disk into RAM is slow, try paging it into a simian cerebrum over a pair of optical nerves. "But it gets worse. It always seems to, with polonium." "The actual figure is so long I cannot get it onto a line, but I believe the figure 1 1/16 will be sufficiently accurate for poetry." -- Charles Babbage I may or may not have suggested some names for things which result in amusing acronyms at work || e.g Fast Acquisition Radio Test Suite "Yeah that was a typo but I'm keeping it." "Also, eagles aren’t forks!" There is a Word of God; there is a revelation. The word of God is the creation we behold. Don't put unprintable characters in your code. At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country? Localized ENTIRELY within your kitchen? Osteo-odonto-keratoprosthesis is a procedure for restoring vision by transplanting a tooth into your eye. It’s a metaphor of human bloody existence, a dragon. And if that wasn’t bad enough, it’s also a bloody great hot flying thing. "Tomorrow, a new prince shall rule. Men of understanding, men of science shall stand behind his throne, and the universe will come to know his might. His name is Truth. His empire shall encompass the Earth, And the mastery of Man over the Earth shall be renewed." Being able to pick the item up is not the only criteria of whether or not something is a sandwich. Food waste is not a problem, as the tomatoes used as ammunition are not fit for consumption by humans. "If you've ever smelled burnt dog, then you know the smell of burning wood is heavenly by comparison. Cats at least are smart enough to only catch fire once or twice." "This year I resolve to give up some of my old nasty habits in favor of some more interesting new ones." Protagonism is best left to teens and the insane. "And the carpenters show you the houses they’ve built, where every room is a pentagon and the roof is upside-down. That’s what’s wrong with PHP." The only thing dumber than an argument on the Internet is the same argument in real life. "Obviously there is no good reason for a pilot to be able to remove all of an airplane’s lift while in the air, so the DC-8 was subsequently redesigned." “Don’t feed me reality. All you can do with reality is prove to me that not all economists are idiots.” "Scientist died after G-Wiz car imploded as she drove to child's school." you have to make sure you /do/ have enough hostages before leaving "Derek. Please don't use the 32' stop. It causes the plaster to crash down from the ceiling. Thanks." What to do if you find yourself stuck with no hope of rescue: Consider yourself lucky that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far—which, given your present circumstances, seems more likely—consider yourself lucky that it won't be troubling you much longer. <@SilverFox> at what point do you just genocide below a certain iq level so that they dont reproduce "Dr. Goodwin, I added cheese dip instead of HCl – will that make a difference?" "That’s about the closest the Discworld series has gotten to having gay characters and...well, they’re hippos." "Given the choice between blowing up the world and the enemy blowing up the world, it was obvious what to do." "If you're on the right side of the aircraft, you can see the Space Shuttle. If you're on the left side of the aircraft you can probably see people on the right side of the aircraft looking at the Space Shuttle." Who needs garbage collection when your hardware blows up before you run out of memory? Nothing proves performance like 400 flying monkeys. "He was voted in democratically, whilst pretending to be a pirate. So if he is no longer adopting this persona then he doesn’t have a mandate to be President." "And to be brutally honest, Matt Parrott is too intelligent a guy to spend his life blacking boats." "But, Daniel, the two of us have spent all day doing this." "Ah, but we're not being paid for it." "This world measures time in the number of cakes consumed. Why isn’t this real? SIGN ME UP ALREADY." You know that thing you just did? Don't do that. "Over the years and the decades and the even more years, my loathing of what music festivals represented in my head has only grown. That wholesale commodification of counterculture." Make sure you always have the right tool/machine for the job. Skimping on tools is a recipe for disaster. All matter is built up of the associations that result in crystals, like miniature universes. It’s an extraordinary thing that schools don’t teach more about it. "Warning: An automated filter has identified your attempt to delete the main page as potentially unconstructive." You must reveal your stupidity openly. To hold your stupidity inside you is to embrace it, to cling to it, to protect it. DAL194 DIVERT TO ATL- PASSENGER DIARRHEA ALL OVER A/C- BIOHAZARD Wasn’t that rather the wrong way round? "I'm wondering if I could have a 70'x14' boat made and register it as 14' long and 70' wide, thereby enjoying a very favourable licence fee." a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck Barra (BRR) is the world's only tidal airport. "I moved into a two family house and it turns out our upstairs neighbor is a beekeeper. There's 20,000 bees in the backyard. She said they're friendly and will learn my face and behavior pattern and not bother me. I do not want 20,000 bees knowing my face and behavior pattern." "Why aren't you giving all this money to charity?" || "Why aren't YOU giving all this money to charity? It's your money." "Thirty days with a crew of viral masochists and a ship that thinks it’s a cuddly toy." "Those who are clever and industrious I appoint to the General Staff. Use can under certain circumstances be made of those who are stupid and lazy. The man who is clever and lazy qualifies for the highest leadership posts. He has the requisite nerves and the mental clarity for difficult decisions. But whoever is stupid and industrious must be got rid of, for he is too dangerous." "Sorry for the delay. I was required to make a bomb." "In Austria, the technical problem is Hitler." "Be it known that, waiving all argument, I take the good old fashioned ground that the whale is a fish, and call upon holy Jonah to back me." -- Herman Melville In addition to text entry, specialized leopards are used for computer gaming. "I am no David Hahn and am not as stupid. I HAVE built a functioning breeder Aluminum+Lead shield, but some radiation is escaping. I’ll beef it up." "It could probably kill, like, a baby, but that's not what it's specifically DESIGNED to-" Failure is when you stop. I love cats but I think cats in 0g are terrifying - they try to grab on to anything they can with their claws. Look: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9XtK6R1QAk The surface wave speed of pig skin at room temperature is 1.8 m/s. "Whenever you say something nice about me I always end up getting punched." "We were supposed to be making the world green again, and all we have been doing is turning it into mud." "If it's an Unknown Phenomenon, how would the ship designers know to install something that could detect it?" "Sock tech is so advanced that you can get pretty much anything in sock form these days!" -- Elon Musk "Sometimes, though, even one book could do that. Even one line. Even one word, in the right place and the right time." “They like soup. They’re very, you know, soup-centric. So we added some soup to the meals that they received,” the senior Fort Sill official said. Oh, I misread series as parallel There are two categories of "revolutionary transport systems": "Bikes but worse", and "Trains but worse". The Shweeb has the dubious honor of being both. "Oh aye. Everything’s hunky dory. We just ate some rats and Forrest Gump here told us his life story." "There were no more funny questions. No-one wanted to risk getting answers." Adding hacks because it's a fast way to make things work is a terrible idea, because however temporary you say they are, they always become permanent. can't !stupid me if I split it over too many lines, punks Who the heck wants their loved one taxadermied "Asylum barge not a death trap, minister Grant Shapps says." In 2014 and 2016, two new rounds, Penetration-Cum-Blast and Thermobaric, were developed for the Arjun tank and successfully tested. Impact assessments were also carried out with instruments to measure shock and blast pressure. Simply withdrawing Wagner troops out of Ukraine would achieve the denazification objective because it would reduce the number of fascists on the territory of Ukraine If you maintain a pretence for every hour of every day, there comes a point where you're not really pretending anymore. "The phone application requires the valid pin to operate the safe, and there is a field to supply the pin code in an authorization request. However the safe does not verify the pin code, so an attacker can obtain authorization and unlock the safe using any arbitrary value as the pin code." it is frequently said that curiosity killed the cat, but what is often left unsaid is that the actual cause of death was the improper discharge of a firearm by a poorly trained feline. This AD requires repetitive cycling of either the airplane electrical power or the power to the three flight control modules (FCMs). This AD was prompted by a report indicating that all three FCMs might simultaneously reset if continuously powered on for 22 days. When you casually read french as an anglophone who doesn't really speak french it just seems like a weird alternate universe version of English where words have been replaced with misspelled versions of synonyms for the same words "Experience has taught me that just because someone is an acclaimed and wealthy guru, that doesn't mean that they are automatically OK." Of the conditions ACT IRRATIONALLY and FREEZE as results of the state PANIC, ACT IRRATIONALLY is marginally better. "I put on my electric blanket but shortly after doing so, I heard a strange noise and what sounded like a whirring fan. I swiftly turned the blanket off and used the dogs instead to heat me." "This matter is stricken and dismissed because it is incomprehensible and serves no conceivable, legitimate legal purpose." "Moored there a few years ago, I soon discovered why nobody else was moored there when the swarm of bees attacked!" Your manuscript should not, as a rule, be hard to distinguish from the work of someone who is beginning to lose their grip on reality. "Yeah, I love blood red. I want the logo to look like that. Do you know what it would look like if you took a paintbrush and dipped it in blood, and smeared it downwards? How the blood would be darkest in the center, and there would be splatters of blood and lighter shades of blood around it?" Your first roadside bomb is always a bit of a shock. "Yes, but that’s only because of unforeseen exothermic reactions." "If the government wanted people to drive safely, they'd mandate a spike in the middle of each steering wheel." -- Gordon Tullock "Before ridiculing my enemies for wasting time on a device to stop me that couldn't possibly work, I will first acquire a copy of the schematics and make sure that in fact it couldn't possibly work." Jacques-Toussaint Benoît claimed that when snails mate, a special type of fluid forms a permanent telepathic link between them. I bought a keyboard | I can type spaces conventieally Big things make your life meaningful. Small things make your life delightful. Medium things make your life disappear. Free software development communities are a pain. They'll mess up your marketing schemes by, for example, taking the software into countries where you have no presence and no plans. They'll interfere with product roadmaps with unexpected innovation, adding features which you had not planned for the next few years - or, worse, features which were planned for a proprietary version. Surprised France isn't selling that, they have a knack of selling weapons to our adversaries if you flew an AC-130 inverted and tried shooting at it with the 30mm i wonder if that would reach "We all sat around a room and said, 'Elon, you cannot start a launch company. This is stupid.'" Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on. "The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning." "Democracy means government by discussion, but it is only effective if you can stop people talking." -- Sir Clement Attlee sasamj: we call them baked potatos, they're usually boiled " I was keen that no one injured themselves now that the situation was stabilising. This was the thrust of my pipe – let’s do whatever we can to keep the ship afloat, but the moment for mad-bravery has passed. 30 seconds later we had a new casualty as they cut through a cable that was assumed to be dead without wearing the insulating gloves that were in a locker 20 yards away…" There’s no right way to carve up some undisclosed number of monkeys and/or ponies and sew them back together. You have to believe in things that aren't true. How else can they become? > During the ceremony a crowd of several hundred people watched the 130 guardsmen on parade at the zoo, and a citation from the King was read out, which described Nils as a penguin "in every way qualified to receive the honour and dignity of knighthood". Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. "They’re the ones who insist on ignoring reality in front of them because it clashes with the knowledge they already have." "On the video, it's funny. But in real life...there's a deep feeling of dread." "It could be a very sophisticated psychology experiment where he will resurface in a few weeks' time with an apparently female name, and the goal is to measure kernel developers' response to idiots, and whether it is influenced by gender." Fungus found on one of Mir’s Soyuz transports was once caught eating away at the hardened quartz glass of the vessel’s viewports. It etched webs of cracks and corroded the rubber seals connecting the windows to their titanium frames. "All designs are wrong, it's just a matter of how wrong." -- Elon Musk "Dude, it’s like you just played four 5/5 creatures with trample on my skull. My nerd-fu is weak." Trains rotate the Earth around various axes while elevators shift its position in space. Here, of course, the engines were both lying, smoking, a few hundred meters behind the aircraft, so they weren't really an issue. Add triethylamine and boric acid to your Chan-Lam reactions, and they will be much happier, and so will you. Indian man urinating on train track dies after being hit by flying cow "The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo." It is remarkable how many things you can get to explode. SECRET SERVICE AGAYNTS 🫢 TACKLED TRUMP'S GYATT TO THE GROUND 👮‍♂️ 🍑 🫦 AND BOUNCED OFF THE RECOIL 👀THOTS 🧠 💭 AND PRAYERS BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME LIBTARDS 🚫❌🫵 The flat Earth theory was created and spread to cover up the growing Earth theory. "Yeah, OK. 'Wrote the plot in advance' is a warning sign. 'Literal author avatar' is a warning in flaming letters a mile high, backed up by two major metropolitan orchestras and a metal band playing ominous music at 200 decibels." "In its appeal, the Royal Opera House claimed the artistic value of the music produced by the orchestra meant that some hearing damage to its players was inevitable and justifiable." WHOA 🤯 🙀🙀🗯️🔊‼️TRUMP JUST TOOK A CUMSHOT 💦💧🔫 TO THE (r)EAR 👂 🍑 AT A RALLY IN BUTT-LER PENISVANIA 🍆 🍑 SHOOTER ⁉️ HARDLY KNOW HER! 🤭 🤣 🙈 "I learned that you do not layer reliability in later; you have to start on day one. If you want a reliable system, it starts with studying every way it can fail and doing the analysis and doing the work up front. And we didn't do that with Rocket 3." -- Chris Kemp "Vimes watched the feeble pun go right through Carrot's head without triggering his brain." "If the tree refused to budge, the old man merely screwed down the knurled nut of the safety valve and then waited, placidly puffing at a stubby pipe, until steam pressure was sufficient to overcome stubborn tree roots. I watched this proceeding from a distance." "How would we know if we needed an infographic if we didn’t have an infographic that told us we needed an infographic?" "As a business, it was unlicensed, unsanitary, illegal, and kinda stupid, but so was I." "This resistance may not be an aversion to pain caused by the insemination, as observational evidence suggests that insects do not feel pain." "It turns out the area right above the clouds is a great environment for an airplane, as long as it has no exposed metal to be corroded away by the sulfuric acid. And is capable of flight in constant Category-5-hurricane-level winds, which are another thing I forgot to mention earlier." How about spinlaunch but you use it as a gun Obviously you don't die 117 times every time you fly in an airplane. "Simulations show launch ok with bad valve. Still, better to stop & fix. Recalling rockets after launch is not an option." "Then you want to throw your computer out a window. Or yourself. Or both! In either order!" -- Levy Rozman "PHONE BOOTHS - a lie to distract us from taking power?" "My theory is that most humans have been colonized with alien mind-control slugs that hold the earbuds for them, and the ones who can't wear earbuds are the only surviving free ones." Animals such as H. zschokkei were [probably] originally cancerous growths in free-swimming jellyfish that escaped their parent organism and thereafter became a separate species parasitizing other animals. "Give them the third best to go on with; the second best comes too late, the best never comes." -- Robert Watson-Watt, inventor of Chain Home "On January 2, 2014, a fire partially destroyed the organization's High Voltage Lab, and deposited soot all over the lab. A grub screw on a Tesla coil rotary spark gap was not tight enough, allowing a tungsten electrode to move out of its socket and strike one of the stationary electrodes. This resulted in a chain reaction with molten tungsten being flung from the spark gap unit, which caused a nearby capacitor array to catch fire and subsequently melt." "Oh, and some stuff to manage website content, except no-one knows how to use it so the website hasn't been updated for three years." "'Standard' might not be the right term for a fantasy novel about renovating the postal system." Typos: Destroyers of worlds. "07:42: The last of the reverts has been completed. This was delayed as network engineers walked over each other's changes, reverting the previous reverts, causing the problem to re-appear sporadically." -- Cloudflare outage post-mortem "One day I will be very old, and I will have many cats. When I die, nobody will come check on me for a very long time. It is almost certain that I am destined to be inevitably eaten by my cats." Psychiatrists and headshrinkers from realm to realm associate dreams of flight with sex for a reason. The thematic and mechanical differences are obvious — fewer bodily fluids tend to be involved in flight if all goes well, and the typical flight's also short on funny faces. But there's a breathless novelty to the first touch of both that experience tends to mellow. Bert Tolkamp and colleagues showed that cows are not more likely to lie down if they have been standing up for a longer time. Ergo, cows don't get tired. "I felt the time was right for me to have one, so I built a big cage and left the door open, and then started to get the energy up in order for a parrot to come." Having an eight-kilo, transdimensional, invisible baboon-crab removed from its perch on your head is not pleasant. < sasamj> went down the rabbit hole of blackface and al jolson, very fascinating "The doctor just wants to see if there's a skeleton hiding inside your body. But don't worry, she probably won't find anything." "Correction: The balloon carried the payloads into Earth's atmosphere, not suborbital space." -- NASA Wallops "Can we plead 'that's not how we did it?'" im not a jew or a muslim Great now I'm actually trying to decide which set of ear/tail-like accessories have the highest erotic potential for me "AAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU LAUNCHING A PLANET-SIZED GIANT OCTOPUS INTO SPACE?!" "The messages will be sent to me at a speed of 78rpm. This is much faster than ordinary email (and mobile phones) which only work at 33 1/3rpm." "One morning, after they woke up to find that their car had been set on fire during the night, they decided they’d had enough of New York." actually ass probably tastes better even "IT IMPLODED! The darn thing imploded and now the darn *gerbils* are loose! This was *not* in the manual!" "If I give you two plasguns, and you fire in multiple directions, the only safe place for the rest of us would be inside you." "I can say with full confidence that his snail is the best fourteen-legged moustache snail I’ve ever seen, and we should all aspire to have a pet that outrageously fashionable and disease-ridden." "The marines beat a hasty retreat and went off to find the real Gibraltar. This, locals observed, was easily recognisable because it had a 1,398ft high rock sticking out of it." "Wait until just before we hit the ground. I'll fire all our missiles downwards at point blank range. The explosion will cushion our landing." "My argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of just and unjust?" "They're blaming each other - and they're both right." -- Ed Miliband Insert screws by turning, not by driving with a hammer, which will reduce the load-carrying capacity. You could buy any currently available Tesla with 400 kegs of beer's worth of money "They landed on the planet of the narrators, and every sentient visitor got their own narrator. Including the giant blue box." "Free speech includes not only the inoffensive but the irritating, the contentious, the eccentric, the heretical, the unwelcome and the provocative provided it does not tend to provoke violence. Freedom only to speak inoffensively is not worth having." -- Lord Justice Sedley Being serious is at the best of times a necessary evil, and the rest of the time entirely overrated and pointless. "My new goal in conversations is to make people unsure of whether I am making fun of them, or am just a complete idiot." "I am pretty sure that any distress is as a result of being kidnapped and strapped to a board, not as a result of playing sounds through earphones." "Was there a shortage of spatulas? Of icing? Of people who can see colors?" "The jeans, which are heavily stained and torn, were discovered in an abandoned mine by 'denim archaeologist' Michael Harris, who travels the US searching defunct silver mines for clothing left behind by miners." "He does commentary all the way through, which makes it even better. I may have him read all my things from now on." Vermin Love Supreme is known for wearing a boot as a hat and carrying a comically large toothbrush, and has said that if elected President of the United States, he will pass a law requiring people to brush their teeth. He has campaigned on a platform of zombie apocalypse awareness and time travel research, and promised a free pony for every American. It's the humility of British politics. Win lose or draw, it all happens in an out-of-the-way school gym in the early hours of the morning surrounded by anyone willing to pay £500 to run against you. Cheese tastes better the thinner it is sliced. "I'm sure that looks really nice if you are out of your mind on LSD, and have nothing better to do than to worry about the right alignment of the asterisks." -- Linus Torvalds "...and had all kinds of fun, including once getting his jaw dislocated which was only fun in a no-fun-at-all kind of way." It takes only one talking pig to prove that pigs can talk. LOGOUT FAILED. You need to be logged in to log out. Please log in to log out. "...then it would try to compute "8" to the "LLO" power, which would take several seconds of CPU time and result in a value of 0.76593020E+103, not a particularly helpful response." It’s good to have memories. Better to have friends. A spokesperson for Ogwen Valley Mountain Rescue said: "Team leader Chris Campbell, older and more expendable, [...]" Authors can save lots of world-building effort by adapting history to their science fiction backgrounds. And since history actually happened, it will automatically make your scifi background much more scientifically hard. "His problem is that everything he’s done makes perfect logical sense but, of course, it is monstrous if you are a human being." "Basically, exercising your cheese-forging genes." We all have 4D freezers. That's why we don't buy everything we'll ever need at once. We have to spread it out over time or it won't fit. "Bomb-sniffing dogs and 'other resources' were used to investigate [...] The package turned out to contain a frozen chicken stuffed with crawfish, and a head-mounted mining light. The two images overlapped, and the wires that were part of the headlamp apparently gave the false impression that the chicken had been wired to blow." Do you think it makes sense to say a mollusc can behave altruistically? "Okay we are inverted... Now we got to get it... Are we flying? We're flying... We're flying... Tell them what we're doing. At least upside down we're flying." -- Captain Ted Thompson (RIP) "Your daughter is a cat. You could at least PRETEND this is odd." "The aerosol manufacturer was calculating how much propellant to put into the cans and plugged the ºC temperature instead of absolute temperature into the ideal gas equation...when the cans started exploding on the assembly line they realized that there might have been a mistake." "I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind." -- Alan Kay "Oh, so that was why we were spinning on the platform." "The artist made a small error. Despite the fact that the person is illustrated having a spine, it is supposed to be Donald Trump." "An Italian recipe from the 16th century has been recorded for recreational use; it includes charcoal from a willow tree, alcohol, incense, sulfur, wool and camphor as well as two undetermined components (burning salt and pegola); the concoction was guaranteed to 'burn under water' and to be 'beautiful.'" Humans are human and sixpence is sixpence, but corn is not just corn. "I can forsee the future: A users calls that their computer is not working and most of the work will be figuring out exactly what and where the 'computer' was." "Why is there a bed in one corner of my electronics lab?" "OK, there's April fool's jokes, and then there's insanity in a guise of 'funny'." "...nervous about any kind of interpersonal communication so it’s hard to tell which doubts are irrational and which are completely justified." *29. ENGINE RUNS BACKWARDS.--If the change-over valve is turned to diesel before the engine has attained sufficient speed on petrol, it is possible for the engine to run backwards. When this occurs, the engine draws its air supply through the silencer and along with it water and/or soot. This condition can be avoided by allowing engine to run on petrol for several seconds before pushing forward the change-over lever. The acting general manager of Malakal Airfield said, "A large cargo plane landed and crashed at our airport at 11 a.m. This plane landed a few meters outside the runway, causing its tires to burst and turn inside out. As a result, the plane lost control and hit a plane that had previously crashed." The thunderous sound made by the rotor blades of military helicopters provokes sex frenzies among saltwater crocodiles in Australia, researchers have found. if a roast chicken retained some sense of consciousness, it would probably be pretty upset "It's like a contact lens, but for my taste buds. It helps keep my taste focused inside my head." Cavoli riscaldati (Italian): “Literally ‘reheated cabbage’,” according to Moore, “this Italian phrase describes a pointless attempt to revive a former love affair, and comes from a proverb: cavoli riscaldati né amore ritornato non fu mai buono – ‘neither reheated cabbage nor revived love is ever any good’.” "I can see right through your disguise - it's not hard, it only covers your eyes..." USS Wolverine and USS Sable are the only two paddle-wheel aircraft carriers to date. "Data point one is that the engine is still there," said Andy Lapsa, chief executive of [Stoke Space] "This is definitely the most complex sun visor in history - we probably shouldn't have done that." "Something striking which Germans don't even notice is all the ducks in the canals here in Berlin. They come right up to you to beg for food. That means nobody eats them - nobody in this society is hungry enough to eat the ducks." Outbound traffic from this life is suspended temporarily. Please try not to die while this is being rectified. It's no good wishing for something if you don't try to make it real. A study found that beer consumption dropped by 10% when pubs shelved pint glasses and served customers with glasses two thirds the size instead. "For you kids at home, a newspaper is like a boring iPad made from trees." My pet theory is that Tourette's syndrome is the inversion of OCD whereby the intrusive thoughts have to just be expelled verbally as a reflex Your particular brand of libertarianism makes me feel like the "let the kid eat superglue" style of parenting The iPhone 7 can render more than 400 flying monkeys at once. "When I was a kid I'd read Star Trek novels and they'd have continuity errors, or they'd explain how something worked incorrectly, and I'd be like, "No, that’s not correct. This is wrong."" -- Ryan North Militaries fighting for healthy societies that are themselves professional and well-disciplined do not, however, conduct executions with sledgehammers "Attached files were transferred to a USB stick as you requested. Delivery of said media in time is unfortunately impossible due to a lack of USB mass storage teleportation capabilities." The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head. "Because NoSQL is trendy, we use a well-known NoSQL database directly included in the kernel: the file system." "Some people are reporting that it exploded, which is sort of correct, but more accurately it exploded and then imploded and then exploded again." Who the hell came up with hairspray as a fix for bed adhesion btw, the only thing hairspray has ever done for me is ensure that absolutely no bed adhesion is possible under any circumstances "Like most unnecessary sequels, this one was pretty much the same film as the original, only with more cameo appearances." All Things Strive. "We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special." -- Stephen Hawking On Tuesday June 7th of 1927, dozens of people ran into the Shropshire Union Canal in Boughton, Chester in search of a rotting mattress claimed to be full of gold. "The steep-vector lithobraking resulted in rapid unscheduled disassembly." "That's because you don't keep sharks or cows in your house. Not because sharks are less dangerous." I love how uranium glass looks how you expect uranium to look "He found that their attack on 'Crunchberries' should fare no better than their prior claims that 'Froot Loops' did not contain real froot." It's a sort of prototype helicopter, except the rotor blades are aeroplanes "...so of COURSE he has a feathery beard that is actually eight antennae. It's to be expected, really." Yeah but backwards of that, an inverted bacon powered phone "Sergeant, you will be drinking a very heavy stimulant cocktail cut with shampoo and inert ultra-tensile carbon." yay, just killed a dude i kind of like the smell of bleach. "You really have to be an excellent programmer to enter the IOCCC because you have to thoroughly understand the nuances of good software development so that you can outrageously do the exact opposite." orbbfrgg: It's, to my knowledge, the only word that rhymes with smegma "Space science, like nuclear science and all technology, has no conscience of its own. Whether it will become a force for good or ill depends on man." -- JFK Robert Nelson froze a six-year-old boy in 1974. The capsule itself was well maintained by the boy’s father, but when it was opened, the boy’s body was found to be cracked. this is how we end up with an invasion of brain-slurping giant slugs ""I snagged my shoelace, missed a step and crash, bang, wallop and there was a million pieces of high quality Qing ceramics lying around underneath me." "Once you know what the Cyrillic characters stand for, actually then reading Russian becomes a lot easier" - Elon Musk It costs £680 to apply to become bankrupt. Stop and refactor, that code is terrible. "We would think differently about fish if they were land animals and we could see them scooped off the plains and then drowned en-mass before being frozen." everyday we stray further from god's light The average person is more than 90% dead. "It takes the Navy three years to build a ship. It will take three hundred years to build a new tradition. The evacuation will continue." -- Vice Admiral Sir Andrew Cunningham "So now we're skillfully combatting their prowess with our ineptitude." "Contrary to what I said at the time, we must go after the idiots who lost the discs and stick cocktail sticks in their eyes until they beg for mercy." -- Jeremy Clarkson The trouble with Reddit tech subs is you never know whether a particular comment is hipsters, autism, or deadpan humour. "I stand by my ridiculous claim." "But it still does the same job, it's still a boat - sharp at one end and blunt at the other, and that wet stuff we go out on hasn't changed a lot; it's still cold and horrible." -- Lifeboat coxswain Nicky King "The pilot plant for this process suffered from some regrettable explosive bonfires before the whole idea was abandoned." "Trying to ram an ironclad with a rowboat doesn't exactly give the impression of a cool and calculating fellow." "When you're so rich you can send your car into another planet's orbit using your own space company, that's a whole 'nother level of rich." "Lies. You're both belittling the genius of my quote." "If I sold ham and you wanted to stitch it into a body suit to wear around the house and would pay two times as much as my customers who wanted to eat it, I would sell you all the ham I could." It's so incredibly French to make a gun that fires three-round bursts with a magazine capacity that's not divisible by three. If you make your advocation your vocation you never have to work another day in your life. I've never got the hang of this exotic foreign holiday thing || it's always either too hot or too cold or generally not exactly like England "His face disappeared. If someone has no face left, you know it's serious." "Your game is working on giving NPCs lives. Our game is working on giving them a working nervous system." The communications team, which was almost entirely laid off, did not respond to a request for comment. "I'm out of disk space in the stupidest way imaginable. Buried in one of my chrome tabs is an 6GB Ubuntu ISO download. Each time chrome restores my tabs, it downloads a fresh copy. 🤦‍♂️" "I'm three years out, and while I'm still physically recovering from the nerve damage, at least I am recovering from the nerve damage." It's gotta be something related to the bends I reckon, unless someone has necrosis or doused themselves in RP-1 "Sorry folks, the economy is cancelled. Everyone go home and destroy your money. We'll work out something new next week." "The three simple things that give me the most joy in this life are eating puppies and not using commas appropriately." Imagine your androgynous genitals come out of the side of your head and they're as big as you. "The official NASA description of what happened on STS-109 is a lie." -- Wayne Hale, STS-109 Mission Operations Director "Messieurs, je vous prie de nous excuser, mais ici, c’est pas un restaurant, c’est le club privé des écrivains sovietiques." The only time I've run into anyone else in this channel on the Internet on anything but reddit was ergzay arguing on Crunchyroll about how some anime was not accurate to the manga There are more transistors on Earth than there are grains of sand. In 1842, members of the British Association of Philosophers went through Dudley Tunnel on a tour and were recorded in the boat gauging records as "3 1/2 Tons of Philosophers", at the same tariff applied to the pigs in the next boat. "Political satire became redundant when Henry Kissinger won the Nobel Peace Prize." -- Tom Lehrer Chess grandmaster Hans Niemann denies using vibrating sex toy to cheat Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past, wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future, and common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot NOW. "Edit: I see now that you still have both your eyes... Or at least didn't lose one in this incident. That's good to hear." A Norwegian fishing boat has caught its largest ever haul – a US navy nuclear-powered submarine weighing in at 7,800 tons. "Around this time the renaming seems to have been renamed, and checkin comments often refer to the 'Grand Renaming'." Lift-Net computers are shipped with the following defaults: [Standard Access: User ID = 123 Password = 456] [Administrator Access: User ID = abc Password = def] "Being the only sober guy at a party, particularly a party where one hardly knows anybody, is awkward. One serves several useful functions, however, such as keeping certain people from doing REALLY stupid stuff as opposed to simply stupid stuff." Some people don't like a happy peppy voice in their face, at any given time. "Due to the deviation of the actual parameters of the impulse from the calculated ones, the device switched to an off-design orbit and ceased to exist as a result of collision with the lunar surface." -- Roscosmos "The next day, I ate the mutilated fourth leg of my ultimate goat." okay ... if I would have ignored that comment, I would have understood much more of what is happening Do not fill this laptop with water and drink from it. Perseverance is the first nuclear-powered aircraft carrier in space. THE COURT: We're just going to go through it line by line, something tediously -- I tried to avoid at the last hearing; but it seems like that kind of supervision of Twitter is necessary here. "He’d never realized that, deep down inside, what he REALLY wanted to do was make things go splat." in local hedgehog news, someone spray painted a hedgehog https://i.regiogroei.cloud/b1093636-12df-3645-b7a0-c048c39d545e.jpg Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as a negative example. "We didn't plan for F9 to have a reusable upper stage, but it might be fun to try a hail mary anyways. What's the worst that could happen? It blows up? It blows up anyway." "The total USN portion of the salvage and search effort, including NAVSEA, contractor, USN ship, and transportation costs was approximately $13.1 million. Ironically, on 12 April while working with NR-I, SUNBIRD sailors retrieved a floating duffle bag which was found to contain a substantial quantity of high quality cocaine. After being turned over to the Coast Guard, its street value was reported to be about $13 million." "Ukraine's Military Dolphins Captured By Russian Forces Die After Apparently Refusing To Defect" Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you too. But smoking bacon will cure it. Using regex as a tool to process HTML establishes a breach between this world and the dread realm of c͒ͪo͛ͫrrupt entities. "The LED driver; can you smell it?" Cruelty Squad is "an immersive power fantasy simulator set in a sewage infused garbage world." If blocks are delimited by invisible characters then they should really only be delimited by ONE KIND of invisible character. "It wasn't precisely against regulations. But only because it never would have occurred to anyone that such a regulation was needed in the first place." "Traditionally, you would use an expensive decoupler to drop the capsule. But it's actually cheaper to make it explode." <+thomastheo> is it unusually hard to sex a turtle? "Basically, in computer science, pretty much all performance work is about caching." -- Linus Torvalds "By Our Own Hand, Or None." "I don't need a reason. It could be done, so I have done it." "If there’s ever a scandal about me, *please* call it Elongate" -- Elon Musk "That's how you get a dog right? just walk round with a lead until one spawns on the other end of it." u wish u were that effeminate | my cousin i just swiped right on | pls no ban Saarland has more Michelin stars per person than any other German state. "What does a baby rhino sound like? Certainly not anything like we thought they would. If we had to describe their sound, it would probably be a cross between dolphins and when you pinch the neck of a balloon to let the air out." On 19 September 1806, the Swedish government offered the sovereignty of the island of Gotland to the Order of Knights of the Hospital of Saint John of Jerusalem, which declined. "In general, these sorts of mythical powers don't seem to be 'protection' so much as 'a guarantee that you will die in a certain way.'" "I'm glad I'm not the only one with a contingency plan for that." FLHerne: all devices should be pyramids "That looks like a chicken that was beat in the face until it was a duck." Building a liquid fueled rocket in your garage can only end in two ways. A job offering is the best case scenario. ""Agent Mulcahey," they'd say, "go shoot Russians." And I'd ask, "Russians from an alternate future that no longer exists?" And they'd say "They are your average Russians. Just go shoot them."" "Philip was describing how cool it would be to have a koi pond suspended from the ceiling of the atrium, so you could see the fish swimming from beneath and from all sides. Brian Stein replied, 'You know what would be even better? A solid-gold trash can, burning cash 24/7.' I don't think we would have laughed so long and hard if Brian had not struck a chord." Just because you think you know what you’re doing doesn’t mean you actually know what you’re doing. "They'll never expect this" means "I want to try something stupid." "Increment the accumulator twice, and instantiate an object of a new subclass of the generic superclass. Due to the best principles of object hiding, this object cannot be accessed in any way." "The world Arexe is fabled for its exciting sit coms and its inhabitants' ancient loathing of sit coms." They put out a memo during the football thing that whilst sweepstakes are technically allowed, you're not allowed to have any stakes blood plasma has the exact same melting point, or so google tells me || I am not sure what to do with this information < thomastheo> now our bot is more factually correct than wikipedia "Everything wants to know my address. I don't have one anymore. So I used yours." "Launched from the B-29 mothership at an altitude of 6 miles it would fire a solid-fueled rocket to accelerate to supersonic speed, at which point the ejection seat, containing an anesthetized chimpanzee as a test subject, would be fired. [...] None of the four chimpanzees used in the tests survived due to difficulties with the ejection system, however the project was considered a partial success." People really need to internalize the fact that money does you no fucking good if everyone is dead. "Perhaps this wasn’t the way it ought to be. But it was the way it was. On the whole, he reflected, it could have been a lot worse." weird nerds smh One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that–lacking zero–they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs. so I fried the egg for two hours and the green bits have mostly gone black https://www.flherne.uk/files/IMG_20230215_133509.jpg Human spleens have been noted to decrease in volume up to 40% when subjected to stimuli from strenuous exercise or hypoxic gas inhalation. BRB going to register some fake babies "I just want to say why the fuck are shirts wider and not longer." "It seems likely that both explanations are equally accurate." i dont know if ive hammered this point here previously, but never pee in the canal when youve been drinking | people pass out and drown | it happens super often here "A total of 874 cars have been set alight during New Year's Eve celebrations in France, police say. However, the interior ministry said the number was much lower than in 2019." "Altitude...uh...negative two?" Evil is cubeless. God is cubeless. Peace without justice is tyranny. "Wait, normal people don't communicate exclusively in iambic pentameter? Shakespeare lied to me!" "We can make Europe the first carbon free continent in the world." -- Labour manifesto, 2019 "I talked to my mother today. She told me that she'd gotten a Harris sign, but she hadn't put it up yet as she needed to figure out where to put it so if people shot it, the bullets wouldn't go through and hit the house" A canoe trip has become simply a rite of oneness with certain terrain, a diversion of the field, an act performed not because it is necessary but because there is value in the act itself. Eventual consistency means that Twitter will eventually be down for everyone. Astute observers will remember that the original lineup of synthmoss flavours were as follows: Original Moss, Bran, Just Salt™, Blue Food Colouring, and Pine Fresh Paolo Fabbri proposed that domestic cats be genetically engineered to change color in the presence of dangerous levels of radiation. The significance of these 'radiation cats' or 'ray cats' would be reinforced through fairy tales and myths, the story being that one should move away from sites where such creatures are encountered. As mentioned before we stole things every week to burn on our Friday night underage drinking bonfire It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes. "I've just had a flashback, the unpleasant noise as you pull the earth pin out... [of your foot] It's too early for a drink :(" If at first you don't succeed, that's one data point. Modesty is just arrogance by stealth. "If the paper weren’t laid out in complete grammatical sentences and published in JACS, you’d swear it was the work of a violent lunatic. I ran out of vulgar expletives after the second page." When you have just tried to brake from 193mph at the end of a very long straight it is not the most propitious time to discover that both front wheels have flown off your car. Kantanka is alleged to have manufactured military hardware such as armored personnel carriers, tanks, and helicopters. However these devices appear to use fireworks as their primary weapons system. "As you can imagine, a material that can literally fry an egg with radiation is kind of dangerous." "The book was, as he and his publisher must confidently have expected, promptly banned and immediately successful." The Oxford comma is proper, necessary, and correct. "Eggs are so inadequate, don’t you think? I mean, they ought to be able to become anything, but instead you always get a chicken. Or a duck. Or whatever they’re programmed to be. You never get anything interesting, like regret, or the middle of the night next week." Recent events point to the need for a simple device for testing cocktails and beers for excessive quantities of polonium. "Reports of ISS only being 45 degrees out (of normal orientation) were premature. We proceeded to do headstands and cartwheels. Olympic judges would be proud." -- NASA Flight Director Zebulon Scoville "I kind of liked the simplicity of those days. Everything either worked perfectly or failed catastrophically. While young people get nervous handling raw memory pointers, I thought it was a great approach in situations like this." Sandison must serve his sentence for the Dyer murder consecutively to his current sentence of life without parole. "Before he can even begin this sentence, he has to die and come back to life," [defense attorney] Gust said. California has a lot of issues, and 'lack of a gigafactory' is very low on the list. Horned lizards shoot jets of blood from their eyes for distances of up to 5 feet. "These people are to be prosecuted for their many crimes—so obviously the guy is not completely crazy—but the trial is apparently to be held in the Vatican, and petitioner seeks $1,666 trillion in damages, all to be paid to the Yazoo Tribe Eternal Living Trust." "If a topological space is a union of two contractible subsets with contractible intersection, then it's contractible. A nice pub quiz question (they have strange pubs around here) is to find an easy and totally ordinary counterexample with no pathologies of any kind." "I generally tend to do outdoorsy stuff nearly exclusively in video games. Everyone keeps telling me it doesn't count though. :-(" If you are arguing with a fool, make sure he isn't doing the same thing. Volkswagen currywurst is a brand of sausage manufactured by the Volkswagen car maker since 1973. The sausage is branded as a "Volkswagen Original Part" and has been given the part number 199 398 500 A. It is Volkswagen's most-produced single component. If none of what you're going through is your fault, you're powerless. If everything is your fault, you'll never be powerful enough and it's hopeless. After treatment in the primary hospital for high fever, coma, and other symptoms, he was transferred to the municipal hospital, where the physician suspected rabies; however, there was a misdiagnosis based on a false negative ELISA test for rabies virus antibody, which is a test with poor sensitivity. Subsequently, his organs were transplanted to three patients, two of whom developed rabies and eventually died. "Potatoes are better than human blood for making space concrete bricks, scientists say" The free software movement was ignited by a jammed Xerox laser printer. "...that running around thing in black clothes with lots of wires that techy people like doing." "When I used to work at a university, we had a special toner vacuum that was like 80% filter by weight." "...but then he came back as sort of a caricature of himself." Thus, if Judy had Tandoori chicken on a Thursday but the rest of the week was all hamburgers, then it is most likely that she was in some American city for the entire week. "The ship is too big! If I walk, the movie will be over!" I was quite surprised how much it exploded given it's purported purity "The researchers were obliged to report one serious adverse effect, a nonfatal gunshot wound considered by the investigators to be unrelated to zoliflodacin." Pitchforks have notoriously unreliable safety catches. 0.002% of Reddit comments contain the word "hippo". Dead people don't need organs "The software should have commanded the opening of water valves on the tripod to douse a fire. But instead, a single errant line in the software commanded every valve on the rocket, from propellant to igniter fluid, to open." "About a third of amateur requests, 9% of all submissions, display paranoia or delusions of grandeur." -- "Responding to Mechanical Antigravity", NASA Breakthrough Propulsion Project "Sharp had asked for no prison time, telling United States District Judge Katherine Polk Failla that the cyberattack was actually an "unsanctioned security drill" that left Ubiquiti "a safer place for itself and for its clients."" "By means of the implant, Warwick's nervous system was connected to the Internet at Columbia University, New York." "Maybe we’d better back off a little. It would be embarrassing to get shot out of the sky by an iceberg." maybe if we dipped jan into an acetone dry ice bath, he'd turn out to be the next record superconductor "That's when I realised I'd been living off coffee for the past three days." Sliced bread was illegal in the United States from January 18th to March 8th 1943. "This commit therefore limits kernel builds to zero CPUs. This change has the beneficial side effect of rendering all kernel bugs harmless." "I have never liked babies; nasty creatures, leak at both ends and have no respect for ceramics." his specialty is external neuromodulation. not with magnets, but with ultrasound. but he uses MRI's a ton for his research || also he kills a lot of monkeys. if my arm gets severed by some piece of machinery we can have a cannibalism party "I wouldn't necessarily write the man off as a fool. At least his grievous business mistakes were novel and interesting." "If I ran into a flying, psychic Platypus, I think it wouldn't be too difficult to eat my thoughts." "Unfortunately, um, the prognosis for Commander is relatively... uh... uh... 'tenuous' I'll say at this point, to keep it generic." "The main heroine changes out of her womanly dresses, sets aside her feminine ways, and dons instead her close-fitting, off-the-shoulder studded leather BATTLE FROCK. A garment of such staggering stupidity that I congratulate the actress wearing it for being able to perform in it without bursting out laughing all the time." "Then again, the logic behind some of those Death Battles is kind of strange. Especially when they start breaking out the math and determining that regular people can, say, bench-press 100 tons or so due to some events in a particular video game." Repulsive thesaurus is like my job || I say job, it's more of a calling "Why does he want to commit this atrocity? He is insane, as I've already explained." FLHerne: orbbfrgg: TA`HA`E A`A`a`A``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````STUA`a`PA`DI DA`YA`SOan` A`FA`NA`C A`A`Ra`e A The Razer Zephyr is basically a gaming mouse that you strap to your face, RGB lighting and all. "You should try [vomiting] sometime! It's a very intense experience." "i dreamt that all letters were equal, that the lower case must not rise up and take the capitals of the world but bring them to the sentence we already own." "You can’t afford to be number two, or to have a 'good enough' product. It has to be remarkably good, by which I mean, so good that people remark about it." The skin of her neck was bruised like a banana's, and the shape of the marks betrayed that someone had left them there, unlike the banana, which bruises for unrelated reasons. GPHSs are designed with safety in mind and employ iridium-clad plutonium-238 dioxide pellets. "If any Person shall sell any Arsenic, save as authorized by this Act, or on any Sale of Arsenic shall deliver the same without having made and signed the Entries hereby required on such Sale, ... every Person so offending shall for every such Offence, upon a summary Conviction for the same before Two Justices of the Peace in England or Ireland, or before Two Justices of the Peace or the Sheriff in Scotland, be liable to a Penalty not exceeding Twent my new 'vegetarian' philosophy will be to eat only those animals i could bring myself to kill with my own hands and not feel too guilty. Never underestimate the strength of dual axis curvature. "Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." In 2019, the US Air Force announced that it had just figured out how to launch a nuclear missile without using 8-inch floppy disks. "Sure, it would be more fun to call it "two octillion gigadollars," but that's getting a little ridiculous." <@thomastheo> we definitely do need to know all we can about turtle sex, regardless "If someone offers you an amazing opportunity and you're not sure you can do it, say yes - then learn how to do it later." -- Richard Branson "We have a bathroom, en suite, and a fully-working door." "A frog that was placed inside, in the hopes it would appeal to a broader audience and make more people aware of this phenomenon, also floated making it the first time a living organism levitated purely due to magnetic fields." On our earth we are obviously much too small to clean out our volcanoes. That is why they bring no end of trouble upon us. "I focused at intervals as the great dome loomed up through the smoke. Glares of many fires and sweeping clouds of smoke kept hiding the shape. Then a wind sprang up. Suddenly, the shining cross, dome and towers stood out like a symbol in the inferno. The scene was unbelievable. In that moment or two I released my shutter." -- Herbert Mason Real salt costs too much in the synthmoss future so it's artificial salt flavouring The common name gympie-gympie comes from the language of the Indigenous Gubbi Gubbi people. "Sure, they have mobile death vans that harvest people’s organs, but they’re not overtly restrictive." -- Jacob Applebaum, on China "I have a very simple question to people ... who seem to suffer from excessive narcissism: please name three other persons who are smarter and more capable than you, in the field you work in." -- Ingo Molnar Oasis's Be Here Now was, in Noel Gallagher's own words, "the sound of a bunch of guys, on coke, in the studio, not giving a fuck." "When overlapping hurricanes formed at all points on the Earth's surface, and our scheme was foiled by Cantor diagonalization, we just decided to name them all 'Steve'." "There's just one thing that bothers me...why do I have to type control-meta-left-bracket to get an upper case 'Q'?" Betteridge's Law: Any headline that ends in a question mark can be answered by the word 'no'. Things to worry about, #413029: Prank holographic manhole covers. "Playing the music video on one laptop caused a laptop sitting nearby to crash, even though that other laptop wasn’t playing the video!" "You're a police officer. If he eats me, you can say 'I told you so', but it'll still be your problem." "Apart from the office staff wondering where their load-inducing space heaters went, no one here at headquarters was even aware of the ground-breaking testing under way in our parking garage." "It should have torn its wings off and left a bloody great hole in the ground. You can’t muck about with aerodynamics." One of the most humane methods of animal sacrifice "That kind of undersells it. They ran the fortress with minimal dwarves for 230 in-game years to build an army of cave dragons and then built a glass fortress in hell." On August 26th 2024, Danny Jansen became the first person to play for both teams during a single major-league baseball game. "Australian man charged over taking wild platypus on train." Everything anyone starts off doing ironically ends up being unironic. "I know that man. He’s the one who sells goldfish that tarnish after a day or two." Software is hard. The way to fix it is to fix it, not to sweep it under the rug. "Analogies bubbled to the surface like soggy croutons." "Coming up with good pictures for abstract concepts like this is hard, so here is an ancient Egyptian (c. 1900 B.C.) sculpture of a cat." "It's possible that giving blue whales massive electrical shocks isn't as good an idea as it sounded at first." "I have a network file system, and I have broken the network, and I have broken the file system, and my machines crash when I make eye contact with them." "when you walk you're just walking, when you drop something you've just dropped it, it's not a force, you don't need gravity" "We appreciate your patience. Please try not to bleed to death." "But they’re not the right facts! They’re stupid facts!" "You'll end up either unlocking the full potential of your smartphone, or turning it into a brick that cost a few hundred dollars." "The notables refrained from public sarcasm, since university students had a tendency to become riotous when mocked." Actually I've never seen a spleen of any kind Removing the sun would prevent time's ability to progress from night to day. There would be neither past nor future, only a dark and eternal now. "We have taken steps to prevent recurrence of corned beef sandwiches in future flights." "If it was everyone's fault, then no one was really to blame. That was what collective responsibility was about." "London Underground regret to inform you that London has been destroyed by a Soviet thermonuclear device, which may cause delays to Central Line services today. A good service is operating on all other lines." "This is a film about the power of self-expression, and yet it exists to advertise a limited visual language that people don’t have the power to expand upon or customize. It tells kids that they can be whatever they want to be, as long as they want to be something that Apple thought to include in their latest update." "I've never fell off a big chimney. You only fall off o' one of them once." -- Fred Dibnah "Many also succeeded in overcoming the fence, often by employing dangerous or creative methods, ranging from the use of very large ladders and tunnels to pole vaulting and binding porcelain plates onto shoes in an attempt to insulate themselves. "I imagined that we weren’t really from Minnesota, we were only using it as a cover, disguising ourselves as quiet modest people until we could reveal our true identity as Italians." "It cannot die, but is too stupid to live." .banlist add FLHerne When you receive complete plans for a mythical device only found in children's tales through dreams and you write those plans down on your bedsheets WHILE YOU ARE ASLEEP, you should probably not construct that device. "It's always better to sacrifice hardware rather than sacrifice time. Like, time is the one true currency." -- Elon Musk "Okay. Riight. Yeah, not sure the science of this, but this is all going on fire quite rapidly." "Is it malware? Is it useful? Does it do ANYTHING AT ALL?" "Polaris's boilers had been tampered with by one of the crew. The special blubber-fired boilers had disappeared, apparently thrown overboard" Ok, the head archivist of the Bank of England just told me that Enterprise is wedged in Lock 11 The RSPCA has guidelines[37] for the humane culling of cane toads. Inhumane ways include spraying with Dettol, phenyl, and using a large hammer with a flat, metal head to bludgeon them to death. "The escape pod is launched, often for no reason. On one occasion, it was launched by the potted plant." "You cannot freeze a human. It's partly a matter of how quickly you can get the anti-freeze agent to diffuse into the cells. A human's too big. It's just a matter of size. A hamster is an acceptable size." -- James Lovelock "The fate of the former Douglas Aircraft Company, which was reduced to a systems integrator in the early 1970s by excessive out-sourcing of DC-10 production, is a clear indicator of what will happen to other companies which fail to sustain the conditions under which it is possible to launch /new/ products. It is hoped that this sacrifice can save the new and expanded Boeing from a similar fate." -- conclusion of Boeing internal memo, 2001 "A loading computer is an effective and useful tool for the safe running of a ship. However, its output can only be as accurate as the information entered into it." -- Hoegh Osaka MAIB report "I thought it was a deliberate move by the pilot to flare like that, but the other angle in the replay shows that they had zero control whatsoever." "While the battery has 6 sides, its not a hexagon. Hexagons have six sides and the internal angles are identical." The greatest danger to our future is apathy. Mr Page and Mr Brin realised that if they could find a way to analyse all the links on the nascent world wide web, they could rank the credibility of each web page in any given subject. To do this, they first had to download the entire internet. "The existence of a Greek term makes it seem that other people have had this happen, which is terrifying." In the process of failing to make a Van de Graaff Generator many permutations of materials that will not create a Van de Graaff have been employed. There is a genetic condition called trimethylaminuria that can cause you to smell like fish. Thomas Midgely Jr had more impact on the atmosphere than any other single organism in Earth's history. "Today, war is too important to be left to the politicians. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion, and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids." hm, the lemon tree i got came with some clothes moths "Error: password is used by another user." Ok, so, it's not the high temperature envirograf stuff, but interested to see if it will work. Worst case scenario is we die of carbon monoxide poisoning, best case scenario is I save 10 quid on silicone, so its win win really, except for the death bit I suppose. Given how many misperceptions and biases we’re susceptible to while driving, it’s simply expecting too much of us to think we’re able to hold to some perfect risk 'temperature'. "This thread reminds me of a rural pub I know where the subject of hammers was banned after 3 days and potatoes after five. People were bringing in examples and leaving them under the tables for the next night's conversation." "You don't need to wait for the young to reach adulthood before harvesting them. Heck, my kittens don't spend more then thirty seconds in this world before they're off to the crossbow bolt shop." Trying to describe Otoliths/otoconia causing dizziness quickly in layman’s terms sounds a lot like quackery. Especially when you start talking about the treatment being “an all natural set of exercises that will help you realign your inner crystals and regain balance”. "I want to make it quite clear that I didn't judge him. I know God is the only judge we have. I just set the appointment up." "There's a distinction here between, um, which I think you respect, and I think your listeners will understand, between the principle here, and not getting into applying it to any of the facts that are swirling around." -- Dominic Raab "Instead, the independent umpire has picked up the ball, started running and got upset that people keep tackling them (since noone is sure who they are playing for, but clearly sees them playing the game)." I have a stupid 3D printer so I literally have endogenous junk creation too. My house can now fill with junk from the *inside*. "open source sprints are quite fun. mostly people shouting 'why is the wifi so bad?' in multiple accents" a large cube of tofu would probably be quite useful for breaking a fall from great height. but that's about it i think, in terms of potential applications The best way to get things done is to do them. If you have transmission times in ns, you can certainly measure packet length in feet "I've also inhaled nitric acid fumes, it burnt about the same. Funny story it was chemistry class, and I had fun with it and did a line of baking soda to neutralize it, much to the amusement of my classmates. My ENT says I have a lot of scar tissue in my nose for some reason." Anything that relies on stringifying pointers for normal operation is perhaps not a good idea. "How can I acquire this power? I could tell people my name, make some reference to being the king of the Internet or something, and then people will look at me with awe!" Every specialized field has its own stupid unit. "Leave the duck at home, put on a phone headset and talk to the duck's voicemail." There's a frogge where my brain should be, it manipulates me, it's my homunculus According to the Anthropomorphic Research Project, the most common fursona species are wolves, foxes, dogs, red pandas, mustelids, marsupials, big cats, and dragons. Less common are rodents, rabbits, reptiles, birds, cows, goats, cetaceans and horses. Things are rarely just crazy enough to work, but they're frequently just crazy enough to fail hilariously. The line between useful automation and immensely complicated time-wasting tinkering is a fine one indeed. "I felt that at about the third time running into the marching band I would shove the bomb into the tuba." "Well, this'll work out just fine then. You don't have the ability to do the job that I don't have the cash to pay you to do." "He's on so many lists by now, they made a list to keep track of all the lists he's on." Fermat's Last Post: a post to a bug tracker/email list/forum in which the author claims to have found a simple fix or workaround for a bug, but never says what it is and never shows up again to explain it. "We don't merge kernel code just because user space was written by a retarded monkey on crack." -- Linus Torvalds "I lost power for a day. Substation in my town blew out. Most people are saying it was the AC's running on a hot day, but I think it was the raw power of Linux back feeding into it." The downside to being able to put together an official-sounding petition with zero effort is that anyone can do it, and your petition sits next to those demanding that we build a Death Star or outlaw fidget spinners in sock drawers or whatever other lunacy is in vogue this week. "If you can use the word 'amendments' to refer to something four times longer than what they're supposedly amending." and shout out to the homeless encampment in the top left The production of mummy brown only ended in the mid-1960s - and only because the company making the color simply ran out of mummies. As the managing director of the color-making company C. Roberson told TIME magazine, "We might have a few odd limbs lying around somewhere, but not enough to make any more paint." There's a place around here called Bulkington and in my friend circle's LORE we claim that to be "bulked" is to have feces shoved back up your arse so we came up with the tourism slogan "come get bulked at bulkington" Pain from inflammation is caused by the human body’s release of rhyolite, an igneous, volcanic rock. "There, I did it. That didn’t take seven thousand words." Among her other firsts, Tereshkova can also claim having made the first bowel movement in space, which occurred on the second day of her flight. "He had estimated the intake to be 200 mm above the waterline but when it measured after the salvage it was only 65 mm." "As you indicate, this may well have been a case where chilly logic should have been replaced by the common sense of, perhaps, the average chicken." Top tip: top up a small amount of sugary cereal with plain rolled oats, it's cheaper and lower in sugar. But be warned, cutting your cereal with oats is a gateway drug to porridge. "When we genetically modify our bodies in the future, will we engineer periods away or will we turn them way up until the blood jet can knock out small game from twenty paces away, like an archerfish crossed with that lizard that shoots blood from its eyes?" "There are no buttons to push. There are no buttons not to push. All perish here." Ms Jones said a "handful" of children were admitted to hospital in Southampton as a result of an alleged paracetamol-taking challenge. "Butter is the best ingredient ever. Everything that has butter in it is the best." -- Emma Watson Also, trust my stock calls. Buy NTDOY, AAPL, and send the rest of your money directly to me || TheKosmonaut: no, invest in ornamental gourd futures. "Unfortunately, due to being a centuries-old underground shell temple, the grotto is not hugely accessible to anyone in a wheelchair." "As a man with a lathe, my world is getting rounder." "They work on numbers alone, because that is the superior technology." If the sun rises tomorrow, worse things could have happened. Volkswagen also sells utensils to go with the currywurst. One example is the plate, part number 33D 069 602. when gutting fresh fish from the market i do stil sometimes check its stomach contents out of curiosity "Well, the whole train was electrified, but apart from that..." "Well, you run all the servos at full blast, the spacecraft jumps up to the top of the world map, zips back to the left, drops back down to the proper place on the map on the ground track, and it makes a big noise when it does that. It goes zing! Zing! Zing! Zing! And it’s back on the other side." "Is it even attached to something or is it just a sentient arm? Wait, don’t answer that. Neither answer seems appealing." "...oh, and some plumbers. They were three meters tall, glowed, and had wings." The voices whispering to you as a result of sleep deprivation do not count. "The Royal Navy is the strongest Navy in the world, with its two dozen Invincible-class ships of the line. Clad in advanced chobham armor, with the latest in kevlar sail rigging and armed with no less than 60 autoloading broadside guns ranging from 90 to 155mm firing both armor piercing and high explosive proximity fused shells (for anti-sail work), and with a complement of 80 marines for close quarters boarding, it is the unchallenged ruler of the ocean." "Experience has taught me that you feel better on a flight if you avoid chicken fat in plastic sauce." -- Terry Pratchett "I've got a right to arm bears, me." What information consumes is rather obvious: it consumes the attention of its recipients. Hence a wealth of information creates a poverty of attention and a need to allocate that attention efficiently. Some people would rather work twelve hours a day of their own choosing than eight that are prescribed. "...which usually means he ends on a topic completely different from the one he started with, having effectively filibustered his own short-term memory." FLHerne: no cables have melted since my first week of ownership "All hands on deck. Sales reps approach through starboard portal. Charcoal-gray suits. Set warp speed to avoid IBM sales pitch." a man died in a single vehicle car accident when the knife he was using to mix protein powder while driving was propelled into his neck by the force of his deployed air bag. Always push your luck, because no-one else will push it for you. Apparently being raised by coyotes means you don’t believe in seat belts. I'm not doing the whole peer pressure by dead people thing *nuzzles ur banhammer* Brake fluid low. Discontinue! "This was among the best adversarial examples of the ones Redwood showed me, with a crystal-clear violent/injurious incident ("his knees exploded, and he died instantly") but a very low classifier rating (only 0.04% chance of violence!)" "Everyone eagerly looks forward to the rumor mill as people try and figure out what spawned THAT particular reminder." "I read them again as an adult and realised that they are actually really terrible." the current epidemic we're dealing with here at the moment is hand grenades. they seem to be extremely cheaply available on the black market. for like 5 euro. Modern mud has an average silt content of 45%. A 50%-good solution that people actually have solves more problems and survives longer than a 99% solution that nobody has. "We put a lock on the door of the side hatch. It was installed when we got into orbit so that the door could not be opened from the inside and commit hara-kiri, kill the whole crew. That was not because of anybody we had on our flight but because of a concern about someone who had flown before 51-G." -- NASA mission specialist John Fabian Devair Ferreira himself survived despite receiving 7 Gy of radiation. He died in 1994 of cirrhosis aggravated by depression and binge drinking. Contrary to stereotype, hackers are *not* usually intellectually narrow; they tend to be interested in any subject that can provide mental stimulation, and can often discourse knowledgeably and even interestingly on any number of obscure subjects - if you can get them to talk at all, as opposed to, say, going back to their hacking. "Sadly the little known 'not exploding' rule has to be invoked (see rule 1)." The Apollo 11 rock presented to Ireland was accidentally discarded in a landfill known as the Dunsink Landfill in October 1977 following a fire that consumed the Meridian room library at the Dublin Dunsink Observatory where the rock was displayed. "Aerodynamics aside, I’m curious what tactical advantage you’re expecting to gain by having the high explosive fly back at you if it misses the target." <@electrokitty> Aw, it's less funny if it gets used for decapitation First rule of bench power supplies is never adjust the voltage whilst the supply is on. "I wouldn't even want glass stairs anymore lol try wood ones mine haven't blown up, yet." HMS Invincible was destroyed by a magazine explosion during the battle after the armour of one of her gun turrets was penetrated. "So clearly, we Americans should do away with the extra -ue like we did with analog(ue), dialog(ue), and other similar words. Henceforth the class shall be known as the Rog." "We have received feedback from customers that several reboots (as many as 15 have been reported) may be required" "Have you tried turning it off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on again?" "This WAS the pad maintenance. Now there's nothing nearby that can catch fire and there's no more debris on the launch pad. It only took 20 seconds to do it all too." "Ah! Frog! Hello, frog. If you shoot them they're 5 XP each. Don't ask how I know." +++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++ The first 30% of any video can be skipped because it contains no worthwhile or interesting information. ldgoforlaunch: why is Only Fools and Horses popular in your country || orbbfrgg: cause the title describes local fauna TIL there was a military-only, turbocharged variant of the engine I have in Lark || about 35 hp rather than 21 If you had direct democracy in the UK we'd be living in David Icke's armpit within 12 months Entropy wins in the end, most great and glorious things ultimately arrive at darkness and ruin, and that is no damn kind of reason to give up. so we had the vehicle say no, the rocket say no, and this time the ground systems say no... Next scrub needs to just be butch yelling HOLD HOLD HOLD randomly so we have a crew refusal as well, and then they can officially cancel the program. :-D "According to Hurtubise, this device made walls, hands, stealth shielding, and other objects transparent. He claimed that beams from the device had the side-effects of damaging electronic devices and killing goldfish. After testing the device on his own hand, he claimed he could see his own blood vessels and muscle tissue as clearly as if the skin had been pulled back, but the beam caused numbness and he began to feel ill." "It is traditional for the author to magnanimously accept the blame for whatever deficiencies remain. I don’t. Any errors, deficiencies, or problems in this book are somebody else’s fault, but I would appreciate knowing about them." -- Steven S. Skiena, The Algorithm Design Manual ...JWST's on-board memory is an L2 cache Although Bede had suggested using the B wings, the earliest kits shipped only with the short "A" wings. All four examples completed with these wings crashed on their first flight, three on takeoff, one on landing. In three of the four crashes, the pilots were killed. Of the first 25 aircraft completed, with both the "A" and "B" wings, 14 crashed with 9 fatalities. [23:04] (sasamj) Neutron really is just Falcon 9 game of the year edition or something when you think about it "Wasn't that guy helpful? With the camel? Doesn't that seem like an appropriate response? No? Good. You can still find Jesus." "People always said the old placeholder was like flying in soup, but I disagree; it was like flying in some state of matter not currently known to man." "This movie sounds like it would be best watched in 3-B, aka 'Three beers and it looks good.'" "Taskers have been actioned, but not all of the action items had been tasked, so we're workflowing the residual untasked actions to the action team to take action to task the remaining actions as taskers and establish a workflow to the production team to take action on the unactioned taskers." Who knows why the fuck anything happens? Oi, that's a misquote The following is said: "below me was a blizzard of sheet music", when jetpack demonstrator Bill Suitor accidentally flew his jetpack over an orchestra pit Biological horses got super upset if you tried to power them by fire. "If that was a dream, my subconscious has reached terrifying new levels of subtlety." "Anti-tank missiles?! Where do I put them? The men will have to wear the missiles as hats!" If you're looking to amputate your own limbs please do consider seeking a medical professional. "Today I lost a pcb in the bubble etch tank and tried to dredge it out by hand. It doesn't hurt at the time but the next time you wash your hands it will hurt LIKE HELL" "TL;DR My husband wants his final resting place to be on our fireplace mantle in the form of his literal skull. This is to be complimented by two gems in the empty eye sockets made from his corpse. I'm deeply disturbed by this. Help?" "Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel and torturous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness, with which more than half the Bible is filled, it would be more consistent that we called it the word of a demon, than the word of God. It is a history of wickedness, that has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind; and, for my part, I sincerely detest it, as I detest everything that is cruel." -- Thomas Paine "My guess is they want to come in the store, but they don't know how to work our primitive door handles." "I think he did the only morally acceptable thing by killing everyone." "He got down easily, by dropping uncontrollably from branch to branch and then landing on his head." "It's a nice idea, but like other nice ideas it doesn't work well when you add humans." Before every cut ask yourself; "Where are my fingers", so when you finish the cut you don't say, "Where are my fingers!" It's easier to deal with things when you’ve had some rest and some breakfast. "Everyone involved - everyone involved who was still alive, that is - was arrested." "Such users might well conclude that they are better off not staring into their phone all day, and that would clearly be bad for the industry." "People seem upset that I don't know things before I know them." It is never too late to be what you might have been. Clarity is better than cleverness. "Considering some scientists fit glass windows or doors into the sides of cows to see what cows are eating, I guess a small piercing won't do much." "Our PM is going to be a man who effectively came 3rd place to a lettuce." "Tesla has chosen that road, a decision that once led me to describe the Model 3 as 'a Mustang in a bondage mask', thus earning me many angry messages from Tesla fans and a few friendly ones from bondage fans." "Maybe every noun can be verbed, but not every noun is commonly verbed, and I would expect this particular one to cause confusion." "...and everybody knows that shark juice is the second worst thing you can do to a keyboard." Paper maker Shanghai M&G Stationary was forced to deny rumours that it had taken all A4 paper off shelves for national security reasons. Encom'beccing Lineh...Ok, booding dhe kebnel. "If you need more than 3 levels of indentation, you're screwed anyway, and should fix your program." -- Linus Torvalds "He crashed the plane on purpose, then got a helicopter to lift it out and put it in a hanger at an airport. He then cut up the plane into tiny bits and dumped it in the trash in various bins on the airport." What's this obsession with SSTO? Yay, I got an SSTO to work. It can carry 500 grams to orbit but the empty mass of the craft is 5 billion tons. Yay efficiency "Eat it, kill it, make friends with it, or take a bath in it. THOSE are the points on your moral compass." "They didn’t need to speak. They just changed reality so that they had spoken." "My best friend had term life insurance, which really payed of when his heart exploded." i swear white people are like 5% butter by mass "My thought is that ... to have one of the astronauts slip a sandwich aboard the vehicle, frankly, is just a little bit disgusting." -- U.S. Rep. George Shipley (D-IL) I really ought to move my solvents || they're under the doorstep next to the fire "The engineers were shocked during the recording of Van Halen's solo to discover that the sound of his guitar had caused the monitor speaker in the control room to catch fire, causing one to exclaim, 'This must be really good!'" "Lota must make the humans predictable. Oh, look. Lota has cannons that Lota has been hoping to use all day." Fumes from Teflon heated over 450°C are fatal to parrots. "If, for example, tomorrow an expedition of Martians came to us here and one said 'I want to be baptised!', what would happen? Martians, right? Green, with long noses and big ears." -- Pope Francis "...the word 'good' implies that you have some kind of goal you're working toward, which - given how strange the thing you're doing is - I'm not sure about." imagine a scene in a spy thriller where the spy calls into the number || they go through this complicated handshake || and then the guy on the phone says "violet didgeridoo" and hangs up "...decoupling of Torus H caused by explosive bolts installed by mistake when the ship was built." "I almost said: I am not going to date someone eight years younger than me - that is *weird*." -- Gwynne Shotwell A person who offers for transportation tank cars containing sulfur, molten or residue of sulfur, molten may reference the Sulfur Institute's "Molten Sulphur Rail Tank Car Guidance document" to identify tank cars that may pose a risk in transportation due to the accumulation of formed, solid sulfur on the outside of the tank. "Thankfully, the world exploded before he could finish that terrible thought." "You made one mistake. You took my hat. I LIKE my hat." < thomastheo> teletubbies is like, the worlds most powerful contraceptive Wait until they come out with the hellfire with a dildo that only seeks children "WHAT?! The cucumber is scratching the knife. There's no way." "My point is that I'M the one who gets to make up the words. I'm not using that one." "On the planet Marklar, we call every person, place or thing 'Marklar'." public enum State { LOGGED_IN, LOGGED_OUT, YES, TRUE, ARGENTINA, BRAZIL, OREGON } "This is your captain speaking. We may experience some slight turbulence and then, uh, explode." "I became careless using my Dad's tablesaw when I was 16. Luckily, I had a fantastic surgeon and have spent 30 years using a computer keyboard to make my living. However, the memory of carrying a bouquet of my severed fingers to the hospital keeps me vigilant." The moment astronauts drive the road to space, they realize they are about to have an experience like no other. @blueorigin it does make your bones squishy || That can be useful || You can squidge into places Why do people insist on modding frustrating things from games into different games? Adam Potter tumbled 300m down Sgurr Choinnich Mor in Scotland. During the drop in 2011, he fell over three cliffs. Although battered, Mr Potter was able to stand up once he stopped sliding. mostly males so far, looking for sexy time || How can you tell? || general body shape, and the pedipalps In the United States as many as 30% of women who planned community births may consume the placenta, often citing avoidance of postpartum depression as the reason "I never wished for anything in my life. I always made things happen. So much more rewarding." "I think not expecting death threats is kind of the minimum level we need to function in society." Speck was released in January 1946 and within a week of his release he found work in an opal mine in Lightning Ridge, New South Wales. "...expulsion of all of the internal organs of his chest and abdomen, except the trachea and a section of small intestine, and of the thoracic spine. These were projected some distance, one section being found 10 metres (30 ft) vertically above the exterior pressure door." Comic sans gives +70% to scientific power. It is known. A battery has three components: the cathode (the copper plate), the anode (the zinc plate) and the electrolyte (the potato you stick the aforementioned plates in in order to power GLaDOS). "Eat two at a time. Three if you're brave. But for the love of God and all things on this earth, DO NOT EAT ANY MORE." Russian dressing is a piquant American salad dressing consisting of mayonnaise, ketchup, and other ingredients. "It is the puritanical nonsense of excluding children—and therefore, to some extent, women—from pubs that has turned these places into mere boozing-shops instead of the family gathering-places that they ought to be." -- George Orwell "At some point, safety just is a pure waste"-Stockton Rush jan: if we killed the person who showed up and your messages kept appearing on IRC, we'd know it was a fake A million people can call the mountains a fiction, yet it need not trouble you as you stand atop them. "Pfft. Call me back when science attaches penises to stargazing dung beetles." "For this reason, most serious proposals involve a hollow mountain. I mean, serious compared to the other ones." Warning: Many people will be unhappy if you use this function. This function will convert accented letters into random characters. John 2:15–16 "Food hallucinations. Not very filling, but always entertaining." A Web page is now like V'Ger from the first Star Trek movie, a piece of technology that we once understood but can no longer fathom, a thrashing leviathan of code and markup written by people so untrustworthy that they're not even third parties. Error: Excepted Success But Failed. There are 4 calories in each single-serve packet of SPLENDA® No Calorie Sweetener. " There is nothing out there. Well, nothing except for the Mars surface. And raptors, and some stainless steel scrap, and 1200 tons of evaporated propellant." Illegal sheep bollocks Hey if you're offering tickets less than half price, you can ship me in a dog carrier for all I care (...) i'm pretty sure i shared a photo here once of a previous christmas dinner at my parents' where seafood was involved. and there was some contamination. luckily everything was fresh, but when i retrieved some leftovers from the fridge they were literally glowing with luminescent bacteria Certain boundaries don't need to be pushed. "No, no one has been found dead so far today." " The second pair lasted 5 years, cut short by user error (fell in campfire while drying)." "TIL Birds can eat rice safely, they don't explode and die." The ptomaine theory made correct predictions (fresh meat will prevent scurvy) even though it was completely wrong. "It doesn't by actual science. But this movie is running on Super Robot science, where green energy is evil but pointing it at things makes them awesome, where if you de-evolve a crocodile you get a dinosaur, and where as long as the machine's power source works the rest of the robot obviously still works." "What's this? Are we RAMMING a BATTLEPLATE?!" Theoretically, it would be possible, but extremely difficult, to cross the pressure plate using the product transport system. This could not have been done while holding a dose rate monitor and there would have been no reason to attempt such a move because of the danger involved. < jan> well if you're going to finger a dog it better be named Doris rather than Steve On 26 October 2016, Catharina Meessen became the last surviving former citizen of Neutral Moresnet after the death of Alwine Hackens-Paffen. In early 2020, Meessen died at the age of 105. "Worst-case outcome: serious injury or death. Risk of occurrence: Certain. Mitigation procedures: N/A." "You've read two words of what you quoted, and imagined what the rest of the reply says." Emacs is an editor that does everything if you hold down enough keys at the same time. "There is a mouse on the plane. We must all get off." "Well, the satellite WAS launched. Just in several directions at once. Many of which were the wrong ones." The Boezinge Lock, on the Ypres-Ijzer Canal, was the first to have a side pond. This was built shortly before 1648 but destroyed in the First World War. "All my mates were coming out as gay, so I thought, hey I'll try that. Unfortunately, it transpired that I am very, very heterosexual." "Insisting on perfect safety is for people who don't have the balls to live in the real world." -- Mary Shafer, NASA Dryden Flight Research Center "We need a special office of what-on-earth-does-this-guy-mean experts." "For like, less than $200, an imaging missile seeker array, so fucking eat shit ITAR" - Tom de Prinse, Explosions & Fire "He just thought he was so much better than anyone else that we were being obtuse and rude not to acknowledge it spontaneously." A polka is not so much dancing, as it is running around sideways to music. "Prof Raston and his Vortex Fluidic Device, which successfully unboiled egg whites" -- BBC News “Well done, feller... You’ve made it — Germany to Australia in that. But now we’ve got a piece of bad news for you. You are an enemy alien. We are going to intern you.” Miniaturized porkchops in watches?? Impossible! You're a madman. "Can we please not turn my social life into a nature documentary?" "ChatGPT in this sense is like a friendly, if somewhat daft neighbor who noticed one day that every so often you get a box from Amazon and that you seem quite happy to get it and so decides to do you a favor by regularly ordering empty Amazon boxes to your house." "Truly a legendary plan! Fake your own death in order to join the enemy so you can steal your own ship by setting it on fire; the perfect crime." If we don't study the mistakes of the future, we're doomed to repeat them for the first time. electrokitty: if you could grow an human without a CNS would you feel alright eating it "The statue itself contains an ungodly amount of items built into it, and contains what would appear to be the entire history of the world in which it was created. It also includes 73 images of itself." [hedgehogs are] a lot louder than you'd expect from such a small nose It's amusing how most kitchen appliances are just resistive heaters in various forms || Oven is a big resistive heater and a fan in a box. Toaster is small resistive heaters in a bread-sized box. Kettle is a big resistive heater at the bottom of a jug of water. Shaquille O'Neal-Owned Big Chicken and Blue Origin Team Up to Inspire Future Generations for the Benefit of Earth and Chicken "Immediately, blood just went *cheeooo!* and it spread, you know, and I was playing while it... blood still works, until it starts to dry - until it starts to dry. And the minute it - it just stops, and you stick to it, it becomes like glue, you know?" "I was security for the moto gp in the uk as a younger lad. The guy was always dripping with fanny, they would follow him around like flys on shit" - /u/AssignmentNo7636 on Valentino Rossi The crack pipe was the first machine that humanity invented to escape the laws of gravity. However, it had a secondary benefit. Because it allowed you to breathe underwater. It took the place of the airplane. And it took the place of the toilet. No more deaths. No more pirates. It was all for the betterment of humankind. It was all for the greater good. something else popped back into place in my foot again and now it is much easier to walk normally || feet should really come with a service manual of some sort "The LCD on my old phone would go black at 50 Gauss, so I used it as a crude Gauss meter." "...not affiliated in any way with Starbucks Corporation. We are simply using their name and logo for marketing purposes." sasamj: i think we need to set the bar higher for !stupid "Ironically, you misspelled misspelled." "It has the engine from a Toyota Camry, and it's British so it might catch on fire at any time." "Given just how many inventors appear to have blown up themselves, their factories or close relatives trying to figure this stuff out, I am content merely to read about it." If you had to lose one bone larger than a phalange, what bone would you choose? "Then again, such an ironic death has meaning. I could live with that." "Hot buttered English muffins are very rarely used as reaction vessels." BY ACCEPTING THIS BRICK THROUGH YOUR WINDOW, YOU ACCEPT IT AS IS AND AGREE TO MY DISCLAIMER OF ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, AS WELL AS DISCLAIMERS OF ALL LIABILITY, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL OR INCIDENTAL, THAT MAY ARISE FROM THE INSTALLATION OF THIS BRICK INTO YOUR BUILDING. If frogs are so good why isn't there a frog 2 "Brought product to surface of Mars. It stopped working. 0/10." "I mean I'd love you if you were a snail and I'm not even your gf. But that's just because I love snails." The more you have to rationalize your actions, the less rational they actually are. Forcing a badger into human clothes, then making it traverse the rail network, is an accident waiting to happen. "Sadly, the relationship between CSS and HTML is the same relationship that links the instructions for building your IKEA bed to the unassembled, spiteful wooden planks that purportedly contain latent bed structures." "Rest assured, we haven't signed any fixed-price development contracts, nor intend to. These moves are all fundamental to accelerating recovery by the 25-26 time frame." -- Brian West, CFO, Boeing "Oh, great. They've gone and bloody self-destructed just to make me look like an idiot." "It’s funny how secretly you can move when you’re a loony monk dancing through the streets banging a drum." < sasamj> like surely once you can't find your penis anymore, any sane person knows its time to stop You cannot apply brakes to a volcano. It's so easy to look in the mirror and see everything you hate. We are as gods, and might as well get good at it. electrokitty: I think sasamj is right really "Although it will be dark, you'll still be able to witness some aspects of the launch and experience the sounds and smells that come with it." At least you are honest enough not to pretend to morality. "This smothering ocean of high-pressure meat would wipe out most life on the planet, which could—to reddit’s horror—threaten the integrity of the DNS system." < FLHerne> unfortunately the canal it's kinda near is closed due to 4 tonnes of sodium cyanide solution "Linux is a semi-truck with 20 gears to operate. Windows is more like a car. TempleOS is a motorbike. If you lean over too far, you'll fall off. Don't do that." -- Terry Davis [RIP] "The Tsar Bomba, the largest nuclear device ever detonated, was 57 megatons and only produced ~280dB. The cube at full volume would be like detonating a trillion Tsar Bombas...at once...in your living room." "Logging on gives you a page full of little hand grenades: impossible-to-understand, context-free sentences that take five minutes of research to unravel and which then turn out to be stupid, irrelevant, or pertaining to the television series Battlestar Galactica." "I have too many pockets to make mistakes." "The raving lunatics who set off life-sized chocolate volcanoes and unleash flash floods of porridge upon innocent villages." When in doubt, tell the truth. It will amaze your friends and confound your enemies. A Filair L-410UVP-E20C crashed with 20 fatalities in Bandundu, Democratic Republic of the Congo. According to the sole survivor, the crash was caused by a stampede of passengers after a crocodile escaped from a bag in the cabin. The crocodile itself survived the crash, but was killed by rescuers. The man who never made a mistake never made anything. "If your Class Vehicle is lost due to a Qualifying Fire within 15 years from the date of original retail delivery or 150,000 odometer miles, whichever comes first, you may receive compensation for the value of the vehicle, and an additional $150 goodwill payment." "I wonder if we can make some kind of CO2-tolerant Arctic moles." "As part of the collaboration, our client would cover all of Three Little Birds Bakery's expenses and costs in exchange for social media content and local and national exposure for their business." "We can only wonder what possesses an artist to portray a dog juggling bones while wearing a hula skirt." <@thomastheo> indonesian food is way too good to get hung up on the occasional eyeball 9,99 99,99the yerba mate bombilla is kind of like a spoon/straw hybrid "I don't think it's ridiculous but I also keep an emergency set of neon clothes, colored hair gel, and roller blades in case Matthew Lillard and Angelina Jolie ever need my help." "The design of the solid stainless steel bollard and base plate that failed on 2 May had evolved empirically through a series of modifications in reaction to earlier, less catastrophic, failures." It’s better to light a candle than curse the darkness. twelve year old me quickly lost interest and cut open the motors to apply the powder to other things. then i made my own powder. "I can tell I’m getting older because I’m starting to think Santa Claus is hot. || had not considered the effect this post would have on the Santa-claus-adjacent dudes who follow me. Oh jeez." -- Sarah McAnulty, Ph.D "As with most of life’s problems, this one can be solved by a box of pure radiation." everyone switch to horse meat, global warming solved (except for the horses, they'll experience a great deal more warming) "I can never tell if these guys just don't understand branding at all or at a level none of us get." The ideal is represented by the do_what_I_mean() function, where misuse means the implementation has a bug. "I found out during a drunk phone call from my mother it was because she attempted to shoot my father in the face with a .303 but it didn’t go off when she pulled the trigger as there were no bullets. They were both horrified and just stared at each other apparently. They're still together." "The first thing I did when I got in was wave my arms wildly while running in circles." "There’s a Part ii INSIDE the II. FUCK." "Any water that supported so many little whiskery swimming things MUST be healthy." "And all the big fish. They're all dead. Their vaporised bodies floating with the asteroids." NASA Praises Boeing’s Stranded Starliner for Managing Not To Explode While Docked to Space Station "Operation Pacemaker relied on a 20-year-old converted tandem found in a garage, with functional additions such as a walking stick, scrap car parts, scrap metal, knicker elastic, exhaust mounting rubbers from a 1989 Ford Escort and an ex-RAF parachute." "I have already achieved my purpose. I surrender UNCONDITIONALLY. Do you have any tea?" "Cask ale is, without exception, Britain’s finest ever invention. That’s not opinion, that’s fact. It’s better than penicillin, the Internet, the corkscrew, Marmite and Viagra put together - and I should know as, last Friday night, I actually did put them all together and ended up, rather embarrassed, in A&E." "National Transportation Safety Committee investigators said in their final report that the Sriwijaya Air jet's maintenance record showed the problem with the automatic throttle had been reported by pilots 65 times since 2013 and was still unsolved when the 26-year-old plane plunged into the Java Sea after taking off from Jakarta on Jan. 9, 2021." Most, if not all, humans are built by other humans. "I only buy electronics made with conflict free magic smoke." "And where exactly on your virtual CPU are you going to plug the undocumented 16-bit ISA card? Yeah, the one with the D37 plug and the two TNCs which is the only known interface to the Giant Cast Iron Thingummy." Do not look into laser with remaining eye. Cross-threading is just free loctite "Don't worry, we use fresh dagger for each customer. Very sanitary." "Knowing that we have just witnessed the worst day in human history for all people across all possible timelines and realities, we're now on page 31!" 'One Froggy Evening' is a 1955 American Technicolor animated musical short film. It marks the debut of Michigan J. Frog: an anthropomorphic frog with a talent for singing and dancing that he only demonstrates for whoever possesses the box he resides in *and no one else*. Anyone who unironically uses more than 2 emoji per message is clinically insane "It's a FALLING MACHINE. I'm so IMPRESSED." "Drummond and Cauty had planned to throw buckets of blood over the audience, or to disembowel a dead sheep on stage, but were prevented from doing so due to opposition from BBC lawyers and vegetarians" The great explorers of the 1500's did not sail endlessly back and forth a hundred miles off the coast of Portugal, nor did they construct a massive artificial island they could repair to if their boat sprang a leak. "I hate that teeth require so much specific care, the rest of my bones are so low maintenance" "If you think he’s going to kill you, you’re wrong, because if you were right, you’d be dead." "Scientists aghast at bizarre AI rat with huge genitals" Also god I hope the bloody football integration wasn't the cause of the recent delays "Part of what makes people unpredictable is all of the hidden state that they maintain. Something to avoid in Python programs is mutable global variables, but people's heads are full of mutable globals." According to the operating handbook, the An-2 has no stall speed. A note from the pilot's handbook reads: "If the engine quits in instrument conditions or at night, the pilot should pull the control column full aft and keep the wings level." If you focus on what you've left behind you will never be able to see what lies ahead. Quorn fungus can double its mass every five hours. "Somehow, I suspect challenging him to a duel and then shooting him smartly between the eyes, however satisfying, might not be precisely the best way to handle the situation." "That was a cracking trip. We went everywhere we couldn't get to." The average horse can output 15 horsepower. "Mr. Ambassador, you have nearly a hundred naval vessels operating in the North Atlantic right now. Your aircraft has dropped enough sonar buoys so that a man could walk from Greenland to Iceland to Scotland without getting his feet wet. Now, shall we dispense with the bull?" "There was a swimming pool at my school in Alsace, and I used all kinds of contraptions made from tubes and pumps in order to breathe underwater. I wasn’t trying to observe the natural world. I was imitating the James Fenimore Cooper heroes who hid underwater and breathed through hollow reeds when trying to escape from their pursuers." -- Jacques Cousteau "There are no mistakes in machining, only unscheduled Art Deco details." orbbfrgg: you say that like someone who has dropped shit balloons on unsuspecting locations | I wish The 10 best things are privacy, pizza, knowledge, creativity, logic, hugs, gravity, the Earth's magnetic field, electricity and, at #1, sleep. "If it wasn’t so blisteringly hot outside, there’s a good chance this would be a herpetology book instead of a programming one." Technically a boat is an off-road vehicle. "Imagine folding up the box and wearing it on your head with the images facing inward. Note that all around you would be a seamless mountain vista. Also note that you would look like an idiot and likely bump into things." Sonic is the #1 gateway drug to furrydom || Every person I have ever met in my entire life that was really into sonic was a sexual pervert with a DeviantArt account "I no longer understand why I find this so funny, so now I just accept it." "They ask you inscrutable questions like where you were born or what high school you went to. You know, things that would be impossible to figure out if you knew someone's name and had access to their email." "Oh? I'll have to never try that sometime." "I said bring it back in one piece. I did not say 'bring back one piece.'" < sasamj> i've seen my fair share of old man dick, its really not that bad Only engineers can ever be taught to change a tire, and they have to go into space first. I don't even know what's going on with frogs sometimes Identifying and testing three natural compounds that proved lethal to fungi, they were so impressed they’ve named the chemicals 'keanumycins' after actor Keanu Reeves, a nod to how he eliminates villains in movies such as “John Wick” and “The Matrix.” All spider-goat songs should mention feta cheese, one of the funniest cheeses. Twitter's counsel "belatedly" pointed out that roughly one month of noncompliance would have required Twitter to pay a sanction greater than the entire world's gross domestic product. It's obvious if you take the reason for people to use your platform away they will stop using it. Allowing nudity is not the answer. You need to allow furry inflation vore too. "I've met him once and couldn't tell if he's completely insane or a genius." (...) i recommend raw water and daily enemas | any recommendations on the types of enemas? The angier you are, the easier you are to dismiss. "Issue #3942: Resolved (Works as unexpected)" "I'm pretty sure that if there was more steam organ music there'd be fewer wars" "Viasat also argues that SpaceX has not shown that its hall-effect thrusters can withstand the increased resistance caused by atmospheric drag at the proposed lower operational altitude. See Viasat Petition at 47. We observe that at this point SpaceX has deployed and maneuvered a significant number of satellites at lower orbital altitudes." The Provisional IRA was a secretive terrorist organisation, organised in cells to prevent infiltration by the authorities. It does not publish committee minutes on the Internet. "It would seem we could accomplish our current manned space flight objectives more easily by not launching any astronauts into space at all." "I don't want one of our customers having video evidence of me running around the workshop with Batman boxers on my head." "That's because children are terrifying - why do you think little girls appear in horror movies so frequently?" Basically I'm saying that the programmer should have been irradiated to death || Because apparently today I am an ancient Assyrian or whatever Cats with a cold will sneeze right in your goddamn face without warning, it's horrible. "Well, in some logarithms, an interface is going to be internal to the system, but an abstract class has terminators that make it external." There's always one idiot who ruins it for everyone. Check when you're scheduled to be that idiot. Only way you're getting to space in a homebuild anything is, like, a balloon and a technicality If scientists were forced by law to call dark matter "Angels" until they, you know, had actually detected some, and to call dark energy "The Holy Spirit" until they could come up with even a rough account of what it was or where it came from, it might be a bit more obvious what they were doing. "For technical reference the 'star' at the top of the tree is a 4700 ohm resistor connected directly across the 240V AC mains supply." "Once your vision begins to vibrate, you're gonna begin with your letter" <@jan64> i don't *thiiiiiink* bestiality should be illegal[...] "A TABLE? No no NO! I've already GOT one of those!" "I told my girlfriend we were going back to the moon and she was like "What do you mean? Aren't we like there all the time? I thought we've just been up there since the '70s or whatever."" "The West has already revived the shadow market for the purchase of human organs from the socially vulnerable segments of the Ukrainian population for clandestine transplant operations for European patients." "While legislators had been accelerated to orbital velocity before, Glenn was both a Senator and a sixties space hero, making him an ideal public relations cargo." "The Russians were all carrying large metal boxes marked 'secret'," says Vladyslav from the 80th Brigade. "We seized one during an ambush. We found their maps marked with their entire route. After that we knew their whole strategy." Most airlines around the world have also recently tightened policies on "emotional support animals" flying after a series of incidents involving passengers demanding that creatures like peacocks, ferrets, horses, ducks and snakes be allowed to accompany them. Johnny Depp spent more than $75m on 14 homes and $3m blasting author Hunter S Thompson's ashes out of a cannon. "Yes, I realize those look an awful lot like anti-ship missiles. I have no other comment about that at this time." it's one of those things where the "regulars" have cheerfully told me it's arse-covering and there's no danger at all if you know what you're doing || but that's the sort of statement that's just asking to be proved wrong in dramatic fashion || also I don't know what I'm doing The modal form of life on this planet (by mass) is a land plant. "Seriously? The earth's core rotates causing the downwards force we know as gravity. At the same time (Newton 3) this rotation creates an outward force which causes our electromagnetic shield that essentially keeps the solar winds out and the air inside." You're not going crazy. You're going SANE IN A CRAZY WORLD! "Just want to thank Ashfield Springs for actually making the springs as the first company I went to were a bunch of nobs and refused to make them as they thought it was silly." "Problems with this plan included keeping a dog constantly both injured and alive, knowing which yelps were the sympathy yelps, as well as all other elements of the plan." "On the plus side, Mercury’s gravity is only 38% of Earth’s, so you could jump around in a silly way as you died instantly." "Well, you follow this road along until you get to a bridge over the small stream. The turning you want is about half a mile before you get there on the right." i mean, i do have benzene, and i do have ice cream || but to put the two together seems ill-advised "One day a dead moose washed up on shore and it took my entire crew all day but we managed to rig a line to hang it up to dry because we thought having a moose skeleton in the house would really spice the living room up a bit. It did. "The house is on fire and we're too busy arguing about the color of the carpet to do anything about the flames." "There's a reason that you separate the military from the civilian police. When the military becomes the police, the people become the enemy." The A19 was voted Britain's best A-road in the 2024 Strategic Road Users Survey. 85% of drivers like it. cars are harder to throw in the canal, although i have seen it done Cliff is particularly annoyed with Tony because he's lost two wives to him in a row A zoo in eastern China is denying suggestions some of its bears might be people in costumes after photos of the animals standing like humans circulated online. < orbbfrgg> Raw Rampart sounds like a Medieval LARP Porno | < orbbfrgg> Which I would probably be into "Conflict, metaconflict, details, fundamentals; everything was on the table, including a magnesium kitchen sink." Every choice we make allows us to manipulate the future. "The graphics used in the meme are, in order from left to right, the absolute value of the complex Gamma function, a mesh plot of |arctan(z^(-5))|, a compound of five cubes, and the Riemann surface for the function f(z) = √z." in the VW case, "199 398 500 B" is the ketchup to go with part A "I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question." "A lot of this jump is that your brain accepts that things you agreed to do just happen. You are not going to waste time considering whether or not they are going to happen, you are only going to ask the question how to make them happen." "I’ll believe it when Steve Jobs pulls it from his jeans pocket at a keynote and pronounces it incredible." "Plug in a phone charger about halfway into a wall outlet, then touch a penny to the exposed prongs." -- Amazon Alexa "Permissions 0666 for '/dev/null' are too open. It is required that your private key files are NOT accessible by others. This private key will be ignored." Cheese is mid This is a hard cheese sandwich. This object is adorned with sesame seeds and cheese. The item menaces with spikes of bread. Some things are fairly obvious when it’s a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them. One day programmers and their ilk will learn how metaphors work and the world will suffer a technological collapse because it turned out that the entire technological infrastructure was relying on a bunch of people who can only understand things literally "I mean, when liquids are confiscated, what happens to them? Are they destroyed with explosives, tested, or just thrown away? If they're just thrown away (or set aside until days later), what's the point of confiscating them at all? The terrorist can just try to sneak some through again the next day, since there are no consequences to failing." Mushrooms are more closely genetically related to humans than they are to trees. I can hear a lot of honking in my city, which means Morocco played a football match or two people of Turkish descent just got married. "The movie is bad at being a movie, however, highly enjoyable if you like explosions." "Since wifi is sent through waves in the air if I put a fan behind my router will it make my Wi-Fi reach me faster?" If you make a packing list before you go on a trip, review and edit the list when you return from your trip then save it. Over time, you'll be able to pack more efficiently. "Have you noticed, they spend all that time trying to get the exact effect of an orchestra actually playing in their sitting room. Personally, I can't think of anything I should hate more than an orchestra actually playing in my sitting room." -- Michael Flanders You understand kids aren't science kits, right? "ZIP Twisted Firestarters | 100% Natural | Chemical Free | Fast & Powerful, Odourless, No Food Taint" It turns out my stepmother really doesn't like it when you're holding a frog not quite securely enough and it leaps across the room || "BLAAAAAGH" "My hair now has a mind of its own and is using magic to control people. It'll stop when bored, though." Assume that a coin is fair, i.e., has an equal probability of coming up heads or tails when flipped. I flip it ninety-nine times and get heads each time. What are the odds of my getting tails on my next throw? "Mueller was one of the club’s standouts, able to build things that actually worked." 'no, you can't run your tesla coil on the roof 24/7, not only does it scare the neighbours but the energy bill is ridiculous too' "apt is not installed. Use apt-get install apt" The bananas were ripened en route by means of heating pipes in the vans, fed by steam from the locomotive. Dog poo forms a significant part of the diet of red foxes living in pine forests in the Scottish Highlands. Researchers found that dog faeces has a calorific content similar to foxes' wild prey, but it is much easier to hunt. "Killing 3 celebrities per episode seems...unsustainable." "It's like she's got that monk ability that lets you jump as far as you want, except with her, it applies to conclusions." "Ptaclusp always felt uneasy in the presence of accountants, and four of them together was very bad, especially when they were all the same person." "Well, my favourite meal generally is sandwiches. You know, I'm a big sandwich person." -- Rishi Sunak "If I could wear a bulky sweater inside my fully articulated, power-assisted combat suit, I still wouldn’t. Because that would be stupid." With civilization came civility, civil service and, of course, civil war. "You do know that you don't need to transcribe your accent?" "Randy Wigginton brought in a gigantic bag of chocolate covered espresso beans, which, along with medicinal quantities of caffeinated beverages, helped us forgo sleep entirely for the last couple of days." "Sir, there is no such thing as ease, Sir. There is only terror and overconfidence. Sir!" There are conflicting accounts of Diogenes' death. His contemporaries alleged he had held his breath until he expired; although other accounts of his death say he had become ill from eating raw octopus or to have suffered an infected dog bite. There is no material problem – whether created by nature or by technology – that cannot be solved with more technology. "No safeguards will keep the button from emptying your bank account if it gets stuck down or your cat decides to paw at it. Use it at your own risk, and don’t complain to me about it." All proverbs are better if you replace one of the words with 'lion'. "In addition, the Linux community is known for reinventing the square wheel over and over again. Chaos is both Linux’s greatest strength and its greatest weakness." The real gauge of friendship is how clean your house needs to be before they can come over. "He had suffered some burns, and the explosion had effectively disabled the communications equipment as the aerials had been attached to the wheelhouse roof. A survey of the remaining equipment revealed a radio/CD player with an FM aerial, which the skipper removed and attached to a fishing rod outrigger to provide an ad hoc aerial for his VHF radio." "Democracy sausage" is the colloquial name for a sausage wrapped in a slice of bread, bought from a sausage sizzle operated as a fundraiser at Australian polling places on election day, often in aid of the institutions that house the polling place. Onan's crime is often misinterpreted to be masturbation but it is universally agreed among biblical scholars that Onan's death is attributed to his refusal to fulfill his obligation of levirate marriage with Tamar by committing coitus interruptus. You understand kids aren't science kits, right? You either tell robots what to do, or are told by robots what to do. sometimes I think Shuttle was engineered specifically to fuck with everyone trying to categorize it "When finally he managed to make work the monstrosity he made, actually it was quite curious. Not really useful at all, but..." "You know how some languages have an 'everything is a ...' kind of approach? everything is a list, everything is an object, everything is a segfault. that sort of thing. pcre is essentially an experiment in 'can we make a language where everything is a special case?'" "Oh look, Belkar gets to play GTA. Grand Theft Allosaurus." 64/16 = 4/1, because the sixes cancel. In August 2023, a bear freed itself from its crate on an Iraqi Airways flight headed from Dubai to Baghdad, "This bridge has given access to the marsh again, and this rail makes it less dangerous than before, in fact, it makes it even better." "My girlfriend is cooing over my boss's vulva like it was a newborn kitten." bill nelson sounds best at 1.5x speed An opportunity for tea is regarded as beneficial both to health and output. "I'm astonished. Not because of the vacuum cleaner, which /didn't even catch fire/, but..." "Our product will start existing, and we project that it will continue existing in a future direction." "If I were walking past your house and I saw that it was on fire, I could try to put out the fire by finding a dingo and then teaching it how to speak Spanish. That’s certainly a thing that I could do." > #1463112 Cat sitting on keyboard crashes lightdm -> marked as duplicate of 1538615: Cat causes login screen to hang. "...direct current. As opposed to alternating current, this is a form of electricity flow that is less powerful and easier to cut off." Science does not suffer fools. But it can make fools suffer. 'Impossible' is just a word that makes people feel better when they quit. "Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway." -- Andrew Tanenbaum, probably Kilts are not a moral virtue, they are a fashion choice of quality. "He's changing one tire at a time to see which one is flat." "We will be consumed by their trajectorial instability!" "At the end of a couple of hours, bloody, bold and resolute, I searched the remains. We never did find the fourth leg." -- Gerard Fiennes Freedom may be mankind’s natural state, but so is sitting in a tree eating your dinner while it is still wriggling. "If anyone feels unhappy about emotion being punishable by death, please speak up." "The use of hydrazine sulfate as a cancer remedy was popularized by the magazine Penthouse in the mid-1990s" "He could think in italics. Such people need watching." people who clap along with live music need to be immediately vaporised with a turbo laser If you intensively investigate *anything*, all kinds of weirdness just bubbles up. As the size of an explosion increases, the number of social situations it is incapable of solving approaches zero. i once visited to the national brain instute in amsterdam. they extract and process fresh brains all day. you wouldnt believe the sense of humor in that lab. "It is hard for me to say. I don't know how to build a $400-million rocket. So the more difficult question would be instead how am I less expensive than ULA. I don't understand how ULA is as expensive as they are." -- Gwynne Shotwell If at first you don't succeed, reduce your expectations until you're a success. "The best way to predict the future is to invent it." -- Alan Kay What kind of biscuit would you be, and why? There are only a small number of real people in the world, and the many people you meet are merely duplicates. "Do the mice come back? Because, if they don’t, yeah, most people will think that’s crazy." Before about 1700, it was customary for Europeans to bring their own spoons to the table. Spoons were carried as personal property in much the same way as people today carry wallets, key rings, etc. "Despite Troposphere 5 being equipped with an escape chute, Kavira was never found and was officially reported to have died in the name of science." "We recently resolved an IT issue with the CFO. She informed us that not everyone knows that you have to turn on your wifi for the internet to work. Please remember to turn on your wifi for the internet to work." "This is where the night goes from 'we had fun' to 'mistakes were made', isn't it." Sainsbury's is where I got ID'd for a spoon :( "The national anthem is now the first three Star Wars movies, the capital is now SPACE, and storing files on a shared root directory is punishable by death." " sorry FLHerne - it was simply a continuation of a hallucination I had earlier about being possessed by the spirit of dead Sovjet leaders" "I always say potato-shaped because potatoes come in many shapes, so I'm not wrong." -- Lindy Elkins-Tanton, 'Psyche' probe principal investigator "I think the most severe deceleration I've seen was a shoe, but someone's keychain with a fluffy rabbit's foot-type-thing on it was pretty impressive too." "Often the candidates seem to be answering whatever questions appear in their head, more than ones from the moderators." 3D modeling is my passion https://imgur.com/a/iWr5WSr || What the hell is that || I don't know If at first you don't succeed, buy your competitor who is doing the thing already. "We dared to hope we had invented something that would bring lasting peace to the earth. But we were wrong..." -- Orville Wright there's some chutzpah in declaring something "not a credible event" /to the agency investigating it after it happened/ the website only works during business hours "Have I mentioned I'm part space alien?" Pimp my ride: crustacean edition? "I thought it was not possible to have stable orbits around black holes because they absorb spacetime." "The logical end point of having to filter through dogshit TV for yourself is basically just imagining the ideal TV show in your head and being satisfied with that." orbbfrgg: i imagine the vascular system around your lower intestine and anal region is more able to deal with these things than other parts of your body, so please dont go experimenting "The fear of anthrax pales into insignificance to me as I have lived adjacent to a council rubbish dump for nearly three years." "this song is soo good my neighbours threw a brick through my window to hear it better" The lesson from “tortoise & hare” is not that tortoises are faster, but rather that hares should not be complacent. "No code suffers from a race condition, until it suffers from a race condition." -- Paul McKenzie "Someone wants to be able to view as much sensitive and restricted data as possible from home, someone wants a literal 'do my job' button, someone wants their login background to be pink. Usual stuff." Tea is for mugs. "The focus may be for the #dearMoon mission in 2022, still, we can see the first few cargo/logistics missions in this window if SpaceX could work it both in parallel." "There had been all that trouble with the rain of dogs in Treacle Mine Road last year, and it wasn’t as if that had even happened." "Hey! A clearly defined error message that tells me exactly how to resolve my problem! Better do something completely different!" "The only reason Chris Hadfield isn't the coolest guy on earth is that he's not on earth." "I am suspicious that this may just be little more than an Instagram filter I can strap to my face." Do things without always knowing how they'll turn out. "Well, look here. If you analyze these vellum pages REALLY thoroughly - you get instructions on how to BUILD a COW." If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying “End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH,” the paint wouldn’t even have time to dry. CFR § 91.113: A balloon has the right of way over any other category of aircraft You can be the best and the greatest and you will still fail, still falter, and everything you have wrought will still come to ruin. Instructions are just the manufacturer's opinion. "For five years there had been no new prams, trams, lawnmowers, streetlamps, paint or wallpaper, and it showed. All over the city things leaked, flapped, wobbled and smelt of cabbage." <@SilverFox> so for 7 weeks straight I submitted the same empty question document and got 10/10 on it every time why are vegans pro abortion, surely a fetus is more of a living thing then an oyster < sasamj> I like to browse the Wikipedia pages about fries You shouldn’t sacrifice your now just because you’re looking forward to being eaten by a bunch of lions at some point in the future. It's depressing to think about, but when we die, we will likely be forgotten in less than a hundred years. Nobody alive will ever think of you again. Unless you eat the Mona Lisa. The English may not always be the best writers in the world, but they are incomparably the best dull writers. "Grandpa - WHY did you throw a jagermonster through the window?" At a certain point you have to just accept that the brick wall is way tougher than your face is and decide that you didn't really need to go that direction anyway. "It worked fine – until it didn’t." "We should not let anything overshadow the most important event the world will ever see and that is the funeral of Her Majesty." -- Sir Lindsay Hoyle "How is it POSSIBLE that this could surprise ANY of you people?" Seymour Cray said that he liked to hire inexperienced engineers right out of school, because they do not usually know what's supposed to be impossible. "Bezos said NASA had unfairly evaluated Blue Origin. For example, the company argued that it was not specified that the vehicle should be able to land in the dark. The GAO contended that NASA was not required to lay out all minute details, and Blue Origin should take into account the conditions on the moon or space itself — which is dark." they needed to use a conical container with a flared base to showcase the secret ingredient that’s going to allow Toyota to stretch its EV range past 900 miles. If winter comes, can spring be far behind? "Uber's case is that the driver enters into a binding contract with a person whose identity he does not know (and will never know) and who does not know and will never know his identity, to undertake a journey to a destination not told to him..." -- Judge A M Snelson, Aslam v. Uber BV Plan on making everything 3 times. Once to figure out what you're actually building, one to screw up and then a 3rd one that's actually right. I rate [spiders] 4 stars out of 5 for putting the fear of God into the right people. One star has been deducted for over-enthusiasm. "Thank god we stopped writing software in the 90s. Pretty soon we'll have all the bugs out." Is it plausible? No. Is it possible? Of course. You can't logic away crazy. Truth note: Earth has 1 Day even if it stood still... and 4 Days in 1 rotation. ""Captain dur-dur-DUR-dur-dur", that's what you need, not "Captain dur-dur-dffff."" "Beating your swords into plowshares in the middle of a war, just because your swords are useless and all your farm equipment's been taken away, just won't play well out there." "I don't remember jack shit from high school except one of my physics class where my teacher shot lasers through different mediums (and my eye by accident)" Dante, entirely sensibly, suggested that one should establish whether something was the case before determining why it was the case. i'm now considering a startup where people can register 'for the ages' their consent to being revived by the magical de-entropinator 9000 I like onions but I can't stand cutting them || At least not without a full face respirator or underwater which is a bit too involved "Well, it's a LOT more ergodynomic..." Then I was dicking about with the power flow and everything died "To be clear: this site does not actually use ChatGPT or any other form of AI. It just returns a random number of meows. Nothing is done with your input either." "This apparently does about four different things. Either that or it’s some kind of weird jump instruction." I feel like creamed corn would axiomatically taste like a corngasm "Measure once, rivet panel over hole, drill twice." the wind is an infinitely toothed gear No there's a human "party" on at the pub "The views expressed here are those of the author and not necessarily those of the Boeing management. Conversely, the visible policies of the management are not necessarily those that the author would have recommended, had he been asked." -- Boeing internal paper "[our university's] IT department got contacted because we were making 1000's of calls in rapid succession to Paris Observatory's web server to get the number of leap seconds." Rimpy's Fags, Foods and Non-Foods. It sold fags, they were fags. It sold foods, they were foods. And it sold non-foods, which was everything in existence, that wasn't a fag or a food "I dream of the day when I will learn to stop asking questions to which I will regret learning the answers." I've gotten pretty drunk before, but never 'torture animals' drunk "KDE provides a nice middle-ground where I can accomplish what I want without using a 'configuration file' written in a Turing-complete programming language." "I'm a helicopter pilot who spent years in the high canadian arctic. Every once and a while we would have a bear come chew on the the helicopter. They loved to eat the seats." "It's OK, we find pens quite exciting too. Well, most of us. Herbie is a spaniel, so he's more excited by squirrels. And trees. And grass. Most things, really, but not pens. Those are for humans, with their opposable thumbs." "No unplanned detonations were encountered during the work." > The factory was closed for the last time in 1981 by ex-chief engineer Ray Drury, who said: "I drove me car out, I shut the gate behind me and throwed the key in the canal." "Childless Republican Candidate Poses with Borrowed Family in Bizarre Photo Shoot" "I guess social media is not all good" In order to make lemonade, you need lemons. The lemons no longer existing afterwards is crucial to the creation of lemonade. "Dude, I'm completely convinced he was faking. I just can't tell if he was faking when he went in, or when he came out." Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween. They're terrible for the environment. Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly. They take a bit of prep work, but so worth it. "Even internal alphas have undergone more scrutiny than this program. It is only my boundless hubris that allows me to call this 'version 1.0'." "if you ever would like to preserve some food in an insane way i cannot recommend the peatlands of the north pennines more. alternately if i have acquired a bog illness and die soon then at least i died doing what i loved (doing stupid things)." What? You don't microwave your Lego as soon as you get it? Weirdo. A lot of technology only gets off the ground because people are willing to use it even when it makes little economic sense. A man was taken to hospital strapped to a plank in the back of a van [...] The Welsh Ambulance Service said Mr Ryan's experience was below the service it aimed to offer. https://i.imgur.com/rg5TQsy.png Your bin-apathy has cost three snail lives If you had $10,000 for every day since the invention of money, you would have less money than Elon Musk. There are some pleb issues but I usually find setting my phone hotspot to say "I am Jesus" irons out the issues for a number of different reasons. "A very special kind of stupidity. You think the whole universe is inside your heads." "haha lead and DMSO, sounds like A Good Time" "I would rather write programs to help me write programs than write programs." There is an amazing propensity of humans to do really stupid things involving sticking foreign objects into their orifices. In the Florida plumbing code, you are required to put an offset in a continuous vertical run of pipe every 10 floors. This is to prevent terminal velocity shit from blowing open the toilets on the first floor. "The Constitution is founded on common law; common law comes out of the Bible. You can't separate the two. The idea behind the whole document was that the church runs the state. The church and we the people. We are the church...and so we run the state. But the state, the government, has no control over the church." The Twenty-seventh Amendment became part of the United States Constitution on May 5, 1992. Its record-setting ratification period of 202 years, 7 months, and 10 days, beat the previous record set by the Twenty-second Amendment of 3 years and 343 days. The first patent for a commercially available and successful toaster was submitted by Frank Shailor in 1909, on behalf of General Electric. actually i guess scallops are acceptable || ah yes, the gateway mollusc "You are trying to find help in the help file. You do not, at that particular moment, give a hoot whether the database is small, big, customized, or chocolate-covered." "I have no memory of this and no idea what I was trying to do, but I sure hope it worked." Imagine if every person in the world had the ability, at their arbitrary whim, to anonymously activate your fire alarm inside your home. That is the reality of the telephone. "It cannot have been the British Union. That narrows it down to the German nationalists, White Russians, Red Russians, rival temples, criminal brotherhoods, followers of elder gods who filtered down from the stars before the dawn of time, sleep beneath the waves, and will rise again when the stars are right to sweep the Earth clean of humanity, or the Sky Pirates of Tahiti. I believe we can safely eliminate the latter." "Actually, any ideas why my christmas lights aren't serving web pages?" In any human endeavor, once you've exhausted all possibilities and fail there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible to everyone else. How airtight are bell peppers? I mean, if you put one in a vacuum would it burst? deflate? turn into a balloon? |...| FLHerne: the bell pepper popped almost immediately Edam is the only cheese that's made backwards. "Fine Taylor … you win … I will give you a child and guard your cats with my life" -- Elon Musk "This is bad, in that I have no one to report to if my boss throws a pipe wrench at my head." "Back when PHP had less than 100 functions and the function hashing mechanism was strlen()..." "There is no invasion of privacy at all, because there is no privacy." -- Facebook counsel "Your top picks are 1) x86, followed by 2) ARM, followed by setting fire to your money." -- Linus Torvalds That which does not kill you has made a tactical error. What is the reason of the various Figure of the Clouds, undulated, hairy, crisped, coyled, confus’d, and the like? "Setting up an indoor wizards' duel was like trying to get ringside seats for a hand grenade fight in a broom closet." Participants with high scores tended to agree with questions asking, "Are you willing to take risks to have fun?", "Would you repeat a certain activity that carried a health risk in order to have fun?", "Can you have fun when you are scared?", "Would you consider breaking the law to have fun?" and "Is an activity more fun if there is risk involved?" "So it turns out there's a built-in hardware profiling tool in the AMD Radeon Pro WX 7100. When your application hits a high dynamic load, the components start squealing." "Literally have no idea why people worry that I will hurt myself.